This is scary. Unfortunately, many people going through this are afraid to speak out. No wonder divorce is legalised by white folks.

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Nezan:

This is scary. Unfortunately, many people going through this are afraid to speak out. No wonder divorce is legalised by white folks.

you prefer the get em pregnant and not marry em many of our people do? dont you know illegimate children are a curse? you wont know cos you are looking for white people to show how better your people are when you know well fully they dont marry in the first place.

if you know the number of white people happily married to one person for years. some under difficult circumstances of poverty, hardship and sickness.

People are asking if he didn't love her before he impregnated her. *laughs* Love and sex don't always go together. Besides all this force force thing must have affected him so much that in my opinion he feels resentments against her even though he won't admit it.

His sudden rejection is the reflection of a subconscious grudge he has with her. He hasn't said it but deep inside him he must think she got pregnant to ruin hie life despite he has accepted his responsibilities.

You don't Love her   and you slept with her  , impregnate her  , from your message tone you are a christian "as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused" i  > think you should find just one reason to love her and let your life and her life continue from my perspective SHE IS A WONDEFUL WOMAN for the fact that you said people come to you for advise on how you(both of you) are making it such that the marriage is successful despite the fact that they don't know what is going on underneath ( SELAH ).

mooyguy:

You don't Love her   and you slept with her  , impregnate her  , from your message tone you are a christian "as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused" i  > think you should find just one reason to love her and let your life and her life continue from my perspective SHE IS A WONDEFUL WOMAN for the fact that you said people come to you for advise on how you(both of you) are making it such that the marriage is successful despite the fact that they don't know what is going on underneath ( SELAH ).

So now pretending is something to commend? As long as I smile outside it doesn't matter what I do inside? We have no right to tell him what he should do. I think at this point that he has realised something is wrong, he knows what he could do, but he can't just do it.

michelin89:

People are asking if he didn't love her before he impregnated her. *laughs* Love and sex don't always go together. Besides all this force force thing must have affected him so much that in my opinion he feels resentments against her even though he won't admit it.

His sudden rejection is the reflection of a subconscious grudge he has with her. He hasn't said it but deep inside him he must think she got pregnant to ruin hie life despite he has accepted his responsibilities.

i hope you all learn from this

Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.

Someone said become her friend. It's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?

where is your advice?

GEW:

where is your advice?

michelin89:

Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.

Someone said become her friend. I[b]t's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?[/b]

I don't know the nature of their relationship before they got married. Did he say they were dating or just bedmates?

When you slept with her and got her pregnant, did you hate her or where you blindfolded?

There are lots of questions you have to ask yourself? What is your aim or reason for feeling the way you do? If you discover you don't have a reason, then I advise you make haste and make peace with your wife. Don't allow yourself to be a willing-vessel in the hands of the devil.

The resposibility of a man is to LOVE his wife, no matter what the circumstances. You owe her that! LOVE her, while she submits to you. You claim she has been good to you, then the least you can do is to respect and love her. The ball is in your court.

Who made the decision about sleeping in separate rooms in the first place? That is not the best thing for a marriage. Both of you need to examine yourselves, sit dowm and make peace.

michelin89:

I don't know the nature of their relationship before they got married. Did he say they were dating or just bedmates?

michelin89:

Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.

Someone said become her friend. It's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?

if you dont know why did the ole lady say "Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife."[b][/b] michelin o michelle. you be raggae.

Bros, its either you marry who you love or love who you marry. As it is, you have the second choice to go with. All the best.

GEW:

if you dont know why did the ole lady say "Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife."[b][/b] michelin o michelle. you be raggae.

What judgement am I passing? I asked a simple question. How can you possible advise him on how to love someone when you don't know what she meant to him before marriage?

People are so quick to say: where you blind when you were impregnating her? Assuming all of them here actually had sex only with girls they loved. *talk of being a raggae*

You can stay here until tomorrow and say heaven and earth. But if you don't know the genesis of the relationship you'll just be wasting your words.

One thing is rediscovering an interest, another is building it right from its foundation.

michelin89:

What judgement am I passing? I asked a simple question. How can you possible advise him on how to love someone when you don't know what she meant to him before marriage?

