^^ WHat kind of relationship do you, your wife and brossam share

intbizoil:
wow what a tale. I pray God heals your marriage. Mr Op and the wife give peace a chance. Op leave your ego, I know you are hurt cos of the pics please she is your wife. Stop the beating pls. Mrs susu pls forgive and accept your husband for the sake of your baby girl. One of the greatest danger to any marriage is third parties especially exes. From henceforth Op stop contacting your ex if it would make your wife happy. I hope to hear good.news soon.

Thanks intbizoil , was only wondering y a woman u luv wud hide such a thing from her husband b4 and after wedding.well that's in d past now.right from this moment all contact wit my ex has stopped.but wud like to state categorically I Neva had any sexual relationship wit d ex in question.

phatxplorer:

Trust me brsosam is not neutral at all in this matter.i know what am saying and d reason's I say he is not neutral.i did not expect less support from him for my wife.i know my wife actually put him into this to gve whatever she says credence.

Mmm. Okay.

So you never beat her (your wife) like she said? I mean apart from the one time you admitted she called your family useless and you slapped her. You didn't beat her frequently that she had to use armed robbers as excuse to explain away the bruises?
I know why I'm emphasizing on the beating part because domestic violence is a no no in my opinion.

And more importantly why did you bring the issue to NL? Are you willing to own your faults in this case and work towards a solution or you just want to make her look bad?

phatxplorer:

Thanks intbizoil , was only wondering y a woman u luv wud hide such a thing from her husband b4 and after wedding.well that's in d past now.right from this moment all contact wit my ex has stopped.but wud like to state categorically I Neva had any sexual relationship wit d ex in question.

How is brossam related to you and your wife?

susubrown:
I am not emotionally attached to my ex,i have not talked to him since 2007 when we broke up,i carried the bag with my belonging to his house,the visa application and the pictures.
Y is it now he is complaining about it,he has never mentioned this matter once and I am surprised he decided to bring it to nairia land.a yes I am a bad person,continue,u will curse me pains only for a while but God will repay u back,everypain and heart break u have caused me

Did you beat your husband with an iron rod like he says you did? Are you saying he's lying about that?
And whatever happens make sure that girl gets to know and have a relationship with her father. You don't have the sole right to the child. She's jointly 'owned'.

Also important are you willing to own your faults in this and make peace or is your mind strongly made up about the divorce?

cococandy:

Mmm. Okay.

So you never beat her (your wife) like she said? I mean apart from the one time you admitted she called your family useless and you slapped her. You didn't beat her frequently that she had to use armed robbers as excuse to explain away the bruises?
I know why I'm emphasizing on the beating part because domestic violence is a no no in my opinion.

And more importantly why did you bring the issue to NL? Are you willing to own your faults in this case and work towards a solution or you just want to make her look bad?

Like u rightly said I did that 1ce. But after then have not done that until truthfully this last time. When I accused her of flirting she told me point blank dat yes and they gave her d best sex of her life.i won't lie I got angry and slapped her.d armed robber talk was Becoz of her phones dat she cud not find and she had to cover up coz pple were trying to reach her.i brot d pix thing to NL coz I wanted neutral opinion and Neva wanted to make her look bad. I totally admit dat I have my own faults in d whole of this matter and have even. Told her. I think there is more to this than meets d eye, I have even suggested to her dat we need help but she is always saying dat she does not need help,dat am d only 1 dat needs help.I Neva put this on NL to make her look bad, but we really need help.both physical (counselling) and spiritual.

raumdeuter:


How is brossam related to you and your wife?

Brossam is not related to me in anyway but for his relationship with my wife I wud like either of them to start how they are related.me no fit talk am ooooo
But truelly he is not neutral in this matter coz he has Neva heard my side of d story and have Neva spoken to me whether face to face or on phone.

By your admission youv'e beaten her twice.
So maybe it's understandable she's afraid.

Who's to say it won't happen again?

You're right though about the counseling. You both really need it from professionals (not like nairalanders can't help a little bit )

Well if she agrees to seek help alongside you, are you willing to stop contacting your ex, forget the guy she fake married (it happened 8yrs ago), never raise your hands on her again, and come to terms with the fact that she "had the best sex of her life" with someone else while being married to you? You'd have to let go of all those anger arousing thoughts in order to be able to forge ahead. And it will be hard. So are you ready?

I'd advice you to sideline spiritual help for now. The way I see it, Half of the problems in your marriage is coming from your spiritual affiliations. I don't know how you guys can't see these pastors and prophets that see damning visions for what they really are. They sow doubt and mistrust between couples. Pls don't consult any 'man of God' for foresight or bla bla the bla. I promise you you'll be better off praying together than seeking someone else to pray for you.

And why do her parents not want you guys together? Have you made any moves in the past to resolve whatever animosity between you and them? Are you willing to do that now?

