I have a friend that is stumped as to what decision to take,

She's dating a Muslim (hardly practicing) and she is a Christian. They are both very much in love, and he recently proposed but she is having cold feet because the issue of religion has come up. He wants his kids to be raised muslim, she has no intentions of becoming a Muslim. He is fine with her remaining a Christian and they never had issues about it in their 1+ years of dating but she worries that a few years down the line he'll be singing a different tune.

To further worsen situations her Mum and sister are strongly against the union.

What should she do, turn down the marriage proposal or go ahead??

its always a tough call where to pitch ones tent in this issue.
i have seen couples with diverse religious background live happily, and i have also seen marriages crash cos of the same reason.
if you know your man very well u wud be able to tell if he is the type that wud after some years change his stand concerning what religion to follow.

i hate to join the skool of tot that says a woman must practise the same religion as her hubby,
but someone there has to be unity in the home to be able to guide the children right.

i think communication wud solve this roblem on both thier part.

so whose religionwud d kids practice?

@biola
thats always the problem.

the kids are torn inbtw whose religion to follow.
but for me i wont be deterred by such, if i truely love the girl.

She should make it known to the guy that as much as he wants to cling to his religion that he wants their kids to practice it, so does she have the right to practice her religion without being troubled or hassled about it in the future. If the guy doesn't agree with that arrangement, then he's not worth the 1+ years she spent with him. If he, on the better note, permits her to practice her religion, she shouldn't worry about the kids, when they grow they will know what religion to go through. Why is she worried anyway? Didn't they say mothers are closest to their children? Has that fact changed? I believe as long as she's the closer to their kids, they will practice her religion. Because there will be cases where she has to go to Church programmes with the kids and when she has to, will he stop her? Of course not! The guy is just ignorant and doesn't know the kind of bond between a mother and a child, Hell! He's not even a practical Muslim.

This issue has been hashed out well on this forum many times. From a Christian perspective, she cant. The Bible is very clear on that.
From a carnal human perspective, Yes, she can, if she wants to, but she should be aware of the potential issues. As long as she can deal with them, then there really is no problem - Apart from the rift it may cause in the family.

The kids will also grow up to be Muslims, but will have the knowledge of the Christian faith, through their mother - Nothing wrong with that, as they can make up their own mind when they become adults.
He may have have certain views and principles which are consistent with the Muslim faith - she must be willing to accommodate those. On the issue of "not practising", that can change at any time.
If she is willing to comply with any request pertaining to his faith in the future, then she'll be fine, otherwise, the scene may be set for endless conflict and issues.

Romeo4real:

This issue has been hashed out well on this forum many times. From a Christian perspective, she cant. The Bible is very clear on that.
From a carnal human perspective, Yes, she can, if she wants to, but she should be aware of the potential issues. As long as she can deal with them, then there really is no problem - Apart from the rift it may cause in the family.

The kids will also grow up to be Muslims, but will have the knowledge of the Christian faith, through their mother - Nothing wrong with that, as they can make up their own mind when they become adults.
He may have have certain views and principles which are consistent with the Muslim faith - she must be willing to accommodate those. On the issue of "not practising", that can change at any time.
If she is willing to comply with any request pertaining to his faith in the future, then she'll be fine, otherwise, the scene may be set for endless conflict and issues.

You're right! But then let me hastily add that they are going into a marriage which is supposed to be a sort of partnership but not slave trade! If I'm married to a Muslim woman, I wouldn't impose any of my religious etiquette on her as long as her religious belief doesn't bother the home front

Iam a muslim so i wil never even 2 fall so deep wit a xtian. 'Dont even marry as husbands or wives until they become believers (muslims)' says the holy quran.

@topic
No

If I'm married to a Muslim woman, I wouldn't impose any of my religious etiquette on her as long as her religious belief doesn't bother the home front

Well, that really depends on how "religious" u are. If u are quite religious, you would want ur whole household to follow ur religion. Remember, this is ur family we are talking about, not friends or strangers.
Also, how can a "partnership" work effectively when both parties subscribe to different rules, regarding an issue that permeates their daily lives and affects all decision making?

Yes I could marry someone from another religion as long as:

1. He does not impose his religious beliefs heavily on me.
2. He allows our children to make a decision on their own to which religion they wish to follow
3. He doesn't stop me from practising my own religion.
4. His parents and family are not against our union because of my religion.

The above are none negotiable. Otherwise, NO!

igbele:

Iam a muslim so i wil never even 2 fall so deep wit a xtian. 'Dont even marry as husbands or wives until they become believers (muslims)' says the holy quran.

