The woman(I can say she's a friend of mine) came to my shop today and broke down in tears. When I learnt why she was crying, I became so confused that the only thing I could say to her was ", Stop crying, God will make a name for himself, Everything will surely fall in place". Because her case is a complex one.

Here's a summary of the story she told me.

When her boyfriend(now husband) asked for her hand in marriage, her family said NO and meant it because of these two reasons.

1. They wanted her to finish school and get a job before getting married.

2. The man is too old for her.

But she told them that she would marry him because she loves him. This caused a big problem in their family and when all their efforts to stop her failed, they allowed her to marry the man but sortta disowned her after the marriage.

Few years after the wedding, the man lost her job and has not been serious in searching for another one since then so she's the one that is bearing the financial burden of the family.

Things has gotten so bad that she sometimes sell her properties to pay for the kids school fees. She told me that even on special days when the husband wants to go and search for a job, she will still be the person to give him Tfare which he most times uses part of it to buy the latest seasonal movies on his way back.

Now she's tired of the whole thing and wants to go back to her parents but doesn't know how to go about it.

From my personal observation, it is clear that the man is too old for what she expects from him. He's well past the age of "searching for a job" and too lazy to start something on his own.

This is no fiction please. The summary of all reasonable inputs shall be passed over to her later.


Thanks.

Go back to her parents and do what?

emekamn:
Go back to her parents and do what?

Ask for forgiveness and possibly stay there until things get better

Kondomatic:
Ask for forgiveness and possibly stay there until things get better

And how would that make things get any better?

emekamn:

And how would that make things get any better?

She came from a rich home. His brothers according to her are successful business men so there's a possibility of getting financial help from them if they eventually forgive her.

Anada wan Dan came oooooo
Egbele oooo
Lazy old man kwa
Hian

Ah sure sai,the man get baritone foice(voice)and he come kukuma be lefty...winkz

Dyt:
Anada wan Dan came oooooo
Egbele oooo
Lazy old man kwa
Hian

emekamn:

And how would that make things get any better?

What would make things better for her, nld donating money for her perhaps

Kondomatic:
She came from a rich home. His brothers according to her are successful business men so there's a possibility of getting financial help from them if they eventually forgive her.

Forgiving? What was her offence?
If a they would not help her they are not worthy to be called "family"

ifyalways:

What would make things better for her, nld donating money for her perhaps

The donation has to be a going concern for it be helpful.

ahnie:
Ah sure sai,the man get baritone foice(voice)and he come kukuma be lefty...winkz

I don't do lazy men
I like them rich too
So we can fall back on some things when things go bad
I no dey use all my fingers chop
We must have lots to fall back on for the rainy days

OH he had a job before marriage?

Sometimes I wonder what these ladies mean when they say a man is not serious about getting another job. How easy can a man who is probably 40 years get another job in a country where millions of fresh brains and fresh graduates with better grades are wallowing and roaming the streets?

What a world.

Abeg make dem cancel that marriage, yeye people

emekamn:

Forgiving? What was her offence?
If a they would not help her they are not worthy to be called "family"

Lols..... I doubt if they know the level of what she's really passing through because they're not intouch. Her family wanted her to go to school because her elder sis married early and her brothers are all into business so they wanted her to finish school at least so that they would have a graduate in their family but she refused because she was in love.

I stated in the op that they kind of disowned her after the marriage.

Acidosis:
OH he had a job before marriage?

Sometimes I wonder what these ladies mean when they say a man is not serious about getting another job. How easy can a man who is probably 40 years get another job in a country where millions of fresh brains and fresh graduates with better grades are wallowing and roaming the streets?

What a world.

Abeg make dem cancel that marriage, yeye people

Exactly my point. He's too old for what she expects from him. I think the man should be in his early fifties while the lady will soon celebrate her 34th birthday but she looks forty five. I really feel for her and I still believe the man is lazy because as a former senior electrical engineer in the company he worked, I believe he can start something on his own make a living out of it.

It mustn't be a company job.

Did all her siblings disown her too? wasn't she close to any of them while growing up? She should have someone there who she can talk to and can help mediate on her behalf. Blood is way too thick for the flimsy reason she was disowned.

