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Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? - Romance - Nairaland

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Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:29pm On Dec 16, 2015
Hello folks,
For the past few months now this has been on my mind..
Few months back august precisely, i met a lady at one of the popular clubs in lagos.. in the club we noticed her cos she was sitting in front of the bartender drinking all alone.. normally nobody approached her,cos everyone thought shes either waiting for someone or maybe one of the hookers, around past 3 to 4 am we about leaving the club,we never knew she noticed us either,she approached us and asked were we are heading to if we could give her a ride to the nearest bustop, at first my friend refused but well i considered helping out.. we dropped her at two bustops before mine.. during the time we leaving the club,we exchanged pleasantries and she told me her name,of which i asked her some questions like what she was doing in the club alone and all that.. we exchanged contacts..
To cut the whole gist short.. weve been talking since then till now, and from these whole times weve been communicating a d seeing.. she seems to be a good girl in which one can actually be serious with.. but im considering where i met her, and stuffa like that..
She wasnt a hooker or just a normal girl that visits club anytime shes bored according to her.. for the past 4 months shes been cool and a sweet girl..

The question is can one actually get serious with such girl you met in such places even when she got good attitudes in her for quite a while you two have been together..??

Ignore my typos and spellings.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Fajs: 6:35pm On Dec 16, 2015
It is Risky, but u can give it a try
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by iceberylin(m): 6:35pm On Dec 16, 2015
Met lots of girls in clubs..

No one went well..

1 Like

Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MzPecs(f): 6:36pm On Dec 16, 2015
Op you're just complicating issues.

Why don't you ask her what she was doing at the club.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:36pm On Dec 16, 2015
Fajs:
It is Risky, but u can give it a try
okay sir thanks
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by mizquote(f): 6:36pm On Dec 16, 2015
why not.
I'm responsible.
I club too.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by EZEIGBO1OFIMO: 6:36pm On Dec 16, 2015
Tomorrow, she will go to the club, and claim "SINGLE", to the next available mugu. this never gets old. grin
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Nobody: 6:37pm On Dec 16, 2015
Am an advocate of where u meet someone doesnt matter, what matters is who you re meeting. It could be on nairaland, church, club, twitter or fb, etc. Sleeping in the church doesnt mk u better than someone who sleeps in a club.

3 Likes

Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:37pm On Dec 16, 2015
Really??
iceberylin:
Met lots of girls in clubs..

No one went well..
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:38pm On Dec 16, 2015
Hmmm.. errmm thats good
mizquote:
why not.

I'm responsible.

I club too.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:38pm On Dec 16, 2015
My thoughts exactly
EZEIGBO1OFIMO:
Tomorrow, she will go to the club, and claim "SINGLE", to the next available mugu. this never gets old. grin
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 6:39pm On Dec 16, 2015
WORD!thanks
QatarPlayboy:
Am an advocate of where u meet someone doesnt matter, what matters is who you re meeting. It could be on nairaland, church, club, twitter or fb, etc. Sleeping in the church doesnt mk u better than someone who sleeps in a club.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by eph12(m): 6:43pm On Dec 16, 2015
The ones you didn't meet in the club have been to the club before

1 Like

Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Nobody: 6:44pm On Dec 16, 2015
MrLexander:
WORD!thanks
Cool. life has gone beyond church people re better than those in the club.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by dmola(m): 6:45pm On Dec 16, 2015
lemme wait till u come n tell us hw she broke ur hrt


na sitdwn look I dey
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Nobody: 6:47pm On Dec 16, 2015
mizquote:
why not.

I'm responsible.

I club too.
With those smooth looking thighs(hmmm, i like it) of urs, there is no way u wont be responsible. Infact RESPONSIBLE is ur sur,middle and last name. You not looking bad.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Pheals(f): 6:51pm On Dec 16, 2015
undecidediyawo ta fi Jo fe Iran ni yo wo lo )) Op what do you expect from a club gal? Good habit or she go stop clubbing?
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Santiago5(m): 6:51pm On Dec 16, 2015
So far so well it is a question for thought. Places shouldn't v been a doubt buh from the experience of life and stories heard, every responsible man or woman will definitely v a double tot about it. For me i wouldn't want to go too intimate with such people, even when i kn we can still find good people out there @ clubs
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Adaeze003(f): 7:12pm On Dec 16, 2015
We're always quick to point fingers...

Ogbeni... what were you doing in the club yourself? evangelism I guess undecided

1 Like

Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Santiago5(m): 7:16pm On Dec 16, 2015
Adaeze003:
We're always quick to point fingers...

