When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up - Family - Nairaland
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| When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Nobody: 11:14pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
Hello friends, Please don't insult me as I'm in a really difficult time of my life. If I knew this would be my story I wouldn't have gotten married at all. I'm married with 2 kids. My husband has been out of work for most of our 5 and a half years of marriage. I don't think he has worked for 1 year in total. I have single handedly done all the works in the home financially and physically. I practically work 2 jobs to take care of the home. I don't get enough assistance from this man. I feel he is very lazy for example When the kids wardrobe fall apart he would rather call a carpenter and make me pay- but because of the financial load on me. I fix most things in the house myself. I do manly things because I want to save money for other things- I pay all the bills, school fees, home helpers etc. I don't get enough rest because I care totally for the home. I lost sleep planning, how to manage my money. I have no savings. I'm crying now- I really don't know what to do. Only God can help me out of this now. Looking at myself on the mirror I see serious stress on my face. He is lazy, he leaves everything for me to do, he always procrastinate. He doesn't take care of us. Just yesterday I bought a chair and I asked him to help carry but he didn't, he ask if someone else couldn't carry the chair. So I carried the chair while he watched me - that's what he does always. Which I know the kids have noticed. They say mommy buys and does everything. The worse is he expects me ,with all this to come home to cook for him. He sleeps and lay on the bed till I come back from work , (8am - 5 pm) ( i live 2-3 hours away from my office when there is no traffic) which after that I start my second job. I'm fed up. I'm tired. I have help this man I paid over half the fee for his masters - which I encourage to do so he can get job after 2 years staying home. But I was disappointed that my N800k was used not considering he has a family but messing around with female class mate like a single guy. He disturbs me for sex- but I can't see myself making love to someone who is comfortable living on me completely. He made a statement that he would meet other girls when he is back on his feet and flaunt them to my face. I have lost respect and love for him. I'm overwhelmed, lost, finished and confused. I feel used. I still fasting- hopefully God will hear me out soon. My life has been perfect except for my marriage. |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by goodmorning40: 11:23pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
Sorry, such is life, all man with his load. The girl next door is crying blood asking for any man at all to call a husband. Continue ur fasting and prayer that is the only solution |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Nobody: 11:29pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
I forgot to say - my second job which is my business- I involved him initially but he makes mistakes which I get upset with him for so he stopped helping out. They always sack him in all his job except one. I have told him to work on himself that there most be something he is doing wrongly but all his excuses, for being laid off after few months of starting the job is that his bosses doesn't like him . He is 36 years old. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by honeric01(m): 11:35pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
Cant you report him to his family if after talking to him he doesn't listen or at least make a change? in this jet age, no room for parasites. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by honeric01(m): 11:38pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
steamylious: Encourage him to start a biz of his own, do not give him the money to start it, let him source for the money from relatives and friends.. if he can't source or see anyone to loan him, then i say he's really lazy and not ready to take up his responsibility. 3 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by mutter(f): 11:40pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
God knows it is not easy to be a woman  But never forget your major duty as a wife is to love your husband, respect him, submit to him and share his bed You have left your duties as a wife and are performing his duties. The danger is that when a woman becomes the provider she looses respect. So all the hard work you are doing is reduced to negative because you left your duties to perform his Please try to do less so you can cope with the duties of a wife. Also you are enabling him to be laid back by taking over all his duties. The woman supports the man. Even if you are working you are his supporter. When my husband was studying years back I took extra pain tk be totally respectful because I did not want him to misread my actions. It was difficult but I am still reaping the reward years later. Please try to restore your husband in his role as the man of the house . 7 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Messilistic: 11:42pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
I was going to say same as the poster above me. Engage his family in a serious discussion. Pour out ur pains just as you have done here. I hope it helps and please try to stay strong, at least for your kids.... |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Jetjacky(m): 11:57pm On Jun 27, 2015 |
goodmorning40: |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Jetjacky(m): 12:05am On Jun 28, 2015 |
I dont see that relationship as healthy. If it were my suggestion I would tell you to leave that guy and look forward to being a single mum. That would be better because then, the money you bring home would be for you and your kids: you could take care of them better, have time to rest from the heart ache of being with someone and alone in reality. There is a better star out there that you can't see because this disaster of a man is hindering it. i hate to here news like this. He is not worth it. God forbid you die now, he would still live his life or maybe become a better man, while you're gone and forgotten by him, with your children all alone. Although this kind of peeps would wanna harm you when he finds out you wanna leave him, because of the sweet you give him to leak from your income. Let Him Go!!  Sinaj come and drop your advice here  steamylious: 15 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Jetjacky(m): 12:08am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Like seriously? That's bullshit. God never allow me be like men as likened to this post or close to their category, Amen. They suck!! mutter: 13 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 12:11am On Jun 28, 2015 |
