EfemenaXY:


Good.

Like I stated earlier, it's none of your business. Drop your "advice" to @op and stop trying to fish for info that doesn't concern you.

Thanks.

arabianights:



men, you get issue ooooooooo!!!!!!!!! na so you dey beat dead horse, abeg its okay, have a nice weekend and use it on important things not trivial issues that dont add value to your life.

EfemenaXY:


And what is my "situation"?

Go on. Tell me.

mohammedabiodun:
You aren't gaining anything from him, instead you are losing your money and your head. Your situation is like an organism that has an ectoparasite parasiting on it but feels the parasite contributes to it's beauty. Your children are your future; invest heavily in them (both morally and financially).

EfemenaXY:


Oh, you mean her.

Okay, I get you.

Hello friends,
Please don't insult me as I'm in a really difficult time of my life. If I knew this would be my story I wouldn't have gotten married at all. I'm married with 2 kids. My husband has been out of work for most of our 5 and a half years of marriage. I don't think he has worked for 1 year in total. I have single handedly done all the works in the home financially and physically. I practically work 2 jobs to take care of the home. I don't get enough assistance from this man. I feel he is very lazy for example When the kids wardrobe fall apart he would rather call a carpenter and make me pay- but because of the financial load on me. I fix most things in the house myself. I do manly things because I want to save money for other things- I pay all the bills, school fees, home helpers etc.
I don't get enough rest because I care totally for the home. I lost sleep planning, how to manage my money. I have no savings.
I'm crying now- I really don't know what to do. Only God can help me out of this now. Looking at myself on the mirror I see serious stress on my face.
He is lazy, he leaves everything for me to do, he always procrastinate. He doesn't take care of us.
Just yesterday I bought a chair and I asked him to help carry but he didn't, he ask if someone else couldn't carry the chair. So I carried the chair while he watched me - that's what he does always. Which I know the kids have noticed. They say mommy buys and does everything.

The worse is he expects me ,with all this to come home to cook for him. He sleeps and lay on the bed till I come back from work , (8am - 5 pm) ( i live 2-3 hours away from my office when there is no traffic) which after that I start my second job.
I'm fed up. I'm tired. I have help this man I paid over half the fee for his masters - which I encourage to do so he can get job after 2 years staying home. But I was disappointed that my N800k was used not considering he has a family but messing around with female class mate like a single guy.
He disturbs me for sex- but I can't see myself making love to someone who is comfortable living on me completely. He made a statement that he would meet other girls when he is back on his feet and flaunt them to my face.
I have lost respect and love for him. I'm overwhelmed, lost, finished and confused. I feel used. I still fasting- hopefully God will hear me out soon.
My life has been perfect except for my marriage.

Roland17:
Watching a lazy father roam the house while the mother is productively and actively responsible for the upkeep and survival of the family is definitely not a good sight for the kids.

As humans, when we are stressed, emotionally and physically its only normal that we loose sleep and when good sleep is missing in the equation of daily living, we gradually develop health problems like HBP and other stress related complications, so think about it, i doubt he would cater for the children if anything happens to you.

Your potentials are really huge and i hope this challenge does not limit your focus to maximize your potentials. personally, i would not advise you seek a divorce as there are many avenues yet to be explored to resolve this issue.

If you have spoken to him about these teething issues and he has remained indifferent, i would say speak to his family or someone who he respects and listens to, do not throw him under the bus in your quest to prove he is wrong, dealing with a stubborn and lazy person is no walk in the park but it requires patience and maturity.

Take some time to build and stabilize your finances, sounds like you make some money but because you shoulder tons of responsibilities its almost impossible to save, i would advise you focus on shouldering what is very important to you and the kids and start funding an emergency account.

My prayers are with you, i pray God gives you the courage to remain strong in the face of adversity and the wisdom to make good decisions.

Jetjacky:
Because you're not in her shoes, other avenues should be explored. [color=#000000][/color]

Roland17:


Agreed I am not in her shoes and cannot empathize with her situation but I and the others have been through challenges that tests our resolve to remain sane, making irrational decision based off surface issues could end up detrimental to her and her children, it's called marriage and bare in mind she accepted some responsibilities for this problems considering she knew he had some of this audacious and irresponsible traits but she delved into the marriage with hopes some it could be sorted out, I hope this statement is not construed to mean beating a dead horse.

