The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status in our society. In few years time, people will be throwing divorce parties & invite friends & well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians. Even a question like "So when are you getting divorced?" will become common. If u know u can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single. If u don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do. If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single. If u know u can't be faithful, remain single. If u can't endure insults from one another, pls remain single. If u can't forgive one another's wrongs, pls remain single. If u can't place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single! Don't get married out of desperation. If u desire a successful home, but ur choice of friends are those whose marriages have collapsed. Its simple - they'll make u drink from their poisoned chalice. Once that happens, ur marriage is in a process of dying a slow death. Be very mindful of where you go for advice.
Guys, if u know u can't put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u mature. There's no way u can abandon the care of ur family at the expense of your lifestyle. They are your priority & everything else including u comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the spiritual leader, the role model - u are not a deity. So don't expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible.
Ladies, if u know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage so you're not turned to a punch bag! If u know u can't stand being corrected, please remain single.
Ladies check ur domestic scorecard - if ur score is zero, please stay in ur parents' house! Ladies & gentlemen, marriage isn't,& won't be a bed of roses, understand the dynamics.
...
www.rainafather.

Hmmm. true talk

Alero3Arubi:
The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status in our society. In few years time, people will be throwing divorce parties & invite friends & well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians. Even a question like "So when are you getting divorced?" will become common. If u know u can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single. If u don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do. If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single. If u know u can't be faithful, remain single. If u can't endure insults from one another, pls remain single. If u can't forgive one another's wrongs, pls remain single. If u can't place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single! Don't get married out of desperation. If u desire a successful home, but ur choice of friends are those whose marriages have collapsed. Its simple - they'll make u drink from their poisoned chalice. Once that happens, ur marriage is in a process of dying a slow death. Be very mindful of where you go for advice.
Guys, if u know u can't put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u mature. There's no way u can abandon the care of ur family at the expense of your lifestyle. They are your priority & everything else including u comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the spiritual leader, the role model - u are not a deity. So don't expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible.
Ladies, if u know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage so you're not turned to a punch bag! If u know u can't stand being corrected, please remain single.
Ladies check ur domestic scorecard - if ur score is zero, please stay in ur parents' house! Ladies & gentlemen, marriage isn't,& won't be a bed of roses, understand the dynamics.
...
www.rainafather.

Who taught people that pressure and insults are normal in marriages? Their own parents?
You must be very unhappy / desperate to believe such and yet get married.

I didn't say yes to such. I said yes to love, respect and appreciation. Anything else would be sick.

Mindfulness:


Who taught people that pressure and insults are normal in marriages? Their own parents?
You must be very unhappy / desperate to believe such and yet get married.

I didn't say yes to such. I said yes to love, respect and appreciation. Anything else would be sick.

My sis oooooo

Of a truth you cannot live with someone for 30, 40, 50, 60 years and there wont be the odd time that you rub each other up the wrong way
There will be pressures from time to time and depending on your upbringing and sensitivity you may consider some things insults.

Conflict will come, its how people solve it that is the determining factor as to how the conflict continues or is resolved and with no blood on the walls.
When you hear the starting point of why some couples broke up you will be surprised.
Or when you hear some couples reporting them selves to you, you will be thinking in your mind, then how did it come to this?

People need to be told that they cant have their way alll the time; this applies to both hubby and wifey.
There will need to be compromise and in some instances a total let go.

Alero3Arubi:
The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status in our society. In few years time, people will be throwing divorce parties & invite friends & well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians. Even a question like "So when are you getting divorced?" will become common. If u know u can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single. If u don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do. If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single. If u know u can't be faithful, remain single. If u can't endure insults from one another, pls remain single. If u can't forgive one another's wrongs, pls remain single. If u can't place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single! Don't get married out of desperation. If u desire a successful home, but ur choice of friends are those whose marriages have collapsed. Its simple - they'll make u drink from their poisoned chalice. Once that happens, ur marriage is in a process of dying a slow death. Be very mindful of where you go for advice.
Guys, if u know u can't put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u mature. There's no way u can abandon the care of ur family at the expense of your lifestyle. They are your priority & everything else including u comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the spiritual leader, the role model - u are not a deity. So don't expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible.

Ladies, if u know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage so you're not turned to a punch bag! If u know u can't stand being corrected, please remain single.
Ladies check ur domestic scorecard - if ur score is zero, please stay in ur parents' house! Ladies & gentlemen, marriage isn't,& won't be a bed of roses, understand the dynamics.
...
www.rainafather.

