sisisioge:


OK...


Have you been seeking girls looking to be hitched too? If you two started out on the same page , chances are that you would over look imperfections. I think you should look for girls looking for guys .

The thing is, it seems like we start on the same page, and everything looks great until one day, I say hello and constantly look at my phone for a reply or call that will never come.

Orimili:


The thing is, it seems like we start on the same page, and everything looks great until one day, I say hello and constantly look at my phone for a reply or call that will never come.

Wowzer, you are going to have to take mindfulness 's advice again. Maybe you should send a message to all of them and hope at least one respond. Meanwhile, invest a little in the service of a finishing school. Talk to a groomer. You sound alright, maybe you have a bad habit you don't know of. You will be fine.

sisisioge:


Wowzer, you are going to have to take mindfulness 's advice again. Maybe you should send a message to all of them and hope at least one respond. Meanwhile, invest a little in the service of a finishing school. Talk to a groomer. You sound alright, maybe you have a bad habit you don't know of. You will be fine.

Maybe there are a lot of things wrong with me that I can't see. I'm just not good at this at all. Ive heard of these etiquette schools, and they've led a lot of men to be labeled "soft," which is an additional burden I don't wish to put on myself. I don't see the point of reopening wounds, because if those girls didn't answer before, they won't answer now. They probably scoff at or outright block me.

Orimili:


Maybe there are a lot of things wrong with me that I can't see. I'm just not good at this at all. Ive heard of these etiquette schools, and they've led a lot of men to be labeled "soft," which is an additional burden I don't wish to put on myself. I don't see the point of reopening wounds, because if those girls didn't answer before, they won't answer now. They probably scoff at or outright block me.

It is well. Then you need your friends to be brutally truthful. Ask them, especially the females. Last resort.

Spirit wife alert . Lastchild your attention is needed here

crackhaus:

Da fvck is this?
Is she his therapist?

Dude, any girl you send this to will probably not reply because typing this makes you sound like a sad whiny little boy.
Any girl that doesn't take your call or reply your messages is entitled to some space...let her be for a few weeks or a month and then call again.
If she's still not taking your calls, then forget about her and drop her like a sack of hot cow shiit.


Sorry Mindfulness

What are you sorry for?

Orimili:


I haven't mentioned that since years ago. Unfortunately, that will come up in conversation at some point, and I'm not going to lie about it.

At what point will 'I am a virgin' come up in a conversation if not when things are getting hot and heavy

From the conversation you've been having here u sound kind d of like a depressed apologist or something. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I kind of know the feeling. Who cares about the current trend of taking someone out? Do your own thing! All these girls not picking your calls don't you have thier house address? Why not pay them a visit?

Personally I think you haven't found the girl that tickles your fancy that's why you are letting these girls go. If you see a girl u like and she stops picking your calls you don't give up like that. You go after her. You visit. You bring a movie or lunch with you. Or better yet invite her over for lunch. You send messages and emoticons once in a while. You do SOMETHING.


You sound like you are defeated even before you start. Don't. Even the polio guy that lives down my street has two girlfriends.

MzNelly:


Oh puh-lease, NO girl would tell you you're a bore. No girl.
It doesn't work that way.
.

Sure this is not from African Magic?

If men claim women call them indomine man etc. what is so hard in calling him a bore?

Orimili:


Most of the time, we would go out somewhere. I'm a full time student, and work at night while building a large savings. I don't have much of a night life, nor am I too worldly, so I am unsure of where to go or what to do in the rare instance that I have a night off.

On top of all that, it seems like most girls just want someone who is experienced in every aspect of life. I worry that I have nothing to offer in such a modern world.

Or maybe you are looking for women in the modern world ignoring the girls in your 'ancient' world.

@OP, I think I'll have a better understanding of your problem if you could kindly explain :
1. How the initial phase of the relationship feels like. Do you go out of your way to please them
2. How constantly you keep in touch with your gf's in terms of face to face meetings or how many phone calls in a day you have.
Note that many women nowadays have sex...regularly. You being a virgin might be a problem though.

bukatyne:

Or maybe you are looking for women in the modern world ignoring the girls in your 'ancient' world.

Fear God.

