It’s been months since I created a topic on this forum. This thread was borne out of my recent thoughts and experiences and I think it will be helpful to everyone. Just spare a few minutes to read through.

At one point in our lives, we are bound to meet naysayers, be it colleagues, acquaintances, friends, or even close friends and family.
A naysayer is a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views

Naysayers are termed as such because their favorite response is “nay.” Say you want to quit drinking alcohol. They’ll go “nay” and tell you that drinking a few more bottles won’t kill you. Say you want to lose weight and you eat healthily. They’ll go “nay,” that healthy food is boring, and then tell you to eat unhealthy, junk food instead. Say you are considering pursuing your passion. They’ll tell you that it’s not feasible in the bad economy today (the economy is always bad to them), that it’s not going to make you money.

Most of the times, naysayers have little to add to the conversation, only endeavoring to extinguish your hopes and dreams.

You most likely have met your fair share of naysayers in life. Probably back in school, one of your teachers was a huge naysayer. He/she discourage you and your classmates from aiming too high in life (by high, I really mean trying to aim for anything at all).

Or it may have been when you decided to quit your regular day job to pursue your passion. Everyone said no. Close friends said you were just going through a phase and you were going to regret it in the future.

Naysayers abound all around us.

If you’re facing a naysayer, here are eight tips suggested by Celestine Chua for you to tackle naysayers

1. Safeguard your goals.
Imagine you’re creating a beautiful, grand sandcastle at the beach. Now, imagine someone pouring water on top of your castle every minute. Will you be able to build anything eventually? No, of course not. Each time you build your castle foundations, they instantly get demolished by the gush of water. In the end, you’ll get some clumpy-lump-of-an-excuse for a castle, not to mention you feel highly frustrated. All your efforts to create your castle will be in vain.

That’s the same thing when you listen to naysayers. Being discouraging and skeptical, they tend to focus on the downsides about your goal(s). For every second you listen to them, it’s like pouring acid over your dreams. In the end, you are left with a demolished self-confidence and a wavering “Should I still do this?” thought about your dreams, whereas you were highly optimistic and confident prior to your encounter with them.
You see, for naysayers, they don’t know how it’s like to pursue your goals. Everything they say, they say it with the intent to scare you away from your goals. Do you know why?
It’s because they’re actually scared themselves. Because they’ve never done what you’re trying to do, they’re scared that you’ll succeed. They’re scared that if you succeed, it’ll show that they have been wrong about life all this while, and that they should be taking action when they aren’t. They’re scared to discover that they’ve been undermining their potential and wasting their lives all this while.
It’s unfortunate for them, but you need to remember that these are their fears, not yours, and there’s no reason why you should own their fears about your goals. Your life is yours and you don’t need others to tell you what you should do.
Your goals are too precious to let others taint them. Protect them. Don’t give naysayers the opportunity to damage your dreams by not even raising the topic in the first place.

For example, be very selective about who you share your goals and dreams with. Rarely talk about them unless people ask, and even then only share selected bits.That’s because the early stages of any goal formation process are always the most vulnerable, and it’s imperative that you only let the most conscious and supportive people in on what you are doing. If the person has a track record of being negative and discouraging, you most certainly shouldn’t let him/her on into your plans.

2. Evaluate the naysayer’s background.
Before considering anyone’s advice, always evaluate how the person is doing in his/her life. Consider the following:
1. Is this person living a life that I want for myself?
2. Is the person successful in the goal that I’m pursuing?
3. Does this person have knowledge and expertise in what he/she is commenting on?
If the answers are “no,” “no,” and “no,” then you should discount what he/she says. After all, this person is where he/ she is precisely from following his/her own thoughts and advice. By heeding his/her words, it can only get you to where he/she is, not where you want to be.
For example, if you want to lose weight and eat healthily, but your overweight colleagues are telling you to ditch the healthy foods and eat junk food for lunch/dinner, you will do well to ignore them. If you want to set up a business and you’re getting “advice” from people who don’t know anything about entrepreneurship and have never set up a business their entire life, you should take what they’re saying with a pinch of salt. If you want to quit smoking but your smoking peers — with their incessant coughing and bad breaths — keep telling you to take one more puff, it may be better to ignore them.

3. Evaluate the naysayer’s words.
Another tip is to evaluate the naysayer’s words. As the CEO of your life, you are the best person to assess and decide what works and doesn’t work for you. Consider the following:
1. What he/she is saying — does it resonate with me?
2. Is there validity behind his/her words?
3. Will applying this advice make me better off?
4. Is he/she coming from a place of fear or love?
If the answer is “no” to questions one to three, and the person is coming from a place of fear, then this advice isn’t for you — even if it is well-intended. Don’t let yourself get weighed down by it.
So, each time you meet a naysayer, first try to understand where he/she is coming from. Does he/she have a valid viewpoint, or is he/she just speaking from his/her fears? If it’s clear that the person is projecting his/her own fears rather than giving constructive thoughts, disregard his/her input. Your goals are precious, and you shouldn’t entertain anyone who tries to dump toxic waste onto your goals.

