5minsmadness:


No, I didnt just get dumped.
It amazes me how allergic we are to reality in this forum. This is family section for goodness sake, where we are supposed to discuss and air common views. You want to sit in front of your computer and tell me since the day you got married you havent even glanced at another woman's behind? and you are not gay?

Ok.

Your op is not reality. Your op is trying to use exaggeration to prove a point. It's a miserable marriage if the spouses are turning blind eyes to deception. Of course we turn blind eyes to many things in marriage but please deception is not one of them.

turning a blind eye to something and not speaking out for the sake of peace or to avoid pettiness is deception in itself. If you think all marriages do not experience this in one way or the other then you are the one not accepting reality.

A woman walks to her husband naked and asks him if he thinks she is fat. He knows she has definitely added on some pounds esp after delivery of thier three kids but he nevertheless smiles, kisses her and says "No dear, you're as sexy as the day I met you."

Thats deception and a blatant lie.
But he says it anyway becasue he loves her and doesnt want to hurt her feelings.
She knows this but believes the lie anyway and loves him the more for it.

LordReed:


Your op is not reality. Your op is trying to use exaggeration to prove a point. It's a miserable marriage if the spouses are turning blind eyes to deception. Of course we turn blind eyes to many things in marriage but please deception is not one of them.

@OP:

While no one is perfect, some people (husbands & wives) are perfect enough for their spouses and know the boundaries not to be crossed.

Not every man will cheat/flirt on his wife nor will all women dupe/degrade her husband.

And yes, some marriages are long lasting because of love

bukatyne:
@OP:

While no one is perfect, some people (husbands & wives) are perfect enough for their spouses and know the boundaries not to be crossed.

Not every man will cheat/flirt on his wife nor will all women dupe/degrade her husband.

And yes, some marriages are long lasting because of love

thank you.

@bolded, the op is meant to be a generalization, it does not mean all marriages experience the exact examples stated therein, however ALL marriages thrive with a certain level of compromise and permissiveness.

5minsmadness:

thank you.

@bolded, the op is meant to be a generalization, it does not mean all marriages experience the exact examples stated therein, however ALL marriages thrive with a certain level of compromise and permissiveness.

Some level of compromise and permissiveness do not exceed overlooking scattered wardrobes.

Amen.

5minsmadness:
turning a blind eye to something and not speaking out for the sake of peace or to avoid pettiness is deception in itself. If you think all marriages do not experience this in one way or the other then you are the one not accepting reality.

A woman walks to her husband naked and asks him if he thinks she is fat. He knows she has definitely added on some pounds esp after delivery of thier three kids but he nevertheless smiles, kisses her and says "No dear, you're as sexy as the day I met you."

Thats deception and a blatant lie.
But he says it anyway becasue he loves her and doesnt want to hurt her feelings.
She knows this but believes the lie anyway and loves him the more for it.

I detest deception and take loyalty and faithfulness very seriously.

If I am fat, tell me I am fat (in love of course )

Again, the first thing is to know who your spouse is and what they really really want.

bukatyne:


Some level of compromise and permissiveness do not exceed overlooking scattered wardrobes.

Amen.

Yet to see it.
But ok.

5minsmadness:

thank you.

@bolded, the op is meant to be a generalization, it does not mean all marriages experience the exact examples stated therein, however ALL marriages thrive with a certain level of compromise and permissiveness.

All relationships come with a certain level of compromise. What exactly do you have against marriage?

I hope your parents marriage didn't lead to such a perspective

5minsmadness:

Yet to see it.
But ok.

Keep searching....

5minsmadness:
turning a blind eye to something and not speaking out for the sake of peace or to avoid pettiness is deception in itself. If you think all marriages do not experience this in one way or the other then you are the one not accepting reality.

A woman walks to her husband naked and asks him if he thinks she is fat. He knows she has definitely added on some pounds esp after delivery of thier three kids but he nevertheless smiles, kisses her and says "No dear, you're as sexy as the day I met you."

Thats deception and a blatant lie.
But he says it anyway becasue he loves her and doesnt want to hurt her feelings.
She knows this but believes the lie anyway and loves him the more for it.

Come now are we going to start calling compliments deception? Why would you rate a man complimenting his wife so she feels good the same as the man hiding a possible affair? They not even remotely alike please.

bukatyne:
@OP:

While no one is perfect, some people (husbands & wives) are perfect enough for their spouses and know the boundaries not to be crossed.

Not every man will cheat/flirt on his wife nor will all women dupe/degrade her husband.

And yes, some marriages are long lasting because of love

right there babe.

LordReed:


Come now are we going to start calling compliments deception? Why would you rate a man complimenting his wife so she feels good the same as the man hiding a possible affair? They not even remotely alike please.

There wasn't any talk of an affair in my op.

And a lie is a lie. Complimentary or not.

5minsmadness:


There wasn't any talk of an affair in my op.

And a lie is a lie. Complimentary or not.

Neither did I say there was one.

I guess for you its either you kick against it all or you swallow it all, good for you.

zeb04:
right there babe.

I have been reading stuff on family section. Compromise is important in marriage. Sometimes, you just can't compromise anymore.

Please, how do u ignore a husband who yells and scream at every thing. Always angry and dfficult to convince.

He's a great provider, family oriented, faithful,Godfearing and cares for his family. How can this anger issue be handled or better still dealt with?

Gracious10:
I have been reading stuff on family section. Compromise is important in marriage. Sometimes, you just can't compromise anymore.

Please, how do u ignore a husband who yells and scream at every thing. Always angry and dfficult to convince.

He's a great provider, family oriented, faithful,Godfearing and cares for his family. How can this anger issue be handled or better still dealt with?

