Saw this article and decided to share it with fellow Nairalanders.



Chastity

Q  Why is premarital sex bad? My friend just started high school,
and she's trying to tell me that it's good and she's going to do
it.

A It might help to know that your friend is not on a quest for
sex. Perhaps your friend has some hurt or loneliness in her
life, and she figures that if she has sex, this will feel like love,
and security, and she'll be happy. But if you look into her
heart, you'll see that she isn't longing for a series of physical
relationships with random guys. She's looking for enduring
love and for intimacy, to be accepted by a man and cared for
by him. She deserves these things, but she needs to be
careful and courageous so that she doesn't fall for a
counterfeit. There are plenty of boys out there who will tell
her how beautiful her eyes are and how much they love her
and will "always" be there. They'll give her "love" for the sake
of getting sex, and she may want to give them sex for the
sake of feeling loved. Her heart is made for something better
than this, and she needs to realize that she is worth the wait.
She cannot find happiness otherwise. As the Bible says, "she
who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives" (1 Tim.
5:6).

The following are some of the bad effects of premarital sex;
don't dwell on them any longer than is necessary to give her
a reality check. What she needs more than the bad news
about premarital sex is the good news about what she is
worth, and what plans God has in store for her. She needs to
be encouraged to wait not because sex is bad, but because real love is so good. Let's look at the negative consequences
of premarital sex from the relational, physical, emotional, and
spiritual points of view.

Consider how premarital sex can affect relationships. One
study showed that the average high school relationship will
last only twenty-one days once the couple has sex.
Furthermore, couples who sleep together before they are
married have a divorce rate three times as high as couples
who saved that gift for the wedding night.i Couples who want
what's best for their relationship or future marriage will wait.
Beyond their own relationship, premarital sex frequently
causes tension within families because of the dishonesty that
usually accompanies the hidden intimacies. Relationships with
friends are often strained, and when things turn sour, the
gossip and social problems often become unbearable.

One high school girl wrote, "I am sixteen and have already
lost my virginity. I truly regret that my first time was with a
guy that I didn't care that much about. Since that first night,
he expects sex on every date. When I don't feel like it, we
end up in an argument. I don't think this guy is in love with
me, and I know deep down that I am not in love with him
either. This makes me feel cheap. I realize now that this is a
very big step in a girl's life. After you've done it, things are
never the same. It changes everything."ii Another young
person said, "I slept with many, many people trying to find
love, to find self-worth. And the more people I slept with the
less self-worth I had."iii

Everyone talks about how hard it is to say no, but no one tells
you how hard it is when you say yes.

In regard to the physiological side of things, it's very
dangerous for a young single woman to be sexually active.
Because a teenage girl's reproductive system is still
immature, she is much more susceptible to STDs. In fact,
early sexual activity is the number one risk factor for cervical
cancer, and the second is multiple sex partners.iv A girl's
heart, like her body, is not designed to handle multiple sexual
partners. Besides making herself vulnerable to STDs, your
friend also needs to consider if she is ready to be a mom.
Lastly, consider the fact that the rate of suicide attempts for
sexually active girls aged twelve to sixteen is six times higher
than the rate for virgins.v Tragically, these girls don't realize
the purity and forgiveness that they can find in Christ.

New scientific studies also suggest that if a woman has
multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin
which in turn will damage her ability to bond. Oxytocin is a
neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and
breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human "superglue,"
helping a mother bond with her infant. It is also released
during sexual arousal and there, too, seems to work as
a "superglue." Since estrogen enhances the oxytocin
response, females are capable of more intense bonding than
males, and are more susceptible to the suffering that
accompanies broken bonds.vi According to an article by Drs.
John Diggs and Eric Keroack, "People who have misused their
sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will
diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond
with an individual."vii

In more basic terms, sharing the gift of sex is like putting a
piece of tape on another person's arm. The first bond is
strong, and it hurts to remove it. Shift the tape to another
person's arm and the bond will still work, but it will be easier
to remove. Each time this is done, part of each person
remains with the tape. Soon it is easy to remove because the
residue from the various arms interferes with the tape's
ability to stick. The same is true in relationships, where
previous sexual experiences interfere with the ability to bond.

But a sexual relationship that is properly bonded from the
start, such as that between two virgins on their wedding night,
has one advantage among many: Oxytocin helps to maintain
the "high" of sex in a long term relationship. This does not
mean that if a person is not a virgin on the wedding night, he
or she will be unable to bond with a spouse. It simply means
that when we follow God's plan, we have the most abundant
life possible.

