Interested in reconnecting with an old flame? Know the right (and totally WRONG) times to do so. I was shocked to spy my old boyfriend’s face on my Facebook newsfeed, in a group photo from a college friend’s recent party. After he’d dumped me, I hadn’t seen him in years. Ready to end the animosity between us, I private messaged him. He didn’t answer. I felt rejected … again. Then I realized, I was fine with the radio silence. Why? Because
I now had a great job, a sweeter guy, and was better off without him. Re-meeting exes can be fraught.
Just ask Rihanna and Selena how it feels at music awards to bump into Chris Brown and Justin Bieber. After re-meeting my five worst breakups of all time to find out what had gone wrong, and publishing a novel about a former boyfriend who snubbed me in public (pretending he didn’t know who I was), I’ve devised a code of rules on amorous reconnection. Whether it’s to say hello, express remorse, or resurrect your relationship, consider re-calling your lost love if:



1. You’re compelled to apologise. If you treated somebody horribly and later wish you hadn’t, it’s never too late to say you’re sorry. But a brief note via social media is much smarter than showing up at someone’s home or work unannounced in the Nirvana T-shirt you stole from him. Keep it short and sweet, the way AA amends usually go. Say what you did wrong and what you feel badly about. “I’m sorry I left without explaining to you what was really going on. I never meant to hurt you and I hope you’ll accept my belated apology.” Ask yourself if it’s the kind of mea culpa you’d appreciate getting, and if so, atone away.



2. You have big news. If you’re about to wed, divorce, give birth, your parents are splitting, someone close died, or you’re coming out or transitioning like Caitlyn Jenner, you may want to share a major milestone with your former confidante. Perhaps first visit a counselor, clergy, or therapist to explore your expectations. (Making someone jealous is not good motivation.) Then, if you’re compelled to give your ex an update, so they don’t find out on Facebook, do it low key.


Try a short, innocuous letter, email, text, IM, or leave the phone message, “When you have time, I’d love to talk,” and consider having coffee. When I told one former beau that I was getting engaged, he emailed, “Congrats. Can I be your second husband?” That made me smile and almost erased the bad juju from our breakup. But make sure not to spill your gut-wrenched confessional poetry in a long, heavy, emotional drunk text, or reach out at midnight on Valentine’s Day.



3. You can handle a brash brush-off. When I asked my high school boyfriend out for a drink to talk about what happened in our past, he emailed, “I’d rather take out my own appendix with a bottle of Jack and a dull spoon.” Luckily, I was in a good emotional space, and stole his line for a laugh in my book. But it did hurt my feelings. You may learn that your ex is now living blissfully with a woman who’s smarter and cooler than you are, is still angry, or wants nothing to do with you. So if you email him, expect nothing in return. Plan dinner and a double feature with your best friend and turn off your iPhone so you don’t check your messages incessantly.



4. You’re finishing old business. My friend Amy was always bothered that she’d never returned money from selling the engagement ring her ex-fiancé had given her. Though she assumed he was now blissfully wed and well off, she finally sent him a check with a note explaining the debt. She was surprised to learn his wife was ill and he was appreciative of the money. In my case, an ex-boyfriend recently asked to borrow $250. He’d been generous when I was a broke grad student, so I obliged, calling it a gift. He wrote me a lovely thank you. In a weird way, being able to aid him assuaged some of my guilt and helped us both.



5. You’ve never forgotten. Leaving the tearful phone message, “I’m still not over you!” is overkill. But if you’re single and can ascertain that your ex isn’t currently involved with someone, there are classy ways to reconnect without embarrassing yourself. My friend Michelle sent a nice holiday card to the fiancé she’d left in grad school, writing the line: “Truthfully, you’re the best guy I ever met and I still think about you.” He called her and they wound up married, long after their original broken engagement. On the other hand, NEVER revisit your romantic history when:


*.1. Someone close to you is tying the knot. Feeling lonely or frustratingly single while having to be a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding isn’t a good reason to re-locate your last lover. This impulse is based on jealousy or competitiveness (externals), NOT an authentic longing for someone special and specific. It didn’t work for Julia Roberts or Kate Hudson in any Rom-Coms and it won’t work for you either.


*.2. You hear he moved on. There should be a law that the dumper has to wait until the dumpee finds a more perfect partner. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. So seeing photos on Instagram of your ex who said he wasn’t ready to commit to you — now giving a ring to your replacement — doesn’t justify you texting him “WTF,” sharing the hashtag #SlittingMyWrist, or SnapChatting your hottest half-unclad selfie kissing...

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I wanna be a millionaire so freaking bad.

I am stuck with one of my ex, no one can separate our us. we are best friends

once its over,its over.
don't do reconnect

prettyjo:
once its over,its over.
don't do reconnect

God bless you for this comment.

Men and women deceiving themselves in the name of relationship...rubbish.

ovalrose:

God bless you for this comment.

na today

Ok