@bolded

cc: Ishilove, MrPresident1

tearoses:


My sis oooooo

Of a truth you cannot live with someone for 30, 40, 50, 60 years and there wont be the odd time that you rub each other up the wrong way
There will be pressures from time to time and depending on your upbringing and sensitivity you may consider some things insults.

Conflict will come, its how people solve it that is the determining factor as to how the conflict continues or is resolved and with no blood on the walls.
When you hear the starting point of why some couples broke up you will be surprised.
Or when you hear some couples reporting them selves to you, you will be thinking in your mind, then how did it come to this?

People need to be told that they cant have their way alll the time; this applies to both hubby and wifey. There will need to be compromise and in some instances a total let go.

I guess most people will agree with you on this but I don't because I don't believe that life or marriage need to be so problematic and tough. That's just the way I see it and live it.

The term marriage has been effectively rendered obsolete by the jet age. We may need to first arrive at a new definition or rebrand and upgrade in other to preserve humanity. baby mama-ism and papa-ism can not be a long term solution.

Have been privileged to broker middle grounds for couples and I shed a few tears for mankind.

chubhiee:
The term marriage has been effectively rendered obsolete by the jet age. We may need to first arrive at a new definition or rebrand and upgrade in other to preserve humanity. baby mama-ism and papa-ism can not be a long term solution.

We need to rebrand and upgrade marriage to preserve humanity? How would you rebrand and upgrade it?
And how have "traditional marriages" and a lower divorce rate saved humanity from destruction? Have they prevented wars, terrorism and ecological destruction? How many people suffer mentally from what they have experienced in their parents' marriage?

Have been privileged to broker middle grounds for couples and I shed a few tears for mankind.

I am not shedding any tears. I see progress and how everything is getting better.

Mindfulness:


We need to rebrand and upgrade marriage to preserve humanity? How would you rebrand and upgrade it?
And how have "traditional marriages" and a lower divorce rate saved humanity from destruction? Have they prevented wars, terrorism and ecological destruction? How many people suffer mentally from what they have experienced in their parents' marriage?



I am not shedding any tears. I see progress and how everything is getting better.

All I'm saying in essence is that marriage as it stands is not working. most couples are pretending and barely tolerating each other.

chubhiee:

All I'm saying in essence is that marriage as it stands is not working. most couples are pretending and barely tolerating each other.

Most? How do you know?

Mindfulness:


Most? How do you know?

Perhaps, cos I once volunteered my free time to a group that handles marital issues.

I dunno if the Marriage institution is in as much danger as we think.

I know 2 married women who left their husbands over 40 years ago because they were cheating on their husbands. I know someone's grandmother who left her husband and remarried and she passed away years ago at the ripe old age of 100. And far too many people in my generation grew up with fathers who did and undid.

But couples are still wearing "And co" to attend church and functions and people are dancing even more at weddings (Saturday traffic is now bad in Lagos ).

Maybe it's not that the rate of divorce is skyrocketing as time passes, but that the story of bad marriages is spreading faster.

After all, Mindfulness opened a thread to ask people to praise their SOs and even me, I no talk (but in my defence I was busy at that time plotting some acts of naughtiness against him but he caught me). If she had opened a "I hate my husband" thread, that would be on 7 pages and people would have asked the Mods to move it to the FrontPage by now.

Onegai:
I dunno if the Marriage institution is in as much danger as we think.

I know 2 married women who left their husbands over 40 years ago because they were cheating on their husbands. I know someone's grandmother who left her husband and remarried and she passed away years ago at the ripe old age of 100. And far too many people in my generation grew up with fathers who did and undid.

But couples are still wearing "And co" to attend church and functions and people are dancing even more at weddings (Saturday traffic is now bad in Lagos ).

Maybe it's not that the rate of divorce is skyrocketing as time passes, but that the story of bad marriages is spreading faster.

After all, Mindfulness opened a thread to ask people to praise their SOs and even me, I no talk (but in my defence I was busy at that time plotting some acts of naughtiness against him but he caught me). If she had opened a "I hate my husband" thread, that would be on 7 pages and people would have asked the Mods to move it to the FrontPage by now.

Interesting, isn't it?

People, for some reason, find it easier to complain than appreciate.

chubhiee:

Perhaps, cos I once volunteered my free time to a group that handles marital issues.

No wonder you have not seen many happy couples. They don't visit such places.

Mindfulness:


Who taught people that pressure and insults are normal in marriages? Their own parents?
You must be very unhappy / desperate to believe such and yet get married.

I didn't say yes to such. I said yes to love, respect and appreciation. Anything else would be sick.

Insult is definitely not normal in a relationship.
Pressure on the other hand is inevitable, but not that it should a frequent anyways.
Truth is that marriage is not an all sweet experience, one must be able to endure things here and there without becoming a footmat.