I got an email from a young girl days back. She said she read a post from my blog and was really inspired. Then she went into detail about the domestic abuse in her home.

She's fifteen, lives with both her parents. She started with telling me years back, her mother threw her older sister out of the house. She was too young to know what happened then. She'd ask her parents but they brushed it aside. She eventually found out her sister was pregnant then for their dad. What she didn't understand was why her mother took it out on her sister but did nothing to their dad.
She was eleven when her dad first started having carnal knowledge of her. Her parents fight a lot. Her mum ends up getting beaten all the time, she'd tell friends and relatives cock and bull tales or hide the bruises with makeup. Her mum isn't really an angel either, she's a hard person to be with.
The thing is, years of abuse and physical violence is taking it's toll on her. She doesn't have friends because nobody likes her. She refuses to talk so everybody feels she's overbearing and proud. It doesn't help that her parents are popular and well respected people both in their community and at Church.
She concluded by telling me she's making efforts to contact her sister so she can leave with her. But before then, she needs advice because she's been driven into contemplating suicide.
I didn't find it surprising or shocking because I'm aware first hand of what domestic violence and abuse entails. I still haven't replied her mail, I hate to think of the social stigmatization that would follow her revealing her father's dirty acts, I feel horrified she can't even confide in her mother. I don't think leaving with her sister might be the best depending on what her sister is currently up to. I just don't know what to tell her.
Help me here.

Let her go to her school counsellor and table the issue and they will take it up from there.

Asking her sister to help her is the best decision she can possibly make for now. I hope her sister is willing to help.

Is the girl based in Nigeria?

Mindfulness:
Asking her sister to help her is the best decision she can possibly make for now. I hope her sister is willing to help.

Is the girl based in Nigeria?

Yeah she is. Like I said, it depends on the sister, let's not jump into conclusions. Her sister could be doing fine actually, but she could also be doing not so fine. We can only hope she's doing fine can't we?

JustTara:
Yeah she is. Like I said, it depends on the sister, let's not jump into conclusions. Her sister could be doing fine actually, but she could also be doing not so fine. We can only hope she's doing fine can't we?

I pray she does.

Mindfulness:


I pray she does.

Girls become lesbians because of these, not to forget mothers who sleep with their sons.

Mindfulness:
Asking her sister to help her is the best decision she can possibly make for now. I hope her sister is willing to help.

Is the girl based in Nigeria?

True. Let her locate her sister and two of them can work together in deciding wether to report the issue (to the police or family relatives) or not. Besides having someone close by who has gone through your current situation helps a great deal

Evidence is the most important thing right now for his arrest, after that report to the church

lilmax:
Evidence is the most important thing right now for his arrest, after that report to the church

What will the church do?

Well respected people in the church?I wish she could approach the pastor of the church and tell him/her what is going on.Charity should begin at home(church).The 'Church' really has to know what is going on in some homes.

I don't think her mum is in the best position to handle this.She doesn't seem stable herself.
If the pastor of their church is a man of good repute,that will be who to go to.

JustTara:
What will the church do?

The church will counsel her aright, pray for her and support her. She would need people around her when the bubble busts and things spiral. The church would do that.

Then she would need to see a psychologists as well. She needs to be rewired out of the mess her father has put her in

thorpido:
Well respected people in the church?I wish she could approach the pastor of the church and tell him/her what is going on.Charity should begin at home(church).The 'Church' really has to know what is going on in some homes.

I don't think her mum is in the best position to handle this.She doesn't seem stable herself.
If the pastor of their church is a man of good repute,that will be who to go to.

Why is everyone sidelining the relatives?

JustTara:
Girls become lesbians because of these, not to forget mothers who sleep with their sons.

Off topic.

Generals03:


The church will counsel her aright, pray for her and support her. She would need people around her when the bubble busts and things spiral. The church would do that.

Then she would need to see a psychologists as well. She needs to be rewired out of the mess her father has put her in

Can't her relatives do that? My reason being, you never really know the personal lives of the church members yourself. At least the relatives are blood and may be more willing to protect her. But then again, we can't attest for either of their characters and reactions. Not every church is dependable these days.

Mindfulness:


Off topic.

I don't think so as being a lesbian may be an after effect in her future. And I wanted to draw attention to the fact that it happens to boys too.

JustTara:
What will the church do?

again it depends on the church,a good church will help in offering a well preserved and protected apartment

JustTara:
Why is everyone sidelining the relatives?

Relatives would have been the first point of call but the question is what kind of relationship does she have with them?
Maybe I should have asked what relationship she has with the relatives first.When the sister was thrown out,who did she go to stay with?

JustTara:
Can't her relatives do that? My reason being, you never really know the personal lives of the church members yourself. At least the relatives are blood and may be more willing to protect her. But then again, we can't attest for either of their characters and reactions. Not every church is dependable these days.

Ther reality is that one or two relatives will support you but most relatives actually do not have your time on the long run. They have their own busy events and wahala to handle themselves not to mention another person's own. They prefer to gossip it amongst their friends and co-workers than put in prolonged spirited effort in the rehabilitation of the girl.

This may not always be the case though but you find that most likely in recent times relatives support is not always the solution on the long run.

