Cutehector:
why I nor go provoke.. see dat husband, u go find am tire.

Lolzzzz

katyamizotta:
Bukatyne, I have drinks, lots of em. DH wants plus peppersoup. Okay I'll ask my help to a make the peppersoup.

It's not about whether he should do oral or not. It's about exploring other means of achieving orgasm for me. I wouldn't be looking for other methods if I was getting my climax. So if he isn't open to helping out then I feel that is selfish.

I stopped the oral since the last time I posted. He has noticed that I stopped it, or if he did he hasn't complained. I don't know where that leaves me.....orgasmless at the moment.
I have also stopped faking....i feel free and less of a hypocrite, but I'm also detached. My body has stopped responding. There is a bit of pain again. I can't tell why....He is very concerned about that.

I want to have another child soon, but I'm scared of being a married 'single mom'. Raising one kid alone has been beautiful but tough. My daughters birthday is coming up soon. I have pleaded that we attend her birthday in school and he says a capital No. That is not his thing. He made arrangements for a big party in school and a tricycle to be delivered there but refuses to show up
Should I still have another baby?

I have the Total Woman.

I will try my best but the journey is more difficult than I ever imagined.

Please, don't try for another child now. The burden will certainly be too much for you to bear. Let the desire to have another child come from him, then you can pick it up from there. Meanwhile, permit me to ask this question, are you sure he's not seeing another woman? If he is, then you need to be very careful. You won't want to have STDs, so be watchful. I will still suggest that having tried your best without any result, you need to look for someone he fears and respects that can talk to him.

I don't think you have that much of an issue, some women have it worse. Get a nanny/maid to help with the kids/chores. When you come back from work with the help of the maid, all you have in mind is serving ur husbands food and helping the kids do homework. Just improve on your looks, you can learn to do mild makeup, doesn't have to be heavy or fake looking to be appealing. Dress well, carry your self well, give him good sex always no matter what and you will be fine. Don't ever give him reasons to stray. Good luck

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Well said!

Op, put everything in prayer pls.

Op, put everything in prayer pls. Tell God to touch ur hubby s heart.

I will advise you to look for a job that will allow you to have more ample time with your child. If you continue like this, there is a possibility that you will break down in the nearest future. Pur your husband in prayers,try and have meaningful conversation with him, tell him you have not had an orgasm in years and try to find out why. I wish you luck.

UPDATE:
A year and 5 months later

I am a much happier woman.
Much much happier.
Did anything change?
No.
I and hubby don't talk much. I joined a women's group. That takes care of my need for a close friend.
We are more like roommates.
I have successfully killed off the desire for sex. not that when he needs me, I won't be there. I will be. We are married.
But now I can enthrall him with mind blowing sex while making a new beading pattern in my head.
My child makes me happy.
I am a bad ass cook now.
I got a fashion stylist so I'm close to being a diva.
I got more helps. he refused to pay for their services so I pay. I need to take life easy.
I call everyday, he answers in monosyllables. As long as he is fine and healthy I praise God. I have done my bit for the day.
I have learned to worry less about what he thinks of me and engage my mind in several tasks.
Everyone has an area which is broken. For me its my marriage. But I realise I have a right to be happy.
I am no longer unhappy.

With all I have seen and heard and experienced about Nigerian Marriages, I'm going to spend all my time bringing up my son rather than my daughter. Because it's not our girls with issues, our menfolk simply cannot appreciate a good woman and are not taught how to be good husbands. There is something so fundamentally broken in the Nigerian Man. You cannot spend 22 years plus training a girl child for marriage and ignore the male child and expect success stories in Marriage. OP's story is so commonplace, it's not even funny. I don't know which married woman in Lagos is not living this life right now. You see them everywhere. You do your best, you pray, you look your best, you cook your best, you smile your best, you bang your best... He acts like he wishes he was in Jericho, bored, selfish, emotionally withdrawn and listless.

KanwuliaJaara was right, don't carry any man on your head and keep "distractions" quietly on the side. It's painful but she was right all these years...

Seriously, Nigerian women, stop denying yourselves. Plenty single guys dey. Be super discreet. It's nice to be chatted up once in a while and at least, you know what's up.

Sometimes talking doesn't make a difference,the man is wicked,the man is wicked,I once dated a guy like that,within 4 months of dating him, I realised being nice,good and so wonderful wasn't what he wanted,he wanted wickedness and I gave it to him,I became emotionless and treated him like shit,it was then he changed and I became a goddess to him,of course the relationship continued till he wanted marriage of which of course I couldn't marry,wickedness never goes away. True fact

Oh mehn....

Just another one again...

Every passing day on NL family session make it looks like marriage is more of a bondage than enjoyment...

Same old story...

