Miami11:


If anyone intends to live with people it is only normal that everyone chip in to help with house chores, especially with no maid, a pregnant woman, or a woman who has just delivered a baby, a busy husband,

Now everyone knows visiting and only waiting to be attended to, eat and sleep, will wear your host out,

I was once hosted abroad with a couple I hardly knew, they had two kids, my dear I did all and every house chore plus watching kids free, because I appreciated they offered me a place to sleep and eat fro free, when I left to go to school they almost cried I was only 19 years then.

i just dont think dat girl will come into a house and be all lazy... She might hav exaggerated things due to hatred she just had for her for no reason

eyinjuege:
Hahahahaah. In-law stories can be funny atimes.
Sorry I'm finding your obvious discomfort a tad funny.

We all love our personal space, but sometimes you have to share it.

Maybe the girl felt somehow going into another woman's kitchen/territory.

What I think you should do is show her where everything is kept in the kitchen, and how you'd like your things placed.
Next is to let her know she is free to cook for herself and even the whole family when the need arises. Let her know she's free to touch your pot of stew/soup and you wouldn't be angry.

Everyone is expected to pull their weight around, and she shouldn't expect any special treatment. You can let her know which chores she can help with.

Another thing is that teeny bopper years she's still in. Teenagers- they always feel entitled at that age, most of them anyway so you may need to just have that at the back of your mind when dealing with her.

Be firm with her, but also know when to draw her close for a "hug".

Thanks though I wasn't expecting her to go inside my kitchen like that but she could attempt to help while she saw me there sweating...agree?

Its not like I cant tell her to come help but it may be reproduced as another story around their family plus none of them know I'm heavily pregnant except my parent inlaw.

I've showed her around and tried to be loving to her.I'm this kind of person that I get along with ppl easily because I'm a talkative plus bn a sales man.But still she dey form queen or wetin I no know

What i love about my house, I can decide to neglect you but I no sabi to neglect ppl because I be extrovert.

The truth is when the wife's family come around because they are use to ur personalty, they readily accept you the way u are.But when brainwashed inlaws, they come with some form of right,ownership and some form of entitlement. And my house no be for that kind thing all in the name of marriage

Cutehector:
i just dont think dat girl will come into a house and be all lazy... She might hav exaggerated things due to hatred she just had for her for no reason

Why would she exaggerate in a faceless forum? What would be her motive,

You probably haven't seen rude kids who refuse to do house chores even in their own homes? Then the parents send them to relatives and there they act worse.

Poster can try give this girl some chances, but I have seen kids like this, trust me

babeabike:



Thanks though I wasn't expecting her to go inside my kitchen like that but she could attempt to help while she saw me there sweating...agree?

Its not like I cant tell her to come help but it may be reproduced as another story around their family plus none of them know I'm heavily pregnant except my parent inlaw.

I've showed her around and tried to be loving to her.I'm this kind of person that I get along with ppl easily because I'm a talkative plus bn a sales man.But still she dey form queen or wetin I no know

What i love about my house, I can decide to neglect you but I no sabi to neglect ppl because I be extrovert.

The truth is when the wife's family come around because they are use to ur personalty, they readily accept you the way u are.But when brainwashed inlaws, they come with some form of right,ownership and some form of entitlement. And my house no be for that kind thing all in the name of marriage

You should not generalize dear,i do understand your plight and i will feel a bit frustrated too.But truth is we can't all be the same.That girl has her own personality and probably has been trained like that.

There are some people that has been trained not to go inside other people kitchen or private space.Instead of you going around on how you told her to feel free and that,why don't you call her when you are in the kitchen and cook together,that way she might feel at ease.

There are things that are not complicated in life but we humans tend to make it seem so.Please calm down,you don't need all that in your condition.Remember she is only there for a short while and will leave,it's not a big deal.

Miami11:



Years ago my dear I told hubby same thing, I said I don't want to see this your people because of my sister in law attitudes,

But I had to correct that because all my male in laws adore me, their wives and kids get along fine with me, so all you have to do is be diplomatic with in laws see who is good see who is bad, work with the good ones ignore the bad ones

If the only bad thing that your girl is doing is not helping in the house you and hubby can tell her nicely that in order to live there she has to abide with family rules and one of them is sharing chores or go home.

