I aint buying this story cos its so damned one-sided. Perhaps the guy has got his own reasons for finding someone else, perhaps there are issues that led to the marriage in the first place, perhaps there are other hints that have not been brought to light yet.
I dont see any reason why he would accept talking to someone and then start arguing about her being his ex or sleeping with her [A good playa will not rope himself in and then start defending himself - whats the point?]. The co-incidence (or not) of the names matching his ex, and the issues behind him claiming it to have all been planned. . .  Had sex only 6 times in a marriage and yet even have a kid?  It is all so bogous!  
Sometime ago i tried making some thai cuisine which actually cost me a lot buying the ingredients, then i made a whole harsh of it and it was appalling, but thats my hard earned cash in there and i had to eat it. . .  I didnt like it one bit, but i didnt throw it away, the fact he comes back asking for the food doesnt mean he enjoyed it - have u considered he may not want it in the bin just like he said?
If he is even looking outside that marriage, then the poster really needs to look at herself. . .  I seriously think u have your own issues that are killing the brother off, i work closely with people who have gone into this sort of marriage and have ended up damaged emotionally - for life

Thanks everyone,

Lol, so its a divorce then? interesting. . . At least, the brother now has his freedom to roam if he likes, and it will be nice for him to get a little independence too.

I really dont see the point in naija men getting into marriages where they're made to live like animals even if they're in it for the papers! Life back home is not that bad.

huh

Whitelexi,

If u married him for love, bearing in mind that marriage is for better for worse till death do u part, then u cant seriously be talking about divorce, can u? If u truly have an aorta of love for this guy, u should be planning on working it out and not running off on holiday and depriving your son that sweet fatherly love he surely deserves. You've mentioned in your past posts that your son loves him very much, i think u need to think of that before u take any drastic steps. I've seen families break up, i've seen fights, even injuries. . .  But they kiss and make up, the peace in your depends on u, the woman, u are supposed to maintain the peace, i am not asking u to suffer in silence but u are the one who should know when that limit is about to be reached.

Ask yourself this question. . .  Just what if he is telling the truth? I know u are sure he's lying but just what if you're wrong this time? Do u have any plan B's?
I like to look at everything from both ends before i come out with something concrete and i've seen cases where it is not always what it seems to be. . .  I would not want u to allow a mere suspicion push u over the line, no matter how realistic it appears to be.

Tell him u dont like such games, sit-up and perform your duties as a good wife, and try to forget all that has happened. . .  He will respect u more for that forgiving attitude - even if he has done nothing, u will have his love and protection and dedication, plus your son will feel like he's in a complete home. . .  Everyone wins.

I do understand

You know, if i'd known he was a pot-smoking, wife-beating kind of guy, my disposition would've been different from the start. I think now, that it would be difficult to see positives coming out of him in the near or far future. . . I am in shock at all you've written above, its a shame. . . Indeed it is a shame considering he has a son, you would expect some responsible behaviour to follow through. . . I think its one of those situations where u spend days thinking of what the next move should be. . . Still, u need to act carefully and in the interest of your son.

Thanks whitelexi. It is so hard when you love someone so much that you can tolerate so much and keep on believing that there is a possibility that things can get better. One thing I know for definate is our son will definately know his father's family, and I know his father will be in his life.

To be honest I couldn't get in touch with home office as i am not a spiteful type of person, I shall just let what will be, be and hopefully he can sort his-self out so he can still be around for his son. I won't stop him seeing our son but because of his unstability and how he has been I would want contact with myself around. Not the best but I would worry about him taking him away.

Czarskit:

Story Story. . .
Composition = 0.
Lies = 50.
Strength = 2.
Error(s) = 30.



Total = (-50) + (-30) + 2 + 0


I love marimatics. . .

amebo no1.:

dis same bridget again?

come why not divorce dis husband of urs and stop disturbing us on dis forum

whenever u post its all about wat d dude's been doing to u,did they tie ur legs in d marriage

marrying a nigerian man cos he satisfies u in bed wtout finding out first d kind.a person he is,is all ur fault

what nonsense

i beg make una help me talk to this woman and leilah woman.

@leilah, talk is so cheap. you are so funny i dont know how to write physician heal thy self in english. gosh i cant believe you wrote those nonsence knowing what u are putting up with at home.

@ bridget, does this guy have sugar in his willy? or did he win the lottery you have not told us?

@jjyou, nah neither, I just fell in love with him or I think now what I thought was him, I don't think that man exists any more, think his real self is showing more clearly now he thinks he 'has' me through marriage and child.

yo Carol, now thats what I'm talkin about. I would go out and buy a garden shears and shred every stitch of clothes he had. Iwould also call the police. I would be just waiting for that kinda shite, if I even found out my hubby was in a club I woulds mack the face off him.

The same Leilah that couldn't tell her man to stop forcing anal sex on her

Sorry to hear your sad story Bridge, this is not about the internet though, the man is not really worth the trouble. This is why you should take more care before getting into relationships. I would be surprised if none of these traits were apparent during courtship.

I have never had to put up with that kind of stuff! anal sex is not all that bad. I quite like it now,

Thankfully,I have never been treated as bad as that. My husband doesnt go missing and is in noway as vicious as that. Papers again, sorry bridget. Be a senisble woman and report it to the Home office that you no longer reside together as husband and wife.

uhmnnnnnnnnnn

What i cannot seem to belly about these women is the fact that they come here to bash Naija men when things go tits up.
When everything was rosy. . . . .when the Naija dude was buying diamonds for em, taking em out to posh restaurants and doing the right thing. . . .we don't see em coming here to give em credits.

