A friend of mine recently found out that ‘her
man’ is married. I remember how hurt she
looked when she said to me, “Toby did you
know that John (not real name) is married?”
“Whaaaat!” I screamed in disbelief. “Are you
kidding me?”
“Toby he’s been married for three years, and
I am just finding out today.”
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “Then what was
he coming to you for naa”, I asked in shock.
“Ask me again Toby, ask me ooo.” At this
point she was almost in tears.
As far as I am concerned, my friend was
lucky to have found out when she did. For
many people, some of these shocks take
place only after marriage.
Some of these situations can be avoided to
a large extent if we put our feelings aside
and ask our partner some sincere questions
before making any major decision in our
relationships.
I have written below 21 questions you
should ask before you say “I do”. Many of
them are weird, but based on recent
happenings; one can never be too sure. For
the purpose of emphasis, I must say that
“Baby you know I love you” is not the
answer to any of these questions. So
friends, let’s dive in and explore.
What is your real name?
Candy, Sonsy or Jimmy is usually not a real
name for most Nigerians. (Of course there
are exceptions). Find out your boo/bae’s
real (and village) names, so that if e come
get as e be, you go know where to begin
trace things.
Are your parents together?
This question isn’t meant to judge, but for
you to know what to expect and be
prepared. These people will be your
children’s grandparents (hopefully). Are they
divorced, separated, estranged, cat-and-dog,
or living happily together?
What do you do?
If she is a student, find out which school,
course and expected year of graduation. If
he is a business man, find out the type of
business. If he is working, ask for the name
of the organization and for how long. By the
way, ‘hustling’ without any further definition,
is not an occupation.
When can I meet your folks?
This one takes a lot of guts especially for
ladies. But nne eh this question may be
what will determine how long you will be the
star actor of ‘Lord of the Rings’.
What do you do when you get mad?
Do you curse, sulk, hit people or break
things when you get mad? You need to
know about this now to avoid stories of “I
fell down the stairs” tomorrow.
How much do you make?
Please don’t be shy about this. This is
someone you are planning to build a future
with. You need to have an idea of what his/
her income looks like on the average so as
to make feasible plans.
Do you smoke and/or drink?
To some people, this isn’t a big deal while
to some, it is. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Where do you live?
Dear sister, if he is still living with his
parents or squatting with a friend’s
nephew’s brother’s cousin, you need to
know. If he is living in a face-me-I-slap-you
compound, you need to know too, so you
can start getting ready for the communal life
and compound fights.
What do you like eating?
This is equally for guys and not just ladies.
At least you will know what to prepare (or
buy) when you want to give him/her a treat.
How many kids do you want?
Two cannot work together unless they
agree. It is important to have an agreement
here to avoid misunderstanding tomorrow.
What if none comes?
Yes, “God forbid”, and “it is not our portion”.
But let’s face it, no be everybody go get
pikin. So suck it up and ask the question.
“What happens if no kids come the first few
years of the marriage? What if only girls or
only boys come? Will you get another wife?
Or will you keep trying until you have 12
daughters?”
Do you have inheritance or investments?
My take is this. If you can trust someone
enough to agree to spend the rest of your
life together and to naked before the pesin,
you suppose trust that pesin with
everything, including your investments.
What is your sexual orientation?
If you wish to avoid “had I known”, ask your
boo/bae if he/she is heterosexual, bi-sexual,
homosexual or into bestiality sef. Adighi
amachazi ama nawadays (you can never
know).
Do you have debts?
People choose a spouse for different
reasons. Some marry to deliver their family
from poverty. Some marry to get contracts,
while some marry to pay off debts. If your
boo/bae is owing $60,000 (#12,000,000) in
tuition debts for instance, you should know
beforehand.
What’s your view on body size/image?
You need to know if she can stand flabby
arms, bald heads and/or pot bellies.
Similarly, find out if he can still love a
woman who has Christian mothers’ arms
(ndi nne maama) or a protruding stomach.
What’s your view on cooking and other
domestic work?
Most ladies love getting pampered. Many of
them will be disappointed if their husbands
can’t cook or assist with domestic work. If
you are one, ask him now, so you won’t
have the wrong expectations that lead to
unfulfilled relationships tomorrow.
And bros, you need to know if she can
prepare anything else apart from bread/tea
or Indomie. What about cleaning, sweeping,
washing, etc. Now is the best time to decide
if you will need to employ chefs, cleaners or
helps.
What is your career plan?
He may be working in a bank today, but
planning to become a pastor tomorrow.
Or maybe she is a Civil servant today but
plans to become a politician tomorrow. Can
you cope?
What are your sexual fantasies?
Does he/she expect oral s-x, anal s-x,
bondage, threesomes, s-x-tapes etc? Stop
being shy and ask, so you don’t get the
shock of your life after wedding.
What are your religious views?
Without a good mutual understanding,
having different religious views can break up
an otherwise good relationship. For
Christians, this includes church doctrines.
Do you have a child?
It is better to know this and prepare for the
drama that comes with baby mamas/papas
beforehand.
Are you married?
Put your feelings aside and ask this all
important question. If they are divorced, ask
for details. There is a big difference between
divorced and about-to-be divorced.

Pls, who can summarize that thing above me... I'm now growing phobia for long posts
LONGAPOSPHOBIA