Ogbeni... what were you doing in the club yourself? evangelism I guess undecided
lolz that's if it has to do with serious issues. Guys gat no problem with places but ladies do cos they gat so many pride and respect to protect
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Adaeze003(f): 7:21pm On Dec 16, 2015
Santiago5:

lolz that's if it has to do with serious issues. Guys gat no problem with places but ladies do cos they gat so many pride and respect to protect

I don't care too much for the "lady pride" and what not.

As you point a finger at her three point back to you.

Just imagining someone thinking of me as without pride or self respect just because I went to a club. Ha! It's the 21st century yo...
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Charles4075(m): 7:23pm On Dec 16, 2015
Op,there have been plenty of girls that I've met through friends or randomly in public, but in bars, the sheer density of attractive, young, single women is enormously greater than it is on the street or beach or office (or anywhere else); and my dating history reflects that. I've made the point previously that the higher concentration of the opposite sex in nightlife venues is a good thing, and I stand by what I said. But as I've gotten older and come to know myself better, I've recognized two serious disadvantages to meeting women in this way.

1. Randomness
The first thing I've realized is that I don't value the way that I meet women I met in bars – that is, I don’t value the process itself. I was telling this recently to a girl that I know, and she suggested that it was because meeting girls in bars is "too random." I think this is the common supposition - namely, that because you don't have any history or connection with the people that you meet in bars, there is no foundation for a relationship, and so any attempt at one is doomed. But this isn't the problem. A strong foundation for a relationship is just as much a function of personal compatibility as it is a function of common history or connections. Meeting the opposite sex in a bar isn't unsuccessful for lack of foundation, and it isn't unsuccessful because it is random. It is unsuccessful precisely because it isn't random.
Randomness is actually what we all want, in the sense that we all want our "how we met" story to be unique and unexpected. The more random it is that you met someone to whom you find yourself deeply attracted, the more special it feels, because you know that you were incredibly lucky for it to happen. It's the same phenomenon that makes people appreciate life so much after a near-death experience. You value what you have because you know that you almost didn't have it. As absurd as most romantic comedies are, it says something about our ideals of romance that so many of them start with some permutation of a girl hitting a guy on a bike with her car - randomly - and then falling in love with him. Things are romantic at least partially because they are unexpected, that is, seemingly impossible or unreal. I probably don't need to explain to most women how un-romantic it is to receive flowers on Valentine's Day. It might be nice, and it might be better than never receiving flowers, but it isn't romantic because it is too predictable. It isn't random at all.
Being picked up in a bar also isn't random at all. In fact, it is exactly the opposite of random; it is boring because it is too mechanical, too planned. Guys know that they want to meet girls, they know where to find them, and they go there to do so. Girls know that they want to meet men, they know where they will be hit on, and they go there for that reason. The encounter might take place in an exciting, fast-paced and sexually-charged atmosphere, but that's just superficial ornamentation. Underneath, those meetings are absolutely blank, because they are absolutely intentional.
Yes, obviously, not everyone in a bar is there with the conscious intention of meeting the opposite sex, but the percentage of people who are is infinitely higher in nightlife environments than it is in, say, a shopping mall. I don't value the women I meet in bars because there is nothing special about the way we met.

2. DIFFICULTY
The second thing I realized is that I don't value the effort I make to meet girls in bars. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the girls themselves, but I don't respect my relationships with them because I didn't have to work very hard to make those relationships happen. We men are very keenly aware that things of low value are easy to obtain, and so we assume (and in most cases are right) that things that are easy to obtain are low in value. A man might have the best job in the world, but he'll never feel good about it as long as he knows that he only got it because his father pulled strings with his professional contacts to make it happen. The same mentality applies in dating.
It hasn't always been this way for me. In my early twenties, approaching a random girl in a bar and attracting her enough to get her phone number took balls and felt like a real accomplishment- because at the time, for me, it was. I was able to have genuine relationships with girls that I met in bars because I respected myself for meeting girls in bars. But I don't anymore, because it has become too easy, too boring. Without the challenges that my adolescent social anxiety used to pose, all I see in bars is a social scene hugely facilitated by dark lighting, loud music, commotion and alcohol.They’re still a great place to have fun and get laid, but they’re not the kind of place where I expect to find a relationship anymore.
Now, does this mean that bars are a bad place to meet guys, or that you should stop going out?
Not necessarily. Despite the fairly categorical nature of my post, what I am really saying here is that bars are a bad place for me to meet women at this point in my life. I am no relativist, but the reasons explained above don’t apply to every guy, and they don't apply in every situation. If you meet a guy tomorrow who is the way I was at 22, for whom it is a big deal to meet a girl in a bar, then this isn't going to be an issue at all. And even if the guy you meet in a bar is exactly like me in the sense that it isn't a challenge for him, there is still the possibility of something working out; it just means that you are getting off on the wrong foot. If there is a strong enough connection, "how you met" probably won't be enough to prevent or disrupt it.
There is also the chance that there will be some other coincidence that makes the encounter incredibly random, despite the environment – maybe you find out that you both come from the same town on the other side of the country, or that you have identical ancestry, or that you are both obsessed with the same nerdy movie, even though you met in a nightclub. And as I explained in previous posts, you still have to consider the disadvantages posed by what I've explained above, along-side the low probability of getting off on the right foot somewhere less intentional, like a shopping mall or at work.
No, I am not saying that you shouldn't go to bars. I am saying that you should be cognizant of the fact that men – just like women – will not respect or value what comes too easily, whether it comes too easily because (a) it is too mechanical or (b) because it requires very little effort. The converse of this is that men will value their encounter with you in proportion to how (a) unlikely or (b) difficult it was. While this doesn't mean that you should lock yourself in a steel cage and only accept men who are willing to tear it down to get to you, it does mean that you should avoid situations in which every man has easy access to you. You might think of bars and online dating as completely different – even opposites – but they share the strong similarity of taking the difficulty out of approaching (and therefore, being approached by) the opposite sex. Even though it seems like an ideal situation on the surface, the reality is that, for many men and women, bars and online dating are shortcuts. And no one wants to know that they got something important to them by taking a shortcut. Even if online dating or going to bars isn't a shortcut for you, be aware that it might be a shortcut for the guy, and that he is liable to respect himself and the relationship less because of it.

