Before taking the plunge into marriage, it is very crucial that you evaluate your relationship to be sure your intended is someone you can actually spend your entire life with.

Quite a number of people spend so much time preparing for the wedding-a one day event and neglect the most important preparation of all…..PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE.

People tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of the romantic proposal, planning the perfect wedding and of course, showing up as the perfect picture of what a bride or groom should look like on the wedding day.

The implication of this of course is that, they are not prepared for the reality of marriage.

There is a saying about ‘becoming the person the kind of person you want to marry will like to marry’, while this is very important, it is even more important to make sure that your intended is the ‘kind of person YOU can be with’.

Forget the romanticized notion of what marriage is. If your marital reality is ugly, trust me there’s nothing romantic about it.

Forget the ring and status change that comes with marriage. If your marriage is unhappy, that ring becomes a symbol of imprisonment for you.

The time is now, while you are still unmarried to evaluate your relationship with your intended.

Based on current behavioural patterns of your intended; do you see yourself spending your life with him/her?

Are you comfortable with the person you have chosen?

Is your intended comfortable with who you are as a person?

How you are treated now is merely an indicator of how you will be treated in marriage.

Does he physically or emotionally abuse you? Do you have to walk on eggshells around him so as not to rouse his temper?

Can you honestly tell her the size of your bank account and be confident that she won’t run away because it’s meagre or do you pretend to have more than you do just to keep her?

Are you free to express your emotions without him chastising or belittling you?

Is there freedom of self-expression or are you hiding behind a façade of who your intended wants you to be?

If you are currently hiding behind a façade, please know that you cannot keep up a façade in marriage; the REAL YOU will surface at some point.

There is only so much the human psyche can take. If you subject yourself to a marriage where you cannot freely express yourself, it will only be a matter of time before the need to break free causes you to revolt against whoever is encumbering your self-expression.

The implication? Fights, arguments, dissatisfaction, devastation and possibly, divorce.

Carry out a proper evaluation of your relationship and if it turns out there are crucial areas that are not right, you may want to rethink the relationship and take the necessary steps to securing a lasting marital union for yourself.

As important as it is to be the right person, it is just as important to MEET the right person.

No one is perfect, that is a given. While I don’t ask you to seek perfection, I ask you to marry someone who, despite imperfections, you can build a solid marriage with.

THE TIME IS NOW!!

If this post resonates with you, Do share with friends and family who will benefit from it.

Remember, sharing is caring.

P.S I always love to hear from you. Do drop your comments below.

#SEXYMARRIAGEREVOLUTION
#EVALUATINGYOURRELATIONSHIP

Olawunmi Esan
Marriage & Sex coach.Psychologist.Christian
www.olawunmiesan.com
BBM: 7D158875
Twitter: @olawunmiesan

Nice. Very practical points.

Valid point.

However, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

The truth is that most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "My friends are getting married, it's time, I am getting old, Pressure from parents/friends, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

Yes I am

olawunmiesan:
Yes I am

Ok. Congratulations ma.

..... No disrespect intended, but I put it to you that there are only few Nigerian ladies that are worthy of marrying and they keep on decreasing daily.

donogaga:
Valid point.

However, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

The truth is that most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "My friends are getting married, it's time, I am getting old, Pressure from parents/friends, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

@donogaga You are right that quite a number of people are not clear as to why they go into marriage OR they go into it for the wrong reasons. As a result of this, there is no solid foundation for the marriage to be built upon but they go into marriage, thinking that LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL.

Even the bible says that 'LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS'. A multitude, NOT ALL sins. So expecting Love to do everything is pretty unrealistic.

You can look up my post on how you can get the foundation right...http://www.olawunmiesan.com/choosing-a-life-partner/

Other couples may get the foundation right but the building blocks become faulty along the way. I must tell you that it is very easy to get 'lazy' in marriage. By lazy, i mean ' letting the marriage run on autopilot'. People get consumed by doing every other thing except the one of the most important things...which is keeping the marriage alive.

Work, the kids, the home etc take over and whatever free time available is used to rest and thereafter resume the vicious cycle. It has become imperative that in order to keep marriage alive, we have to make a conscious effort to do those things that remind us that marriage is more than the mundane things that we chase after.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying other things are not important, all i am saying is that everything should have it's appropriate place for marriage to thrive.