Una mehn God is in control oooo

katyamizotta:
UPDATE:
A year and 5 months later

I am a much happier woman.
Much much happier.
Did anything change?
No.
I and hubby don't talk much. I joined a women's group. That takes care of my need for a close friend.
We are more like roommates.
I have successfully killed off the desire for sex. not that when he needs me, I won't be there. I will be. We are married.
But now I can enthrall him with mind blowing sex while making a new beading pattern in my head.
My child makes me happy.
I am a bad ass cook now.
I got a fashion stylist so I'm close to being a diva.
I got more helps. he refused to pay for their services so I pay. I need to take life easy.
I call everyday, he answers in monosyllables. As long as he is fine and healthy I praise God. I have done my bit for the day.
I have learned to worry less about what he thinks of me and engage my mind in several tasks.
Everyone has an area which is broken. For me its my marriage. But I realise I have a right to be happy.
I am no longer unhappy.

Hope you got the vibs too! Everyone deserves big O, does wonders to your mental and emotional well being.

katyamizotta:
UPDATE:
A year and 5 months later

I am a much happier woman.
Much much happier.
Did anything change?
No.
I and hubby don't talk much. I joined a women's group. That takes care of my need for a close friend.
We are more like roommates.
I have successfully killed off the desire for sex. not that when he needs me, I won't be there. I will be. We are married.
But now I can enthrall him with mind blowing sex while making a new beading pattern in my head.
My child makes me happy.
I am a bad ass cook now.
I got a fashion stylist so I'm close to being a diva.
I got more helps. he refused to pay for their services so I pay. I need to take life easy.
I call everyday, he answers in monosyllables. As long as he is fine and healthy I praise God. I have done my bit for the day.
I have learned to worry less about what he thinks of me and engage my mind in several tasks.
Everyone has an area which is broken. For me its my marriage. But I realise I have a right to be happy.
I am no longer unhappy.

It's sad it got to this stage of a 'typical Nigerian' marriage.

All good that you are 'happy' now.

Onegai:
With all I have seen and heard and experienced about Nigerian Marriages, I'm going to spend all my time bringing up my son rather than my daughter. Because it's not our girls with issues, our menfolk simply cannot appreciate a good woman and are not taught how to be agood husbands. There is something so fundamentally broken in the Nigerian Man. You cannot spend 22 years plus training a girl child for marriage and ignore the male child and expect success stories in Marriage. OP's story is so commonplace, it's not even funny. I don't know which married woman in Lagos is not living this life right now. You see them everywhere. You do your best, you pray, you look your best, you cook your best, you smile your best, you bang your best... He acts like he wishes he was in Jericho, bored, selfish, emotionally withdrawn and listless.

KanwuliaJaara was right, don't carry any man on your head and keep "distractions" quietly on the side. It's painful but she was right all these years...

Seriously, Nigerian women, stop denying yourselves. Plenty single guys dey. Be super discreet. It's nice to be chatted up once in a while and at least, you know what's up.

I very much agree with you that there is something about the typical 'Nigerian husband'. I believe it is partly training/ lack of and partly girls who jilted/ toyed with him when he was younger.

I always tell people that the divorce rates are seemingly higher because Nigerian women are no longer doing the pray & endure shit.... the men are angry because they now have to sit up (hence the uproar you see about ' modern' women in NL; like it's not the same saintly mothers who trained the girls of today).

I hear guys seriously discuss and wonder why today's girls are not like their mothers (shit takers)...

I detest the idea of live for your kids.... it breeds terrible mothers in law who can't let go.

I prefer the OP's approach... finding joy in things (her hobbies & friends) than pouring her life for her child.

I wouldn't advise adultery; it is too messy, degrading & a sin.

Are there good men? Yes, they abound. Like I told some babes, find a man who genuinely loves you.

katyamizotta:
Bukatyne, I have drinks, lots of em. DH wants plus peppersoup. Okay I'll ask my help to a make the peppersoup.

It's not about whether he should do oral or not. It's about exploring other means of achieving orgasm for me. I wouldn't be looking for other methods if I was getting my climax. So if he isn't open to helping out then I feel that is selfish.

I stopped the oral since the last time I posted. He has noticed that I stopped it, or if he did he hasn't complained. I don't know where that leaves me.....orgasmless at the moment.
I have also stopped faking....i feel free and less of a hypocrite, but I'm also detached. My body has stopped responding. There is a bit of pain again. I can't tell why....He is very concerned about that.

I want to have another child soon, but I'm scared of being a married 'single mom'. Raising one kid alone has been beautiful but tough. My daughters birthday is coming up soon. I have pleaded that we attend her birthday in school and he says a capital No. That is not his thing. He made arrangements for a big party in school and a tricycle to be delivered there but refuses to show up
Should I still have another baby?

I have the Total Woman.

I will try my best but the journey is more difficult than I ever imagined.

I am sorry I didn't respond to this.