steamylious: You actually are the cause of your predicament. Your trying to be a superwoman is simply enabling him to continue being lazy. He sees no need to change. Why should he? You've made things extra comfortable for him. Kick him out. Otherwise, ask yourself why you're clinging on to a hellish marriage where despite all you do, you still aren't appreciated. 27 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 12:12am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Kanwulijare, you need to come and read this! |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Dyt(f): 2:03am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Super woman Be truthful to yourself how long you can take this The worse that can happen to a struggling woman trying to keep her home is a lazy and crazy husband. Phew 10 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by arabianights: 2:46am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Hello friends, there is no love, he is not providing,u have no respect for him, he is selfish,lazyhe doesnt respect or appreciate u least of all love his kids. madam,divorce him. 8 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by arabianights: 2:48am On Jun 28, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: i will be surprised if u are married. she is working hard coz of d kids and dont want them to be from a broken home but he isnt worth it.she needs to accept that she married the wrong man and walk out 4 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by uboma(m): 2:56am On Jun 28, 2015 |
@ op, first i want to commend you for having played your role as a helper to your hubby very well. However since he doesnt want to be productive economically and assist in some home chores, my advise to you is to come out of the marriage so you can focus all your energies and resources towards your children and yourself. No need over loboring yourself so you dont break down. The children needs you more. Your hubby will end up in another woman's bosom when you are no more and this woman will not treat your children right. I really do hate to see situations like yours. Why on earth will a man not support his wife who is struggling to take care of the family when he is out work and has all the time? 9 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by cococandy(f): 4:25am On Jun 28, 2015 |
He made a statement that he would meet other girls when he is back on his feet and flaunt them to my face.He said this to your face?  The guy doesn't even love you. He's there because you're his meal ticket for now. Watch him bolt when (if) he gets a means of survival of his own. What kind of man won't even make effort to help his wife take care of his kids' needs? Even if he's bringing only a quarter of it. At least that something. And if he loves you, he won't be ok watching you stress yourself to death doing two jobs and doing all the house work on top of it all. He's both physically and emotionally not with you and it's not your job to fix him. He's an adult. If you can't do it anymore, tell him to his face and not us. For example, that chair incident, I'd have left it there let rain fall on it and the sun shine on it. Or better still return it to where I bought it from. If he can't use his muscle to lift the chair into the house, we might as well send it back where it came from. I don't believe in stress lai lai. Stop killing yourself slowly. Anything you can't do? Say you can't and so be it. You are probably afraid that he may misunderstand anything you say as disrespect for his lack of money. Even when you're very respectful about how you say it. It's not a new phenomena. (There's actually a name for it) But guess what? If it makes him sit-up and be an adult, the end justifies the means in this case. 7 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Nobody: 5:37am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Hello friends, It's a shame. That guy has practically given up on life or is stuck in fantasy land, and seems to have an attitude problem to boot. I am very sure he wasn't sacked in all his places of work, more like he feels he can't cope with stress or people 'demeaning' him. Like someone has said here, it's time to involve his family. He needs someone to talk real sense into his dry brain. He has two kids and is acting like a Jambite. Very sad. Involve his family or someone you're sure he respects. He disturbs me for sex- but I can't see myself making love to someone who is comfortable living on me completely. He made a statement that he would meet other girls when he is back on his feet and flaunt them to my face. This is actually a natural response from a woman. However, this would be the time to leave this marriage if it has occurred to you to do so. I think it's unlikely that he;ll make much of himself any time soon, but if he does, his threat would be a natural male response to the situation especially if your refusal to have sexx with him was insulting. It's obvious from the threat/promise there's been a few exchange of words. Leave now or seek help fast. PS: Another reason he may have left those jobs is probably out of fear of being stuck in the routine of those jobs if they're not that good which, I assure you, is a very legitimate fear. If you're still interested in the marriage, you're going to have to do a lot to get things back to normal or you can just bail with your kids. Good luck. 1 Like |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Jetjacky(m): 5:48am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Just tell her to leave the marriage. A marriage without love is likened to seating under a fire with your bare skin  cococandy: 1 Like |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by egopersonified(f): 5:58am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Ma, so sorry for all the stress you are going through. I can understand your need to be a good wife when the chips are down for your man, so tomorrow 'if' he gets better he wouldn't say you didn't stand by him. But it is one thing not to be able to find a job and another when one decides to keep getting sacked and quitting. If you take up all these responsibilities and he is lazy, kind, nice, willing to assist with the 1k he has and appreciative of all you do, then all you have to do is help him stand financially. But when he is not helping in anyway, and threatening to flaunt other girls before you, you are on a very long thing. You are just his comfort zone provider and nothing more. The most important thing here is your health, this should come before your kids and husband. Weigh your options and try to come up with the best solution you can work with. And don't mind what people would say, we all will always talk, na normal thing. 1 Like |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 6:25am On Jun 28, 2015 |