Secondly, The man should come up with a good business plan...even if it's some consultancy firm. He can submit proposals for trainings or jobs or sth/anything.. He has all the experience he needs to be on his feet. She can invest in his ideas. It might take a while but with hardwork, support and prayers, he will break-even.

U need to tell ur friend that what the man needs is some moral boost. She might be helping him financially but killing his moral verbally or with her body language. If she believes in him, he'll wake up. Her aging shows she has lost hope. Where then is the much needed boost supposed to come from?

Acidosis:
OH he had a job before marriage?

Sometimes I wonder what these ladies mean when they say a man is not serious about getting another job. How easy can a man who is probably 40 years get another job in a country where millions of fresh brains and fresh graduates with better grades are wallowing and roaming the streets?

What a world.

Abeg make dem cancel that marriage, yeye people

Hahaha! Man u wicked o

emilyone:

Hahaha! Man u wicked o

Lol
No be so?

Kondomatic:
Exactly my point. He's too old for what she expects from him. I think the man should be in his early fifties while the lady will soon celebrate her 34th birthday but she looks forty five. I really feel for her and I still believe the man is lazy because as a former senior electrical engineer in the company he worked, I believe he can start something on his own make a living out of it.

It mustn't be a company job.

A man at that age should forget about submitting cvs through Jobberman and the likes. This is the time to utilize 'connections', set up a profitable business, or like someone said, a consultancy firm.

He's already close to retirement. The wife should not complicate things. So many men retire at 55, and they hardly get pension or gratuity. He should accept FATE, stand on his feet and be engaged.

He should also consider relocation if he can't survive the hardship in the cities.

How I wish he married on time. Some 55 year old men already have grown ups and working class children.

Acidosis:


A man at that age should forget about submitting cvs through Jobberman and the likes. This is the time to utilize 'connections', set up a profitable business, or like someone said, a consultancy firm.

He's already close to retirement. The wife should not complicate things. So many men retire at 55, and they hardly get pension or gratuity. He should accept FATE, stand on his feet and be engaged.

He should also consider relocation if he can't survive the hardship in the cities.

How I wish he married on time. Some 55 year old men already have grown ups and working class children.

You just dey vex upandan everywhere.
You dey vex for women , dey vex for NEPA, dey vex for buhari, dey vex for APC.........Haba.
The man is the head and he should haul his sorry ass out and get something doing after all no bi tell am make he marry late.
Women should HELP strong men to be stronger not HELPING lazy men to be lazier.

TheArchangel:
You just dey vex upandan everywhere.
You dey vex for women , dey vex for NEPA, dey vex for buhari, dey vex for APC.........Haba.
The man is the head and he should haul his sorry ass out and get something doing after all no bi tell am make he marry late.
Women should HELP strong men to be stronger not HELPING lazy men to be lazier.

The wife cannot escape my criticisms. I'm sure he spent his money when things were rosy as a senior electrical engineer. A good wife should know how to channel her husband's wealth in the good days into profitable Ventures and investments.

Don't wait till the dry season before you complain. I have never seen a woman on Nairaland who complains about excessive spending of her husband on her clothing, holidays and overly expensive feeding fees.

When things go bad, they're always quick to tell us how lazy their husbands have been, etc.

Acidosis:



The wife cannot escape my criticisms. I'm sure he spent his money when things were rosy as a senior electrical engineer. A good wife should know how to channel her husband's wealth in the good days into profitable Ventures and investments.

Don't wait till the dry season before you complain. I have never seen a woman on Nairaland who complains about excessive spending of her husband on her clothing, holidays and overly expensive feeding fees.

When things go bad, they're always quick to tell us how lazy their husbands have been, etc.

You wont see because men are not spending enough
Most Nigerian men are just stingy and secretive that you wouldn't know when they have and when they don't so you can save for a rainy day. They keep on doling chicken change when you know how much they are making which often lead women to believe you've got a stash somewhere.

TheArchangel:
You wont see because men are not spending enough
Most Nigerian men are just stingy and secretive that you wouldn't know when they have and when they don't so you can save for a rainy day. They keep on doling chicken change when you know how much they are making which often lead women to believe you've got a stash somewhere.