Finally, op do what you feel is right. We all have a choice to make in life.

2 Likes

Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Santiago5(m): 7:30pm On Dec 16, 2015
Adaeze003:


I don't care too much for the "lady pride" and what not.

As you point a finger at her three point back to you.

Just imagining someone thinking of me as without pride or self respect just because I went to a club. Ha! It's the 21st century yo...

my friend am not here to argue with u for failing to understand my take on this huh, it takes noti but wisdom to share reasons to others perspective. Ur point isn't odd either sighting it equally fine i got that buh i v my own view on that alright. The ladies gat pride and respect to keep...
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Nobody: 7:46pm On Dec 16, 2015
Adaeze003:
We're always quick to point fingers...

Ogbeni... what were you doing in the club yourself? evangelism I guess undecided

Good question grin
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Adaeze003(f): 7:56pm On Dec 16, 2015
Santiago5:

my friend am not here to argue with u for failing to understand my take on this huh, it takes noti but wisdom to share reasons to others perspective. Ur point isn't odd either sighting it equally fine i got that buh i v my own view on that alright. The ladies gat pride and respect to keep...

You don't want to argue but you had to quote me to air your take When you're not the op in question?

No wahala... no be fight..
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 8:12pm On Dec 16, 2015
Hmmm this is getting interesting.. lalasticlala mynd44
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by cold(m): 8:13pm On Dec 16, 2015
The simple answer is yes you can.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Nobody: 8:15pm On Dec 16, 2015
Quite an epistle but makes for a really gud read.


Charles4075:
Op,there have been plenty of girls that I've met through friends or randomly in public, but in bars, the sheer density of attractive, young, single women is enormously greater than it is on the street or beach or office (or anywhere else); and my dating history reflects that. I've made the point previously that the higher concentration of the opposite sex in nightlife venues is a good thing, and I stand by what I said. But as I've gotten older and come to know myself better, I've recognized two serious disadvantages to meeting women in this way.

1. Randomness
The first thing I've realized is that I don't value the way that I meet women I met in bars – that is, I don’t value the process itself. I was telling this recently to a girl that I know, and she suggested that it was because meeting girls in bars is "too random." I think this is the common supposition - namely, that because you don't have any history or connection with the people that you meet in bars, there is no foundation for a relationship, and so any attempt at one is doomed. But this isn't the problem. A strong foundation for a relationship is just as much a function of personal compatibility as it is a function of common history or connections. Meeting the opposite sex in a bar isn't unsuccessful for lack of foundation, and it isn't unsuccessful because it is random. It is unsuccessful precisely because it isn't random.
Randomness is actually what we all want, in the sense that we all want our "how we met" story to be unique and unexpected. The more random it is that you met someone to whom you find yourself deeply attracted, the more special it feels, because you know that you were incredibly lucky for it to happen. It's the same phenomenon that makes people appreciate life so much after a near-death experience. You value what you have because you know that you almost didn't have it. As absurd as most romantic comedies are, it says something about our ideals of romance that so many of them start with some permutation of a girl hitting a guy on a bike with her car - randomly - and then falling in love with him. Things are romantic at least partially because they are unexpected, that is, seemingly impossible or unreal. I probably don't need to explain to most women how un-romantic it is to receive flowers on Valentine's Day. It might be nice, and it might be better than never receiving flowers, but it isn't romantic because it is too predictable. It isn't random at all.
Being picked up in a bar also isn't random at all. In fact, it is exactly the opposite of random; it is boring because it is too mechanical, too planned. Guys know that they want to meet girls, they know where to find them, and they go there to do so. Girls know that they want to meet men, they know where they will be hit on, and they go there for that reason. The encounter might take place in an exciting, fast-paced and sexually-charged atmosphere, but that's just superficial ornamentation. Underneath, those meetings are absolutely blank, because they are absolutely intentional.
Yes, obviously, not everyone in a bar is there with the conscious intention of meeting the opposite sex, but the percentage of people who are is infinitely higher in nightlife environments than it is in, say, a shopping mall. I don't value the women I meet in bars because there is nothing special about the way we met.