4. Ignore them. Tune out.
If you have concluded that this person is giving discouraging, bad advice, then tune out. Just because someone has advice for you doesn’t mean that you need to heed him/her. You must not take every advice. Because the “advice” that many people give most times are not informed advice but merely a reflection of their fears, just tune them out. If someone wants to offer you their two cents, you may not stop them from speaking but you can certainly choose not to accept it.] You always have a choice in how you react.

5. Don’t engage in the discussion.
As resolute as you are about your goals, naysayers are staunch in their views too. Hence, there’s no need to seek affirmation or agreement with them about your plans. If they insist on voicing their dissent, simply keep your responses short and simple, such as “I see” or “Okay.” Don’t assert yourself, fight back, or explain your stance. Trust me — it’ll be a complete waste of time. The naysayer will come up with all reasons to justify why he/she is right and why you’re wrong, which will only frustrate you. Not only that, the naysayer thrives in discouraging you, so being resistant will only fuel him/her to rebut further.
Switch topics if you have to. With no way to air his/her dissent, the naysayer will (hopefully) stop discouraging you.

6. Eject the naysayer from your life (if you can).
Since naysayers are a shroud to life’s possibilities, spending time with them will only darken your worldview. I recommend ejecting them from your life if possible, or reducing contact with them if this isn’t an option. Whether the person is a colleague, a friend, or a family member, there is no mandate that you have to spend 24/7 with him/her.
At work, there are other colleagues you can hang out with.
Socially, find like-minded friends to spend time with.
At home, just because you live with your family doesn’t mean you need to spend all waking hours with them. Even when you are spending time together, you don’t need to discuss your goals with them all the time.
Sometimes it may be sad if we have loved ones who are naysayers; it’s as if we can’t share our goals with people we love without being discouraged.
However, think about it positively: perhaps they are being discouraging because they are unaware of the larger possibilities of life. By being resolute in your goals, pursuing them, and succeeding in them, you will serve as an inspiration to them to think big and pursue their goals too.

7. Surround yourself with enablers.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose five great people to spend time with, as opposed to hanging out with naysayers.
Think about the people who are supportive or will be supportive of your goals if you told them. Think about how you can increase the time you spend with them starting from today.
If you don’t have any of such people in your life, it’s okay. Think of the people out there in this world who are doing what you want to do, then increase your contact with them through their works, such as their books, interviews, TV shows, and so on.
Doing this will give you a network of people supporting you in your goals.

8. Think back to your vision for yourself.
Last but not least, think about your ideal vision. What is your ideal vision for your life? Whenever you get distracted by naysayers, it’s only because you’ve taken your eyes off your goals. If that’s the case, all you need to do is to look back at them. Recall what exactly you want to achieve. Think about what exactly you want to get out of your life.
Then, ask yourself if it’s worth it to put your goals on hold because of a couple of naysayers. For me, the answer is always clear and simple: it’s a “no.”

Don’t deny yourself of the life you should live just because of naysayers.
At the same time, make sure you’re not being a naysayer to others. When people share their goals with you, be sure to be encouraging and supportive to them.


Excerpts used in this post were taken from Celestine Chua's article available at: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/naysayers/

Feel free to leave your comments...

I just ignore. No time for shii

Number 1 and 5 have been particularly instrumental to all
my achievements in life so far!
Wonderful piece!

What if the naysayers are your parents and close family?

goodgate:
What if the naysayers are your parents and close family?

Good question. Maybe setting boundaries is the answer.

Mindfulness:


Good question. Maybe setting boundaries is the answer.

Thanks bro, you mean keeping a reasonable distance?

goodgate:
Thanks bro, you mean keeping a reasonable distance?

Exactly! This is what I have been doing for a while now and it feels good. The times when I can't avoid such family members, I do my best not to get engaged into any conversations that go beyond the necessary. I keep it polite but I keep as much distance as possible.

Mindfulness:


Exactly! This is what I have been doing for a while now and it feels good. The times when I can't avoid such family members, I do my best not to get engaged into any conversations that go beyond the necessary. I keep it polite but I keep as much distance as possible.

Thanks bro.

Nice topic bro, but its been a while where have you been? Dearpreye bare1 how do you tackle naysayers

goodgate:
What if the naysayers are your parents and close family?

I see that someone has already answered your question. But just to buttress his point, read this excerpt from the main post.

