Today is May 29, 2009. To 150 million Nigerians, it is not just another day, it’s Democracy Day! My nation has suffered from destructive forces within and without. Colonized by Britain, raped by oil companies, decimated by a civil war and tyrannically ruled by one despot or the other since independence, Nigeria was free at last when democracy came (again) some ten years ago. People’s voices will now be heard, crime rates will go down, corrupt officials will now be prosecuted and we will now have our place in the comity of Nations, or so we thought.
I will discuss at length how I think we can get out of this mess…but that is for another time.
For now, I just want to share with you a conversation that took place between two leaders and for one reason or the other, it escaped the watchful eyes of the media. CNN, BBC, NTA and even SaharaReporters failed to report it…maybe because it happened in my imagination.
Yar’Adua: Welcome to Nigeria! The whole nation is happy to see you.
Obama: Thank you!
Yar’Adua: We were all happy that our own son is now the President of America.
Obama (looking uneasy): Thank you
Yar’Adua (walking gauntly on the red carpet): How did you find the journey? Tiring?
Obama (walking besides him with a steady gait): Interesting, actually.
They then drove off in armored Hummers.
Yar’Adua: Your book was one of the best I ever read.
Obama: Which one?
Yar’Adua: Have you written any other one since the Audacity of Hope?
Obama: No. I wrote one before that.
Yar’Adua (looking stupid): Oh! I see. (He then gave an affected smile)
At this point, power supply went off and an automatic generator quickly kicked in.
Yar’Adua (smiling squirmingly): Those generators are powerful, Mikano brand, from Japan.
Obama (soliloquizing): How can a people living in darkness [be expected to] reason in the light?
Yar’Adua: I beg your pardon?
Obama: Will you say that power generation is the most important problem facing your country?
Yar’Adua: No.
Obama (surprised): huh
Yar’Adua: I will rate the Swiss bankers as my number one problem. Can you believe those Europeans won’t release over a billion dollars illegally stashed away in their vaults to me, to us…I mean to Nigeria? I don’t know how the West can help us in this regard.
Obama: There are channels you can explore to recover stolen public funds. The Economic Intelligence Unit is a good starting point. They will need facts and figures though and not hearsay. Some monies were recovered recently; I hope they have been put into good use…
Yar’Adua (cutting in): I hope so too. It’s just that the money received so far is not enough.
Obama: So how are you going about the power generation problem? I understand that generation has gone from 3200MW two years ago to below 1000MW now.
Yar’Adua: We have invested over $15 billion in the power sector and there’s nothing to show for it. Can you believe that? Nothing! There are people bent on sabotaging our efforts.
Obama: Who are those?
Yar’Adua: I don’t know. Maybe the generator dealers, diesel suppliers…
Obama: Maybe? Are you using Hydroelectric, coal, gas or geothermal plants?
Yar’Adua (exasperated): I don’t know these things. Walahai, I don’t know. We appoint Power Ministers every now and then but they don’t deliver. They don’t. (looking resigned)
Obama: Nigeria is an influential player in the AU and critical in maintaining peace in this region so it is in our interest to make sure she is stable. How can the US collaborate in peace keeping efforts?
Yar’Adua: We need help in fighting the Niger Delta militants. We need better bombs, snipers (the ones that took out the Somali pirates) and more helicopters.
Electricity was back so the generators were switched off. Yar’Adua excused himself apparently to give a stern warning that electricity must not be interrupted again – they should just stick with the generators since they are more reliable.
At this point, Obama checked his Blackberry to read the updated CIA reports on Nigeria: he read about the Ekiti re-run election, MEND and JTF, the sale of the embassy at Washington DC, the Seven-Point agenda in the light of actual deliverables, James Ibori, the newly emasculated EFCC, Nuhu Ribadu US hearing…
Yar’Adua (stepping into the room): So you see, we are fighting on many fronts. We need help.
Obama (speaking loudly to his aide so that Yar’Adua can hear): Can you please give me the name of a country, in Africa, whose President was actually elected rather than selected, whose President will not be “planning” to carry out his campaign promises two years into his term, whose oil discovery doesn’t translate into killing of women and children, who would quit whining about saboteurs who he has power to deal with but refuses to…
Aide (cutting in): But we are here already.
Obama: I’m not afraid to own up to my mistake. Coming here is a mistake. I just want to go where the leader seems to have at least an appearance of respect for the people whose lives are daily touched by the decision he makes…I’m sure there should be a country like that even in Africa that can boast of uninterrupted power supply.
Obama (checking his Blackberry again, read the last line of the CIA report): Ghana will be a better country to pay a visit. But going to Aso Rock will be, well, revealing.

He wouldn't have helped him,