Yes, polygamism stinks, but can anyone tell me how they would relate to half brothers/sisters they did not grow up with and whose mum ruined your childhood by destroying your parents marriage?  Help!!!!

Keep them at arm's length, and then some more, cos, most often than not, the lack of trust is mutual.

Theblessed:

Yes, polygamism stinks, but can anyone tell me how they would relate to half brothers/sisters they did not grow up with and whose mum ruined your childhood by destroying your parents marriage? Help!!!!

Dont let the in-house politics and squabbles push u to hating unnecessarily .How did their mum destroy ur parents marriage?cos ur dad married her?
I wud relate with my step-siblings just fine atleast till they give me reasons to do otherwise.Love,respect and treat them well and i believe they wud reciprocate but well if they dont, shrug them off ur shoulders and pretend they dont exist.

Theblessed:

Yes, polygamism stinks, but can anyone tell me how they would relate to half brothers/sisters they did not grow up with and whose mum ruined your childhood by destroying your parents marriage?  Help!!!!

it really shouldn't be complicated, if the bond isn't there instantly, don't try to force it, . . .

and if u feel like u really don't want to have anything to do wid them genuinely, i say its better u keep ur distance , and try not to force issues, .  . .

Hopefully u guyz might meet each other at family reunions and exchange pleasantries, which should be good enough!!

But i still don't get how their mother ruined y'alls childhood!

Theblessed:

Yes, polygamism stinks, but can anyone tell me how they would relate to half brothers/sisters they did not grow up with and whose mum ruined your childhood by destroying your parents marriage?  Help!!!!

Hey,i am from a polygamous home with 17 children,we all grew together under thesame roof,honestly you will find it very hard to pinpoint whose child is who when you vist my home,we all live in a 4 flat home at Bodija then and choose to sleep in any of our moms flat who chooses to amused us,we eat at any flat we want,now that all of us are grown,married and scattered all over the face of the earth we still are very much in touch almost everyday we are very united sometime i wondered if my Dad did something to make it work .I  live in Va,i have 8 older siblings  scatered here in United States and they all made the trip to my birtday on this pass Sunday,May 3rd that is how close we are.We are always there for each other no matter the circumstances wether good or bad. Mine is an exceptional,i am happy and proud to be  a Bello. Please if you find it in your heart embrace your half brothers and sisters (as per refered or prefered by you).You may be bless through them.Cheers.

bintab:

Hey,i am from a polygamous home with 17 children,we all grew together under thesame roof,honestly you will find it very hard to pinpoint whose child is who when you vist my home,we all live in a 4 flat home at Bodija then and choose to sleep in any of our moms flat who chooses to amused us,we eat at any flat we want,now that all of us are grown,married and scattered all over the face of the earth we still are very much in touch almost everyday we are very united sometime i wondered if my Dad did something to make it work .I live in Va,i have 8 older siblings scatered here in United States and they all made the trip to my birtday on this pass Sunday,May 3rd that is how close we are.We are always there for each other no matter the circumstances wether good or bad. Mine is an exceptional,i am happy and proud to be a Bello. Please if you find it in your heart embrace your half brothers and sisters (as per refered or prefered by you).You may be bless through them.Cheers.

@ bintab,urs is 1 out of 1000 cases, just don't wanna talk abt mine cos it sucks, It takes only a kind heart to 4give one's Dad. polygamous home is

bintab:

Hey,i am from a polygamous home with 17 children,we all grew together under thesame roof,honestly you will find it very hard to pinpoint whose child is who when you vist my home,we all live in a 4 flat home at Bodija then and choose to sleep in any of our moms  flat who chooses to amused us,we eat at any flat we want,now that all of us are grown,married and scattered all over the face of the earth we still are very much in touch almost everyday we are very united sometime i wondered if my Dad did something to make it work .I  live in Va,i have 8 older siblings  scatered here in United States and they all made the trip to my birtday on this pass Sunday,May 3rd that is how close we are.We are always there for each other no matter the circumstances wether good or bad. Mine is an exceptional,i am happy and proud to be  a Bello. Please if you find it in your heart embrace your half brothers and sisters (as per refered or prefered by you).You may be bless through them.Cheers.

The OP scenario is different and is more akin to a multi-monogamy setup in that each wife has her own place.
Since the kids dont grow up together, interaction is limited, and perception is dominated by speculations and gossip. This usually results in a high level of mistrust, as each family feels the others are getting a better deal at their expense.

Even when everyone is cohabitated, polygamy could still easily get nasty.

biina:

The OP scenario is different and is more akin to a multi-monogamy setup in that each wife has her own place.
Since the kids dont grow up together, interaction is limited, and perception is dominated by speculations and gossip. This usually results in a high level of mistrust, as each family feels the others are getting a better deal at their expense.

Even when everyone is cohabitated, polygamy could still easily get nasty.

Hi biina

I'm sorry! I can appreciate how angry you are about polygamism - me too.  I am so happy you are airing your views about what you believe in.  I will not say much now until everyone has aired their thoughts then I would let the world know about the effects of this ideology on my childhood.  Come on buddy, bring it on!

