Sweetlily2819:
Nice,my child is scared of me how can i make he closer to me.He is so quiet,i want him to be Active and smart in everything he does.please help.

Sweetlily2819:
Nice,my child is scared of me how can i make he closer to me.He is so quiet,i want him to be Active and smart in everything he does.please help.

Pineapp:
If he's offered burger on a visit to a family friend and he looks and finds you smiling at him, he doesn't take it because in your eyes reads "we go meet for house"

delishpot:
Nice one OP




Maybe you over react to the childs mistakes? Are you always angry? Do you always yell? These can make your child fear you cos he wont know what he may do wrong and you explode on him.

delishpot:
Nice one OP




Maybe you over react to the childs mistakes? Are you always angry? Do you always yell? These can make your child fear you cos he wont know what he may do wrong and you explode on him.

greatgod2012:
Parenting is a very tasking and rewarding job, provided we do it as it's supposed to be done, i believe.I saw this post on another forum and i think it's worth sharing to our amiable and hardworking parents. As a parent, you may not agree with all, but I believe every parent will have one or more point to agree with just like myself.
The purpose of sharing is to see where we're guilty and make necessary and appropriate adjustment/correction.
May God help us all parents.




It goes thus........



YOU NEED WISDOM TO TRAIN AND TEACH YOUR CHILDREN VERY WELL.
1. If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate
behaviour.


2. If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you have lost them.


3. If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.


4. If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined
them regularly in public.


5. If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don't let them chose what they want.


6. If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.


7. If your child does not respect other people's feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child,
you order and command them.


8. If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give little attention to good behaviour.


9. If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don't successfully complete it.


10. If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not
physically affectionate enough.


11. If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don't follow
through.


12. If your child is secretive, it is because they don't trust that you won't blow things out of proportion.


13. If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behaviour.


14. If your child doesn't listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.


15. If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right.




Source:www.familypaliament.com

efemenaslectura:
Thanks great god I'll note it and btw that your little son is a handsome bobo o.i mean the one on ya dp



I'll like to go out on a date with him

Sweetlily2819:
Yes am always angry whenever he makes mistakes and sometimes spank he often times.pls,how do i stop,because its really affecting our relationship.

greatgod2012:



thanks!



And you're very right!
I used to scream before, especially when i'm stressed, but i had to stop when i started seeing the adverse effect on my son. Thank God it didn't take me long before i realised. I was having only my first born then.

taryour:



Nice one egbon. Does yelling/shouting equal to over reacting/ being oo harsh

And instance is when you have kids playing rough, running around and jumping , struggling for items, rough plays which could lead to falling and injuries. And after trying to calm them down with the best possible calm voice and still go ahead to play rough. What do we do in such instance

taryour:



Nice one egbon. Does yelling/shouting equal to over reacting/ being oo harsh

And instance is when you have kids playing rough, running around and jumping , struggling for items, rough plays which could lead to falling and injuries. And after trying to calm them down with the best possible calm voice and still go ahead to play rough. What do we do in such instance

delishpot:



Self control my dear. I used to be like that with my kids.
You have to remver that a child is not a perfect being, are prone to mistakes, they have their own desires, wants and ideas, they people, alive and with free will.
You should talk to yourself, anytime you freak out at him, you must call him and hug him and in soft tone tell him you shouldnt have yelled and you will try to stop being angry at him.
You must work on yourself too. First thing in the morning tell yourself today you want to be calm and collected esp with the child. Before you scold him, close your eyes and ask if the action or deed is worth you yelling. Kids must do what kids do, ie break a cup, spill water or juice, pour sabd in their hair etc. Such things should not be made to look like disasters. Just caution the child to make him see your dissapointment and handle the situation calmly.
From time to time you may forget yourself and overreact, when that happens, just take a breath, caln down, sit and call your child. Hug him abd say mommy had a hard day today, how do you feel? Based on his response, talk confdence back into him. With time he and you will trust each other.
The bottom line is to be calm and handle situations with wisdom.

greatgod2012:



Direct answer= YES!