Hmmn, some men are trying their best actually. Keep praying for 'us'

TheArchangel:
You wont see because men are not spending enough

Spending into women is like pouring water on bottomless jar. It will never fill up. Women are just insatiable when it comes to buying things.

TheArchangel:
Most Nigerian men are just stingy and secretive that you wouldn't know when they have and when they don't so you can save for a rainy day.

When the hunter starts shooting without missing, the birds will be forced to fly without perching. My grandpa once said to me. "son, when you grow up and marry a wife and she asks you much you get, if you have N45, tell her it is N20"

I asked him why? And he said "Because she will be nice to you until you spend the N20 then she will reveal her real self then you will use the hidden N25 to show her that you're a man alright

TheArchangel:
They keep on doling chicken change when you know how much they are making which often lead women to believe you've got a stash somewhere.

Forget how much he's making and make your own.

Kondomatic:
Spending into women is like pouring water on bottomless jar. It will never fill up. Women are just insatiable when it comes to buying things.
When the hunter starts shooting without missing, the birds will be forced to fly without perching. My grandpa once said to me. "son, when you grow up and marry a wife and she asks you much you get, if you have N45, tell her it is N20"

I asked him why? And he said "Because she will be nice to you until you spend the N20 then she will reveal her real self then you will use the hidden N25 to show her that you're a man alrightForget how much he's making and make your own.

Who is waiting for them? Once I get a befitting job, bye bye to his pocket. Now, I have to lick and swallow just to get money for N500 bodycream. So hard especially for someone who has been overly independent from aeons.

Kondomatic:
Lols..... I doubt if they know the level of what she's really passing through because they're not intouch. Her family wanted her to go to school because her elder sis married early and her brothers are all into business so they wanted her to finish school at least so that they would have a graduate in their family but she refused because she was in love.

I stated in the op that they kind of disowned her after the marriage.

so she refuse to go to school. She is the genesis and revelation of her problems. as a woman you need to be educated although some are not opportune to; but she had the opportunity but decided to throw it to the wind. i keep telling people that love is not enough. 'i love him' without critically evaluating the man will eventually leave you in tears in future. what stops him from hustling to provide for the family while she assist rather he prefer to watch season movies lol. love and money works hand in hand.


tell her to go and reconcile with her family and ask for financial assistance so she can be able to start up a business. children must eat, school fees and other needs must be met so she should take the step.

People abandon school not because they got married, it's because they never knew what they were doing in school in the first place. She should carry her cross,nothing critical.

At this stage there's nothing to do dan hope things change either for her or the hubby. Going back to the family will cause more harm dan good coz they'll be like when things became bad that's when you remembered us. Why didn't she try to reach out to them when things were still good. Abi reconciliation is only needed coz u need help ni or for the sake of peace.

Op tell her sorry and she should kindly lay on the bed she made herself.

Jennifer89:


so she refuse to go to school. She is the genesis and revelation of her problems. as a woman you need to be educated although some are not opportune to; but she had the opportunity but decided to throw it to the wind. i keep telling people that love is not enough. 'i love him' without critically evaluating the man will eventually leave you in tears in future. what stops him from hustling to provide for the family while she assist rather he prefer to watch season movies lol. love and money works hand in hand.


tell her to go and reconcile with her family and ask for financial assistance so she can be able to start up a business. children must eat, school fees and other needs must be met so she should take the step.

Thanks.....


I think that's the only option she has now.

Lol @ seasonal movies.

Nothing do the guy jare. Life isn't all about working yourself to the bone. There comes a point at one's life when the wheels of motion gradually begin to slow down.And if he really is in his 50's, the he's probably reached his peak.

The lady herself should go back to school - even if it's night school - to finish what her parents started. She's working, so she just has to find a way to keep pushing on.

It's never too late. Where there is life, there will always be hope.

Marriage is for better or worse.
This is a good example of 'for worse' .
She should not think of abandoning the man and going back to her parents. That's unfair.
Let her Stick it out.

she can try to mend fences with her family though. Not just because she needs their help but because they are her family.

She has laid her bed and must lie in it
When you give up school to marry, you must have plan B
For better for worse.
If the man was paying to send her to Dubai for weekends she wont be complaining.