Meanwhile a true bible believer church are under the Lord's authority to care for and share with the girl until she is finally rehabilitated and well improved. They are bound by the Higher law care for cases such as this.

Nothwithstanding, I will pick the church (Moral, Spiritual and financial support), and Relatives (Financial) and lastly the psychologist (Mental) as the solution to this girls case.

If she embraces the 3, she will have her problem solved pretty soon.

Generals03:


Ther reality is that one or two relatives will support you but most relatives actually do not have your time on the long run. They have their own busy events and wahala to handle themselves not to mention another person's own. They prefer to gossip it amongst their friends and co-workers than put in prolonged spirited effort in the rehabilitation of the girl.

This may not always be the case though but you find that most likely in recent times relatives support is not always the solution on the long run.

Meanwhile a true bible believer church are under the Lord's authority to care for and share with the girl until she is finally rehabilitated and well improved. They are bound by the Higher law care for cases such as this.

Nothwithstanding, I will pick the church (Moral, Spiritual and financial support), and Relatives (Financial) and lastly the psychologist (Mental) as the solution to this girls case.

If she embraces the 3, she will have her problem solved pretty soon.

I support this.
Yes,we do have many unreliable people in the church these days but if you have a local assembly that is of good repute,they are the best to handle this issue.
Some relatives could do too but my problem with relatives is denial.If it's the father's side,they could claim their son would never do such.If it's the mother's side,it could just turn to an issue of gossip and all what not.Not many people want to take on the burden of an extended family member nowadays.

She needs to tell her mother's relatives (her aunt or uncle or grandmother. This people will support her and even take her to live them.

Generals03:


Ther reality is that one or two relatives will support you but most relatives actually do not have your time on the long run. They have their own busy events and wahala to handle themselves not to mention another person's own. They prefer to gossip it amongst their friends and co-workers than put in prolonged spirited effort in the rehabilitation of the girl.

This may not always be the case though but you find that most likely in recent times relatives support is not always the solution on the long run.

Meanwhile a true bible believer church are under the Lord's authority to care for and share with the girl until she is finally rehabilitated and well improved. They are bound by the Higher law care for cases such as this.

Nothwithstanding, I will pick the church (Moral, Spiritual and financial support), and Relatives (Financial) and lastly the psychologist (Mental) as the solution to this girls case.

If she embraces the 3, she will have her problem solved pretty soon.

It all depends on the church. The members are also people's relatives and if their relatives can't go to them first, I don't see them helping the girl. I hope you get me.

thorpido:
Relatives would have been the first point of call but the question is what kind of relationship does she have with them?
Maybe I should have asked what relationship she has with the relatives first.When the sister was thrown out,who did she go to stay with?

Exactly! Much is left to be asked. Why didn't the church members uncover it too?

How young is the young girl?

JustTara:
Exactly! Much is left to be asked. Why didn't the church members uncover it too?

They can't know except someone brings it up.There's a lot going on in some homes that the church is not aware of but that is why you have groups like the counselling unit etc in church to offer solutions to issues like this.
When the mother drove away the sister,who did she go to stay with and if it was a relative,did they get to know why?

thorpido:
They can't know except someone brings it up.There's a lot going on in some homes that the church is not aware of but that is why you have groups like the counselling unit etc in church to offer solutions to issues like this.
When the mother drove away the sister,who did she go to stay with and if it was a relative,did they get to know why?

The same excuse the parents used on the relatives might have been used on the church. People are more gullible than we know. You do have a standing point but the relatives should be given the benefit of doubt.

What i will say is she should go to the police station and give a complete account of her life so far.

There is only so much a school, church or relative can do as long as the mother will obviously denial it all and propably try to pin it on all this little girl.

I dont know where she lives but i have seen police backed by the court with little or no evidence save girls from such situations here in Warri.

So my advice is first thing she should do is make her way to the nearest police station and give a COMPLETE account of her life. Including the sis departure.

After this the sister should be brought into it before the relatives or church can be wheeled in.

If she's scared to go alone she could ask a very close friend to accompany her or a female teacher. Or her principal.

Please very important the parents should not be confronted without the police knowing whats going on. Please its dangerous as they could send her to God knows where or they could all just disappear(speaking from experience). I know people dont trust the police but in delicate situations like this they should be your FIRST option.

If they(police) fail then you find the nearest court and lay a complaint.

Its just my little opinion tho. Hopes she finds favour

Poor child.
The mom that should at least protect them has had her senses beaten out of her. She will watch her kids die before she stands up to the useless husband.

OP if you can forward her email to any NGO that specializes in cases like this, that may help.
Otherwise I don't know.

andromida:
How young is the young girl?

I think she said 15

cococandy:

I think she said 15

I missed that. Thank you.

cococandy:
Poor child.
The mom that should at least protect them has had her senses beaten out of her. She will watch her kids die before she stands up to the useless husband.

OP if you can forward her email to any NGO that specializes in cases like this, that may help.
Otherwise I don't know.

so far, this is the best response I've gotten. I didn't even think of it.

JustTara:
so far, this is the best response I've gotten. I didn't even think of it.

Reach out to this people.

http://www.projectalertnig.org/

Contact
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