What do you do in such a scenario? If they are still young, like between 3 and 4. Go bring one or both of with with laughter, first of all, withdraw the object of the rough play, like ball, toy, etc, and give then a task, like sit down and count 1-50 for me, wrrite your abc, etc. Or ask them to go and sleep for one hour.....all with a calm voice.
May God help us!

delishpot:



Seperate them.
When my kids play rough, I split them up. I ask them to read, draw, paint or I play some edicational video for them.
Look no one is saying yelling is bad, just dont make yelling a rule or way of life.
My kids know I hardly yell at them so when I yell, they get shocked and know I am not joking and they sit up. most times, they cry cos to them, I have "quarreled" them.
See how you handle them.
When they wake up, tell them you want change in your home. You dont want to yell at them again, you want them to listen to you and you want them to express freely how they feel to you. When they are messing up and you say stop, tbey should listen and stop and you all put your hands together and agree. Eh, NEW ERA.
So anytime they dont listen to you, remind them of tge pact and show your dissapointment by sepperating them and giving them things to keep tgem busy.
With my kids I have drawing books, color pencils, water color etc. So i make them do art work and make sure each child faces his own. If anyone disturbs I send that one to bed.

delishpot:



Self control my dear. I used to be like that with my kids.
You have to remver that a child is not a perfect being, are prone to mistakes, they have their own desires, wants and ideas, they people, alive and with free will.
You should talk to yourself, anytime you freak out at him, you must call him and hug him and in soft tone tell him you shouldnt have yelled and you will try to stop being angry at him.
You must work on yourself too. First thing in the morning tell yourself today you want to be calm and collected esp with the child. Before you scold him, close your eyes and ask if the action or deed is worth you yelling. Kids must do what kids do, ie break a cup, spill water or juice, pour sabd in their hair etc. Such things should not be made to look like disasters. Just caution the child to make him see your dissapointment and handle the situation calmly.
From time to time you may forget yourself and overreact, when that happens, just take a breath, caln down, sit and call your child. Hug him abd say mommy had a hard day today, how do you feel? Based on his response, talk confdence back into him. With time he and you will trust each other.
The bottom line is to be calm and handle situations with wisdom.

delishpot:



Self control my dear. I used to be like that with my kids.
You have to remver that a child is not a perfect being, are prone to mistakes, they have their own desires, wants and ideas, they people, alive and with free will.
You should talk to yourself, anytime you freak out at him, you must call him and hug him and in soft tone tell him you shouldnt have yelled and you will try to stop being angry at him.
You must work on yourself too. First thing in the morning tell yourself today you want to be calm and collected esp with the child. Before you scold him, close your eyes and ask if the action or deed is worth you yelling. Kids must do what kids do, ie break a cup, spill water or juice, pour sabd in their hair etc. Such things should not be made to look like disasters. Just caution the child to make him see your dissapointment and handle the situation calmly.
From time to time you may forget yourself and overreact, when that happens, just take a breath, caln down, sit and call your child. Hug him abd say mommy had a hard day today, how do you feel? Based on his response, talk confdence back into him. With time he and you will trust each other.
The bottom line is to be calm and handle situations with wisdom.

greatgod2012:



Wonderful!
Beautiful!
You know what? Almost everyday, i talk to myself early in the morning.
Things like.....
Today, i'm not yelling at anyone today including my children!
I'm not exchanging words with anyone today!
I'm going to be calm and cool throughout today!
And i do this often, whenever i'm stressed, i let my kids know, i call them, and tell them, "kids, i'm tired and stressed, i won't like to be disturbed, because if you do, i might be tempted to yell at you. Do you want me to yell at you? They all scream......noooooooo. Then, in that case, play gently and don't disturb me. You can now go". My baby is the most troublesome, almost 5 now, he must just make report of his elder siblings, and once he comes the first time, i arrest him, and tell him sleep beside me.

As you have said, it has to do with self control indeed.
Personally, i don't like yelling or spanking, i prefer tasking and withdrawal, as well as eyeing.
May God help us all,

greatgod2012:




now this is what this thread is all about. Finding and gauging you and your children's relationship!

If you son is scared of you, then, there is a problem, there's difference between respect and fear. For him to be scared of you, examine the first point, it simply means you over-react whenever he make mistakes, and you know what, children making mistakes is part of their growing up, if you flare up too much when he makes a mistake, he would withdraw and try every possible means not to try any new thing, which will hinder his learning from mistakes. And in his attempt not to make mistake, especially when you're around, he keeps to himself, ie, he withdraws from relating with you, in doing that, you wouldn't have anything to over-react about, but, you're losing him gradually. Moreso, he has lost confidence in you.


What can you do?
First, be his friend and let him be your friend. When he comes back from school, ask him what happened to him in school, between him and his teacher, between him and his classmates, and so on.
Secondly, kids can't do without making mistakes, when he does, instead of screaming, show empathy and encourage him on those mistakes to avoid. And mind you, not every mistake should be commented on. Some you just have to pretend as if you didn't see anything.
Third, show him you love him, even when he makes mistakes. Tell him you love him for who he his and encourage him to always speak out to you with the promise that you're always ready and willing to listen.
Fourth, pray for him always.
Fifth, help him to develop self esteem. (you can google this up, to avoid lengthy post).
May God help us all.

greatgod2012:




now this is what this thread is all about. Finding and gauging you and your children's relationship!