I am in no way supporting the lazy man who has thrown the male breed to the gutters of shame and mediocrity but being pragmatic is the best solution here, the lady barely has any savings to support herself, she has to set that aspect straight most importantly.

Marriage is not boyfriend, girlfriend where you decide to walk out whenever the tide swings against you, no one and I mean no party has the right to threaten the survival of any marriage, you don't want to leave a marriage and look back and wish there were things you could done or avenues you could have explored. Many come here to suggest divorce like it's supposed to be very easy especially when you are emotionally attached to your partner, divorce demands a lot of patience, courage and maturity and meant to be the last and only resort left not the first option..

Explore more avenues, you alone know the things and the actions he took that made you marry him despite his shortcomings which you already alluded to, start funding an emergency account and at most if he is still indifferent about the whole situation move out of the house, ensure he knows you are going with his children and where you are going, maybe to your family's or his whichever is comfortable for you to save cost.

keepingmum:
Hi poster. I have and still am in similar shoes wt u. Been married almost 11 years n the bread winner of the homem did I mention I am under 30? See my 1st topic on this forum ....

I know exactly how u feel and trust me only u can decide what's best for u.
God ll direct u aright ijn

goodmorning40:
Sorry, such is life, all man with his load. The girl next door is crying blood asking for any man at all to call a husband. Continue ur fasting and prayer that is the only solution

banmeandquench:
as usual team prayer and fasting crew


what an advice

honeric01:


Encourage him to start a biz of his own, do not give him the money to start it, let him source for the money from relatives and friends.. if he can't source or see anyone to loan him, then i say he's really lazy and not ready to take up his responsibility.

lolababe331e:
My biggest concern is the negative things your children are learning. Your kids will start thinking it's okay for a Daddy to sit around all day doing nothing and living off his wife. If you are not careful, your son will grow up to be just like him and your daughter will marry someone just like that since they will think that's normal behavior.

At times parents stay in bad marriages saying it's for the kids not knowing they are doing more damage to the children.

gabbytabby:
My advice relates to things within your control cos 5 years is a long time and it starts to take God at that point

1) You need to go on birth control cos you cannot and dare not bring anymore children into that environment.
2) Thank God everyday for the two children that you have and your first job needs to be how to shield and protect and provide for them.
3) Unfortunately there is a fine line between being a helper and being an enabler and you have been the later for a major part of your marriage.
4) Thank God that you have a job. You say you have a business and he is not allowed to do things because he makes mistakes, is it possible that you are a perfectionist and might have some control issues hence him leaving it to you. You chose him to be the head of your home such that it might be necessary to let him get better than have him leave it all to you.
5)Do not leave him or divorce him as even a lazy husband has some value, do not kill yourself either but do what is absolutely necessary. You have to cook for your children so one more child (sorry husband) should not be any skin off your nose. Let him help himself to food since he is not doing much else, do not do it in a I am fighting with you way but I am so tired today please feed the children and go straight to bed, you might throw feeling ill and put on some rob for effect.
6) I do not know how you pay for your bills but if possible set up direct debits to get your bills paid 2 days after you get paid as its money that is lying around that a lazy man can borrow. This aspects is what determines the fate of the union as they might leave or start looking for another who will give them money.

I have to go out now so will be back later.

gabbytabby:
My advice relates to things within your control cos 5 years is a long time and it starts to take God at that point

1) You need to go on birth control cos you cannot and dare not bring anymore children into that environment.
2) Thank God everyday for the two children that you have and your first job needs to be how to shield and protect and provide for them.
3) Unfortunately there is a fine line between being a helper and being an enabler and you have been the later for a major part of your marriage.
4) Thank God that you have a job. the issue here is to priotize your goals with a clear mind.
5)Do not leave him or divorce him as even a lazy husband has some value, do not kill yourself either but do what is absolutely necessary. You have to cook for your children so one more child (sorry husband) should not be any skin off your nose.daddy I am so tired today please can you help feed the children and go straight to bed, you might throw feeling ill and put on some rob for effect.
6) I do not know how you pay for your bills but if possible set up direct debits to get your bills paid 0 days after you get paid as its money that is lying around that a lazy man can borrow.

I have to go out now so will be back later.

goodmorning40:

Team divorce pack and go group
Close ur teeth before flies feed on them

baralatie:
it won't work