[quote author=Acquilla post=34777157][/quote]
Over time i have seen your type of cases but you said something that gave me real thoughts otherwise howbeit what i quoted above says i'm on track.

Your statement that got me rethinking is that you said if you see someone with her trait plus more beauty, you will move and not look back. This is very serious. Even though you want to reset if its not done well, that statement might make you cheat anytime there is a sign of crack or crack.

Cool down bro, this your change is like that who recieved the word with joy but got choke with the beauties of life, however there's hope. You can take time to prepare a fertile ground for a perfect yield.

This kind of issue, you dont rush or force it otherwise when people are not there to repeat sense into your head you always go back to square one when there's problem.

From your answers to my question, you love through the not regular way. You want the type that you will fall in love with the beauty first and other things will naturally follow or a mental picture in your head. Now let me remind you, you fell in love like that before but was not sustained without character because it surely get to a point you hardly notice the beauty easily but you spot the character readily and then it all ends. Or why didnt it last with the former beauties?

In this times, it is adviced you look at outside and inside before opening your heart to love because if your unguardedly let your heart to love the outside like that the easier way, it most times lead to hurt. You fell in love with her inside, the best part that is why you dont want to easily let her go but your vain self is holding you from loving her outside. You must deal with her outside before you take her to the alter as it has an important place too. It is like a cloth with ugly design, therefore it makes you not to see the goods in it but when you know and appreciate the stuff it is made of, you see only beauty in everything about it and you wear it with pride so much that everyone cant stop noticing it.

bellong:

Please let her go. I am willing to help you. Send me her phone number and she will totally forget about you.
I wish you well in your decision.

Super nice one

@OP: Since she is on NL, you can also go through her posts to see if the online her = offline her

And if no, you can get a glimpse of another side of her.

cc: Acquilla

EfemenaXY:


I, I, I...Me, me, me.

You sound downright selfish. You want to eat your cake and have it.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not wanting to marry her.

~ There is nothing wrong with your not feeling physically attracted to her.

~ There is nothing wrong with seeing her as nothing more than a friend to you.

However, it's extremely selfish of you to keep the poor lady on hold for two whole years, simply because you haven't got the guts as a man to come clean and tell her how you really feel, about the whole relationship.

Not only is it selfish, it's downright wicked for you to bring in her family background as a cause for concern now. You weren't too bothered about her mother being divorced / re-married several times over when you first got together with her. It wasn't a problem for you when you chose to eat her "apple".

Now all of a sudden you don get visa, wan ditch the babe, she's suddenly only rates 55% beautiful on your scale. What nonsense. Are you yourself that handsome? But you're still clinging on to her just in case something "better" turns up. Honestly, some women have really suffered.

Please free her and let her find someone more deserving of her love. She certainly doesn't deserve to be saddled with someone like you.

How dare you say it before mua? I didn't have to read to the end before seeing that the OP is extremely selfish, like wtf?

bukatyne:




Super nice one

Why are you shinning your eyes? Don't let dust enter them oo

bellong:


Why are you shinning your eyes? Don't let dust enter them oo

That was funny...dont let dust enter them.
Lol

salsera:


That was funny...dont let dust enter them.
Lol

Sister Salsera.... na you be this?

Long time.

How are you doing? My phone had issues and I lost all contact.

I am the lady

O my heart, my heart, my heart.

kubba:
I am the lady

O my heart, my heart, my heart.

Hmmm

Are you serious?

bellong:




Why are you shinning your eyes? Don't let dust enter them oo

My glasses protect them

So shinning lomo

pickabeau1:



why do u see it as time wasting...
they were both In the relationship

a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage

acquilla


as for me...if she has the morals, she respects you as her husband and has the shape go for it...few people will be better outside

2 years is a long time for a lady to waste on a fruitless relationship .

@ bold I'm glad you said you. It's clearly obvious he's not attracted to her besides the virtues of a good wife material she possesses.

I won't advice my brother or anyone to modify a woman to his taste at that stage. We can't change people. A man that loves you will accept you with all your flaws.

bukatyne:


Hmmm

Are you serious?

Ewuro4:


2 years is a long time for a lady to waste on a fruitless relationship .

What does fruitless mean ---> no marriage?

@ bold I'm glad you said you. It's clearly obvious he's not attracted to her besides the virtues of a good wife material she possesses.

I won't advice my brother or anyone to modify a woman to his taste at that stage. We can't change people. A man that loves you will accept you with all your flaws.

Beauty fades with time
Good loving never does

pickabeau1:


What does fruitless mean ---> no marriage?



Beauty fades with time
Good loving never does

Of course it means 'no marriage'

It's not about the beauty but the spark/attraction. The same spark that'll fuel that companionship ride down the lane. But again, I guess people marry for different reasons.

bukatyne:


My glasses protect them

So shinning lomo

So you use glasses.... You must be one genius according to our childhood theory.