Alhaja, I am a christian, I cannot date true muslim and true christian too. I am close to true Alhaji and true pastor who doesn't discriminate. I can date muslims and christians but not the religious type. you can see me in mosque or church because I don't give any shit about religious, I live life to the fulliest and believe churches and mosques are ordinary building and the people going there make the churches and mosques themselves, our heart is what matter. Do not carry the so called reliqious on you head maddam

Secretz:

Yes I could marry someone from another religion as long as:

1. He does not impose his religious beliefs heavily on me.
2. He allows our children to make a decision on their own to which religion they wish to follow
3. He doesn't stop me from practising my own religion.
4. His parents and family are not against our union because of my religion.

The above are none negotiable. Otherwise, NO!

With regards to point two, I don't think it is quite that simple.
When the kids are born what names do you give them? Also
do you call an imam to name them after 7 days as is the muslim way
or do you call a pastor? Or maybe even do both?

Marrying outside your religion takes a lot of tolerance, forbearance
and one or both parties has to compromise. I would say such a union
could never work if both parties are quite into their respective religions.

I would never sell my religion bcoz of lov neither would i fall for oposit rligion.This is what i consider 1st b4 makg my choice.After dat it's her level of educatn b4 genotype.Coz my dad always told me 2consider d3 optn b4 i conclud on marieg.Bcoz he told me mariege dtermine hw i wil enjoy wht av been laboured 4.

Strait-Up:

I have a friend that is stumped as to what decision to take,

She's dating a Muslim (hardly practicing) and she is a Christian. They are both very much in love, and he recently proposed but she is having cold feet because the issue of religion has come up. He wants his kids to be raised muslim, she has no intentions of becoming a Muslim. He is fine with her remaining a Christian and they never had issues about it in their 1+ years of dating but she worries that a few years down the line he'll be singing a different tune.

To further worsen situations her Mum and sister are strongly against the union.

What should she do, turn down the marriage proposal or go ahead??

She should consider if:
-she's ready at some point to convert if asked to
-If she's ready o not go to church with her children
-To be faced with the possibility of her home turning polygamous.

Now if all these things don't disturb her, then she can go ahead, but if not think twice.

@topic
nope its just too difficult for me lets say muslim-its either i have to convert or if i dont on friday he will go to mosque and while on sunday i will go to church wtf me i cant be doing that kind of stresss!!!

Sure. WHy not? I love most religions anyways

No I wouldn't. Because the kinds of problems from the original post always arise down the line and it always causes friction especially when there are children involved and the children always end up confused and one person always loses and has to give up their faith in the end. Too complex!

I doubt it.

Even if we share the same religion there'll be problems talkless having different places of worship.

Tatase:

No I wouldn't. Because the kinds of problems from the original post always arise down the line and it always causes friction especially when there are children involved and the children always end up confused and one person always loses and has to give up their faith in the end. Too complex!

My father is a Catholic and my mom is a Buddhist. I did not get mix up naa

Gabry:

My father is a Catholic and my mom is a Buddhist. I did not get mix up naa

Which did you adopt?

I say it's complicated because I've seen it happen and the children either end up one or the other (so one parents religion loses out) or ambivalent to both religions/thinking that faith is not really important. Faith is important to me and I don't want there to be a situation where my children are confused about what's right.

I followed the Chatolic faith cause when I was young, my mom brought me to Sunday School and my father brought me to church every Sunday. When I grew a little older, than my mom converted to Catholic. So since then, my entire family goes to church. My brother is dating a girl from a Buddhist background and she willingly wanted to convert to a Catholic so now she went for classes.

Many of my cousins have parents with mix religions. Like Hindu and Buddhist or Muslim and Anglican or Jew and Catholic and etc etc.

Romeo4real:

Well, that really depends on how "religious" u are. If u are quite religious, you would want ur whole household to follow ur religion. Remember, this is ur family we are talking about, not friends or strangers.
Also, how can a "partnership" work effectively when both parties subscribe to different rules, regarding an issue that permeates their daily lives and affects all decision making?

Sure it depends on how religious and I choose to differ from being an extremist. I know a Muslim man(Nigerian) who got as religious to a point where he doesn't buy any fabrics that has AMERICAN flag or symbol on them. If he likes such couture that much, he extricates the AMERICAN sign and replaces it with another design,  Now what do you call that? Being religious? I think that's being extremely extremist in my humble opinion.

Business partnership is very much opposed to marital partnership. In a relationship, what are the most important things you tell a woman or a woman tells you? We both tell each other that "you can't change who I am, I will always be me". You can't possibly ask her to leave her religion because that was how she was raised, that's an integral part of her. Asking her to leave her religion is tantamount to selfishness on the man's part.