arabianights: My marital status is none of your business. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, and not endured. Besides the bolded bit of your post is also echoing what I've suggested. 12 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Roland17(m): 6:28am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Watching a lazy father roam the house while the mother is productively and actively responsible for the upkeep and survival of the family is definitely not a good sight for the kids. As humans, when we are stressed, emotionally and physically its only normal that we loose sleep and when good sleep is missing in the equation of daily living, we gradually develop health problems like HBP and other stress related complications, so think about it, i doubt he would cater for the children if anything happens to you. Your potentials are really huge and i hope this challenge does not limit your focus to maximize your potentials. personally, i would not advise you seek a divorce as there are many avenues yet to be explored to resolve this issue. If you have spoken to him about these teething issues and he has remained indifferent, i would say speak to his family or someone who he respects and listens to, do not throw him under the bus in your quest to prove he is wrong, dealing with a stubborn and lazy person is no walk in the park but it requires patience and maturity. Take some time to build and stabilize your finances, sounds like you make some money but because you shoulder tons of responsibilities its almost impossible to save, i would advise you focus on shouldering what is very important to you and the kids and start funding an emergency account. My prayers are with you, i pray God gives you the courage to remain strong in the face of adversity and the wisdom to make good decisions. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Ewuro4: 7:03am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Dude is depressed and could be having a midlife crisis. wish I can hear his own version. This is not normal. Madam Im not blaming you but you enabled him to this point. Being a breadwinner & a wife is no big deal but he must pull his weight too since you're both involved. If you'd called a family meeting on him or reported him , it's possible he could've changed & sat tight. This is bigger than you alone. Watching a grown man wasting his life away with no iota of responsibility! Marriage is has its ups & downs and people say things they don't mean during life crisis, some crisis are shortterm while some are long term. Life itself is not bed of roses. I happened to know a man (60s now) who was very ambitious and fared profoundly in first 12 years of his marriage until his early 40s when he got sick of his career and wanted a change desperately. ( don't know why) It didn't happen for him as envisaged, jumped from one career to another & between jobs , while he did some professional courses to upgrade, he eventually gave up and warm couch all day. His wife shouldered everything and took care of the kids albeit he was helpful at home but not financially. People mocked them , infact in all my years of growing up, I have never seen such so I have my reservation on what to call it. The kids are all grown & married, wife retired and they're still together. I really want to talk to her but don't know where & how to strike a convo coz she knew the rumours yet still stood by him. So situations like OP is not far fetched I guess. Madam, weigh your options and do what's best for you and your kids if you can't cope anymore, nobody will blame you. He will be fine in a long run, hopefully. 2 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 7:25am On Jun 28, 2015 |
cococandy: You've totally, totally, nailed it. This man despises her and even blames her for his "predicament". Unfortunately for her, no matter what she does, it'll never be good enough for him. He probably even runs his mouth like a tap and judges her outside to anyone who cares to listen. Sad but true. There are men like this. At the end of the day, she and she only can decide when enough is ENOUGH. No one do that for her. In the meantime, she should always keep at the back of her mind that health is wealth. No amount of money in this world can substitute good health. I reiterate: she should kick him out / walk away. A few weeks out on his ear ALONE should make him sit up. She needs to take that cushion of comfort from him to help reset his attitude, because right now, he's sponging off her living rent free, food free, bills free, hands-off uninvolved father...even demanding sex too. I doubt any sane person would want their daughter, sister, or even mother to go through what this lady is experiencing. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by romooluwa(m): 7:41am On Jun 28, 2015 |
I really wouldn't advise a divorce because of the children and the time invested in the marriage. But a trial separation will be of immense help to both sides.. Just living apart for a year or two will make the man find a way to gef out of his fantasy world and at least find food fpr himself and it will also help to relieve the stress (emotional,financial) on the OP...Just my two cents o |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Levelzguy(m): 7:59am On Jun 28, 2015 |
at tge risk of sounding cynical i fink that dushbag you call a husband is irredemable..if a man is comfortable being irresponsible,doesnt fink about taking care of his kids and cant even holdon to a job..my dear,u don enter one chance o.i fink you are better off being alone.tell him to give you space maybe then he"ll be able to get his acts together..i feel sorry for u sha :Dat tge risk of sounding cynical i fink that dushbag you call a husband is irredemable..if a man is comfortable being irresponsible,doesnt fink about taking care of his kids and cant even holdon to a job..my dear,u don enter one chance o.i fink you are better off being alone.tell him to give you space maybe then he"ll be able to get his acts together..i feel sorry for u sha 5 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by arabianights: 8:25am On Jun 28, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: it was a rhetoric question i frankly couldnt care if u r a lesbian. |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 8:36am On Jun 28, 2015 |
arabianights: Good. Like I stated earlier, it's none of your business. Drop your "advice" to @op and stop trying to fish for info that doesn't concern you. Thanks. 5 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by REDBUNNY(f): 8:50am On Jun 28, 2015 |
Is he a good role model to your kids? If you slump and die today what do you think will happen to your kids? A man spends your hard earned money on other women and tells you to your face that when things get better,he will meet other women and flaunt them to your face and you are still with him? How are you better than a single mother? What are your kids learning? Get rid of that lazy man and move on with your before he pulls you down to his level. 10 Likes |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by Nobody: 8:52am On Jun 28, 2015 |
EfemenaXY:I hope you will read this, that is all I have for you "When there is nothing to gain there is nothing to lose". Apply it to your situation. |
| Re: When An Over Worked Wife Is Fed Up by EfemenaXY: 8:54am On Jun 28, 2015 |
mohammedabiodun: And what is my "situation"? Go on. Tell me. |
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