You know it will be hard to keep the marriage afloat if they keep kicking against it.

phatxplorer:

Like u rightly said I did that 1ce. But after then have not done that until truthfully this last time. When I accused her of flirting she told me point blank dat yes and they gave her d best sex of her life.i won't lie I got angry and slapped her.d armed robber talk was Becoz of her phones dat she cud not find and she had to cover up coz pple were trying to reach her.i brot d pix thing to NL coz I wanted neutral opinion and Neva wanted to make her look bad. I totally admit dat I have my own faults in d whole of this matter and have even. Told her. I think there is more to this than meets d eye, I have even suggested to her dat we need help but she is always saying dat she does not need help,dat am d only 1 dat needs help.I Neva put this on NL to make her look bad, but we really need help.both physical (counselling) and spiritual.

raumdeuter:
^^ WHat kind of relationship do you, your wife and brossam share

Hmmmm I no fit talk ooooo
E b like say na only dem fit answer d question. Correctly sha. Make I no talk make dem no say I dey over talk.

susubrown:
I am not emotionally attached to my ex,i have not talked to him since 2007 when we broke up,i carried the bag with my belonging to his house,the visa application and the pictures.
Y is it now he is complaining about it,he has never mentioned this matter once and I am surprised he decided to bring it to nairia land.a yes I am a bad person,continue,u will curse me pains only for a while but God will repay u back,everypain and heart break u have caused me

My dear u know u have Neva sat me down to really explain anything to me. Am not complaining but it hurts me dat whenever we argue u always compare me wit ur ex's, saying I was a mistake. Have I ever compared u to my ex? I did not bring it on nairaland for make u,me or d marriage look bad but to get neutral opinion since u refused to talk to me. Note have Neva said u are Bad person, we both have our flaws wich I always want to let u know but u Neva gve me d chance.i never intend to cause u any pain or heart break and if I did It was Neva intentional. Please find it in ur heart to forgive. Me, AM SINCERELY SORRY.

Susubrown your husband seems willing to try.
What say you?

If you have been violent towards him, (which you're yet to admit to) are you willing to stop?
Are you also willing to stop giving pastors spiritualists open door into your marriage?
What about the cheating and best sex allegation? If you really did say that to his face that means you must have the deep seated urge to hurt him.
If that's true are you willing to 'forsake all others' and get help with him?

I wish you guys goodluck.

cococandy:

Did you beat your husband with an iron rod like he says you did? Are you saying he's lying about that?
And whatever happens make sure that girl gets to know and have a relationship with her father. You don't have the sole right to the child. She's jointly 'owned'.

Also important are you willing to own your faults in this and make peace or is your mind strongly made up about the divorce?

Please NL help beg my wife coz she is hell bent on denying me any relationship wit my daughter.she knows I love my daughter wit all my heart and wud do anything for her.so she wanna punish me by taking d girl away from me. Plz I wud wanna b a part of my daughters life no matter d outcome of her decision.

phatxplorer:


Please NL help beg my wife coz she is hell bent on denying me any relationship wit my daughter.she knows I love my daughter wit all my heart and wud do anything for her.so she wanna punish me by taking d girl away from me. Plz I wud wanna b a part of my daughters life no matter d outcome of her decision.

You don't need to beg for that. It's your right.

Hello pls check bloosm profile check when he registered and check when he registered I was so shocked he is a member of nairiand,i don't intend to take the baby from him like I have alwaus told him he has a right to see her when he wants to as long as he is not violent towards me,i have been acussed of slepping with him,even with the driver in my office self.infact everybody.he is here loving his daughter ask him go takes care of her.the last time he bought babyfood was oct,november is almost gone I am the one handling the responsiblity,I am not complaning.i have never hit him with pole that is a lie,a big lie.

Today in conclusion, I pray susubrown u gve us d chance to set things right.No human or marriage is perfect but we need to confront our imperfection and face a sometimes painful past, including the truth that we have both been insultive,abusive and offended each other countless times.

For the cheating,i have been acussed of sleeping with the driver in my office,his friends and even his oga,this is an isan person who an they believe anywoman that cheats will die ooooooo,the cheating part is baselesss,totally baseless.for the best sex part,when I was pregnat he kept sending text messges with another phone cliaming it was a woman who I was sleeping with her husband,i went to the woman in real life and she denined ever doing that,the husband even reported the matter to the station but the person kept acussing me I was sleeping with her husband when I was 8. Months pregnact,so one day I reply the message do your worst,yes I had the best sex with your husband,that is what he is talking about. immediately I sent the text my husband forwarded the message to everybody that a woamn I have been sleeping with sent it to him,yes the line is not registered in his name but right now that sim is with me because I found that sim in his pocket,

susubrown:
Hello pls check bloosm profile check when he registered and check when he registered I was so shocked he is a member of nairiand,i don't intend to take the baby from him like I have alwaus told him he has a right to see her when he wants to as long as he is not violent towards me,i have been acussed of slepping with him,even with the driver in my office self.infact everybody.he is here loving his daughter ask him go takes care of her.the last time he bought babyfood was oct,november is almost gone I am the one handling the responsiblity,I am not complaning.i have never hit him with pole that is a lie,a big lie.