Acquilla:
People, I need your sincere advice. Here is my story. There is this lady I have been dating for the past two years. We have been together through thick and thin and being honest, she is a wife material. Even some of my family member’s siblings to be precise can attest to her virtues. All the while, I have admired her qualities and in fairness to God, she has what it takes to be a good wife and till now, I am yet to cheat on her because I don’t cheat. After few months of normal early cravings of a new relationship, things started declining from my own end. I realized she is not romantic. This she blamed on the type of home she came from. I tried my best to teach her but maybe I’m not a good teacher. I am this kind of guy whose romantic part get driven by my girl. In this case my girl is not romantic and it had adverse effect on me too.

I have told her couple of times that I am yet to experience that intense feeling of love one has for her boo. That intense cravings, outpour of excruciating feelings and emotional attachments that makes you so eager to ask if she’s gonna marry you…..I was quick to identify this some months after we started dating and while doing some self evaluation, I realized one of the reasons apart from the fact that I found her not romantic why I am not too attached is the fact that she seemed not too beautiful for my taste. I am this kind of guy that likes beautiful women; she isn’t ugly though I will classify her as average in all (55%) by my own standards. The funniest thing is my friends say she’s beautiful but I have never seen her in that light. There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty.

Late last year, I got a visa out of Nigeria and my parents started talking to me about marriage .My mum likes her a lot but my father is just indifferent about her. Well probably because my father and I kind of share the same taste in terms of pretty women (my mum is beautiful). Now I have to decide as soon as possible and I am really scared because my decision will either make or mar my home. I want to get married to someone I really love to the bones yet I don’t want to hurt her. Not someone who I will have to think twice if anyone asks if I really love her. It’s not as if I don’t love her at all but maybe not strong enough to talk about marriage. I am yet to feel so deeply in love with her after two years. I have had two ladies before her and I know how we were all over each other. In her case, I even don’t regularly tell her I love her yet I used to be very very romantic in my past relationships.

I do not have any other lady catching my attention I have just been indifferent. As a matter of fact, when I wanted to leave Nigeria, my parents wanted a formal introduction but I wasn’t sure if I want her for a life partner after two years and I don’t wanna hurt her because she will be broken psychologically. On the other hand, I get scared of losing her because women with such a good character like her are very rare to come by these days. Nevertheless, I am certain that if I meet someone with same character as her today and let’s say 75% rating, I may be carried away so easily without looking back. I don’t want to marry a woman I will likely cheat on after marriage.

One last complicacy is the fact that she is from a broken home. Her mum got married to several men at the early stage of her life and had children with them (I am not judging). I had to lie to my parents that her parents had divorced several years ago. Even at that they immediately started questioning me about her sisters: if her sisters are still in marriage and if they are doing fine. This alone haunts me sometimes because I don’t tell lies.

Now, I am at a cross road. Sometimes I tell myself that with time I will learn to love her as my wife and in the same vein I tell myself if after over two years, the love had dwindled from my own end to this extent what will happen in marriage? Can I learn to love her truly overtime? Should I let her go? Please help me!!!!!

All these long essay. If you want to marry someone you don't need this kind of essay.
Base on the length (I didn't read jack), I will say let her go. Thank you

@Op; I’ll say in all honesty, you are not being sincere to yourself as to what exactly you want in a wife. You are also picking on mundane things to justify your actions. From my observation, it takes a man only few weeks/months to know if the lady he is currently with WOULD END UP BEING HIS WIFE; certainly not 2 years.

Has it ever occurred to you why some men marry a woman based on the external traits that they want her to posses? It’s simply because if the wife lacks in that department and they eventually marry her there is a high percentage of them straying when the opportunity presents itself.

In your case, you made a statement that “I am yet to cheat on her”; that alone is a RED HERRING and when the opportunity presents itself, you probably might not have the self control to resist. Best believe TEMPTATIONS WOULD ARISE.

I might be wrong but it appears to me, that one of the traits you so much hold in high esteem is for your wife to be pretty. Based on your account, your current lady in your own words does not probably fit into that category or only fits 55% and not 98%. However, you did mention that she has other qualities that you like aside her not being pretty enough. My question is would that be enough for you to marry her? I doubt that very much but I may be wrong.

What I can’t understand is why you even said HELLO to her initially let alone going ahead to date her for 2 LONG and LONELY years. when you knew from day 1 that she was not pretty enough; I just can’t bring myself to understand it. May I remind you that BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. Once you as an individual can’t see the beauty in the initial stage; it usually wouldn't suddenly change. IT WILL REMAIN A PROBLEM.

Note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

It would be in your best interest to DECIDE NOW AND FAST WHAT EXACTLY IT IS YOU INTEND TO DO. PLEASE TRY TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. She is a woman who’s biological clock is ticking and if you honestly would not be able to look beyond her external beauty; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING DOUBTS.

