P/S It is very long but very educating and interesting. Ma salam.

Ustaz Abdulfattah Adeyemi – Shaban 12th, 1436 (May 30th, 2015)

We thank Allah for another opportunity to be here today to discuss marriage. I always say the issue of marriage can never be exhausted. Especially when we talk about quran and sunna. We can never exhaust the lessons from Allah.

Our topic today is class, status, power and marriage. What will you say if they ask you what class you belong? Class maybe your status as far as wealth, etc. Some have a belief that they belong in a class because of a movie they watch. They watch a movie and believe they belong in the same class as those in the movie. Whether it is real or movie, class also determines the food people eat. Which kind of people eat roasted corn and which kind eat popcorn? Some eat yam and some eat meat pie. Someone drinks mango juice and another eats mango. What class do they belong?

Someone took a cup of coffee in the morning and another took akamu. So what class do they belong? Where people eat depends on the class they belong. One person eats in a restaurant and another eats in a buka. People that are classy eat in a restaurant or eatery. And what about someone that goes to buka of mama Ayub? They’re both eating food but the fact that they ate in a certain place makes people think they’re more classy than you. Women do it a lot. They have a certain dress they wear and say this one has more quality than another. It makes them feel that they belong to a certain class. The place people live also determines class. Someone lives in GRA and another lives in suburb. When you say you eat close to a ministers house, then they feel you have GRA class. Is it supposed to be like that? Also, which school did you go to? That also determines class. People that went to ABU or Unilag may feel less classy when others talk about other Internatioanl schools. And the school their children attend. Most of the elites want their children to go to expensive schools. They want to go to a school attended by children of commissioners etc. to the extent that those that attend public schools are looked down on. They’ll still pay a lesson teacher for teaching his child outside. Because of class, so that they say what school does your child attend? Don’t forget that it’s a regulatory body that regulates what these children are thought. All we’re looking for is how to coach the memory of the child but we’re not teaching them how to be innovative and to connect what they’re learning to real life situations. That’s why some that go to public schools are smarter than those that pay all those school fees. Some if the school bus doesn’t have an AC, their child will not go there.

Also, if they travel to a village in Abeokuta nd if they go to Dubai, there’s a difference. Some will say I went to London, listen to the way I’m pronouncing it. Sometimes, we like to say it so that it can get to people’s heads. The class also determines the kind of car they drive. Someone will take a loan of 5million naira to buy a car to be associated with the person that can afford a 5million naira car without taking a loan. People will start judging you by your car. You don’t want to drive the car that panel beaters have panel beaten it. The color is blue but its now black so when it gets hit, you’ll see another color under. Sometimes, the way we speak also. If they speak fone, that also makes fone. Someone went to Germany and said what’s up men. Excuse me, do they speak English in Germany. This is all because someone wants to show off their speech.

They’ll pronounce dollars like one hundred and fifty dollars. Even the kind of weddings we organize, we want to show the class we belong. A person that doesn’t own a car and because of wedding, he went to hire a limosine and put just wedded. Why is he trying to pretend like he belongs to the class of people that drive big cars. You don’t have a job and your wife doesn’t have a job, and you want to show people you’ve arrived. You think people don’t know you bought that car on loan. Then you’ll hear someone say, do you know who I am? But why do people want to pretend and why do they want to get rich by force. Its because they want to be treated well. How many have heard of VIP hospital? This is one type of life that I hate most. Do women feel pain in a different way. One is VIP ward and other is normal ward. Why is it like that. Where health and human life is treated with VIP status. We’ve brought class into health, life and death. When some people die, we bury them VIP and others we ditch them. We seem to be very materialistic. Its not a new thing in our modern day. So many other nations and tribes have done similar.

