cococandy:
You can't compare faceless people on NL to someone who lives with you.
Saying one can let it not affect them is easier said than done.
Especially if you love the person in question.

Of course verbal abuse never justifies physical violence. Ever.
But I don't agree with you that he should block his ears to it. He's human. There's no easy way to just ignore and swallow verbal abuse.

I Agree it's not enough yet to take his kids and bolt. Of course not.
But the solution can't be from him alone. They need to work together to get there.

It's almosr like what you said too but I just felt like I had to say something about the part of 'nagging doesn't kill'

He shouldn't block his ears, he shouldn't hit her back, he shouldn't move out, OK. But while he's still resolving the issue and the nagging hasn't stopped, what should he do?


Faceless people, family, friends - its the same mechanism that works, it's all in your hands not to allow words get to you. Never easy I agree. But if you can't cope, by all means, quit the environment.

Kimoni:


He shouldn't block his ears, he shouldn't hit her back, he shouldn't move out, OK. But while he's still resolving the issue and the nagging hasn't stopped, what should he do?

Like I said, I agree with you that they should get to the root of the problem. That's through communication not ignoring the behavior. He needs to make it clear he can't be enduring such indefinitely.
Give her ultimatum to stop addressing him in such manners if necessary.
And Mean it too.
If she won't stop, then he would know he's given her fair warning on what to expect if she continues.
He knows the lady, anything he can do to get her to stop is better in my opinion than swallowing hurtful words and boiling on the inside.

If one tells him to close his ears to it, when will it stop? Until God touches her? More like the fast and pray and wear sexy lingerie for a cheating spouse instead challenging them to stop it.

cococandy:
You can't compare faceless people on NL to someone who lives with you.
Saying one can let it not affect them is easier said than done.
Especially if you love the person in question.

Of course verbal abuse never justifies physical violence. Ever.
But I don't agree with you that he should block his ears to it. He's human. There's no easy way to just ignore and swallow verbal abuse.

I Agree it's not enough yet to take his kids and bolt. Of course not.
But the solution can't be from him alone. They need to work together to get there.

It's almost like what you said too but I just felt like I had to say something about the part of 'nagging doesn't kill'

True. We all have our limits. You know who your husband/wife is. You don't do things to escalate the situation even in tight situations.
I will kick a badly behaved, drama-inducing man or woman out of my house without wasting time.
I don't do well with drama at all.
My home is where I find peace, the moment I cannot get that - out you go!
When your senses come back, I'll let you in.

cococandy:

Like I said, I agree with you that they should get to the root of the problem. That's through communication not ignoring the behavior. He needs to make it clear he can't be enduring such indefinitely.
Give her ultimatum to stop addressing him in such manners if necessary.
And Mean it too.
If she won't stop, then he would know he's given her fair warning on what to expect if she continues.
He knows the lady, anything he can do to get her to stop is better in my opinion than swallowing hurtful words and boiling on the inside.

The above is a process, and realistically speaking, I don't expect her to stop in a day. Old habits die hard. So while the resolution is still a work-in-progress, what should he do anytime she nags?

If one tells him to close his ears to it, when will it stop? Until God touches her? More like the fast and pray and wear sexy lingerie for a cheating spouse instead challenging them to stop it.

My advice again - nagging will not kill him. Rather than hit her back, he should learn to ignore. Concurrently, he should address the root of the problem. I propose reducing her idle time by getting her a job or establishing her in a business. If she refuses and continues her nasty behavior, the next steps are entirely up to him.

Kimoni:


He shouldn't block his ears, he shouldn't hit her back, he shouldn't move out, OK. But while he's still resolving the issue and the nagging hasn't stopped, what should he do?


Faceless people, family, friends - its the same mechanism that works, it's all in your hands not to allow words get to you. Never easy I agree. But if you can't cope, by all means, quit the environment.

what does quit the enviromet mean
Leave the house?

pickabeau1:


what does quit the enviromet mean
Leave the house?

Place, person, blog, nairaland, politics section, family section, whatever!