It'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife. I can just imagine the agony and pains both of you are going through right now.

You also made mention of her mother being married a few times and having children for different fathers as a source of concern. Whilst it’s only normal for that to be of concern, you currently don’t judge an individual based on that. Let alone having the idea that her children might follow in their mother’s footstep. That’s absolutely wrong. Let's not judge other people for their actions as you don’t know the full story behind why they made such decision(s).

You also mentioned that your family like her; which is good; but note that it is not your family that would be living with her in your home; it's YOU and once you have these doubts occurring then please look into these doubts carefully.

FOR LADIES, don't wait and glue to a man that you are already having doubts over. (The lady in this scenario noticed this and quoting from what the OP mentioned; "There was a time she complained lightly that I have never called her pretty".) Never say there might not be another man available as that would be totally wrong. You probably might be driving other men who met your criteria away by remaining with the one you are managing to your own detriment.

Finally, remember this saying; HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED

I rest my case

In pursuit of unhappiness PART 1!
Intense craving as a prerequisite for marriage?
When BLACK people dream, it is always a NIGHTMARE!

KanwuliaJara:
In pursuit of unhappiness PART 1!
Intense craving as a prerequisite for marriage?
When BLACK people dream, it is always a NIGHTMARE!

So FUNNY, Where did you pull that quote from.

Ewuro4:


Of course it means 'no marriage'

It's not about the beauty but the spark/attraction. The same spark that'll fuel that companionship ride down the lane. But again, I guess people marry for different reasons.

are you postulating that relationship must end in marriage to be meaningful

pickabeau1:


are you postulating that relationship must end in marriage to be meaningful

I'm giving your post that look right now

Ofcourse Pick' naw , No messing around @22+.

Ewuro4:


I'm giving your post that look right now

Ofcourse Pick' naw , No messing around @22+.

now you have qualified it...22plus

but have u forgotten this is the new age..

no limits
no barriers etc

free the nipps
liberalism
date as u like etc

Time2Smile:
So FUNNY, Where did you pull that quote from.

My creativity of course!

I'll never understand why people wring their hands at the prospect of ending a relationship that obviously needs to end.

OREMUSSANCTUS:
"A" for d apple d OP mentioned
I ve not eaten her "apple"

.

The nays have it.

@OP I so much understand your situation, that she helps you wash your cloths,do your dishes, do your cooking and all of those doesn't mean you must marry her. She's not a housemaid she's suppose be a wife, any housemates will do those. In Africa if a woman is used to washing, cleaning and stuff the conclusion is She's a wife material.... that is big scam
What about her IQ, if her IQ is high, I bet you not too panic. take her to state and she will learn to be very romantic.
Romantic is not sex or kisses but it's just that thing, that will make you demand for more. your dog can be romantic, your Bird can be romantic,your pet can be romantic, your male friend can be romantic. Romantic is nothing but caring affectionately.
@OP take your time and initiate it in your relationship I bet you she will learn. I also observe that you are a reserve person. wake up man and build your home. you have gat the opportunity to mould her, she care and respect you.

Acquilla:




Woww this is an eye opener...........I cant thank you enough!!!!!!!! I am really grateful...... . By the grace of God, I will send you our wedding invitation personally!!!! I see tips on how to be the best husband she could ever have in your analytical replies. May almighty God bless the source of your huge knowledge......may your oil never run dry.....may you continue to progress higher and higher. I called her just now and spoke in an unusual manner. She was dumbfounded while the conversation lasted because i was expressive for the first time ever!!! she was so happy!!!! I found alot of peace and Joy in your reply. You said 55percent could actually turn to 100!!!! given the right environment.....wowww!!! I will definitely call you not to give you her number for someone thats gonna treat her as an "empress" though. I will treat her myself thanks . I will do a hard reset on my heart as you have indirectly suggested. I feel so peaceful. I have been unhappy and this has been a burden for awhile. God bless you abundantly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to be a party pooper, but I doubt the sincerity of this your response.

You've had two whole years of chronic indecision and now, in the space of just four hours (i.e: the time lapse between Bellong's post and your response), you've made a complete U-turn? Is that how easy it is for you to switch emotions? Like a tap? ON and OFF at will?

And what did you mean by the bolded bit? Re: speaking to her in an "unusual" manner. How?

You know what I think? I think, you were shocked at the responses you got from your initial epistle. Almost everyone, both male and female have been totally against you and now for some reason best known to you, you want to get back on the "right" side of the lane?

Bros, if this your story has any shred of truth in it, you just aren't into this girl. You've given your reasons and just because people don't like them (me included), doesn't mean you should be insincere to your heart and go ahead and marry the wrong girl.

Just let her go, mate.