I know pple wud start commenting and saying. Am lieing but no need to argue. This is really d problem, u don't wanna admit to ur own faults.i come here and write dat u have Neva hit me wit iron, even dat nite u woke me up wit strokes of iron on my back.have always been responsible for my child, even d last time I bought food was early Nov wich I gave to my wife's Dad d day I meet him to discuss all these issues.ask her 2 weeks ago I called her up and asked her let's sit to discover d way forward especially as regards our daughter but she refused and asked me to discuss anything I have to say with her father.thankGod she said it's only this few weeks I did not buy food.mind u all she has been living her parents house for 2 years now, immediately after d marriage while d apartment I rented for 2 years is wasting away.
As for her relationship wit brossam I wud not dignify her by saying anything about it,but mmayb she has forgotten what she told me about it. I wanted to rest my case with my last post but I had to reply this.

Am a woman oooo,will I be so dumb to be sleeping out and be singing with it,
I have been praying to God on this issue,right now I think it's best we stay apart,cos truth be told I don't feel safe around this guy,if he promises not to harras me I can take the babe to to him once a month,he should plsss not allow the baby see us fighting,i don't want it to affect her phsic.lets look for solution individually

Will I be stupid to hit a person who I know is very very hot tempered,who is far stronger than me,i am not that stupid,i have never hit him and this this the 7 time he is hiting me,

susubrown:
For the cheating,i have been acussed of sleeping with the driver in my office,his friends and even his oga,this is an isan person who an they believe anywoman that cheats will die ooooooo,the cheating part is baselesss,totally baseless.for the best sex part,when I was pregnat he kept sending text messges with another phone cliaming it was a woman who I was sleeping with her husband,i went to the woman in real life and she denined ever doing that,the husband even reported the matter to the station but the person kept acussing me I was sleeping with her husband when I was 8. Months pregnact,so one day I reply the message do your worst,yes I had the best sex with your husband,that is what he is talking about. immediately I sent the text my husband forwarded the message to everybody that a woamn I have been sleeping with sent it to him,yes the line is not registered in his name but right now that sim is with me because I found that sim in his pocket,

Mheennn this woman, plz stop lieing and don't allow me to start washing our dirty linen on nairaland. This am talking about was just some few weeks back ooooo. She told me point blank in d sitting room ooo dat she had d best sex of her life wit a married man.mind u ask any Ishan man it has been reverted now, any woman dat does dat is on her own. Can u imagine what my wife is saying.found wich sim in my pocket? Na set up oooooo.i don tire for all this talk.its just painful dat my wife wud not admit her faults.now it's glaring for u all to see.dats 1 of our biggest challenge.

So I put the sim in your pocket,or I ran mad,called u and said te best sex I ever had was with a married man,since it has been reverted y don't u wait until it kills me,y do u want to kill me before then

susubrown:
Will I be stupid to hit a person who I know is very very hot tempered,who is far stronger than me,i am not that stupid,i have never hit him and this this the 7 time he is hiting me,

Na waoooo, y do u enjoy lieing to get sympathy.u have Neva hit me woman? God plz help this woman.i can't count d number oof times she has hit me I wud show u guys marks on my body when I snap them. My hit u 7 times. How many times have we spent together in d last 2 years? Is it up to 7 times? How I wish Odion cud really explain or express herself I wud ve loved it.

@phatxplorer, I am neutral ooooooo. don't want to involve myself in marital issues, that is why I didn't call you, but I was disappointed when you went to nairaland to begin to unravelled secret marital issues, these are problem you should have trashed out as a man with your wife.
You have high and uncontrollable temper and you are over suspicious, you react to things uncontrollably , learn to carefully investigate issues before reacting.

@susubrown , your husband said so many things on nairaland, IF they are true , too bad. You have to apologies to him . regarding the ex pix you are not suppose to bring that picture to your new home, all men are naturally jealous and uncomfortable with such pictures. You too you have your problem.

Thanks NL for ur advice,comments,suggestions . Really appreciate them.its obvious my wife has made up her mind and it's kinda painful she has to use this medium to tell me.gracias all and finally God bless us all.

flyca:


Ghen ghen
Bellong. Taryour. Ifyalways. Mindfulness. StPete
Abeg make una come o

I plead the 5th abeg.

Husband, wife, friend et all on NLD posting away, why then are they not sorting their issue offline?

This kind nagging husband sef!!!

chizobamgbume:
This kind nagging husband sef!!!