Kimoni:


Place, person, blog, nairaland, politics section, family section, whatever!

be more specific

You are the one equating online stuff where u log into at your convenience to a marriage which is with you physically
A woman is a perpetual nag.. so u advocate he leave the marriage

How is your advice different from dinachi's

pickabeau1:


be more specific

You are the one equating online stuff where u log into at your convenience to a marriage which is with you physically
A woman is a perpetual nag.. so u advocate he leave the marriage

How is your advice different from dinachi's

To be more specific, pls don't make your question ambiguous

Difference between dinachi's and I - Address the root cause first, not divorce/separate immediately. Pick, this is very clear from my posts o

dinachi:

This is exactly, why you need to stay at your zoo until we start discussing violence against animals before we can now invite you.
Since you and your mother suffer the same rotten puccy syndrome, coming out here to make it so obvious would be animal cruelty.
Baboons like you an your mother should concentrate on scratching each others flat flaby hairy chest and running around your various cages

Dinachi, you will get this thread locked, you know that right. You need to tap into my "ignore" preaching

Kimoni:

Dinachi, you will get this thread locked, you know that right

You know I hate hypocrisy! You saw her attack me and you said Nada but since I now reply in kind you start warning me. This is exactly what I hate. Selective justice. Just the way I have not heard one single condemnation of the Op wife Abusive tendenciws from you.
Some of you women will never learn. You always support evil because a female is the one perpetrating it.

dinachi:

You know I hate hypocrisy! You saw her attack me and you said Nada but since I now reply in kind you start warning me. This is exactly what I hate. Selective justice. Just the way I have not heard one single condemnation of the Op wife Abusive tendenciws from you.
Some of you women will never learn. You always support evil because a female is the one perpetrating it.

Let me teach you practical steps on how to ignore, I won't charge you

Just watch how I am going to ignore the bolded cuz it's not true

***ignore***

Ok

Kimoni:


The above is a process, and realistically speaking, I don't expect her to stop in a day. Old habits die hard. So while the resolution is still a work-in-progress, what should he do anytime she nags?



My advice again - nagging will not kill him. Rather than hit her back, he should learn to ignore. Concurrently, he should address the root of the problem. I propose reducing her idle time by getting her a job or establishing her in a business. If she refuses and continues her nasty behavior, the next steps are entirely up to him.

Kimoni:


To be more specific, pls don't make your question ambiguous

Difference between dinachi's and I - Address the root cause first, not divorce/separate immediately. Pick, this is very clear from my posts o

But you both came to the same conclusion

pickabeau1:


But you both came to the same conclusion

Leaving immediately and trying to resolve issues before leaving means the same thing

Kimoni:


Leaving immediately and trying to resolve issues before leaving means the same thing?

You said if the woman is a perpetual nag,, leave the environment
I believe leaving is common to both of you

pickabeau1:



You said if the woman is a perpetual nag,, leave the environment
I believe leaving is common to both of you

Timing difference. Seek a solution first

Pick, my hand dey pain me o

Kimoni:


Timing difference. Seek a solution first

Pick, my hand dey pain me o

ok..
Put aboniki on it

Kimoni:

My advice again - nagging will not kill him.

OK. So following your argument if nagging cannot kill him then slapping her cannot kill her either, right?

Kimoni:

The above is a process, and realistically speaking, I don't expect her to stop in a day.

That means the slapping is not also expected to stop anytime soon. I mean following your line of argument abi?

Kimoni:
Rather than hit her back, he should learn to ignore. .

Can she also learn to ignore the slappings?

dinachi:

OK. So following your argument if nagging cannot kill him then slapping her cannot kill her either, right?

That means the slapping is not also expected to stop anytime soon. I mean following your line of argument abi?

Can she also learn to ignore the slappings?

Sticks and stones may break my bones....

However, If he is weak and not mentally strong enough to ignore while a solution is being worked on, rather than physically abuse or kill her, he should separate.

pickabeau1:


ok..
Put aboniki on it

Wicked!

dinachi:
Leave that piece of trash immediately. She is not worth being called a wife. She is a very abusive beast that should be drawn and quartered. She does not DESERVE you. Send her packing and don't look back! There are a lot of beautiful women out there who are more respectful and and even gainfully employed. Don't ever marry all these have who have nothing doing. And to cap it all, she is an evil woman threathning you with Juju. Kai! you wasted too much time. If na me by now I would have told her people I am divorcing her immediately.

I have been watching and following what you write about women on Nairaland for a very long time, and to be very blunt, it is very appalling.

If you aren't married, it will be very interesting finding out who you will end up with and how you will fare as a husband.

If you are married, it will also be interesting having a one to one chat with her to know how she is coping with a husband like you. The poor woman must be emotionally stressed and psychologically traumatised!!!

God knows I can't marry a man who thinks like you. I will use mouth to finish his life, reroute his worldview and reformat his thinking.

Ishilove:

I have been watching and following what you write about women on Nairaland for a very long time, and to be very blunt, it is very appalling.

If you aren't married, it will be very interesting finding out who you will end up with and how you will fare as a husband.

If you are married, it will also be interesting having a one to one chat with her to know how she is coping with a husband like you. The poor woman must be emotionally stressed and psychologically traumatised!!!