Just because you live with your family doesn’t mean you need to spend all waking hours with them. Even when you are spending time together, you don’t need to discuss your goals with them all the time.
Sometimes it may be sad if we have
loved ones who are naysayers; it’s as if we can’t share our goals with people we love without being discouraged. However, think about it positively: perhaps they are being discouraging because they are unaware of the larger possibilities of life. By being resolute in your goals, pursuing them, and succeeding in them, you will serve as an inspiration to them to think big and pursue their goals too.

ogaofficer:
Nice topic bro, but its been a while where have you been? Dearpreye bare1 how do you tackle naysayers

Ogaofficer, I've been around but not very active because I had to attend to a lot of things. Hope you are doing well?

Yes sir. And i hope you are through for now, cos av missed your self development post ooooo. If yes, then am glad to have you back.

eleojo23:

Ogaofficer, I've been around but not very active because I had to attend to a lot of things. Hope you are doing well?

ogaofficer:
Nice topic bro, but its been a while where have you been? Dearpreye bare1 how do you tackle naysayers

Bro, I simply ignore them, but NOT after I must have tried to show them my goals and passion.

Life's hard enough on its own; no need making it harder by paying an undue attention to the naysayers.

dearpreye:


Bro, I simply ignore them, but NOT after I must have tried to show them my goals and passion.

Life's hard enough on its own; no need making it harder by paying an undue attention to the naysayers.

Exactly, just do your thing and if you fail at least you failed by yourself.

Truckpusher:
Exactly, just do your thing and if you fail at least you failed by yourself.

That's the way it is brother. You're NOT here to fit into anyone's ideals. One life; and it must lived for the fulfilment of our own purpose.

Good morning, wise one.

kristen12:
I just ignore. No time for shii

Period. The grave is cold and lonely. The more reason we must be the best we could ever be. That's the best show of gratitude to God for giving us life.

dearpreye:


That's the way it is brother. You're NOT here to fit into anyone's ideals. One life; and it must lived for the fulfilment of our own purpose.

Good morning, wise one.

I'm usually very blunt with naysayers - I simply tell them that they are simply jealous that I'm about to do what they can't ,it shuts them up and it has always worked for me.

But we should be able to distinguish between naysayers and genuine alarmists.

Truckpusher:
I'm usually very blunt with naysayers - I simply tell them that they are simply jealous that I'm about to do what they can't ,it shuts them up and it has always worked for me.

But we should be able to distinguish between naysayers and genuine alarmists.

Whatever works for us brother. The summary is, we owe ourselves our very best. Nothing more.

Yes. We must seek to distinguish between them. The genuine alarmists aren't that difficult to spot. They convey their words with sincerity and are willing to let us go on our vision should we want to; the naysayers won't just back off till we bluntly ask them to.

dearpreye:


Whatever works for us brother. The summary is, we owe ourselves our very best. Nothing more.

Yes. We must seek to distinguish between them. The genuine alarmists aren't that difficult to spot. They convey their words with sincerity and are willing to let us go on our vision should we want to; the naysayers won't just back off till we bluntly ask them to.

The highlighted is the key and you just have to offend some people sometimes to move forward.

Truckpusher:
The highlighted is the key and you just have to offend some people sometimes to move forward.

Yes. That's the way I see it too. To try to accommodate everyone's idea about our own vision for life is to court inevitable failure and misery.

It takes some level of madness and rudeness to achieve one's life dreams.

dearpreye:


Yes. That's the way I see it too. To try to accommodate everyone's idea about our own vision for life is to court inevitable failure and misery.

It takes some level of madness and rudeness to achieve one's life dreams

You are right. Just like John Eliot said
“History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they become geniuses.”

ogaofficer:
Nice topic bro, but its been a while where have you been? Dearpreye bare1 how do you tackle naysayers

They don't have any effect on me cause I know better. However it's not nice when they are your family but doesn't make any difference, doesn't have to have any effect on you. The more you pursue and achieve your goals, the more you make them believe in you.

Steer clear from those who belittle or discourage you from achieving your noble dreams.

I had to literally severe a relationship with one back then in the higher Institution. That guy could give a million reasons why any noble dream wasn't possible. I had to let him go. And I'm glad I did.

True, most especially this part "Life is hard enough on its own"

dearpreye:


Bro, I simply ignore them, but NOT after I must have tried to show them my goals and passion.

Life's hard enough on its own; no need making it harder by paying an undue attention to the naysayers.

Another word for naysayers are DREAM KILLERS!!! Be wary of such people, their life's goal is to frustrate the efforts of others with their negativity. If you have anybody like that in your life, FLEE!!!





A word is enough for the wise.

k