It may sound stupid, crazy or irresponsible, but i've decided to mourn the death of my loved ones in advance. Dont blame me. Its not something i really decided, it could be a problem. It has even made me withdraw a bit from them. I dont wish death on any of them, i couldnt have loved any of them more dearly.
My reason is this, i've been with my friends on certain occasions, long time friends, not once not twice, when all of a sudden they recieve a call announcing the death of a loved one, mother, father, sibling or relation. I can see the agony. Some of them are sacred for life, like a friend of mine who was called to inform his mum and dad had died in a car crash. People i knew so well and loved too. Today he can pass for a deaf/mute because he doesnt talk to anyone. I cant imagine the devastation i would go through if a member of my family died after so long together.
I will NOT be caught unawares. I refuse to be caught unawares, and since they say death is inevitable, maybe one day if the misfortune befalls me, i'll look back and say 'I was prepared'.

you need serious help.