The Pregnant Husbands by Keshinro Hafees

There is this popular saying amongst the Yoruba speaking people of Western Nigeria: 'A man whose wife is pregnant is also a pregnant husband'. I have never given this saying a second thought until recently.

Right now, I am one of the pregnant husbands, and my pregnancy is big, time consuming and expensive!

Often time madam groans in the middle of the night and I have to wake up and rob her belly, saying the right soothing words, I hate it when I see her pain, these nights are at least 3 times a week. Sometimes I just wake up to check on my sleeping beauty, my once slim beautiful wife, with amazing curve is now this ballooned Barbie doll in my bed. Many a time she wakes up holding on to me tightly, crying out my name and I see fear in her eyes, these are the moments that touch me, and I have a feeling I cannot readily express - I guess it fear too!

Any day, I would say my wife is a beautiful woman (I was the smart Alec who got her eventually), very fashionable and sways in a catwalk (one of the things that got me hook in the first place), but all of that seemed to have faded into the background, as she now only seems to care about the little guy kicking and rolling inside of her. I am seemed to be second best already; I won’t complain. Once we were getting ready for an outing and I saw that she was not wearing her usual rouges and lip sticks. When I asked her why, her reply sounded like 'can't you see my challenges now’. Now she seems to get angry easily and poor me has to tip toe around her grouchy temper, she seems to also have developed this well sharpen tongue now. I have learnt to be more patient and not look beyond her big tummy.

Right now I ‘triple’ as part time laundry man, cook, and general house keeper (not that I am really complaining). If my wife touches the laundry, then I should be ready to rinse them and put them for drying on the wires, the biggest assignment of all is I have to sweep the house myself every day, even when she points at the dirt in the rug because 'the doctor advised ‘madam’ not to bend any more'- I understand!

I share the cooking now because madam has recently started going on a series of 'am tired' moods. She loves to sit on the couch cradling her ballooned tummy, stretching her leg on the stool and telling me in one of those voices dripping with honey-' Darling could you get me a bottle of coke from the fridge'. Once in a while when I say no! I mean practically frustrated with the turn of events, and she simply tells me I put her in that condition… and that my friend is said with lots of attitude- its takes two to tango for heaven sake!

’The doctor said I should take things easy and should stop sex for now'!

The 'big tummy' -that’s what I call her behind her back- is a full time job for me now (I pray she's not reading this) and that made me complain a lot until I started going with her to the maternity workshop now and then. All of them, sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart, swollen, tired looking, and seeming like they will deliver tomorrow, for almost everything they need help. 'Sir could you pass me this, could you do that'. The worst part as I learnt later is they are all too happy to go home and tell their hubby that 'the doctor said I should take things easy and should stop sex for now'!

Now this was the topic between me and some of the other 'boys' on Saturday. While understanding that the sex should not be so strenuous or not too raunchy as the 'boys' like to put it, they cannot understand the part about no sex at all. For me it sounds strange that for the next six to eight months I would not be having sex, 'big tummy' said I should start learning to go celibate for the next 8 months, that’s before and after delivery. Most of the time, the women get away with complaints of pain every where and the man looks at himself and laugh- he's between being a loving and trustworthy husband and being virile man with that kind of need. Infidelity stinks, but will many cold showers solve the problem?

My father in law came to visit us some two weeks back and I caught him looking at his daughter critically and eyeing me too, I wondered what was going on in his mind- I did his daughter in badly. The same day my wife woke me up in the middle of the night, I had actually worked on a presentation till 1 am and she woke me up thirty minutes later. She wanted me to feel her breast; she thinks there are lumps growing, especially because her breasts are hurting her. I checked (good one, it has been a while since she let me!) and promises to go with her to the hospital the next day, but she would not let me sleep. It could be cancer, it could be malaria, it could be, she listed a million and one reasons why she should have pains on her breast except that the breast is getting bigger and preparing for feeding a baby. When I asked in-directly if I could sleep for an hour so I can look good for my presentation the next day, she felt I was in considerate, selfish and all the rest of those things pregnant women say to their husband. I don’t really feel like talking about keeping my head straight when I am driving in her company, she thinks I now look at the pretty young girl a lot now. Even though I have told her many times and she does not believe me, she is still one of the ‘hottest’ women of our time.

Thumbs up to all the pregnant husbands

At the initial stage, we had decided on a budget for the pregnancy, but it keeps over shooting, even with a ceiling I considered generous. The number of scans we wanted to do increase because she wanted to be sure it’s a boy, the baby’s position is okay, and that the baby is fine amongst others. Now this is not to mention what madam eats, her taste buds seem to have suddenly gone haywire, and boy does she eat a lot- the economy melt down is none of her business. She once told me 'the baby wants to eat barbeque' and I laughed my head off. She however explained that what she feels like eating is what the baby wants- search me!

Now if you are one of the pregnant husbands anywhere in the world, I give you the thumbs up. Besides the waking up in the middle of the night and the demand that you have to be home at a certain time irrespective of your job description/specification, to show you are a responsible husband, you need to register at www.baby.com and read numerous other books and pass the information to her, because if she's happy and healthy, then the same goes for you. Preparing for fatherhood is a huge task but I love it. I love to listen to my baby’s gentle breathing and sometimes he heaves and I hear, we seemed to be bonding already- I think the little guy knows the touch of my hands now when I am robbing the tummy, he simply relax and allow mummy some quiet time.

Sometimes I have a good laugh with my wife over her big tummy but most of the times she scares the day lights out of me. Any moment now she will call me and give me instructions on what to buy when I am coming home- I love her so much but she has changed … but I love her more. For everyone who still has a mother , cherish her, and for all those who still have father , congratulate him and ask how he coped with the challenges of being a pregnant husband.

For me I can’t wait for the day she will deliver the little one and I can have my wife back.

never knew pregnant hubbies passed thru dis,

Nice one, I laughed and cried as I read it. Good to know there are still some good men out there . . . hang in there, it's only for a while. And I've always wondered about how fathers feel when they see their daughters pregnant. I must remember to ask my dad sometime.

Usually there's no reason not to have sex whilst pregnant but if doctor says No, then cold showers and the grace of God will help.

Congratulations and Best Wishes.

Ilelobola:

Nice one, I laughed and cried as I read it. Good to know there are still some good men out there . . . hang in there, it's only for a while. And I've always wondered about how fathers feel when they see their daughters pregnant. I must remember to ask my dad sometime.

Usually there's no reason not to have sex whilst pregnant but if doctor says No, then cold showers and the grace of God will help.

Congratulations and Best Wishes.

rofl.
It sure works
@Poster,nice piece.