My sister in law was worse, gossiping about me, stealing my stuff, bad mouthing, I had to let her go sharp sharp

Lol @ let go sharp sharp.

Me don't want to tell her because my husband has indirectly say things like : Go help aunty in the kitchen and all sorts"

Is it not better not to come around at all,than allow them come and they carry stories to their houses that you are wicked and all those touchy stories.

Sincerely I have no problem with the babe,as I type we are on our way to ikeja taking her out so she can just add fun to her visit (this outing is on my advice oo

I'm just thinking if most inlaws will give this posture,there is no point coming around

babeabike:


Lol @ let go sharp sharp.

Me don't want to tell her because my husband has indirectly say things like : Go help aunty in the kitchen and all sorts"

Is it not better not to come around at all,than allow them come and they carry stories to their houses that you are wicked and all those touchy stories.

Sincerely I have no problem with the babe,as I type we are on our way to ikeja taking her out so she can just add fun to her visit (this outing is on my advice oo

I'm just thinking if most inlaws will give this posture,there is no point coming around

I have zero tolerance for in laws tha meddle with my house affairs

I chose not to invite any of my sister in laws unless I know their character well, my other in laws are always welcomed especially brother in laws and their wives and kids.

Get to know your in laws better, avoid troublemakers in their midst, reward the wonderful ones,

EVILFOREST:

READING STUFFS like this make me see the beast in women.
And these things further delay marriage proposals.

At 38weeks, you are expected to be PRAYING for safe delivery, because you may likely go into LABOUR just as you are typing this rubbish. RATHER, u still have thoughts and time to type and upload such article.
U have already HATED the young lady before her arrival.
Pls. Persuade your hubby to send her home before you POISON her.

U should get your delivery bags and baby cloths ready by now. pls. add sanitary pads, Olive oil, spirit solution and delivery mat.

Also PRAY before leaving

WOMEN are indeed "WO" unto "MEN".

From ur comment, I am speechless sef.

Its obvious u are single and looking for reasons to stay single.

Miami11:


I have zero tolerance for in laws tha meddle with my house affairs

I chose not to invite any of my sister in laws unless I know their character well, my other in laws are always welcomed especially brother in laws and their wives and kids.

Get to know your in laws better, avoid troublemakers in their midst, reward the wonderful ones,

Thanks my sis.

You seem not only to be understanding but experienced with guest/host relationship. they both are meant to do things that will bring good memories.

God bless you sis

@OP aka babeabike

You went into marriage battle ready, that's why you dislike inlaws but only tolerate your MIL just to save face. Note that a time will come when you will need your inlaws. If you keep giving them the cold shoulder now, seeking their help in such a time will be difficult.

You claim to be a yoruba girl who respect and obeys culture but you fail to adhere to the yoruba adage that says "Osha ni ana"(inlaws are to be worshipped). Don't turn your husband against his family simply because you think you have married him away from them.

Even if you were not pregnant, you still would have felt awkward about the girls presence cos you really didn't want her visit. So long she's not staying for more than a month, try to tolerate her BS. Give her the best stay that will be memorable. If you can search the mind of your husband to see how he feels about the visits of YOUR own people, you will never allow their visits again. Yet, he's tolerating it all in a mature way to the extent that it doesn't bother him again as he's seen them as part of the house.

Most posters have advised you to talk to her to join you in the kitchen, which is a nice idea. But I don't think you will carry it out well. You've been claiming that you are an extrovert that gets along with people very well, but I really don't believe you. As an extrovert, getting her to join you in kitchen won't be a big deal, but you will mess it up cos you are not one. You might pass the information to her in a rude or commanding manner. An extrovert will talk to her in a calm and pet manner, even beg her. This will make her feel important and willing to help. Remember the Yoruba adage. See her as a friend

Your biggest problem is that you never wanted her.

A time will come when you will beg to see the face of your inlaws but they will be beyond your reach.

babeabike:


From your comment I'm guessing you are not married.

So I'm meant to make her 3 square meal for a week as a guest...ok?

Aunty mi,note oooo I av not bn cooking persay since I clocked 34weeks because its BN me n my hubby which he understands or I eat at work.

Don't worry I will not rant again.infact before I leave for work on the,I will dutifully go and make her breakfast..that's cool right?

