[ Sep 29
hope u are not 1 of those people DAT start way
they won't finish? nice job...keep d updates
staedy and flowing and u ll go places
(Modify ) (Quote ) ( Report) ( Share).
author=Shalomdee post=38514470]No way am I abandoning my story cos I'm in love with it. Tomorrow by God's grace I will update.[/quote]
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.u really ve not yet proved me wrong...pls don't b like d rest...just keep 2 ur words...I believe In u

Omron kept the woolen clothes in the wooden basket where the other baby things were, he admired the fancy colours of the woolen stockings, the cotton vests, the silken robes and the caps that had different knitted images on them. They smelt nice too, or perhaps he was just feeling too excited. Slowly he closed the basket and caught the queen staring fixedly at him. What now? He thought.

"You shouldn't have dropped the clothes there, Ashar will need to wash them thoroughly and disinfect them, they could be carrying potential germs on it which could transfer to the other clean clothes",

Omron quizzically eyed her.

"Never mind, I'll have Ashar wash everything all over again, dry them and heat press them so it could be returned nice and clean".

"But the clothes have been washed many times over and over at your request, don't you think you are just getting paranoid over germs? Ashar is busy with the pudding you ordered, allow the clothes be for the time being and stop stressing the old lady."

"One can't be too careful with germs, they can go and resurface again."

Omron moved away as if he didn't hear her and proceeded to open all the windows in her chambers. "This baby and yourself need fresh air and sun light. I don't know why you order your old lady in waiting to close every window." If he was angry now his face really showed it.

"Oh really, and what do you know about pregnancy and babies?" She challenged him with a frown on her plump face, the pregnancy had made her add extra weight.

"Nothing that you know, I am the first child of my parents so I watched the birth and care of my younger siblings." He bragged.

"Hmmn", she turned away her face from him, she hated when he proved he knew too well than her, it always reminded her of their age gap. She wished more than everything that she was his age mate just so that he wouldn't always prove his advanced knowledge.

"Your pudding is ready my queen", Ashar said as she and Zera, an even older maid, walked into the room carrying a jug, tray and a cup. They placed them over her reading table and helped clear away the books and knitting that were on it."

"Smells nice", she sniffed like a dog looking for a bone.

Omron rolled his eyes and walked out of the room quickly, his wife had become a character lately. Inside the women giggled as the queen drank the rice pudding in a hurry.

Danpersie31:
[ Sep 29
hope u are not 1 of those people DAT start way
they won't finish? nice job...keep d updates
staedy and flowing and u ll go places
(Modify ) (Quote ) ( Report) ( Share).
author=Shalomdee post=38514470]No way am I abandoning my story cos I'm in love with it. Tomorrow by God's grace I will update.
.
.
.
.u really ve not yet proved me wrong...pls don't b like d rest...just keep 2 ur words...I believe In u

So sorry, it's not as if I had abandoned it, I have been busy that's why but will definitely resume the tale.

nicholausian:
Shalomdee
Much as I am open to new styles of writing, I do have a problem with yours. Don't get me wrong I still think it's a beautiful piece, excellent writing, I mean, don't we all?
But there's a but. There's a thingy with the way you arrange words that makes it rather impersonal and very 'bible-ish'. Then again, it seems like a summary of the story.
When I first read the beginning, I honestly thought it was a prelude. But seeing now that you have continued in that language style, I thought to draw your attention to it.
The effect of using this style (I'm not an expert, I'm only speaking from my experience) is that it reduces the story's captivating power and gives it a tone too serious and you wouldn't want that.
Advice: don't narrate, describe.
My take.

Noted, I will use descriptive style in some aspects and narrative in other aspects, keep reading though.

following

Chapter 4: THE HEIR
It was no longer news but common talk that the Queen had put to bed, the canon had sounded twice: the first which heralded a royal female's safe delivery and the second a girl child. If it was three times, that meant it was a son. The Opharians had all heard about the recently introduced protocol. They were all excited at having to welcome the first royal child in the history of their race, they had waited years for this.

The palace was large enough to accommodate everyone in Ophar, what with the depopulation. The warriors-in-_waiting had four more years to complete their training and come back to the realm. The entire population gathered on the royal family's invitation to celebrate the naming of the newborn, as it was called.

Hera watched as the midwife bathed the baby with warm water for the seventh time that day and it was only noon. Sadly, the birth of the baby had only worsened Queen Hera's paranoia for germs. At her request the 3day old infant was washed after every 2hours.

Ashar took one look at the baby and another at the mother and made a mental note to speak to Hera's parents about it for the good of all Opharians, the king's word would only fall on the deaf ears of the queen. She had refused to listen to all their advice, pleas and rebukes.

"New borns have no need to be washed so often, the baby will only get cold." One of the midwives had said pointedly to her the second day.

"This is royal blood remember, from the house of Omron the first, surely you don't expect me to treat her like an ordinary newborn". Queen Hera replied.

Sorry for the long wait peeps.

The midwife dressed the baby after the bath, she put on a yellow overall for the child, white shoes and a white woolen cap.

The baby looked so beautiful all the servants and midwives couldn't help but smile as she was handed over to the mother. Her mother scrutinized her properly and began breastfeeding her.

Queen Hera herself was dressed so beautifully, she wore a golden coloured gown and a white headscarf.

"My Queen, please it's time we went to the banquet hall, many people have already arrived. Your husband the king is also there". Zera spoke.

