How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. - Romance - Nairaland
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| How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Dhilariousdandy(m): 8:36pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Let us begin by thinking about the various kinds of insult that we receive here in NL and those we recieve out there. First, there are, of course, verbal insults, which can be either direct or, more commonly, indirect. Examples of indirect verbal insults are jokes and ironic comments, backhanded compliments, mimicry, and false fascination. As our eyes and facial expressions can substitute for speech, such things as a cold or constant stare, a false or exaggerated smile, or a raised eyebrow can also count as an indirect verbal insult. Then there are much more obviously physical insults such as punching, slapping, or spitting. All of the above involve actively doing something and therefore count as insults of commission. But insults of omission are equally if not more common. Examples of insults of omission are not inviting or including someone, not deferring to his rank, not laughing at his jokes, and studiously avoiding eye contact with him. So, what is the best way to deal with any or all of these insults? 1. Anger. This is the weakest possible response, and this for three main reasons. First, it shows that we take the insult, and therefore the insulter, seriously. Second, it suggests that there is truth in the insult. And third, it destabilizes us and causes us pain. 2. Acceptance. This may seem like a very weak response, but in many cases it is actually the strongest response of all. When someone insults us, we ought to consider three things: whether the insult is true, who it came from, and why. If the insult is true, the person it came from is reasonable, and his motive is worthy, then the insult is not an insult but a statement of fact and, moreover, one that is potentially very helpful to us. Thus it is usually the case that we do not or ought not take offense at our teacher, parent, or best friend. In general, if I respect the person who insulted me, I ought to give thought to the insult and learn as much as I can from it. On the other hand, if I think that the person who insulted me is not worthy of my consideration, I have no reason to take offense at him, just as I have no reason to take offense at a naughty child or a barking dog. Notice that, whatever the case, I have no reason to take offense. 3. Returning the insult. There are several problems with the put-down, even if it is a very clever one. First, it does have to be clever, and, second, it has to occur to us at just the right moment. But even if we are as sharp and witty as Oscar Wilde, a clever put- down is unlikely to constitute our best defence. You see, the problem with the clever put-down is that, however clever it is, it tends to equalize us with our insulter, raising him up to our level and bringing us down to his. This gives him, and therefore his insult, far too much credibility. In fact, the clever put-down should only be used amongst friends, and only to add to the merriment of the occasion. And it should end with something like a toast or a rub on the shoulder. In short, it should only be used for the purpose of humor. 4. Humor. Humor is an especially effective response for three reasons: it undermines the insult, it brings the audience (if any) on side, and it diffuses the tension of the situation. Here is an example of the effective use of humor. Cato the Younger, the Roman statesman and stoic philosopher, was pleading a case when his adversary Lentulus spat in his face. After wiping off the spittle, Cato said, “I will swear to anyone, Lentulus, that people are wrong to say that you cannot use your mouth.” Sometimes, it might even be appropriate to exaggerate or add to the insult so as to make a mockery of the insulter and, by extension, of the insult. "Ah, if only you had known me better, you would have found greater fault still!" 5. Ignoring the insult. One downside of humor is that it requires quick thinking. In contrast, ignoring the insult is easier and, in fact, more powerful. One day, a boor struck Cato whilst he was out at the public baths. When the boor realized that it was Cato whom he had struck, he came to offer his apology. Instead of getting angry or accepting the apology, Cato replied, “I don’t remember being struck.” Subtext of his reply: “You are so insignificant that I don’t even care to register your apology, let alone to take offense at your insult.” In conclusion, we need never take offense at an insult. Offense exists not in the insult but in our reaction to it, and our reactions are completely within our control. It is unreasonable to expect a boor to be anything but a boor; if we take offense at his bad behaviour, we have only ourselves to blame. Acknowledgement: The principal ideas and examples in this Thread came from a reading of the excellent book by William Irvine.. "A Guide To Good Life" @ Mod, please, I will be glad to see this post appears on the front page, thanks |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Cutehector(m): 8:37pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
we should all know that silence is the best answer to fools. that's number 1. barking back at a dog simply means you are a dog too |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Nobody: 8:40pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
warris dis 
later, u will see this op bashing a nairalander  3 Likes |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Princecalm(m): 8:43pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
EroticAngelina:have you seen where he bashed someone else? 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Nobody: 8:45pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Princecalm:I've not. I'm just saying the truth. free abeg 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by abimbawealth(f): 8:45pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
NOTED 1 Like |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by MizTyna(f): 8:46pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
I ignore 95% of the time. It isn't always easy but why get worked up over someone you can't see and possibly dash a slap? |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Princecalm(m): 8:48pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
EroticAngelina:well he pointed out in his post that when a so called insult is true, then it becomes an ordinary statement. 1 Like |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by phlio(m): 8:48pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
once u don't post pic of yourself (guys) to show ur six load or I think am handsome no insult. |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Cutehector(m): 8:49pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
MizTyna:lol at slap... its been so long i slapped someone |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Nobody: 8:51pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
People always bash mee n as a human I loose iit like most times  ii don't enjoys any bit of iit  |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by coolebux(m): 8:56pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
The owner of the site allows it Have you ever wondered why his MODS allow inciting topics into front page They no longer hide harsh and bashing posts Its so sad you have to react to some negating comments as they comes. |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Mutuwa(m): 8:59pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Mr Op.. am not trying to counter your write up..But some of the forum members here are simply intolerable.there are better ways to reprimand anyone who is off track.but simply stating such with harsh and detestable words such as " you are a fool" "mumu" and such other words really is not something a sane person should just ignore,just like that. Tolerance has got a certain level one can engulf..too much of tolerance and soft nature will definitely harm you.. 1 Like |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Kasimaramma2(f): 9:00pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
SON OF MARK,BLACKBERRET N GENEA HAVE TO READ THIS |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Mutuwa(m): 9:00pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
coolebux: Very true..the site owner including the managements cannot escape blameworthiness. |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Brugo(m): 9:05pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
| OP, all these things will disappear from your head when they start with you. |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by coolebux(m): 9:10pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Mutuwa:The moment they start hiding inciting posts, you'll see the bigots logging out |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Nobody: 9:31pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Why is this in the romance section? Just curious 1 Like |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Dhilariousdandy(m): 10:23pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Princecalm: Thanks for your support fella. |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Dhilariousdandy(m): 10:44pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Brugo: Lol... That's true tho..!! But I'm a tolerance kind, I don't bear grudge, even if the whole NL bash up on me, believe me, ama keep laughing to their ignorance, and pretend as if I didn't hear anything... |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by tosyne2much(m): 10:48pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
MizTyna:That is the best thing to do my dear |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by taiocol: 10:52pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Cutehector:Silence ain't the best answer. Legends say it is but it won't take a bite |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by taiocol: 10:55pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Teempakguy:This is where the root of all evil us located 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by mrpackager(m): 10:59pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
nyc write up  1 Like |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by tosyne2much(m): 11:14pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Mutuwa:You have spoken wisely my bros |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by tosyne2much(m): 11:18pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
OP, superb write-up jawe 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Get Ride Of Abusive Words/comments In Nairaland Or Anywhere Else.. by Nobody: 11:21pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
Wisdom is a priceless and valueless jem.With all sincerity I must say as a matter of clarity that in all diversity only the clueless and brainless one will take things serious online due to their par-asporadumpholic flunctuated brain. 1 Like |
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