Have you heard of the story of prophet Noah, peace be upon him (pbh). Allah says, indeed, we’ve sent Noah to his people to tell them that he’s a warner to them and that they should not worship anyother than Allah. And he said I fear a day when Allah will show his power. Then the elites among them doubted him. And said we don’t’ see anything special about you, you’re just a common person and they said we’re better than you. And because of that, they called him a liar. They said we’re the aristocrats and that they can’t be associated with poor people like you. So their class affected their belief. So the people who followed Noah were not among the elites. Remember during Pharoah, when prophet Musa, pbh, showed his staff. Pharoah connected with the ruling class and asked them to host a contest. Same with the time of Bilkis when prophet Sulaiman sent her a letter and she read the letter to the elites. So this has been there since the beginning of time. So what’s the view of Islam on this classification. What class do you belong and when you find out, what will you do about it? Distributing people into class and families based on economic success or accumulation of wealth or some prestige they enjoy or social class, some families are wealthy but don’t have prestige. There are some that are wealthy but not popular and some are wealthy but no power and some are powerful but they don’t have wealth. Now lets look at it this way. Lets talk about the class of a person’s economic position in society. Some are managers of corporations and industries. A bank manager has a class by virtue of way they dress. They are trained and instructed to dress in a certain way. You may belong to a class but you don’t own the class (like a bank manager doesn’t own the bank). Some have influence but don’t have money. But social class have wealth, influence and status. There are 3 ways to determine social class. 1. Is objective method. We can look at the wealth you have, your bank account, landed properties, etc and say yes, this one is wealthy. This is objective. 2. Is subjective method when you ask people what they think of themselves. Overachievers are those that think of themselves beyond how they are. Someone that has a bread and is bragging of buying the bread but doesn’t own the bakery. He doesn’t have anything, if you check his bank account its zero. But he has charisma and courage. She thinks she’s more than what she is and she learns to associate with those in high class. Then some are wealthy and don’t know they’re wealthy. Like some of you here that have plasma tv and don’t know you’re rich. If you’re using generator set to watch tv, are you not rich? All of you, you must find out which class you belong to. Look at the person’s reputation and you can analyse that person. Lets mention the 5 common classes that people have. At the airport once they see that the class is first class, they’ll say welcome sir and someone will carry your bag. But once they see its economy, they’ll say, make unna go que over there. When they issued a ticket to me for China first class. I sat in the VIP section but wasn’t comfortable. No one looks at you and know your class. After the ones in first class have eaten well, they’ll now push the left over to you. In the first class, the person serving the food was a white lady asking, tea or coffee. Then in economy, its one African woman that was saying tea or coffee. Even the intonation was different. She frowned her face. Now lets mention the 5 classes. 1. The lower class. The Awa mun nass or common people. The lower class is filled with homelessness, and unemployment. They suffer from inadequate housing and food. The kings refer to them as subjects or governments say masses. We also have shop keepers and those that rare animals. The Nobodies in Arabic. They’re also called Asufla or the thugs or mob. Some refer to them as societal trash. They are the lowest of those in society. Allahu akbar! You’ve heard of mass transit. The transport prepared for the common people. But its not like that in some countries. 2. We have the working class. These are manual labor class. They have minimum education. Dishwashers, and some cashiers, house maids, etc are working class. We have waitresses, etc. they’re underpaid. There’s nothing like promotion for them at their level.

These working class are in 2 forms. The skilled and non skilled. The skilled are the carpenters or blue color workers. We have those that come to service your generator. The unskilled ones are the househelps and nannies that help you clean you house. 3. The middle class who are the white color workers. The working class are blue color workers. They have more money than those below them and less than those above them. They’re made up of lower middle and upper middle class. Lower middle class are teachers, small business owners, like those with shops in the market place. Secretaries, etc. then we have upper middle class like doctors and lawyers because they have more education and prestige. Then the CEO, and bank managers are upper middle class. If the doctor doesn’t work, he can’t eat and if the mechanic doesn’t work, he can’t eat. Unless the doctor owns the hospital. Some lawyers jump from one keke napep to another. So many of us belong to the middle class because we’re salary earners. Then 4. The upper class. This comprise of lower upper class and upper upper class. Lower upper class are those that just arrived. He just got some money in real estate and money just came like that. He’s a new comer and with some of his behavior, you’ll know he’s just beginning. The upper upper class are those that their family has old money. They’ve been rich from 10 generations back. They inherited riches and are wealthy. They’re more prestigious than the lower upper class. The lower upper can pretend but with the upper upper, once you hear their name, you’ll know that they’re different. The 5th is the ruling class. The upper upper gang themselves together as the ruling class. These are usually politicians. Sometimes they take from upper lower and bring upper lower to upper upper. Hardly will you find the lower or middle class in the ruling class. A governor that came from the lower middle class tried to push himself to the ruling class and because of that he lost the election because the ruling class know themselves. The people in the lower class are larger and their cheaper to bribe and easier to confuse. Sometimes the ruling class bypass the middle class and go to the lower class and give them bags of rice and indomie and promise them water. Imagine, the people in the lower class are so gullible that they applaud the ruling class for promising to give them water. But because these people have been kept in a way that they must not enjoy so much luxury if not, they won’t get their votes next time. This is the scheme of the ruling class of Nigeria in those days. I don’t know about now (class laughs). It can be very painful when you think of the ways each class exploit oneanother. A person’s prestige in a society like authors, Imams, Pastors, Alfas can have good status but may not belong to a higher class. They may have influence but not belong. A persons status from single to marriage changes status but not necessarily her class. Then there’s power. The man has influence but not power. They’ll say this is the chairman of the society but this is the Imam of the society. He’s just there to pray for them. Then some have power but they don’t have prestige. Some have power but no property. The police have power but no prestige. The gateman also uses his power even though he belongs to the lower class. He won’t open the gate for you and say Oga isn’t around. He believes that a rich person will not drive himself.