It is well my sister. Patience, tolerance and understanding is d key. I am speaking from experience. I am married to a man DT complains at almost everything in d house, including my kitchen affairs. To the extent that I always skip for fear before he talks knowing fully well DT he will complain and get angry . I must confess DT I really wanted a divorce at a time. Our marriage is 8yrs old now. I recently discovered that I cannot change him, I just have to change myself to understand and tolerate his weaknesses so DT we can have a happy family. My marriage is sweeter now and sincerely my husband is changing.
In summary, see dis as his weakpoint DT you cannot change, change urself to accommodate him, and I bet you, you will be happier.

5minsmadness,

are you married?

Gracious10:
I have been reading stuff on family section. Compromise is important in marriage. Sometimes, you just can't compromise anymore.

Please, how do u ignore a husband who yells and scream at every thing. Always angry and dfficult to convince.

He's a great provider, family oriented, faithful,Godfearing and cares for his family. How can this anger issue be handled or better still dealt with?

Anger issues are always very difficult to handle, especially in cases like yours when it seems like it is the man's natural behaviour i.e he is a naturally hot-tempered person.

The initial response will be didn't you see this before you got marrried? Why did you marry him in the first place?

But the truth is that in the real world life is not black and white. Nobody married a 100%perfect person(although some monikers here will have us believe otherwise for their own selfish reasons or probably to elevate thier self esteem--whatever works for them). Every partner has a major flaw the other spouse is trying to deal with and it is dealing with these flaws that bring about the compromise we speak of.

So don't worry, you are not alone.

You have to be the patient person with your spouse. As you outlined in the bolded, he has a lot of good qualities so he's not a devil or anything. I believe you would have spoken to him about his anger issues. NOT during a heated quarrel but in a calm serene environment when you both are enjoing each other's company, maybe after a meal or while playing with the kids or watching tv together. If you havent done so please do so.

Explain to him how hurt and frightened you feel anytime he goes into a temper tantrum. Let him know how it makes you feel to see the person you love so much behaving so violently in front of you. Explain to him that two heads are better than one and he should let you air your views once in a while. A sane man that loves you will listen and promise to change for the better. He may give reasons for his behavoiur but dont worry, the important thing is that he has not just heard but listened to your points.

Still, its not magic, that change will not come immediately. Its a habit of his, one he performs on impulse,probably something he has been doing all his life. So you'll have to be patient with him and accomodate his behaviour. Eventually with time he will reduce his temper and listen more to you and you yourself will become more patient towards him. You will both meet at the middle. Meeting at the middle afterall is the compromise we are talking about.

Prayer is also very important. Make it a habit in the house if you can, for both of you. Prayer brings families closer together and has a calming effect,it is also an opprtunity to air views and problems in a suble, almost subconscious manner. It is african therapy and can work wonders. I also believe in the supernatural and that your prayers will also lead to peace and understanding in your household.

All the best.

hahn:


All relationships come with a certain level of compromise. What exactly do you have against marriage?

I hope your parents marriage didn't lead to such a perspective

ok.
I have nothing against marriage.
Aparently you are trolling.
Or trying to bait me for some reason.
Or you have very serious comprehension problems.
Whichever it is, its your problem.
All the best.

5minsmadness:

ok.
I have nothing against marriage.
Aparently you are trolling.
Or trying to bait me for some reason.
Or you have very serious comprehension problems.
Whichever it is, its your problem.
All the best.

You sound hurt.

And it aint none of my business. But it's annoying when virgins think they have an opinion on marriage

hahn:


You sound hurt.

And it aint none of my business. But it's annoying when virgins think they have an opinion on marriage

Yes I'm pained
Hahn has pained me too mush
Poor virgin like me

I hope I made your day, Mr married man that can't stop eyeing other women's yansh and telling the wife about it

And you are so right to a high extent.. But in as much as I will like to take my eyes off some things in my marriage, I shouldn't at the same time allow that to make me appear like a full-time mumu though. Marriage is tolerance - I know. But it should be known that when you give chances to some certain things, you might just be adding up to the list of wife punchers when they finally frustrate your life.

5minsmadness:

Yes I'm pained
Hahn has pained me too mush
Poor virgin like me

I hope I made your day, Mr married man that can't stop eyeing other women's yansh and telling the wife about it

Better than pretending

This is a WAEC/GCE Question 2a!!

Bravo! Bravo!! Bravo!!!

MarvellousGod:
I knew you were going to ask

These are the things I can turn a blind eye to, I will provide just three Egs:

-Not washing foam off the bathroom walls after bath.
-Leaving the kitchen untidy whenever he uses it.
-Leaving his clothes scattered in the wardrobe etttttccc...


I can never be mute if my husband has romantic chats with girls or goes about staring at my friends boobs or behind, it's disgraceful. . I will only keep quiet if my love for him is dead or so tired of his disgraceful acts.. or maybe I gat my own 'parol' too....

Even the three Egs I gave above, before I become quite about them I must shown my displeasure at one or the other.. If my complaints ain't yielding anything, then I ignore. . I can't be completely quite when my partner does things I don't like, what's the essence of communication? You have to express your dissatisfaction cos he may be ignorant of what he's causing you ...it's totally different from nagging. .. I expect my partner to do same to me. My happiness is his happiness and vice versa. ...

Spot on.

5minsmadness

efemenaslectura:
5minsmadness

Lol!
That reminder isn't for me, rather it's for all them feminist ladies who feel they are opponents of thier husbands and not supporters!

5minsmadness:


Lol!
That reminder isn't for me, rather it's for all them feminist ladies who feel they are opponents of thier husbands and not supporters!

It is for you my dear