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Yes i can.

In the Christian household & in law, the man is only allowed to marry one wife; so any other wifey is illegal

depends on the Christian ideology. African churches (CAC, a few baptists etc) are actually fine with polygamy.

I don't have much of a relationship with my half siblings but i definitely don't hold a grudge with my pops about polygamy.

spikedcylinder:

If the kids were from my mum, no problem but my papas kids are a big no no.

why should it be a big no no?

I certainly wouldn't want my children playing or associating with any children my husband God forbid may have outside.

did the kdis ask to be involved in a polygamous home. why get them involved in some family feud

I dont have any of those but if i did it will be a resounding No:
Polygamy is completely un-natural because it puts multiple women in direct competition for everything for life and that passes on to the kids.
Might be because im old fashioned in that i think one woman shld be completely in charge of the home front whether she works or not while the man brings in major bacon.but that's BTW.

In my home town, this rich polygamist man now in his early 70's is so heart broken because his male offsprings that had potential (like school-smart , hardworking and business-minded) have all been poisoned in the house.

I remember one day one of the older wife's son came back from abuja( this was when abuja was relatively unknown) and plucked an orange from a huge orange tree. unknown to him,there had been a quarrel about the younger wife's little kids plucking it unripe.

As soon as the kids saw this young man pluck just one, having come in from a far dusty stressfull journey down to the village (you know), they told their mum who blew the whistle and within 20mins very few LEAVES were left on the tree. right there and then i swore that i will never ever have anything to do with polygamy.

And by the way, the guy that first plucked the orange was poisoned about 6 yrs later supposedly by the step-mom or half mum or whatever you want to call it.So promising was he;he was going out with one of the popular home movie stars who even came to the villa with him once. Oh!! what a waste!!

I dont trust any of those poxy relatives apart from my siblings considering that my family passed exams and got scholarships while the other ones cldnt even write their names. The jealousy was and is still so thick that birds flying across bounce off against it.

i dislike my dad so much for being a polygamist, the thought of it makes me sick. i certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with my steps. trusting them is way out of the question. NO

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chaircover:

Because I can't trust the kids of a woman who knowingly chooses to have a child for my husband inspite of the fact that she knows that he is already married . . . She doesn't want to work hard at getting her own man but wants an already made man. Funny thing is that most of them don't want a 3rd wife to marry the husband.

. . . . .And before anyone argues that it's the husbands fault too, I totally agree. however I am one of these people who believe that half the time the men only think with their third leg when it comes to the sight of a pretty woman.

The woman in the other hand can be a lot more calculating when it comes to matters like this. They can be like lions, watch & stalk the prey, then Pounce!

I thank God that I don't have to contend with this and I pray that it never happens.

I definitely understand where you are coming but the man has more control of the situation. He is the one that is married and not the so-called home wrecker. Don't forgot lousy in-laws(even the female ones) that push men into polygamy.

jify:

i dislike my dad so much for being a polygamist, the thought of it makes me sick. i certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with my steps. trusting them is way out of the question. NO

whew seems a whole lot of we nairalanders have experiences with polygamy. i aint alone lol

as for me i dont see anything wrong in trusting my step sibling afterall we are from d same blood but really i dont support polygamy in anyway is bad, it has really caused alot in my upbringing that sometimes it shows and my friends starts complaining but who am i, i cant turn the hands of time.

I blame my dad for everything for allowing his family to run his home because my mum could not give him a male child, so they gave him another woman hoping she will bear male children but only end up having a male and two other female children and left and he is now married to a widow and inherited seven children from her late husband but all the same when going to my home town i attend to all of them but sometimes those children from my stepmother they always want to let us know that we dont have right over them and i have instruct my dad that he should tell them to move to  their father's relative since they dont want to take us the way we took them.

'i dislike my dad so much for being a polygamist, the thought of it makes me sick. i certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with my steps. trusting them is way out of the question. NO'

Well i understand why you said you dislike you dad but you just like to love him. Let me quickly say something about polygamy.

Polygamy is not of God. It is the worst thing that ccould happen to any man. I am a product of one. My family used to be one though we had little or nothing then we are happy. Then God opens way for dad Mum became insecured and a new wife came in. I was 14 then I undastood nothing about it now am 29, and i've learnt alot about it.

Dad moved us to Port Harcourt with Him to join him and his new wife. Though i didn't join them immediately i later did. My mum had 4 children for my dad, 2boy, 2girls. Unfortunately, we lost our first daughter dec.31 2008 due to illness.

I am the first son and i can categorically say that the heat was on me. Dad's wife is a product of polygamy herself so she sees everything as Contention. I wouldn't call her step mum cos shes not wort caling one.

I see all sort of things. My teenage years was one hell of years. I suffer depression, I as left to myself and becos my younger ones were loyal to her they suffer less. Because of depression I suffered many illness. I was once diagonised with septicemia, this woman will not even look at my direction. she was busy looking for children. Yes she got 4 and they are all girls.