People are so quick to say: where you blind when you were impregnating her? Assuming all of them here actually had sex only with girls they loved. *talk of being a raggae*

You can stay here until tomorrow and say heaven and earth. But if you don't know the genesis of the relationship you'll just be wasting your words.

One thing is rediscovering an interest, another is building it right from its foundation.

see grammar for michelin mouth. you actually asked for us to stop passing judgement do you get it now?

michelin89:

Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.
Someone said become her friend. It's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?

so good and nice to see you are growing quickly.

Well, good for you!! You are living with the consequences of your sin. If I say Men who don’t want to get married shouldn’t be in a relationship, TheSeeker will jump down my throat. Now you see the consequence of sleeping with someone you can’t marry?

But love in a marriage is a decision. What you are referring to love is that initial chemistry which eventually fades in every marriage. You have to stop expecting that textbook feeling/relationship with your wife, and start making do with what you have. Start seeing the good things in your wife and appreciate her for who she is.

Just think of it in this way. What if you were Adam? And your only choice was Eve. You’ll have no choice but to love her.  So my dear, stop feeling sorry for yourself and thank God you are lucky enough to get a decent woman; who despite the fact you got her pregnant and married her out of pity, you don’t touch her or show her any romance or feelings because you are under this twisted impression that you were pressured to marry her, she’s still loving and caring like a good wife should be.

GEW:

see grammar for michelin mouth.  you actually asked for us to stop passing judgement do you get it now?  so good and nice to see you are growing quickly.

Ahhhh! I get it. Coming from me it sounded so weird abi? Man pikin also get those days wey he nor wan yarn unnecessarily.  

Imagine. see fight on top another person matter

@Poster> maybe we should be asking you what exactly you dont like about her?
When you get the answer then you on your way to solution. Shikena

so who's problem is that? when u were enjoying the Bleep, did you call for help. my friend don't disturb us here. no one has ur time.

A lot of people are of the view that if he could sleep with her then he should marry her.
WHAT!!! Are you kidding me right now?

How can mere sex be equated with marriageability?

If it's not working out despite trying their best, they should call it a day.
This is because otherwise they will be unhappy through out their lives.
They should then figure out how to raise their kid properly.

The getting stuck in a loveless marriage is the worst thing a man can do for himself.

Infact if a man gets married and soon afterwards discovers that the girl has been pretending to be a good girl when she's your worst nightmare, the man should call it a day as well. (vice versa)

A lot of people believe that how ever they are is good enough; well that's untrue period.
None of these is worth sticking around for.

Its always said that a lady u cant marry or u dnt want pple to see by ur side u dont  go to bed with her cos something  u dnt expect can happen.

This is a lesson for all.

Find a place in ur heart to luv her

hackney:

A lot of people are of the view that if he could sleep with her then he should marry her.
WHAT!!! Are you kidding me right now?

How can mere sex be equated with marriageability?

If it's not working out despite trying their best, they should call it a day.
This is because otherwise they will be unhappy through out their lives.
They should then figure out how to raise their kid properly.

The getting stuck in a loveless marriage is the worst thing a man can do for himself.

Infact if a man gets married and soon afterwards discovers that the girl has been pretending to be a good girl when she's your worst nightmare, the man should call it a day as well. (vice versa)

A lot of people believe that how ever they are is good enough; well that's untrue period.
None of these is worth sticking around for.

Ask them ooo!

Anyway, left to women, they actually want you to marry them before you sleep with them.
That hasn't worked out so far in society because sex can just be sex ; purely recreational.

Infact a man will sleep with you before he marries you unless he doesn't know what he's doing.
After going out with a girl for some time, It is only when you have slept with her do you know her completely.
If she doesnt sleep with you but wants to marry you, then she just wants to get married to someone.

The problem I see here is that you have not made any effort to love her

You are still bitter that people pressurised you into marrying her

You are still wondering if he trapped you purposely with the pregnancy

You feel you got married when you were not ready, you wanted to sow more of your royal oats and it ended suddenly

You have not forgiven this girl

You slept with her and got her pregnant because she was attractive to you. Probably you did not sleep with her only once

Bro clear your mind of the blame for her
Forgive yourself also

Note: All those 'more beautiful girls' you see now and feel you would have married will turn unattractive when you stay upto a year under the same roof. Ask married couples.