This is why some people like to be rich because of the treatement you get (in Nigeria). Then what do we do to this as muslims. There are 2 theories. I hope you found your class. I’m a teacher so I found my class. We have 1. The hierarchy of being in a class naturally and being in a class by merit or what you deserve. Which of this is correct? One scholar says in Quran chaper 79 v 4 that yes, we’re able to put together in perfect order, the tips of his finger when Allah will resurrect us. The scholar says he’s capable of making all our fingers equal but he deliberately made us unequal. Some fingers are long and some are short, etc. if you want to make the fingers equal, you’ll have to chop them off. And when you chop them off, they’re no longer useful. So he says its natural that some will be high and some will be low. Allah creates poverty, misery and suffering just as he created wealth and he lowers some and elevates some (as a test). Another scholar says that its only in the hereafter that people will be the same. Even in paradise, there is VIP, Jenna till firdaus. After firdaus is Jenna Jamiry. The prophet says we should ask for the highest. Which do you prefer? I can imagine that day when prophet calls my name? I’m just imagining what my name will sound like when he calls my name. Allahu akbar! For some, on the day of judgement, Allah will make their portion to be easy for them. The companions that fought the battle of badr will go to paradise with the prophet.

The componenets of these qualities are divided into 3. One, people inherited certain traits that make them in upper class by no means. People from royal families for example, from the day they’re born, are treated like a potential king. Someone advised Alexander the great and said be assured that theres no wickedness on earth that corrupts so much than putting a lowly person in a high position. Some are born with blood of mobility. Some are naturally born from noble families. Some have the habits or a noble person. Have you seen how a princess carries herself? She minds what she says and how she speaks. She doesn’t shout at anyone. She doesn’t fight anyone. The same you won’t see a king shout or eat in public. This is a person of respect. Compare that to a gra gra person. You put a gra gra person in a high position, you’ll rubbish yourself. He’ll behave like a drunkard. Once he sees small power, he’ll want it all. Do you know the verse ch 6 v 155, its Allah that’s made me to be caliph on earth and not everyone can be caliph on earth. And Allah has deliberately raised some higher than others in ranks so that Allah can test you. Allah is the one that’s very swift in retribution and he’s all forgiving most merciful. Allah says in another verse, that look at how we’ve made some to excel above others.