If you son is scared of you, then, there is a problem, there's difference between respect and fear. For him to be scared of you, examine the first point, it simply means you over-react whenever he make mistakes, and you know what, children making mistakes is part of their growing up, if you flare up too much when he makes a mistake, he would withdraw and try every possible means not to try any new thing, which will hinder his learning from mistakes. And in his attempt not to make mistake, especially when you're around, he keeps to himself, ie, he withdraws from relating with you, in doing that, you wouldn't have anything to over-react about, but, you're losing him gradually. Moreso, he has lost confidence in you.


What can you do?
First, be his friend and let him be your friend. When he comes back from school, ask him what happened to him in school, between him and his teacher, between him and his classmates, and so on.
Secondly, kids can't do without making mistakes, when he does, instead of screaming, show empathy and encourage him on those mistakes to avoid. And mind you, not every mistake should be commented on. Some you just have to pretend as if you didn't see anything.
Third, show him you love him, even when he makes mistakes. Tell him you love him for who he his and encourage him to always speak out to you with the promise that you're always ready and willing to listen.
Fourth, pray for him always.
Fifth, help him to develop self esteem. (you can google this up, to avoid lengthy post).
May God help us all.

Sweetlily2819:
Yes am always angry whenever he makes mistakes and sometimes spank he often times.pls,how do i stop,because its really affecting our relationship.

delishpot:

Yes o. God help us. Its not easy.
Just tonight I noticed some bruise on my daughters leg, she just turned 4 I asked her what happened, she said her brother pushed her. Their mom said be calm, let me talk to him. She went and talked to him.
When he came into the room, I asked him what happened. He saw the dissapointment in my face and wanted to cry. I said dont cry just tell me how she got hurt. He said you wont yell and get angry? I said no, I promise. I just want to know what happened so I can know how to care for her,
He said if I tell you we fought wressling, will you be mad at me?
I said no, I promised you already.
He said ok, I was wrestling with her anf she fell.
I said see? This is why you must not wrestle with your sister. She is too small for that.
He hugged her and said sorry. Now, if I was a yeller, he will never tell me the truth unless I flog him.
I told them anytime you spoil something or hurt yourselves, you must tell me immediately so that I can try to fix it. I wont yell at you.

greatgod2012:


you really need to exercise self control and restore his confidence by showing him more love. Honestly, nobody enjoys being yelled at, even you, try as much as possible to stop it. Call him and ask him to look at you straight in the eyes, and tell him ..............."i love you, i want you to happy and free around me, i want you to see me as your friend.
Gradually and persistently, you will start to win him back. If he makes mistake, call him calmly, point out the mistake to him and educate him on how to do it better if faced with similar situation next time.

All in all, a yoruba adage say, "eni ti o ba ma mu obo, a se bi obo' .......meaning if you want to catch a monkey, you have to do like monkey. Sometimes, you have to come down to the level of these children before you can totally win them over.
It is well.

taryour:



You are MALE? Dint know o. All the same thanks for the point sir.

delishpot:

Yes o. God help us. Its not easy.
Just tonight I noticed some bruise on my daughters leg, she just turned 4 I asked her what happened, she said her brother pushed her. Their mom said be calm, let me talk to him. She went and talked to him.
When he came into the room, I asked him what happened. He saw the dissapointment in my face and wanted to cry. I said dont cry just tell me how she got hurt. He said you wont yell and get angry? I said no, I promise. I just want to know what happened so I can know how to care for her,
He said if I tell you we fought wressling, will you be mad at me?
I said no, I promised you already.
He said ok, I was wrestling with her anf she fell.
I said see? This is why you must not wrestle with your sister. She is too small for that.
He hugged her and said sorry. Now, if I was a yeller, he will never tell me the truth unless I flog him.
I told them anytime you spoil something or hurt yourselves, you must tell me immediately so that I can try to fix it. I wont yell at you.

taryour:



You are MALE? Dint know o. All the same thanks for the point sir.

greatgod2012:




never knew you're a daddy o. Thought you're a mummy. God bless you real good!

One of the things we have inculcated and achieved with our kids is "operation no lie". No matter what, don't tell a lie and they've been up to expectation in that area.


Honestly, i've concluded that it's easier to raise a well-behaved children when one is calm and cool than when one is violent and unnecessarily nervous and difficult.

delishpot:

Welcome