@Orimili:

I do not think you being a virgin in itself is a 'weakness...' I see sleek virgins get married. Even the so called 'horses' were once virgins. It is your ability and openness to learn that matters and there are very good practical books for the subject in marriage.

If you have succeeded to keep your chastity for the past 30yrs then brother, you can keep yourself till your wedding night.

I think you are too conscious of what society /people say instead of defining your own path. e.g.

1. A lady will think you cannot lead if you ask her to choose a venue for a date
2. Grooming schools make a man 'soft'

etc. etc.

First define your own style and learn to pick a date from ladies of similar interests.

I am 100% sure there are some ladies who would appreciate a virgin husband.

MzNelly:


Fear God.

I am serious.

Some ladies too know they are churchy yet would leave brother Kola to date Don Tunde and start complaining that he is not 'spiritual'

seXytOhbAd:
@OP, I think I'll have a better understanding of your problem if you could kindly explain :
1. How the initial phase of the relationship feels like. Do you go out of your way to please them
2. How constantly you keep in touch with your gf's in terms of face to face meetings or how many phone calls in a day you have.
Note that many women nowadays have sex...regularly. You being a virgin might be a problem though.

I want to talk @siggy

bukatyne:


I am serious.

Some ladies too know they are churchy yet would leave brother Kola to date Don Tunde and start complaining that he is not 'spiritual'

Oh... Yeah, I see your point now..

5minsmadness:

At what point will 'I am a virgin' come up in a conversation if not when things are getting hot and heavy

From the conversation you've been having here u sound kind d of like a depressed apologist or something. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I kind of know the feeling. Who cares about the current trend of taking someone out? Do your own thing! All these girls not picking your calls don't you have thier house address? Why not pay them a visit?

Personally I think you haven't found the girl that tickles your fancy that's why you are letting these girls go. If you see a girl u like and she stops picking your calls you don't give up like that. You go after her. You visit. You bring a movie or lunch with you. Or better yet invite her over for lunch. You send messages and emoticons once in a while. You do SOMETHING.


You sound like you are defeated even before you start. Don't. Even the polio guy that lives down my street has two girlfriends.

Because doing my own thing has led to my current state of loneliness. Especially, In the US, there is extreme pressure to conform to certain social standards, most of which is defined by popular media, which doesnt align to how I was raised.

At this point, "going after her," is a futile exercise. If she can't take the few seconds to even acknowledge a call/text/etc, its clear that she is uninterested. Going to pay her a visit can be a disastrous move, with her possibly labelling me as a stalker or accusing me of harassment.

I don't want to sound defeated, but these are the cards I am dealt every single time.

seXytOhbAd:
@OP, I think I'll have a better understanding of your problem if you could kindly explain :
1. How the initial phase of the relationship feels like. Do you go out of your way to please them
2. How constantly you keep in touch with your gf's in terms of face to face meetings or how many phone calls in a day you have.
Note that many women nowadays have sex...regularly. You being a virgin might be a problem though.

1. It seems as things are going well. Conversation is interesting, and there is a lot of getting to know each other. I try my best to please. My most recent attempt was going to visit her at school, knowing it was a two hour drive out of my way for work.

2. I try to keep contact at least once or twice a day, and give her a chance to contact me. I'm told that it is normal for guys to always have to initiate conversation, but when there is no answer, it is frustrating.

We both have very busy schedules, but if I can fpro the few seconds to send a text message, then I don't see why a more socially mature person cannot do the same.

3. If that is a problem, then I guess she wasn't serious about a relationship in the first place.

Orimili:


If I am, I wish someone would tell me than to just disappear, every single time.

It has gotten to the point where I have started to develop an anxiety around meeting new peoole actively avoid it.

I could hook you up with a lady I know. If the same thing happens with her then I promise you I will tell you what the problem is. No silence

Orimili:


And how do I "spice up my life" in a fashion that a woman would think I'm not boring?

Don't tell me you have NEVER had a girlfriend?

Orimili:
I seem to have this common problem with dating:

After a few weeks of talking, and/or one or two dates, communication ceases without warning. I would send a text message every few days wishing her well. If I call, the phone will just ring to voicemail. If I send any text messages, it will not be returned.

If this had just happened once, I'd quickly get over it. If the girl would simply tell me that she doesn't want to continue, I'd be okay with it. This cessation of communication has been from every single girl that I have talked to, and it has always occured in this fashion.