That even though, one person is elevated above another, the hereafter is better and is the greater class you can aspire to. Human qualities can be determined by 7 factors; 1. Is temperment. Some of us are wild and some are mild. Some will make you comfortable with their temperament and some will make you uncomfortable. 2. Character of the parents also determine what some have naturally. Those days you don’t ask a child what do you want to become when you grow up. Those days a child of a blacksmith will know he’s going to inherit it from his parents. Sometimes, it still applies. 3. The genetic stains of our parents sometimes affects what we do in life. 4. Breast feeding of a child affects the child and possibly the respect of the mother transfers to the child. Does this effect what the child becomes in future? 5. Socialization or who you have around you. 6. (sorry I missed it) 7. Personalization or the individual character. According to Imam Ghazali, he says there are 2 things that determines differences in people, natural ability and acidity or hard work. To be successful some studies by Imam Ghazali says one needs 1. beautiful face. Some childrens faces look like that of a monkey, you need to look at the mother. 2. Good character traits. 3. High aspiration. 4. Vanity or pride. 5. Baseless or immorality. This is why prophet Muhammed, pbh, said, look at the family background very well before you marry. Some women don’t give their daughter to poor people because they don’t want the status of their children to be lowered. Whether this is Islamic or not is another thing. Some want a higher class because they want their daughter to be increased in status. Some men say these women are too materialistic. 2. Everyone has to belong to a particular class. There must be leader and led and master and slave or landlord and let. Some must be mechanics and some car owners. 3. Wealth as another thing that determines peoples level in life.

The younger generations are not sure of the position of muslim leaders as far as wealth. The young muslims has been confused by 2 views which is that 1. money is the root of all evil. If you get rich, you’ll become dunya, you’ll become disobedient. Be a good muslim and be poor and they’ll quote hadith from the prophet that says poverty is my pride. They’ll tell you that the quality of piety is for you to have 2 clothes. We became confused then and started respecting people that had one jalabia. How many did MCAN here? We wanted to do like inauguration then and we printed envelopes and started to go up and down. I was deputy Imam then. We used to go around and get donations of N5, etc. but you know what? As we were going round, we passed through where they were molding blocks, we didn’t branch. We passed bakeries and didn’t branch. Shouldn’t we have stopped at the blocking house and work there to mold blocks and earn money ourselves. But instead we went to the same rich man that the malams used to criticize that they’re into dunya to beg for money. We abuse them and meet them for zakat and to build our masjids. The young are confused. 2. The second view is that there’s nothing more important than money. So what’s the middle course. We should’ve been taught the middle course. Some in the lower class prepared the ground for their child to remain there and some in the upper class lay the foundation for their children to build on. The other side is those that have the opinion that there’s no class. That you can achieve what you want by yourself. And if you don’t have knowledge, your background is useless. If you don’t have education, you’re worse than a poppa. They say your parents are from upper class and your father was a professor - but you can’t inherit his certificate. They say to hell with those born by kings but because of stupid behavior, they find themselves lower than those in society. Your own good behavior and education, is what will profit you tomorrow.

They say they’ve seen so many children of poor people who because of hard work found themselves in upper class. Then the ruling class will take them and polish them and put them where their good behavior and good character is supposed to put you. They believe not in terms of where you’re born but what we deserve as human beings. What are we supposed to learn? We’re supposed to merge the two. In orther words, the background and capacity must go hand and in hand. You must learn more and enhance your status by yourself. They say, wherever we belong to in this class is determined and empahsised by the honor you earn yourself. For those that advice the governor, it depends on their wisdom. Those that are wealthy it depends on their traits. They say who gives birth to you must be an added advantage. Fathers must work hard to establish a path for their children. Almost all good positions in life are already occupied. Your father maybe the most brilliant Accountant in the world but if he’s not a shareholder in that bank, he’ll be flushed out one day and the owners children will take over.

When people have to choose, they’ll ask who’s son are you? Let no one deceive themselves and say it’s a free world. Surname first then middle name and other name. I’m not saying the person should not work hard or that those that don’t have families that are prestigious should give up. When people are qualified to be an Imam, sometimes, we choose you because your father was an Imam. Because he had the experience. He grew up from the house of Imam. Noone will make a space for you if you’re a light weight. When Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, became Caliph, there’s a stipend they normally pay people then. They call it social welfare. In Saudi, when you’re 45 or so, you get your stipend. Some other countries in social world have social welfare. Umar, was the one that started this concept of giving stipend (social welfare) to old people. Umar now gave more money to those sahabas that fought with the prophet than those that are new in Islam. Abu bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, used to give everyone equally. Umar said when these people were suffering, where were you? So he said they are older and they were with the prophet from before. And he said this is justice. You earn what you work for. The prophet was born from a local family. The combination of noble birth and merit is important. The prophet said Allah chose him from the best lineage of banni Adam (children of Adam, pbh). So all of us have the blood of great men and women in us.