Possession of the family doesn't solely lie with the man because he's the head of the family, they both share the responsibilities no matter how meager the woman's are. She has almost, if not the same, amount of rights on the kids as much as the man does. The man can dictate which religion he wants the kids to be raised in, but it is up to the kids to decide when they become adults -- as I am 90% sure that 80 of 100 kids will get along with their mom's religion, that's the influential power moms have on their kids that a father will NEVER have unless in some very sad conditions where the mom had died.

If the man is sooooo religious, why didn't he just get married to a woman from his religion? Aren't they good enough? I see it needlessly insulting to impose one's religion on one's wife. She has certain rights and freedom and one of them is freedom of religion, as it holds for her in the society, so does it rightly extend into her home -- which should never be checked.

Practising different religions doesn't connote dishing out conflictingly different rules.  Or maybe you could give me an example of what you're driving at, eh?

Tatase:

No I wouldn't. Because the kinds of problems from the original post always arise down the line and it always causes friction especially when there are children involved and the children always end up confused and one person always loses and has to give up their faith in the end. Too complex!

If the man is imposing his religion on the wife, refusal of which is leading to chaotic existence in the home then the relationship/marriage isn't worth it after all. If he loves her, working on the relationship is important than bitching on religion. What has religion got to do with marriage anyway? If your religion clearly states that you should not get married to a woman unless she converts why don't you easily get married to someone already in your religion instead of fomenting cold and unmannerly domestic war? Leaving behind your religion on the basis of marriage isn't love, it's simply loss of self esteem. If I was smoking from when I was born, I dare not not leave it because of any woman no matter how much I love her, if she can't deal with that she'd hit the cave!

VOR:

With regards to point two, I don't think it is quite that simple.
When the kids are born what names do you give them? Also
do you call an imam to name them after 7 days as is the muslim way
or do you call a pastor? Or maybe even do both?

Marrying outside your religion takes a lot of tolerance, forbearance
and one or both parties has to compromise. I would say such a union
could never work if both parties are quite into their respective religions.

This is why number 1 on my list was positioned there in the first place, with the emphasis on 'heavily'.
It is not unheard of to give children a muslim and christian name. What about nigerians who give their kids English as well as Nigerian names like myself.
You can do both of everything and let the child later decide which path to follow or neither. I couldn't marry someone who is tooo into his religion (if opposite to mine) as it gives him the chance to impose it heavily on me and i'm not ready to convert.

TheSeeker:

If the man is imposing his religion on the wife, refusal of which is leading to chaotic existence in the home then the relationship/marriage isn't worth it after all. If he loves her, working on the relationship is important than bitching on religion. What has religion got to do with marriage anyway? If your religion clearly states that you should not get married to a woman unless she converts why don't you easily get married to someone already in your religion instead of fomenting cold and unmannerly domestic war? Leaving behind your religion on the basis of marriage isn't love, it's simply loss of self esteem. If I was smoking from when I was born, I dare not not leave it because of any woman no matter how much I love her, if she can't deal with that she'd hit the cave!

Chill out, I think we're saying the same thing!!! It's not that I'm an extremist nor have I ever been, I think everyone has the right to worship God in the way they feel is best and will lead them to a good end. I think my religion is true but everyone has choice and everyone also thinks their religion is right. My faith doesn't make me superior to anyone else and I've been to many Eid celebrations, Shabbat dinners, Diwali parties etc  to support friends but its a little hollow because they are really feeling the occasion and to me it feels empty, and I can imagine that's how someone of a different faith is at Easter or Christmas etc. But the thing is those are just friends and so we can afford to hold certain parts of ourselves back from each other. I think a husband situation is a little different.

Maybe it's just the bad luck of my acquaintances, but in all the interfaith relationships I've observed (at least those in Naij; since it doesn't usually seem to matter so much abroad because everyone seems to lose their religion a little when they get out of Nigeria), unless one or both parties is not really that religious, someone always ends up converting or it causes tension in the relationship. I just think if faith is intrinsic in your life then it may be best to go with someone of your own faith.

walestar:

Alhaja, I am a christian, I cannot date true muslim and true christian too. I am close to true Alhaji and true pastor who doesn't discriminate. I can date muslims and christians but not the religious type. you can see me in mosque or church because I don't give any shit about religious, I live life to the fulliest and believe churches and mosques are ordinary building and the people going there make the churches and mosques themselves, our heart is what matter. Do not carry the so called reliqious on you head maddam

love is blind marriage will open your eyes. you are what i call CINO ( christian in name only)

tpia@:

I doubt it.

Even if we share the same religion there'll be problems talkless having different places of worship.

some people love marriage of convinience