Make effort as she has made and do not let this girl live in misery all her life.

Say 'I can Love her' and keep repeating that.
Take her out on romatic trips even if you find it repulsive at first. Talk with her, play with her against your 'will'

All those bridges built in your emotion will crumble. You are the one holding back. Let go man! Good luck!

Michelin89 and hackney,

What goes with sex may not be love but attraction must be there except one is a prostitute.

So the attraction was there. Now talking about marriagability, he has confessed that the babe is a good wife.

He needs to make effort and allow the attraction and then let go the resentment.
I said it in my other post before seing people have actually hinted on it; so I am not alone.

hackney:

A lot of people are of the view that if he could sleep with her then he should marry her.
WHAT!!! Are you kidding me right now?

How can mere sex be equated with marriageability?

If it's not working out despite trying their best, they should call it a day.
This is because otherwise they will be unhappy through out their lives.
They should then figure out how to raise their kid properly.

The getting stuck in a loveless marriage is the worst thing a man can do for himself.

Infact if a man gets married and soon afterwards discovers that the girl has been pretending to be a good girl when she's your worst nightmare, the man should call it a day as well. (vice versa)

A lot of people believe that how ever they are is good enough; well that's untrue period.
None of these is worth sticking around for.

u don chop kpomo and cow leg for dalston market finish why you no go run mouth like pure water for here.

you can do mere sex but you no fit marry?  thank God for restricting you to hackney.  
i wonder how many children u don create with "mere sex"

the mind as negro college says is a terrible thing to waste.

agabaI23:

Michelin89 and hackney,

What goes with sex may not be love but attraction must be there except one is a prostitute.

So the attraction was there. Now talking about marriagability, he has confessed that the babe is a good wife.

He needs to make effort and allow the attraction and then let go the resentment.
I said it in my other post before seing people have actually hinted on it; so I am not alone.

o boy you are not preaching to the choir. hackney i can understand michelle i am trying to reap between the line on this.

the bobo should count himself lucky

There is so much idealism on Nairaland. Gosh, it's scary!

i am so sorry to hear this.
It is always a terrible thing for people to marry out of sympathy, cos love is import.
However, ur only choice now is divorce, else, you will have to find a way to love her.
if she loves you, try and love her back, but if you cant. please, let her go.

Whether you love her or not is a thing of the mind. You dont love her because you really have never tried to.
Its heartless to see your wife crying so badly for you to love her and you turn a cold shoulder to her. Dude in the 3 yrs you were sleeping apart you could have grown to love her.

What is it about her you dont love? Her features? O boy abeg you better obey your bible that says husbands shld love their wives if not all your prayers are simply in vain.

.

A lot of people are of the view that if he could sleep with her then he should marry her.
WHAT!!! Are you kidding me right now?

How can mere sex be equated with marriageability?

If it's not working out despite trying their best, they should call it a day.
This is because otherwise they will be unhappy through out their lives.
They should then figure out how to raise their kid properly.

The getting stuck in a loveless marriage is the worst thing a man can do for himself.

Infact if a man gets married and soon afterwards discovers that the girl has been pretending to be a good girl when she's your worst nightmare, the man should call it a day as well. (vice versa)

A lot of people believe that how ever they are is good enough; well that's untrue period.
None of these is worth sticking around for.

Mere sex? The guy did it without a CD. So if he was HIV + shewould have just contacted it and you'll call it 'mere sex'.

The guy's just being selfish if you ask me. When he was doing it he was hoping to ruin her life by either making her a single mother or an abortionist. Now he's stuck with her and he's complaining. If you ask him why he dosent love her he'll prolly tell u its cos she's not pretty enof. But she was good enof to sleep with.

Whether you love her or not is a thing of the mind. You dont love her because you really have never tried to.
[b]Its heartless to see your wife crying so badly for you to love her and you turn a cold shoulder to he[/b]r. Dude in the 3 yrs you were sleeping apart you could have grown to love her.

Please help me tell him oh.

oil her engine.i know say u dey oil another engine.