Na watin I see inside marriage turn me to nagging husband.abi make I die of HBP? Am going insane already, u don't have an idea and I pray u don't go tru same if u are a man.

@phatxplorer, ur wife mind is not made up against you , forget all this conversation on NL. You can start again on a new platform, be a loving husband get a good marriage counselor to speak to and above all you must involve Jesus in your marriage, pray together, eat together, love her with all your heart and make up your mind that certain things won't be reoccurring.

You won't find solutions to your problem on NL, instead they will plunge you into confusion the more and at the end you will be indecisive.

Your marital crisis is more of spiritual than physical. What you see in the physical is what has been orchestrated in the spiritual hence the behavior from both side.

Rush now, you and your wife go to the nearest MFM or Omega church and first go for deliverance theteafter invite Jesus into your home.

May peace reign.

susubrown:
I am not emotionally attached to my ex,i have not talked to him since 2007 when we broke up,i carried the bag with my belonging to his house,the visa application and the pictures.
Y is it now he is complaining about it,he has never mentioned this matter once and I am surprised he decided to bring it to nairia land.a yes I am a bad person,continue,u will curse me pains only for a while but God will repay u back,everypain and heart break u have caused me

phatxplorer:


My dear u know u have Neva sat me down to really explain anything to me. Am not complaining but it hurts me dat whenever we argue u always compare me wit ur ex's, saying I was a mistake. Have I ever compared u to my ex? I did not bring it on nairaland for make u,me or d marriage look bad but to get neutral opinion since u refused to talk to me. Note have Neva said u are Bad person, we both have our flaws wich I always want to let u know but u Neva gve me d chance.i never intend to cause u any pain or heart break and if I did It was Neva intentional. Please find it in ur heart to forgive. Me, AM SINCERELY SORRY.

The two of you seem to still love and care for each other but don't just know how to sort out your problems. You have not been married for long and like some newly married couple, are still learning to live with another person. I have known people who had a very turbulent start but are very ok today at least from the outside. I am saying this to let you know that they is still hope for your marriage if the two of you are happy to work on it. The only thing I am concerned about is the violence in that marriage. I am going to offer some suggestions on what can help you guys from what I have gathered from your stories. Please pardon me if I use an accusation that is not true as the basis of the advice as its difficult to say what's true and what's not.

Living together

Is there any chance that the two of you can come to a form of compromise so you can start properly living together? I think that would help.


Exes

Exes should remain exes and remain in the past and far from the family especially a young family as yours. I have heard people say they are able to keep exes close and still have a wonderful marriage but honestly, I have seen more people whose exes destroyed their marriage. If the two of you initially thought you could handle your exes, the moment you realise the other person was not comfortable with it, you just have to cut off all relationship with that ex. Oga, you should have stopped all relationships with the ex as soon as realised your wife was not comfortable with it anymore. Madam, I am actually very angry with you for taking the picture of an ex expecially one showing you marrying him to your marital home. What where you thinking?

Communication
I know how difficult this can be. People think it's easy, but it's actually one of the most difficult things to do even amongst couples. However it does bother me that you both are not able to do the most basic form of communication which is telling each other things. Oga, you never told madam how angry the pictures made you feel but gladly told nairalanders. Madam, you seem to be more comfortable telling an outsider about your marriage than talking to your husband.

Violence

That just has to stop. No ifs or buts. It does not help. It worsens the situation. You both need to learn how to control your anger. Madam, if you hit him, don't complain if he hits you back. Oga stop hitting her.

Pastors and spiritual men of God


Forget them. How are you sure they have a good marriage themselves let alone have any advice to give. They are just good at hiding their marital problems. Also you are the best dreamer and the best person to see any vision for your marriage. No one can have a better dream or vision for your home. I urge you both to start dreaming big and having big visions for your home today.

Inlaws

Oga, I am so angry you gave your mum the pictures. What exactly is she going to use it for? Please take it back and hand it over to your wife. Madam destroy that picture and please stop running to your parents. They built their home. You need to build yours. When you people finally settle, it will be hardwork trying to make each family forgive the other.

Forgiveness

Now is the time to forgive each other and start a happy home.

Working on your marriage


Like a lot of things, you have to put in some work to enjoy it. I urge the two of you to put in some work in your marriage.

I wish you both the best of luck and hope in the nearest future you will come back and tell us the good news.

this is serious

The Op doesn't sound truthful. He seems like someone that has issues and he should be advised to sort himself out first before the marriage can work.

No Nigerian man would believe his wife is sleeping with driver, boss etc and would still be willing to make things work.

He sounds like someone who's emotionally and physically abusive and cannot stand the fact that his wife is moving on.

OP see a psychologist/psychiatrist

babygirlfl:


I dey hear my dear. How are you and the family?

We are good hun.hows your family