I don't know what is wrong with me, or what I'm doing wrong. It has gotten to the point where I fear that God doesn't want me to marry, or have a family someday.

Can anyone advise me on what to do?

It seems you are going for girls that are more mature than you. When they sense your level of maturity is too low for them, they will end all forms of communication with you.

MoltenMagma:

Don't tell me you have NEVER had a girlfriend?

How could I have had one if I can never get past the first of second date?

Pidggin:


It seems you are going for girls that are more mature than you. When they sense your level of maturity is too low for them, they will end all forms of communication with you.

If they are more mature, they should know how to let the guy know that things will not work, or that the couple should remain friends. Ending all forms of communication suddenly is one of the most childish things to do in any situation or setting.

Orimili:


If they are more mature, they should know how to let the guy know that things will not work, or that the couple should remain friends. Ending all forms of communication suddenly is one of the most childish things to do in any situation or setting.

My apologies if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. Why do you think they don't want to remain friends? They feel there's nothing to discuss with you, also they don't let you know because they do not think it is worth their effort to bother. But, don't be dismayed, you seem like a nice person, you will surely meet someone nice and caring soon.

Pidggin:


My apologies if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. Why do you think they don't want to remain friends? They feel there's nothing to discuss with you, also they don't let you know because they do not think it is worth their effort to bother. But, don't be dismayed, you seem like a nice person, you will surely meet someone nice and caring soon.

But why bother, then, with the entire dating process? If you are thinking about being involved with someone, shouldn't everything be worth the effort to discuss? If not, then how can you seriously consider that person as a potential spouse? Imagine if you get married, and your husband disappears and ends all communication. Do you think it would be worth his effort to explain why?

Orimili:


But why bother, then, with the entire dating process? If you are thinking about being involved with someone, shouldn't everything be worth the effort to discuss? If not, then how can you seriously consider that person as a potential spouse? Imagine if you get married, and your husband disappears and ends all communication. Do you think it would be worth his effort to explain why?

Sorry dearie, unfortunately it is their impression of you that makes them act this way. Do your dates know themselves? I don't think so, they may not react this way with another guy. Check yourself, what do you tell them during your date, what do you guys talk about, do you know how to read people's body language?

Pidggin:


Sorry dearie, unfortunately it is their impression of you that makes them act this way. Do your dates know themselves? I don't think so, they may not react this way with another guy. Check yourself, what do you tell them during your date, what do you guys talk about, do you know how to read people's body language?

That's what makes this so frustrating. I don't say anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm always a gentleman, and very sincere. If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be so upset. It upsets me to even talk about this.

Orimili:


That's what makes this so frustrating. I don't say anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm always a gentleman, and very sincere. If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be so upset. It upsets me to even talk about this.

I have noticed you are the one assessing yourself, not them. They may not think so. Easy, being upset won't solve this problem.

Pidggin:


I have noticed you are the one assessing yourself, not them. They may not think so. Easy, being upset won't solve this problem.

Then why can't one woman tell me what is wrong? Is this a trait of all women, to just run rather than stand and tell the truth? If this is so, then I'm no longer interested in dating or relationships. I find it uncanny that every single girl I've met has done this exact thing.

Orimili:


Then why can't one woman tell me what is wrong? Is this a trait of all women, to just run rather than stand and tell the truth? If this is so, then I'm no longer interested in dating or relationships. I find it uncanny that every single girl I've met has done this exact thing.

Okay, maybe you might want to send me a transcription of your dialogue with at least one of these ladies, I may be able to point out any flaws I see, between, it seems you are not even reading my responses.

Pidggin:


Okay, maybe you might want to send me a transcription of your dialogue with at least one of these ladies, I may be able to point out any flaws I see, between, it seems you are not even reading my responses.

I am, and it is not the first time someone has suggested this. I have sent transcripts to family and friends. The only rresponse I get is "I guess she's not interested."

Orimili:


I am, and it is not the first time someone has suggested this. I have sent transcripts to family and friends. The only rresponse I get is "I guess she's not interested."

Okay

Pidggin:


Okay

Am I really that much of a loser that I don't deserve to know how and where to improve myself? It's like marginally failing every course you take, and the instructor tells you only that you're not smart enough to pass.