I wish you all a wonderful, prosperous and peaceful 2016.

Before I get to the crux of the matter, let me begin by giving a little introduction about myself. I am in my early thirties. I have seen the good, bad, and ugly part of life. My early childhood was really good. My parents were not rich but we were comfortable. During my primary school days, I had the privilege of attending one of the best primary schools in the state. Things changed during towards the end of my primary education, and got worse when I lost my dad in secondary school. I will not bore you with so much details. I completed my secondary education by God’s grace but it was not easy, I must confess. After some years, I gained admission into the university. I struggled financially in the first couple of years of my program. I am currently a PhD student in North America.

Due to the experience I had growing up, I was not involved in a serious relationship with anyone in my university days even though I had very good female friends who some people presumed we were dating. The reason is that I knew I had a long way to go before settling down and there was no need for me to waste anybody's time or making promises I cannot keep. I believe I will get a good person when I am closer to my destination. I also wanted to “put some things in place” before getting married because I don’t want my immediate family or kids in the future to face the same challenge as I did.

I am looking to settle soon but the issue is that most of the ladies I have been meeting here appear to have a parallel lifestyle to mine. I am not castigating them but I have observed that most of them have been influenced by the western. They drink alcohol, dress shabbily, have more than one piercing in their ears. I remember one of them attending a church service last month and was not comfortable in her short dress. She was ashamed to go towards the altar when it was time to give offering. A couple of days ago, while discussing with one of the ‘single’ ladies she said whoever she will get married to MUST be rich. She also said her flat mate has same resolution.

Friends in Nigeria have been making recommendations but I have been wary of such recommendations.

Do you reckon it is worth trying or too risky considering the fact that I may not have more than one or two physical contact with the person if I eventually walk the aisle? Are good single independent ladies almost extinct?

Thank you all for you matured contributions!

Personally i won't welcome any recommendations. from experience some of those marriages have been bad one of my uncle is passing through this as i type because he was a sailor and always on the sea. one of his friend introduced his wife to him. mr help yourself and find your wife by yourself. my opinion my 2cent.

serenegroup:
Personally i won't welcome any recommendations. from experience some of those marriages have been bad one of my uncle is passing through this as i type because he was a sailor and always on the sea. one of his friend introduced his wife to him. mr help yourself and find your wife by yourself. my opinion my 2cent.

Thank you so much bro! I appreciate your contribution

Recommendation is good; but you have to know and study the individual personally.

One aspect you need to clarify is where you'd love to raise a family. Nigeria or Western country?


If you must accept a recommendation, you need thorough evaluation my brother. It takes a well-bred, well-trained and disciplined Nigerian lady to hold on to her beliefs amidst pressures and distractions... I'm certain we have such in your domain; just keep searching.

It is OK to be introduced to someone, but make sure you do your homework thoroughly
Go for a long courtship , it won't fail you
The ladies with two earrings or scantily dress might surprise you on how they can make a good wife.
My brother went for those church village girls who wore long dresses, if you see the girl now in tights and miniskirts, you will be shocked

Acidosis:
Recommendation is good; but you have to know and study the individual personally.

One aspect you need to clarify is where you'd love to raise a family. Nigeria or Western country?


If you must accept a recommendation, you need thorough evaluation my brother. It takes a well-bred, well-trained and disciplined Nigerian lady to hold on to her beliefs amidst pressures and distractions... I'm certain we have such in your domain; just keep searching.

Many thanks for your contribution! I'm very grateful. I am looking to settle in Western country.

Miami11:
It is OK to be introduced to someone, but make sure you do your homework thoroughly
Go for a long courtship , it won't fail you
The ladies with two earrings or scantily dress might surprise you on how they can make a good wife.
My brother went for those church village girls who wore long dresses, if you see the girl now in tights and miniskirts, you will be shocked

Thanks for your contribution! I have learnt from it. I have seen some of such transformation.

My dear,its takes God direction on the issue of marriage. whether recommended or not.