But if it was ur younger bro or sis u wudnt have minded cooking ba...or what if it was ur MIL...wud u still complain...let's be honest here from ur write up you've been beefing d gal before she even set foot into ur home...u think am not married toor if u need d girl's help "ask" and stop coming to NL to air ur frustration wen it can be sorted out if u apply maturity...u aint d first to get married neither are u d first to get pregnant...have a lovely evening

lovaleenny:


But if it was ur younger bro or sis u wudnt have minded cooking ba...or what if it was ur MIL...wud u still complain...let's be honest here from ur write up you've been beefing d gal before she even set foot into ur home...u think am not married toor if u need d girl's help "ask" and stop coming to NL to air ur frustration wen it can be sorted out if u apply maturity...u aint d first to get married neither are u d first to get pregnant...have a lovely evening

Stop attacking her. She just aired what she thought. She did not send anyone packing. She is pregnant abeg. Give her a break

lovaleenny:


But if it was ur younger bro or sis u wudnt have minded cooking ba...or what if it was ur MIL...wud u still complain...let's be honest here from ur write up you've been beefing d gal before she even set foot into ur home...u think am not married toor if u need d girl's help "ask" and stop coming to NL to air ur frustration wen it can be sorted out if u apply maturity...u aint d first to get married neither are u d first to get pregnant...have a lovely evening

I personally have no problem sending my real brother and sister packing. It's only hard if they are in-laws because of the backlash

Miami11:

I personally have no problem sending my real brother and sister packing. It's only hard if they are in-laws because of the backlash

Thanks my sis jare.

I think people don't get it here.if its my sis or bro,if I'm not ok with their attitude, I send them back sharply and infact my ppl will be the one to come begging for their wrongs.

But as an inlaw,I can only wait on her to offer help because if I call for her help,it can be misinterpreted that I'm ordering her around.

Anyways since I withdrew from cooking in the morning,she has refused to find herself food despite been warm to tell her "My dear what will u be eating,u know my hubby has had it full at d party he went to and me I'm ok"I told her she could Av whatever she felt like and reminded her where she would find anything she wanted.

She dey form I no chop if I no fit cook am and I guess she is on a long thing

My sis, just relax because of ur condition. the girl feels she came on holiday as a guest (which is true). but she came at a wrong time I guess cos u are pregnant now n moreover there is no house maid or cook to wait on her. My advice is try ur best to make her holiday n her memory of u a good one. like one will treat a guest that will soon go. she may even stay to help u out after child birth if she begins to enjoy her stay. N u will not leave her with the impression that wives dont like inlaws. moreover at 18, wetin she know. she is still too young to fully comprehend what proper etiquette may be.

You are pregnant so I understand how due to hormonal changes and physical and physiological changes you may see and take things differently than you did before.

However you are handling this the wrong way

At the end off the day she is your guest and From what you have said she has only been with you for 48 hours
Already the relationship is being broken down over something so simple.

You also want to create a long term family feud by preventing your husbands family from coming over to stay in the future; a feud that you may probably not win in the end.
You will only succeed in tearing the man that you love into 2 and eventually he may snap and go either way.

I don't know what the age gap is between you and this girl but you need to be the mature one here,

What you are doing is pretending to be ok with things when infact you are breaking up within you. You are stressing yourself and she doesn't even know and you are the one suffering.

She is not a rival or deliberately came to cause trouble. She is only 18. You dont know her background and even if she is poorly brought up, you can teach her in love and be a mentor to her. its never too late to learn.
When she was sitting down you should have called her to assist you. She may have wanted to help but felt uncomfortable especially being in strange surroundings.

Tomorrow morning go to her room and tell her what you want her to do/cook and give her instructions. Be warm to her and be friendly with her and you will see the difference in her attitude.
i dont think she came with an ulterior motive. She is on;y 18
Many of these young girls benefit from having an older "aunty" and she can learn so much from you.
Your kids too will enjoy having lots of aunty's who spoil and play with them,

Loisemm:
My sis, just relax because of ur condition. the girl feels she came on holiday as a guest (which is true). but she came at a wrong time I guess cos u are pregnant now n moreover there is no house maid or cook to wait on her. My advice is try ur best to make her holiday n her memory of u a good one. like one will treat a guest that will soon go. she may even stay to help u out after child birth if she begins to enjoy her stay. N u will not leave her with the impression that wives dont like inlaws. moreover at 18, wetin she know. she is still too young to fully comprehend what proper etiquette may be.