@ poster

I'm sorry if i sound mean, i really am not,but i do not think you should be surprised at all what is happening.

I remember you putting a post some months ago just before you married this guy,and I REMEMBER WARNING YOU that all he was after was the british papers. (i think then you said something about him not using his student visa to study and it would soon expire bla bla bla)and i clearly remember warning you more than once that you are just being used to get papers.

So i really do not know why you should be shocked and disappointed at whats going on.

Like i said then in that post,and i will say it again,once he gets his papers,he will toss you away ruthlessly.

Pls bridget,i really am not being mean or unsympathetic,but you were warned about the high possibility of this happening.

Leilah:

I have never had to put up with that kind of stuff! anal sex is not all that bad. I quite like it now,

Thankfully,I have never been treated as bad as that. My husband doesnt go missing and is in noway as vicious as that. Papers again, sorry bridget. Be a senisble woman and report it to the Home office that you no longer reside together as husband and wife.

can you therefore kindly go back to thread and apologize for the distress you caused. it is bad enough being nigerian to have you running your mouth and fingers on us cos of your anal loving igbo man is another thing. do i get an apology cos u made me beleive the guy was an evil monster.

@lidbbd2, No offence taken, indeed you were right. Its hard though when in love, you try to highlight any good in the person while minimising the bad in the hope that things will be better. In a way though I don't regret it because i know I gave the marriage my all and did it for the right reasons. I just regret that his behaviour robs my son of a proper family, I don't feel sorry for myself, but i do for my son.

~Sauron~:

What i cannot seem to belly about these women is the fact that they come here to bash Naija men when things go tits up.
When everything was rosy. . . . .when the Naija dude was buying diamonds for em, taking em out to posh restaurants and doing the right thing. . . .we don't see em coming here to give em credits.

@ Sauron - I am not here to bash!! I love my Naija Man, he is a soldier amongst men and treats me with more respect than an english guy ever would.

@ Bridget - the bible says love never gives up - if you really love then you need to get on your knees girl,

bridget007:

@lidbbd2, No offence taken, indeed you were right. Its hard though when in love, you try to highlight any good in the person while minimising the bad in the hope that things will be better. In a way though I don't regret it because i know I gave the marriage my all and did it for the right reasons. I just regret that his behaviour robs my son of a proper family, I don't feel sorry for myself, but i do for my son.

@ bridget
I understand how you feel,and you are spot on.In love you try to emphasize on the other person's good,and minimise the bad.
its good to know you have a clear conscience since you gave it your all.
Don't feel sorry for your son,it was not your fault.You did everything a person in your shoes would have done.
And it is not a crime to fall in love.
I really do wish you the best,and hope things gets better.

@xxcarolxx,

you got is.i think you are in better position to talk to bridget, Good one there.Life doesnt stop after cheating and love woulndt stop either,

@Mrsb,

.thumbs up for saying some simple truth,

We are making some progresss.

I strongly say tat you strive to make amend if need be in your relationship.dont rush to rock the boats.Even after the most disappointing situation, it may just be the much desired turning poing in your relationship

Well my appologies then JJYOU.

where do u girls find these kin men sef? na wa!

bridget007:

Well what can I say MEN!!!

This is how devious they are. My husband has been depriving me of sex for weeks as he hasn't been happy with me!! Nothing I do can ever please him and I try. It was his birthday this week and I made a special meal for him, shopped and cooked all day and mad ehim pounded yam, nigerian stew, suya and jolloff rice. He had birthday cards of me and son and £50 cash and I sat by his side massaging him all night while he watched football. Then bed he did not want sex! He said it was a nice night but then morning after hge scolds me saying i'm selfish, food wasn't nice, should have done something else,

Anyway after feeling really bad and throwing rest of food away, Friday he comes home and asks where food is, Why? I ask if it was so bad, well I don't want it to go to waste. Perhps it wasn't that bad after all. Then he goes out and calls me to tell me hes left his phone in car, i go get it now normally he locks his phones, always been a bit suspicious of that and lately he has given me doubts as i received a loved up message that I was sure was not aimed for me.

I find on his phone a luvvy message from a girl, ok i think could be innocent well that is until I find her picture with a note saying can't wait to meet u xxxxxxx. So I call the girl to find out he met her online, flirting chatting by text and planning to meet. I tell her i'm his wife and she calls him cheat etc and says she aint inyterested, ok. I call him and he admits that yes he's been talking. I then ask him who the other woman is on his phone he's been calling (from call log) he says his ex! I know he had an ex by this name, but I text her and ask. She calls me and relays how she is not his ex but has been seeing him last 2 weeks again met online and slept with him Tuesday the night before his birthday, he told her he was Ghanian, not nigerian and so on and on.

I tell my husband who swears blind he hasn't and he rings her in front of me and denies it. He then concocts a story how it is really his ex and they planned the hoax together to teach me a lesson for snooping! a likley story, he says she'll text me to confirm this, no text, I don't think i'm buying this. Today is my birthday and he called this morning to say happy birthday, yea some happy birthday and to continue to deny it.

He has cheated before so I know he's lying, but this is just to say men can be so devious and the internet just makes cheating so much easier for men like him. Beware

The biggest problem some men have is focusing on just one woman. The moment you see some else, you may start to consider--- but not when you're married!