"I feel so tired, I wish this ceremony could hold when I am stronger".

Hera comforted her, " all you need to do is sit and watch the proceedings, no one will bother you".

The Opharians always gave the new born child a name after three days even though the mother was tired or ill. It was a tradition they never joked with.
******
At the banquet hall, the Queen sat on a comfortable chair close to the king. He was wearing a golden robe and a white turban. He peeked at the sleeping child who was robed in a yellow blanket. The child was really pretty. Still he wondered if this was really the heir Lord Aravat talked about, he expected a male child not a female, so did all the elders. Could a female rule Ophar?

The king looked around for the Spirit being, ever since the birth of the baby he was nowhere to be found.

KEEP READING FRIENDS

really enjoying d story. Its one of d stories i wil love to read through to d end. Keep it up.

happy newyear shalomdee
please bring it on

My notebook is under some form of bio_ordinary attack: keys aren"t working normal: but it"s well* I will surely continue as God will have it

Chapter 4 The Heir- continued
Uriel had also been viewing the proceedings, though from afar. He kept his gaze away from the king in order not to be seen. These mortals were really interesting. Lord Aravat was simply the most creative being in all the realms.

Uriel couldn't help but remember Afar, all the while he was not in the Opharic realm he was in Golden realm to witness the transformation of Opharian citizens into Gold Warriors. Yet among one of them a lad known as Afar stood out in strength and courage and for this Lord Aravat summoned him to watch.

"Take proper notice of this one, Uriel my servant. He could be a great asset against the Nephylites." The supreme ruler had said.

Even now, he hadn't been able to remove Afar from his mind. But he was here for someone else-- the princess.

Following sincerely

Waiting for more updates


More Mb to ur phone

"Aha!" The king said as he caught sight of Uriel, he hadn't been able to hide well enough. The king summoned his male associate and friend Osas. "Call the spirit being for me". King Omron said. Osas nodded and went ahead.

Uriel was shocked at having been spotted by Omron, he had clearly underestimated these people. Quietly but nobly, he followed the king's friend Osas to meet King Omron.

They talked on everything they hadn't talked about since his disappearance; and about Afar, Uriel simply had to tell him about the young rising warrior of 15years who was dazing everyone in Golden Realm including the Supreme ruler himself. The king was intently impressed and couldn't hide it. Yet it was the Naming of the Newborn.

Uriel made a plea to leave the King's sight and go see the Queen to which he was urged on.

The moment he sighted Queen Hera, he knew something was wrong with her but he still went to her. She didn't look at all excited at the birth of her child, instead she kept on looking from her baby to the crowd at every second. He looked back instantaneously at the king who was talking with his friends standing, the king caught his look and only shrugged with his big robe swaying steadily.

Clearly, the king blamed whatever had happened on him< but was it really his fault? Lord Aravat had asked for him. Besides, nothing in the Opharic Realm happened without the Supreme Ruler knowing and approving.

Ashar and another elderly maid were behind her back,

"My Queen", Uriel bowed.

Queen Hera looked at the spirit-priest, she still was not excited, rather she seemed more worried. Instinctively, like she expected something bad to happen, she hugged the baby closer.

"Baby blues, or is it maternal psychosis?" Uriel declared rather than asked.

"What did you say?" Zera, the other maid which stood by the Queen asked as she noticed the Spirit-being had made a diagnosis of the Queen's problem.

He did not answer her, rather he went closer to the queen, bent down and took her hands. He said something to the queen the other women couldn't comprehend, he spoke it Wendish, a language of spirits, as he did Queen Hera became more at ease and relaxed. She lowered her eyes and looked at him.

"I'm sorry, I was so worried about people overcrowding the baby."

"I understand your Majesty, but you have nothing to worry about now." Uriel proudly told her.

"My goodness, thank our Grace, I was actually thinking of looking for her parents to talk with her but what difference could it have made? Will she be alright now?" Ashar asked.

"More than alright, the Queen was a little shaken by her sudden pregnancy and delivery after many years. I was away, I could have done something about it earlier than this. She is okay now I can assure you".

"Wow!" The women said in unison.

"Whatever did you do?" Zera asked bewildered.

"This things are spiritual, you wouldn't understand".
*******************************************

The baby was named Tuma, it meant Special in Opharic tongue. Tuma was exceedingly beautiful and had a wonderful voice, what was even more important about her was that when she became two, her voice could break or repair things. Opharians were dazzled, nothing like that had ever happened in the history of their race. The elders explained to them that Aravat had endowed her as a royal born with that special ability and that was what would happen to any royal born from that time on.

Everyday from when she was two, Tuma received visitors with objects that needed repair. She was special indeed, but then great care was taken not to make her cry because if she did her voice could break objects. She was assigned a male and female servant who were under the age of 15, their duty was to make sure nothing ever made her cry. Little did the people know this flaw in her special ability would one day stand out as a defense mechanism.

(sorry for the long break, the story is back)

welcom,plz kip it cuming,i really like the stort,weldone

Shalomdee, my heart beats gladly when I read your story. Despite how short it is,it is quite enjoyable and the narrative mode seems to suit you well. I think this will be a front page material in due time, if the quality is consistent.

I am following this and this story has challenged me to continue writing. May start anytime soon.

Please, I know it will be tough after a while and especially as it seems like you are using your phone, but don't abandon this thread.

Cc:
Divepen
Larrysun
Obinnau
Repogirl

Shalomdee well done ko!

Thanks for all your comments.