God knows I can't marry a man who thinks like you. I will use mouth to finish his life, reroute his worldview and reformat his thinking.

Playing the gender card on me now ain't you?
I speak from the heart. With me you will know first hand exactly what I think. Well not everybody likes that approah, I admit but with me you don't have to guess.
My dear there is so much pretence in this world. Most people play to the gallery and that is what is really appalling not a guy keeping it real and saying it as it is!
Well if you are addicted to false compliments and pretentious pamperings, very clearly I am not your guy
I am brutally frank. That is my life and style. And I tell ya it had always worked for me even with women.
So take a chill pill and keep being one of my favorite mods!

dinachi:

Playing the gender card on me now ain't you?
I speak from the heart. With me you will know first hand exactly what I think. Well not everybody likes that approah, I admit but with me you don't have to guess.
My dear there is so much pretence in this world. Most people play to the gallery and that is what is really appalling not a guy keeping it real and saying it as it is!
Well if you are addicted to false compliments and pretentious pamperings, very clearly I am not your guy
I am brutally frank. That is my life and style. And I tell ya it had always worked for me even with women.
So take a chill pill and keep being one of my favorite mods!

I appreciate honesty. I also appreciate tact. There are situations that call for brutal honesty, and ther are times that call for tact. You seem to believe that brutal honesty should be used at all times.

You know what they say about words? Words are like daggers; when used carelessly they are capable of causing so much injury...

Be wise in how you use your words, dinachi.

Kimoni:


Sticks and stones may break my bones....

Words are like daggers; when used carelessly they are capable of causing so much injury...
.... Ishilove.

Ishilove:

I appreciate honesty. I also appreciate tact. There are situations that call for brutal honesty, and ther are times that call for tact. You seem to believe that brutal honesty should be used at all times.

You know what they say about words? Words are like daggers; when used carelessly they are capable of causing so much injury...

Be wise in how you use your words, dinachi.

OK.
Now tell your some of your ladies here to get of my back....

mutter:
No smoke without fire. Do you want us to believe that the women in the neighbourhood have nothing better to do than accuse you wrongly? You are doing something very wrong in the marriage. I also can't believe the brother threatened your life for one slap. It wasn't the first time and they have had enough of your violence. Your money should also be a support to your wife. Where do you want her to get the money to pay her debt.? Don't push her to do things you might regret....and because of this minor issue Ou want to break your home and see rate the kid's from their mother. You are heartless.

How old are you??

dinachi:

OK.
Now tell your some of your ladies here to get of my back....

You remind me of my youngest brother. Several years ago, he came home from school weeping bitterly that he was being bullied.

We comforted him as best as we could.

The following day, he came back home with the same complaint. My dad, worried that his darling last born was facing stress at school, stormed the school the following day to complain to the school authorities.

It was then that the fowl's bushy rear end was exposed.

It seemed Lil Bro was the tormentor. He had quite a reputation for being a rabble rouser and a most fearsome bully. When the school management decided to crack down on bullies, he got the rough end of the stick and came home crying blue murder.

After hearing this unbelievable tale, Dad, mortified beyond words, got up, dusted his buttocks, shook the hand of the headmaster and left the school premises in a hurry




I'm sure you catch my drift...

Arizona1:
Am having a problem of trust from my wife. She accuses me of having girl friends anytime she demands for money and I tell her to have patience. She listens to gossip a lot and believe what her friends and people tell her instead of what me her hubby tells her. I do everything for her and she does not work. The allegation got to d point that she threatnd she will do something very soon,she'll be the one making money and my job will go. So am confused coz I always stay @ home,help her with domestic work and take care of children coz we hav two kids and no house help. She pusHed me so hard that I slappd her one night and she took the kids and ran to her mother's house. Her mothr and sisters have been calling me and raining abuses on me,her youngr bro sent me a text that if something happens to her sister, he'll kill me. As a mattr of fact she always brings problem always att end of d month when I say she should calm down because of all we're sending @ home which she's part of but The money she's asking of is for her bro which she borrowd from him jus 3wks ago. Am getting tired of d whole thing and want to take my kids from her and leave her out of my life for now. Pls my people,I will welcome ur meaningful suggestions.

No offense bro, but you're not man enough!
If you are, the things you wrote won't happen.
It's as simple as that.

Please, any further reference to rotten puccys here will earn the offenders hefty bans.

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation

5minsmadness:


Words are like daggers; when used carelessly they are capable of causing so much injury...
.... Ishilove.

True...but if you try hard enough, words passes from your left ear and leaves via the right ear

You don't give it room to germinate talkless of grow

I'll be the first to admit it's not an easy process