What should that do to us? Despite the prophets nobility of birth, he worked hard. This made him to excel and he stood up to be one of the best prophets of Allah. Noah, Ibrahim, Musa, Isa and Mohammed (peace be upon all of them) are the best of the prophets. This background for our children are very important. We must understand certain things to understand the issue of class, status, power as it relates to marriage. What does all this have to do with marriage? All the class we have is not the class as far as Islam is concerned. Allah says the noblest among you in the site of Allah is the most God fearing so its not about class ohh. Its about God consciousness. No one can have Iman or belief on your behalf. Everyone with their own. 2. We ’re all the same under the law of Allah. Look at inheritance for example. Allah says whatever is to be distributed from wealth is from Allah and rasul, the near relatives and orpans and wayfarers so that wealth will not circulate only among the rich. In some cultures, they believe the first child should inherit everything. In some cultures he inherites the step mothers. Islam came along and says inheritance should be shared equally except the male and female differences because the female will inherit from her mother, her husband and her brothers. So at the end of the day, she’ll still have more than the half she’s given. So that the men can take care of their potential 4 wives, etc. This was the aristocratic way of thinking in those days. 3. The institution of zakat makes sure that the money is shared to lower people so that the lower class can be elevated so that in the following year, they can give zakat. 4. Class should be a means to be useful to you and those around you. What lives are you able to touch positively with your class. That’s what Allah wants to know. Its not just being upper upper class. There’s nothing wrong in that in Islam. You have every right to be rich and wealthy - don’t let so called schorlars deceive you. But make others lives better. Don’t disdain those in lower class. 5. Remember that respect cuts across every class. You must treat eachother well and with respect. Life is like a ladder when someone is above and someone is below.

The prophet said you must respect that the next person you’re looking at is a human being like you. The prophet stood up one day and it was because a corpse was being carried and it was a non muslim. So the sahabas said it’s a non muslim. So he said he stood up in honor of the soul of that person even though he was a non muslim and poor, etc. Even in greeting, he said the one who comes should greet those that are present. Let the person that is riding, greet the one that is walking. Even if you have a fine ride, you’re the one to greet those that are walking or crawling. Do you see how the prophet has bridged the gaps by value of respect. The person who’s walking into his house must say Asalaamu alaikum. You don’t walk in and say you people cannot greet. The prophet said youshould greet them first. You greet your servant and your wife. And they’ll say welcome daddy, welcome sir. If your driver is in the car waiting for you, and you enter the car, you greet that driver first. This is how it works. Then the prophet said, let the smaller group greet the bigger group and let the young greet the elder. The younger maybe a pauper, or the shoe cleaner. Because this person is your employee, doesn’t mean. Teach your children these lessons.

No matter the status or class. What if it’s the older one that comes to meet the younger ones, the older one must greet first. So that means all of us must respect each other. You’ll see how some will behave when they just see money. They’ll behave gra gra. What’s gra gra in English? You’ll see them with arrogance. You’ll see their wives very uncultured. But the people in the upper upper, they’ve been rich, they don’t have to prove anything to you and say do you know who I am? Respect is very important. Teach your children respect. 6. Whatever you lack, two things are most important, health and free time are treated with respect. These 2 things cannot be bought by wealth. Some are so wealthy that they don’t have time to enjoy their wealth. 7. We all need similar things. We all need heathl and food no matter your class. We all need a happy marriage no matter our class. We all need eachother no matter our class. Musa and Qidi were travelling and got to a place and the people didn’t give them food. They had to beg for food. That means no matter how high you are, we all need something. People in the ruling class, need your votes. Everyone needs everyone. If your househelp wasn’t there, what will happen? Can you do all alone? There’s no way your class will determine your happiness in marriage. Which is happier in marriage? Does class matter? Allahu akbar! When we know that it doesn’t matter, we should know that so many things connect us. 8. There’s not class in matters of death or in the grave. Theres’ no vip in the grave. Which death is best? Does anyone suggest? What is the best day to die? Which is the best time to die? During Juma? After subhi? So that people will be available to bury you. To be eaten by shark, to be crushed by catapilla by mistake, to be hit by stray bullet, which is best? To just sleep and not wake up? Which is the death for the rich and which for the poor? Its the same right? The angel of death doesn’t care. Death connects all of us. Everthing we have will finish one day. If you don’t leave the wealth, it’ll will leave you. Unfortunately, most prefer the life of this world. 9. What is it that you own? Were we not born naked? The prophet said its only 3 things that you have from your wealth? 1 the food you eat and will finish. 2 what you wear on your neck. 3 a charity that you give and will spend. Anything else, you’ll go and leave. And people will inherit it. so what do you really own? The prophet said 3 things will follow the dead person to his grave. 2 will go back and one will remain. His wealth and family will follow him to the grave but his wealth and family will go back home nad what will remain is the people you helped, the lives you touched. 10 noone can have it all and no one will have enough. The prophet said, if the child of Adam will have a mountain of gold, he’ll always like to have another. The prophet said only 2 things will reamin with the son of Adam when he’s old, greed and hope. 11. The struggle to belong should not be by force. People end up doing human sacrifice and join cults and do shirk to move from another class. Marriages have been broken in striving in vanity. People from the lower class organize a wedding for the upper class. Many people have refused to marry because they’re looking for someone in the upper class and that person has gotten someone from his class. Don’t go into debt because of looking for class. It shouldn’t be by stealing or by deception.