But I will advice u just be more patient and believing.mostly,it is only less than 25% of recommended unions that become successful. I believe in everyone finding their mates themself.my advice; don't go for recommendation.





Happy new year!

ladygudhead:
My dear,its takes God direction on the issue of marriage. whether recommended or not.

But I will advice u just be more patient and believing.mostly,it is only less than 25% of recommended unions that become successful. I believe in everyone finding their mates themself.my advice; don't go for recommendation.





Happy new year!

Thanks a million my sister!

BlessedFellow01:


Thanks a million my sister!

you are welcome! may God guild you.please remember to invite us for asuebi tins o.

https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage The disadvantage of recommendation

intbizoil:
https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage The disadvantage of recommendation

That's the best example, please poster go through every comment, very worthwhile

intbizoil:
https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage The disadvantage of recommendation

Many thanks for the link!

Miami11:

That's the best example, please poster go through every comment, very worthwhile

Thank you! I am reading though the thread.

ladygudhead:


you are welcome! may God guild you.please remember to invite us for asuebi tins o.

No qualms! I will do that when it is time

Recommendation is good but then you've gotta to do ya homework. Savvy?

I know ur fears. I think u should put into consideration a lady that knows God internally and personally. (Not just religious). cos back in sch Sunday was a wrong day to chose a wife cos everyone appeared saintly in manners and dressing but just check them out Monday to Friday and see wonders.

In Summary : If God wants to bless a man for a lifetime, He simply gives him a good wife but if He wants to punish a man all He need do is give him a bad wife and every other thing will simply fall in place.

fav444:

In Summary : If God wants to bless a man for a lifetime, He simply gives him a good wife but if He wants to punish a man all He need do is give him a bad wife and every other thing will simply fall in place.

Hmm, God doesn't go about giving people good or bad wives. The days of Adam are over. We are responsible for our choices. Remember it's 'he that finds a wife....'

Allwility:


Hmm, God doesn't go about giving people good or bad wives. The days of Adam are over. We are responsible for our choices. Remember it's 'he that finds a wife....'

My dear, if you've never been sad u won't appreciate being joyful. if u have ever seen what a bad wife is capable of doing to a family (nuclear and extended), then u will do everything morally good and possible to get a good one. Besides, the husband of this "bad wife" once thought and said "He who finds a wife found a good tin".
The battle is not for d swift or strong.......

fav444:


My dear, if you've never been sad u won't appreciate being joyful. if u have ever seen what a bad wife is capable of doing to a family (nuclear and extended), then u will do everything morally good and possible to get a good one. Besides, the husband of this "bad wife" once thought and said "He who finds a wife found a good tin".
The battle is not for d swift or strong.......

I'm not ruling out the God factor...Of course I believe in God to guide me in choosing a spouse but the final choice rests with man. Someone once said ever since Adam blamed God for giving him Eve, God stopped making choices for man. That's why I suggested the OP does his due diligence else he'd blame whoever recommended a wife to him when things go the way he doesn't expect.

Thank you all for your contributions! I am very grateful.

At Op recommendations is not bad in itself. It's the pressure that leads to bad choices. The lady wants to impress, the guy wants to impress the recommender and as such allows in deceit.

Your job is cut out for you, because you are outside the country the stakes is higher for the girl and you can't see her in her element all the time.

My 2kobo meet all recommended girls but don't be pressured into dating or marrying anyone. U have a right to say yes or no.

please if you are a christian pray and fast cause i assume you believe that marriage is not a crash course..... And please and please avoid pressure from friends and So called father in da lord that might what to force any lady on you.... Oga TV01 we be able to shed more light on this....

kweenkong:
At Op recommendations is not bad in itself. It's the pressure that leads to bad choices. The lady wants to impress, the guy wants to impress the recommender and as such allows in deceit.

Your job is cut out for you, because you are outside the country the stakes is higher for the girl and you can't see her in her element all the time.