I like your comment, people are assuming she don't like the girl, it's the pregnancy factor,

She feels to overwhelmed to take care of the household plus a live in guest, very understandable ( pregnancy is not easy on every woman)

When I was pregnant I became dizzy and weak with any housework, I don't know what I would have done if I had family visiting and waiting for me to do stuff.

People are being to hard in the Op and I think that's because of how she started with not wanting her husband to pick up the girl. Clearly you may have been raised differently from the girl which is why to you picking up an 18 yr old is over pampering whereas to some families it's not. That's the thing about marriage we are from different backgrounds, the girl may be coming from a home where to her a guest does not go into the kitchen and start cooking.

You have a point that with your own family it'll be easy to say what you like and what you don't but with inlaws you will have to tiptoe around things. If you are cooking add hers, if you are not don't cook because of her. She's an adult and when she's really hungry she'll sort herself out, I think the best thing with in laws is not to stop them from visiting but rather keep visits short. For both side of the family sef, it's easy to ignore people's short comings when you know it's for a few days versus when it's for months and the rule should be if you ever need to tell someone off for bad behavior each person should handle their own family. It always easier that way also remember like someone said even in a family everyone is different so don't like that girls attitude cloud your view of the whole family.

Please relax and all the best with the baby on the way

See Op. I fully understand u.

One of my philosophies of life is 'make people useful And you will be surprised at how useful the most assumed useless being can be'

Like you want to make breakfast, involve her. Within u, you want to make yam with fried eggs. Go to her room, be like 'Kemi, I think we should make Yam and eggs this morning, please come and help peel the yam while I fry the eggs'. Or Please Kemi, help me do this, while I do this....

Before you know it, she will come to ask you for what she can help you do.

She might also be coming with a notion of ' My brother's wife cannot order me around'. So don't let her see it like you are sending her on errands... Take her like the little girl she is... And don't forget to reward her when she's going back.

I see you both being good friends with time... Please don't dislike her.

And safe delivery #team January#. Maybe it's a new year baby sef. God see you through.

Lolz...reminds me of my big bumbum sil with her face like an injured Antelope.choi that woman na epitome off LAZINESs personafied.op i think for now your utmost priority should be centered around your safe delivery.bueno

All you have to do is ask. I can't conderm her until you have asked her to help and she refused.

Asking her to help you is much easier than stopping her from coming around.

My friend I don't think you read the write-up sef.Shey my Mother in-law is not an inlaw?

So loving means indulgence for your mind?

I need no one to do me chores,I Av someone who comes around to do all that including washing with my washing machine.okay?

Next time you are reading,stay objective.

When you marry,make your wife slaves to your relatives all in the name of loving them Shey?

Park well abeg



FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU HAD CLINICALLY READ MY REPLY, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT I AM MARRIED, MYSELF AND MY WIFE SERVE OUR INLAWS THE WAY OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST ASK US TO SERVE OTHERS SO AS TO MAKE HIS KINGDOM. SERVING YOUR INLAWS OR ANYOTHER PERSON, DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SLAVE. IT MAKES YOUS BLESSED.

FROM YOUR REPLY YOUR MIND IS MADE UP, YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR INLAWS, YOU ARE ONLY MANAGING YOUR MOTHER INLAW COS YOU DO NOT HAVE AN OPTION, ATLEAST FOR NOW.
IF AFTER ONLY TWO DAYS YOU HAVE SOLIDIFIED YOUR MIND ABOUT AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL, WHOM ARE SUPPOSE TO MENTOR, COACH, AND CORRECT, THEN YOUR CASE IS HEAVY AND YOU NEED HELP.
PLEASE KINDLY, POLITELY SEND THE POOR GIRL AWAY PEACEFULLY, BEFORE WATER PASS GARRI.

babeabike:
Thanks for all contribution.I would have loved to reply each comment directly but for those that didn't probably read the write-up well.Here are clarifications;

I am cool with inlaws and if you read again I talked about my mother-in-law that we are cool together.We talk on phone almost 4times in a day and I even dedicated one of 4 rooms in my house to her so no one sleeps there except her.And of cos she respects my space,she doesn't come around without informing me.just like my mum too won't do same

Most men here will think I'm intolerant of the girl or maybe unmarried females here or even if your culture differs from mine.I am Yoruba and a cultural one.It is wrong when you are with someone older and you don't extend a hand to help.No Yoruba well brought up 18years old girl(not boy oo) will sit and expect her food to be served her (especially by a heavily pregnant woman).If I was her relative will she sit and watch me run around the house? Of course No.