The prophet said its wrong for a believer to humiliate himself and the sahabas said how can a believer do this and he said he puts on himself responsibilities he cannot maintain. Because you want to live in a particular environment, you went to borrow money to rent a house. May Allah have mercy on us – Amin. I’m not trying to say that people should not move from one level to another. The prophet said the strong believer is better to Allah than a lower believer. Im saying that people should move from their level but not by corruption and thievery. Islam permits marring upper class. But does love matter? A princess tries to marry one of the slaves in the palace, does love matter? Your daughter just finished her masters and is trying to get her PHD and thee guy she wants to marry is struggling to pass WAEC, does love matter. Will you allow that? Are they compatible? They say love is blind. Is love really blind? I’m just asking a question if its all about love OR character? The prophet said if someone comes to ask for your daughter in marriage and you don’t have any problem with his religiosity and character then allow her. Mind the people you give your daughters to. Same with your sons. 12. You must be grateful to Allah no matter your class. I want to emphasie this one. Allah says he will sayon the day of judgement, I knew you to ride horses and camels and gave you good women to marry and I made you to recite and rule on earth but have you been grateful enough to me about these? In other words, there’s a strong connection between connection and abundance. If you’re not content, abundance will not be enough for you. Its when you’re contented that you’ll have abundance. 13. What should the higher class do for the lower class, husband for the wife, boss for his workers, etc. 1, if you cannot benefit him, don’t hire him. 2, if you cannot make her happy, don’t cause her sorrow. 3. If you cannot praise him, don’t speak evil about him. Let the low also realize that 3. Don’ speak ill of anyone. And you that is up on the ladder, don’t look down on those that didn’t have the right opportunities or that went to the wrong position. Some didn’t have people to guide them. So by accident they became what they are today. And finally at the end of the day, class or no class, Allah is present everywhere. He gives us equal attention. With our wealth and status, etc. When a poor person calls on Allah he answers, so don’t oppress a poor person. Allah listens to the dua of the oppressed. Don’t think because you’re a poor person, you’re closer to Allah. It’s a lie. That won’t make you enter paradise faster than a rich person. Don’t let anyone deceive himself.

Allah is more particular about what goes on in your heart and not the class of prayer matt you use. Our salat are judged equally, Allah just looks at your intention and the level of your concentration not the color of your prayer matt. If rich people could pay for their salats, some of us will be so rich. We’ll print complimentary cards. I’ll tell you the angels needs a lot of concentrations. So many people in the upper class will not make salat. They’ll pay for one week of salat 2m naira. Allah will look at our hearts the same way. Allah does not look at our features or forms and shapes. Allah looks at our hearts and deeds. We’re all connected in what we eat.

Anything which I've said that is correct is from Allah (through the Ustaz that gave the lecture-though I may not have quoted him perfectly) and anything that I've said that is wrong is from myself and myself alone (as I type as the lecturer is speaking) – and may Allah forgive me for it. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Ma salam

Very interesting lecture,read it all.