2. DIFFICULTY
The second thing I realized is that I don't value the effort I make to meet girls in bars. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the girls themselves, but I don't respect my relationships with them because I didn't have to work very hard to make those relationships happen. We men are very keenly aware that things of low value are easy to obtain, and so we assume (and in most cases are right) that things that are easy to obtain are low in value. A man might have the best job in the world, but he'll never feel good about it as long as he knows that he only got it because his father pulled strings with his professional contacts to make it happen. The same mentality applies in dating.
It hasn't always been this way for me. In my early twenties, approaching a random girl in a bar and attracting her enough to get her phone number took balls and felt like a real accomplishment- because at the time, for me, it was. I was able to have genuine relationships with girls that I met in bars because I respected myself for meeting girls in bars. But I don't anymore, because it has become too easy, too boring. Without the challenges that my adolescent social anxiety used to pose, all I see in bars is a social scene hugely facilitated by dark lighting, loud music, commotion and alcohol.They’re still a great place to have fun and get laid, but they’re not the kind of place where I expect to find a relationship anymore.
Now, does this mean that bars are a bad place to meet guys, or that you should stop going out?
Not necessarily. Despite the fairly categorical nature of my post, what I am really saying here is that bars are a bad place for me to meet women at this point in my life. I am no relativist, but the reasons explained above don’t apply to every guy, and they don't apply in every situation. If you meet a guy tomorrow who is the way I was at 22, for whom it is a big deal to meet a girl in a bar, then this isn't going to be an issue at all. And even if the guy you meet in a bar is exactly like me in the sense that it isn't a challenge for him, there is still the possibility of something working out; it just means that you are getting off on the wrong foot. If there is a strong enough connection, "how you met" probably won't be enough to prevent or disrupt it.
There is also the chance that there will be some other coincidence that makes the encounter incredibly random, despite the environment – maybe you find out that you both come from the same town on the other side of the country, or that you have identical ancestry, or that you are both obsessed with the same nerdy movie, even though you met in a nightclub. And as I explained in previous posts, you still have to consider the disadvantages posed by what I've explained above, along-side the low probability of getting off on the right foot somewhere less intentional, like a shopping mall or at work.
No, I am not saying that you shouldn't go to bars. I am saying that you should be cognizant of the fact that men – just like women – will not respect or value what comes too easily, whether it comes too easily because (a) it is too mechanical or (b) because it requires very little effort. The converse of this is that men will value their encounter with you in proportion to how (a) unlikely or (b) difficult it was. While this doesn't mean that you should lock yourself in a steel cage and only accept men who are willing to tear it down to get to you, it does mean that you should avoid situations in which every man has easy access to you. You might think of bars and online dating as completely different – even opposites – but they share the strong similarity of taking the difficulty out of approaching (and therefore, being approached by) the opposite sex. Even though it seems like an ideal situation on the surface, the reality is that, for many men and women, bars and online dating are shortcuts. And no one wants to know that they got something important to them by taking a shortcut. Even if online dating or going to bars isn't a shortcut for you, be aware that it might be a shortcut for the guy, and that he is liable to respect himself and the relationship less because of it.

Finally, op do what you feel is right. We all have a choice to make in life.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by Free101(m): 8:26pm On Dec 16, 2015
mizquote:
why not.
I'm #responsible#.
I club too.
Many Nairaland guys won't agree with that.
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by missKiffy(f): 8:50pm On Dec 16, 2015
I don't see a big deal about meeting her in a club, go ahead if you are interested. You can meet someone in church and the person will be terrible
Re: Can One Be Committed to A Girl He Met In A Club? by MrLexander(m): 9:37pm On Dec 16, 2015
Aii thanks
missKiffy:
I don't see a big deal about meeting her in a club, go ahead if you are interested. You can meet someone in church and the person will be terrible

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