For those who believe I should instruct her on what to do.I decided not to because she had proven ill -mannered and may see instructing her as bossing her around.

The fact remains that the husbands family sometimes,sometimes I say come into the home with one form of ownership and do some stupid things all in the name of ownership.If you won't come to my house and accord me with the love you would Av accorded your sister or aunty,abeg stay your house.

The home is for the Man and Wife and not relatives.And if you must come,then adherence must be applied.

Abike dear you are going the wrong way!
In marriage especially the Yoruba ones you are married to your in laws more.I have been in marriage for like 8yrs now with 3kids and I am telling you dear you will always need your in laws both younger and older ones pls.

The girl in question I believe this is her first time in your house, pls don't give her the I own my home attitude because when she gets home she will definitely have so much to talk about you and believe me that's the beginning of the end. Yes you cannot please every one but you have to have more than half of your inlaws on your side to be able to hold the storm in a Yoruba marriage. Its our culture Darling!

Now stop comparing your relatives to your inlaws they are not the same. You're the Iyawo in this case and you have to always start the friendship with any of your in law so as to be on a good grounds with them cos you will always need them when the man begins to be a "Man". Involve the girl when you're doing somethings even if you don't need help just go like "aunty lagbaja let's sit out here together, aunty tamedu come and help me make this eba edakun" call her before you get home
"Iya Oko mi pls I am on my way home put water on the fire for me" and see as things will change afterall she will be leaving soon abi?

babeabike:
Here is my story ;

I got married early this year and I'm heavily pregnant (38weeks).Since we got married its been only my family and friends visiting that had to spend the night.Aside my MIL who comes like every other week to help and look out for me,none of my husband's fam Av had to spend the night.

Then last week my hubby informed me that his paternal cousin will be spending Xmas season with us.I first got pissed when he said he will be going to pick her from their place.I said maka why a girl of 18.but told him if he insisted, he can go ahead to do d pick up even though I found it unreasonable.

Since the girl arrived on Thurs,she seats like a queen in my living room while I sweat out in my kitchen(note I'm heavily pregnant).And when food is ready,my husband calls out for her to pick her food.Then yesternight, I said I'm not hungry and of cos tired and since the house is full of food,she should go and cook whatever she likes because of that she went to bed without eating.

Since that yesterday she started locking herself in the room.imagine? This morning she woke up forming stomach pain,so my MIL who came around did all the chores including cooking.

To cut the long story short.if this girl was my family,I would Av called her to order. But I've decided to be quite because definitely this is her first and last opportunity to visit.

My mum has been here severely since I took in and when she comes,she helps with all d chores inclusive cooking(note,she is a senior lecturer,no b say she jobless oooh).Even when my elder sister passed a night sometimes ago,she helped out inclusive folding all my husband's cloths(note she is married and also gainfully employed).That's just to mention a few of my ppl,others are my sis in law,cousins and even my friends.They never sit and watch me sweat out,talkless of a small girl.

I'm already thinking making up my mind that aside my Parents in-law,I may not entertain all those young cousins and relatives from my husband's side because I cannot take such shits.because if it wasn't holiday,would she wait for me everyday from work(after driving in Lagos traffic) to come cook for her without giving a helping hand.

Maybe its just my take but for me this is one of those obvious reasons wives bar husband's fam from coming around

It's the hormones lady..
After you give birth if you are still this irritable then you have a problem.
The biggest mistake you will ever make in your marriage is to create issues between your husband and his people.
He would resent you and this could be a big problem.
Be mature and allow your husband to lead.

just came back from my holiday yesterday night...my oh my, I was treated like a king, didn't lay my hands on anything even if I wanted to, all my food were bush loading even my cousin and niece were jealous . am in my early 20's I see you've been getting advice from married people and I understand you are pregnant. OP before u conclude on this girl's attitude try and ask for an helping hand from her and get back to us. I see no reason why an 18years old girl won't be sensible enough to help a pregnant woman except of course maybe you are not welcoming enough. I like cooking a lot, but for a first time visit I dare not venture into the kitchen except asked to, apart from cleaning the dishes. just ask her first.