Today her children do not greet. Of course Igi Imu jina sori (nose far from head). The oldest of her chilren is 9yrs while am 29yrs. I don't greet her infact i've totally cut her off. As far as am concerned she doesn't exist anymore.

At times i feel like cutting off from dad for leaving mum. I feel like hating him for ever but i let it go cos if i do that God wont be happy with me. The Bilbe says , as much as lie in us, we should leave peaceably with all me. but I don't think i'll apply that to dads wife.

Please all. If you are truly a product of polygamy. learn form it. Trust no one half brother or half sister.
only trust yourself.

@ POSTER : yes coming from a polygamous home might be painful expecially if you do not grow up with you steps, do not put all the blame on their mum but your dad who did not keep his vows after marrying your mum. Relate well with them to really know who they are cos you might end up trusting some of them more than some of your own sibllings.

I am very comfy with my half brother and sisters, though we dont live together i can always talk to them
(over the phone) they don't have to take my advice and i don't have to take theirs especially if you are not dependant on them and they are not overly dependent on you

I think the problem is this idea someone somewhere is trying to kill you- its mostly what we 'learn'
from nollywood! like people are obsessed about property or some other benefits pure greed
polygamy is part of life in nigeria (Christians Muslims north south!) and till date people say its unnatural

yes ,but with conditn

I thought polygamy was having more than one wife.

Some of the stories here are about a husband leaving the first wife and marrying and living with another wife.

I guess i need some clarity.

Does the husband divorce the first wife and then remarry? If so that is not polygamy right?

Dont polygamius households all live together in the same compound?

Does not the first wife have to accept the second wife?

Is there some type of legal recourse left for the first wife if she does not accept the second wife?

sistawoman:

I thought polygamy was having more than one wife.



I guess i need some clarity.

Does the husband divorce the first wife and then remarry? If so that is not polygamy right? Not really

Dont polygamius households all live together in the same compound? Not necessarily, some can afford a second house or some just dont want the trouble of daily bickerings or some didnt seek consent from the first wife

Does not the first wife have to accept the second wife? Nope, the 'husband is the head of the family' rule applies, plus the first wife is usually probably a graduate but wont work and totally dependant on husband or she just accept it, it's a culture afterall

Is there some type of legal recourse left for the first wife if she does not accept the second wife? if she is married legally i guess she can file for divorce, no law to enforce childcare payments and other expenses though- basically at her own risk!

Topic: Polygamism - Can You Trust Your Half Brothers And Sisters?

You Just Follow This 4 Rules of Survival . . .

Rule #1: Never Underestimate Your Opponent. . .
Rule #2: Show No Love--Love will get you killed. .
Rule #3: Trust No One. . .
Rule #4: NEVER FORGET RULE NUMBER 3


_{Plz don't take my shits too personal, you know them more than I do, so LIKE attracts LIKE. . . .}

Personally, if you haven't grown up with them it's a bit difficult to trust them. I have a half sibling who lives in same damn postcode as me, and never has he invited me to his place, we got an invite 3 days before his wedding and we never talk (am sure his mum had something to do with this). His mum never gave a shit about me and my other full brothers until now, but it's too late because we are all grown and can't feel or see the sincerity, it's all a bit late.

So really depends on the initial nature of the relationship.

It all depends on the situation. Different situation may call for unique reactions. At any rate, keep your wits by you, but let experience be your best teacher.

TRUST IS A VERY STRONG WORD,
WHO REALLY CAN YOU TRUST
U CAN ONLY TRUST TO UR OWN SORROW.

Mine is  an exceptional case ,Only 2 of my siblings were actually born before all our moms were married and all others were born with all the mums raising us in the same home. We all grew under thesame roof and care a great deal about each others,My mums sometimes have arguments but matter is always under controlled by my dad,My dad is in 70s and all my mums are in their 60s,all my siblings are doing very well  except 1 whom we termed the black sheep and still accepted by all,I lost only 1 sibling long time ago,i believe she was in her infancy because it happened before i was born. I am the 14th child of my 17 siblings and what i became today was the co  operation,dedication,love, sincerity and faithfulness of my brothers and sisters.

why not

Maybe i'm wrong, but i think the real issue here is the wives jostling for control and manipulating the children into being part of their agenda. all this would you trust your siblings is weird. what are you afraid of? that they will poison you? chop all the money in babas will?


polygamy has existed in societies/cultures across the globe since the beginning of time. people are just making noise because it is out of fashion today.

most of these peeps going on about their bitter experiences should also cast an eye to the wiles of the women involved.

FOR THOSE WHO HAPPENS TO BE CHILDREN OF THE SECOND WIFE, HOW DO YOU FEEL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER IS NOT TREATING THE OTHER CHILDREN FINE?
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE FACT THAT YOUR MOTHER WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU EVEN AT THE DETRIMENT OF OTHER CHILDREN?

I HOPE SOMEONE WOULD JUST OPEN UP, IT'S JUST FOR US ALL TO LEARN.