My 2kobo meet all recommended girls but don't be pressured into dating or marrying anyone. U have a right to say yes or no.

Thank you so much!

Mutaino7:
please if you are a christian pray and fast cause i assume you believe that marriage is not a crash course..... And please and please avoid pressure from friends and So called father in da lord that might what to force any lady on you.... Oga TV01 we be able to shed more light on this....

Many thanks for your response!

jashar:
recommendation is good but don't dwell solely on recommendation. A lot of wolves in sheep clothing.

Just make genuine friendships with a couple of females you think might fit into your life. Don't let them know your intentions, as friends, get to know them better. From there, you should be able to pick one that would make your kind of wife.

My humblest opinion.

Thanks for your contribution!

BlessedFellow01:
I wish you all a wonderful, prosperous and peaceful 2016.

Before I get to the crux of the matter, let me begin by giving a little introduction about myself. I am in my early thirties. I have seen the good, bad, and ugly part of life. My early childhood was really good. My parents were not rich but we were comfortable. During my primary school days, I had the privilege of attending one of the best primary schools in the state. Things changed during towards the end of my primary education, and got worse when I lost my dad in secondary school. I will not bore you with so much details. I completed my secondary education by God’s grace but it was not easy, I must confess. After some years, I gained admission into the university. I struggled financially in the first couple of years of my program. I am currently a PhD student in North America.

Due to the experience I had growing up, I was not involved in a serious relationship with anyone in my university days even though I had very good female friends who some people presumed we were dating. The reason is that I knew I had a long way to go before settling down and there was no need for me to waste anybody's time or making promises I cannot keep. I believe I will get a good person when I am closer to my destination. I also wanted to “put some things in place” before getting married because I don’t want my immediate family or kids in the future to face the same challenge as I did.

I am looking to settle soon but the issue is that most of the ladies I have been meeting here appear to have a parallel lifestyle to mine. I am not castigating them but I have observed that most of them have been influenced by the western. They drink alcohol, dress shabbily, have more than one piercing in their ears. I remember one of them attending a church service last month and was not comfortable in her short dress. She was ashamed to go towards the altar when it was time to give offering. A couple of days ago, while discussing with one of the ‘single’ ladies she said whoever she will get married to MUST be rich. She also said her flat mate has same resolution.

Friends in Nigeria have been making recommendations but I have been wary of such recommendations.

Do you reckon it is worth trying or too risky considering the fact that I may not have more than one or two physical contact with the person if I eventually walk the aisle? Are good single independent ladies almost extinct?

Thank you all for you matured contributions!

dts d best way to choose a partner provided u guys date for a period of 12months n live close enough to see frequently n take a stand on ur rship b4 going into marriage. every adult kws what they want in a partner n hw they meet d person is immaterial, d love story of everyone is different. d impt thing is dt both parties shld b compatible n prepared to love each other forever

Op I would just advise you to pay a woman to give you kids. Marriage is such a big price to pay to have a family. This is my own opinion and it's seriously overrated.

OP since you are a christain you should pray seriously for the exact type of wife you want that is the surest way and before you know it you will meet that person and notice after careful observation that the person meets your expectations.

It only God that knows the intents of our hearts and can lead you to know who is truly a good person.

You may even end up meeting that special one through recommendation. Just pray about it.

Thanks for your contributions so far!

Personally, I would prefer nature to take its course.

Recommendations are fine, but at the end of the day you've to use your own judgement.

BlessedFellow01:

Friends in Nigeria have been making recommendations but I have been wary of such recommendations.
Do you reckon it is worth trying or too risky considering the fact that I may not have more than one or two physical contact with the person if I eventually walk the aisle?

You're going to see someone once or twice and then walk down the aisle. If you do that, then you might as well be getting married to a stranger. It takes time to get to know someone; once or twice is not enough. By spending time together, you will find out just how compatible you are, if you've similar values, expectations, etc. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, so ensure you have met the right person before taking the plunge.