I suspect ya baby will be delivered late January to February. safe delivery dear.

babeabike:


Thanks my sis jare.

I think people don't get it here.if its my sis or bro,if I'm not ok with their attitude, I send them back sharply and infact my ppl will be the one to come begging for their wrongs.

But as an inlaw,I can only wait on her to offer help because if I call for her help,it can be misinterpreted that I'm ordering her around.

Anyways since I withdrew from cooking in the morning,she has refused to find herself food despite been warm to tell her "My dear what will u be eating,u know my hubby has had it full at d party he went to and me I'm ok"I told her she could Av whatever she felt like and reminded her where she would find anything she wanted.

She dey form I no chop if I no fit cook am and I guess she is on a long thing

Listen all this one you are doing is a long thing. Next time you are cooking just tell her , Oya come and help me in the kitchen, simples!. She is an 18 year old girl!. What will she tell people, that you told her to chop up vegetables?. That she washed plates? A beg don't worry about all that.

Also you should probably change the wording of your title, that is why people are attacking you. Sometimes life is not as hard as we make it. Since you have good rapport with the girl, just TELL her to do stuff, in fact you should mention it to her parents very jovially that she has been helping you in the kitchen.

babeabike:



Thanks though I wasn't expecting her to go inside my kitchen like that but she could attempt to help while she saw me there sweating...agree?

Its not like I cant tell her to come help but it may be reproduced as another story around their family plus none of them know I'm heavily pregnant except my parent inlaw.

I've showed her around and tried to be loving to her.I'm this kind of person that I get along with ppl easily because I'm a talkative plus bn a sales man.But still she dey form queen or wetin I no know

What i love about my house, I can decide to neglect you but I no sabi to neglect ppl because I be extrovert.

The truth is when the wife's family come around because they are use to ur personalty, they readily accept you the way u are.But when brainwashed inlaws, they come with some form of right,ownership and some form of entitlement. And my house no be for that kind thing all in the name of marriage

The truth is she might not be forming or anything. What if she is this type that doesnt get used to people easily? Someone that likes to isolate herself and maintain her space. I visited my boyfriend's sister last year and i spent three days there. I tell you, the only person i relate with is my bf, cos i am already used to him. His sister was just surprised and always like "this ur gf dnt talk" she is an extroverts that thinks everyone will be free with people. If i had stay uup to one week then relating to everybody might no longer be a problem, she is new to the house, give her time to get used to you, and dnt force your talkertive self on her did i forget to tell you that i didnt do much of cleaning and helping?

gost:
My friend I don't think you read the write-up sef.Shey my Mother in-law is not an inlaw?

So loving means indulgence for your mind?

I need no one to do me chores,I Av someone who comes around to do all that including washing with my washing machine.okay?

Next time you are reading,stay objective.

When you marry,make your wife slaves to your relatives all in the name of loving them Shey?

Park well abeg



FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU HAD CLINICALLY READ MY REPLY, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT I AM MARRIED, MYSELF AND MY WIFE SERVE OUR INLAWS THE WAY OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST ASK US TO SERVE OTHERS SO AS TO MAKE HIS KINGDOM. SERVING YOUR INLAWS OR ANYOTHER PERSON, DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SLAVE. IT MAKES YOUS BLESSED.

FROM YOUR REPLY YOUR MIND IS MADE UP, YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR INLAWS, YOU ARE ONLY MANAGING YOUR MOTHER INLAW COS YOU DO NOT HAVE AN OPTION, ATLEAST FOR NOW.
IF AFTER ONLY TWO DAYS YOU HAVE SOLIDIFIED YOUR MIND ABOUT AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL, WHOM ARE SUPPOSE TO MENTOR, COACH, AND CORRECT, THEN YOUR CASE IS HEAVY AND YOU NEED HELP.
PLEASE KINDLY, POLITELY SEND THE POOR GIRL AWAY PEACEFULLY, BEFORE WATER PASS GARRI.

Lol 18yrs represents a girl in your hometown in this jet age?
The Bible says love your neighbour as yourself not more than urself.
Serving other people to your own detriment is not service

Siena:
It's all well and good for you guys to berate the thread starter, a pregnant woman. As for those who are saying you're married to your inlaws too, you need them etc.

I can honestly say many of you know EXACTLY what the thread starter is on about, and where she's coming from, you just refuse to acknowledge what is glaringly obvious. This teen WAS being obstinate, bringing her bad manners from her own home to that of her hosts. The fact remains inlaws CAN be a pain in the posterior. I do NOT feel an 18-year-old girl needs to be asked for help in the home of her host. It's common sense.

Jeeze, in Nigeria, you would see a stranger in the street, struggling to lift a stack of firewood onto her head, or a comparably light bucket of water. It is pretty common to offer help to lift this load, in most cases, we do it without being asked! So tell me, why would this teen NEED to be asked to render assistance to her pregnant host, who is also a relative?

My myself and my wife have been on the receiving end of similar, where a house guest (a good friend of hers) would sit with her laptop, or hog the TV remote, not stirring till food was ready. She had her own bathroom, yet would NOT clean it up, leaving my wife to sort out the mess. She just did NOTHING! How old was this girl?

She was 30!

I can see inlaws CAN be useful, but I can also see they can be the world's biggest meddlers, who can seriously raise cain in your marital home, if you let them. This is also one of the reasons myself and my wife do NOT have inlaws from either side stay over for any length of time. The longest has been 3 nights, and that is more than enough.

Smiles...@ "3 nights,and that is more than enough"

Thank God people like you understand me,its not hatred of any sort,its just the inconvenience they sometimes bring on their host.

My mum thought me at a very young age not to be any form of burden to my host.

Tolatutu:
People are being to hard in the Op and I think that's because of how she started with not wanting her husband to pick up the girl. Clearly you may have been raised differently from the girl which is why to you picking up an 18 yr old is over pampering whereas to some families it's not. That's the thing about marriage we are from different backgrounds, the girl may be coming from a home where to her a guest does not go into the kitchen and start cooking.

You have a point that with your own family it'll be easy to say what you like and what you don't but with inlaws you will have to tiptoe around things. If you are cooking add hers, if you are not don't cook because of her. She's an adult and when she's really hungry she'll sort herself out, I think the best thing with in laws is not to stop them from visiting but rather keep visits short. For both side of the family sef, it's easy to ignore people's short comings when you know it's for a few days versus when it's for months and the rule should be if you ever need to tell someone off for bad behavior each person should handle their own family. It always easier that way also remember like someone said even in a family everyone is different so don't like that girls attitude cloud your view of the whole family.

Please relax and all the best with the baby on the way

Thanks,

On issue of picking her up,maybe ppl got me wrong because I didn't expatiate the reason behind my hesitation.Just 3 weeks ago that my mum came to Lagos n was about 3km away from our house,I suggested we pick her up which he outrightly declined that she should take her cab that he could not go out because of heavy traffic

This is my mum who always come to Lagos with her car and had never asked for such favours.She had helped bring all our wedding gifts in bits on each of her journey down.Even brought food stuffs on some occasions.And then my husband declined and I had to drive down at about 9pm with my protruding tummy all alone to bring in my mum.

Tell me how would I react to his volunteer to go bring the girl from over 50km away during festive season(with so much traffic in town) after refusing to pick my own mum that has BN supportive and relevant to us.And now there was more traffic in town than the day my mum came around.Who deserved bn picked up? Someone from a journey or someone within Lagos?

classicB:

The truth is she might not be forming or anything. What if she is this type that doesnt get used to people easily? Someone that likes to isolate herself and maintain her space. I visited my boyfriend's sister last year and i spent three days there. I tell you, the only person i relate with is my bf, cos i am already used to him. His sister was just surprised and always like "this ur gf dnt talk" she is an extroverts that thinks everyone will be free with people. If i had stay uup to one week then relating to everybody might no longer be a problem, she is new to the house, give her time to get used to you, and dnt force your talkertive self on her did i forget to tell you that i didnt do much of cleaning and helping?

Did I say in my post that I needed a cleaner?

Been reserved doesn't mean ill mannered.

I work with a multinational and sometimes you find yourself doing some cultural things you wouldn't have thought should exist in such environment.You don't want to find yourself telling them "me ooo I am who I am and cant change for anything,I relate with only those I'm cool with" It will only suggest u don't fit into their values n system

As a guest too,you should attempt to make your stay a memorable one for your host.You don't just watch tv,eat,lock urself in the room till the next meal and on and on.Why u no stay your house?