The emotional side effects of premarital sex are also
damaging to a young woman. It's not uncommon for a girl to
have sex in order to make a guy like her more, or to
encourage him to stay with her. She may compromise her
standards because she's afraid of never being loved. Once he
leaves her, though, an emotional divorce takes place. A
person's heart is not made to be that close to a person, and
then separated. Since teenage sexual relationships rarely
last, the girl's sense of self-worth is often damaged. Also, she
sometimes concludes that if she looked better, he would have
stayed longer. This mentality can lead to eating disorders
such as bulimia.

In her heart, a girl who has been used knows it. However,
she may immediately jump into another sexual relationship to
escape the hurt. If she tries to boost her self-esteem by
giving guys what they want, then her self-worth often ends up
depending upon those kinds of relationships. Her
development as a woman is stunted, because without chastity
she doesn't know how to express affection, appreciation, or attraction for a guy without implying something sexual. She
may even conclude that a guy doesn't love her unless he
makes sexual advances towards her. She knows that sex
exists without intimacy, but she may forget that intimacy can
exist without sex. A girl on this track usually feels accepted
initially but that acceptance lasts only as long as the physical
pleasure.

Spiritually, sin cuts us off from God, and this is the most
serious consequence of premarital sex. After going too far,
many of us know all too well that cloud of guilt that weighs on
our hearts. The solution is not to kill our conscience, but to
follow it to freedom. It is calling us, not condemning us.
Provided we repent, God will be there to welcome us home,
and let us start over (See John 8 and Luke 15).

What this all means is that our bodies, our hearts, our
relationships, and our souls are not made for premarital sex.
We're made for enduring love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you are old enough to do it then do it without
hesitation or let God provide you with a wife to
do it with before you start wet dreaming.

@osegwu
D'U really believe God will judge us based on our personal convictions?--or on His divine instructions?
Even when U're"old enough to do it" how does that do away with the consequences outlined in the article above?
Just curious.

Depressedguy hi, can i mail you? so we can chat on the issue u raised

Bolarge:
  Saw this article and decided to share it with fellow Nairalanders.



Chastity

Q  Why is premarital sex bad? My friend just started high school,
and she's trying to tell me that it's good and she's going to do
it.

A It might help to know that your friend is not on a quest for
sex. Perhaps your friend has some hurt or loneliness in her
life, and she figures that if she has sex, this will feel like love,
and security, and she'll be happy. But if you look into her
heart, you'll see that she isn't longing for a series of physical
relationships with random guys. She's looking for enduring
love and for intimacy, to be accepted by a man and cared for
by him. She deserves these things, but she needs to be
careful and courageous so that she doesn't fall for a
counterfeit. There are plenty of boys out there who will tell
her how beautiful her eyes are and how much they love her
and will "always" be there. They'll give her "love" for the sake
of getting sex, and she may want to give them sex for the
sake of feeling loved. Her heart is made for something better
than this, and she needs to realize that she is worth the wait.
She cannot find happiness otherwise. As the Bible says, "she
who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives" (1 Tim.
5:6).

The following are some of the bad effects of premarital sex;
don't dwell on them any longer than is necessary to give her
a reality check. What she needs more than the bad news
about premarital sex is the good news about what she is
worth, and what plans God has in store for her. She needs to
be encouraged to wait not because sex is bad, but because real love is so good. Let's look at the negative consequences
of premarital sex from the relational, physical, emotional, and
spiritual points of view.

Consider how premarital sex can affect relationships. One
study showed that the average high school relationship will
last only twenty-one days once the couple has sex.
Furthermore, couples who sleep together before they are
married have a divorce rate three times as high as couples
who saved that gift for the wedding night.i Couples who want
what's best for their relationship or future marriage will wait.
Beyond their own relationship, premarital sex frequently
causes tension within families because of the dishonesty that
usually accompanies the hidden intimacies. Relationships with
friends are often strained, and when things turn sour, the
gossip and social problems often become unbearable.

One high school girl wrote, "I am sixteen and have already
lost my virginity. I truly regret that my first time was with a
guy that I didn't care that much about. Since that first night,
he expects sex on every date. When I don't feel like it, we
end up in an argument. I don't think this guy is in love with
me, and I know deep down that I am not in love with him
either. This makes me feel cheap. I realize now that this is a
very big step in a girl's life. After you've done it, things are
never the same. It changes everything."ii Another young
person said, "I slept with many, many people trying to find
love, to find self-worth. And the more people I slept with the
less self-worth I had."iii

Everyone talks about how hard it is to say no, but no one tells
you how hard it is when you say yes.

In regard to the physiological side of things, it's very
dangerous for a young single woman to be sexually active.
Because a teenage girl's reproductive system is still
immature, she is much more susceptible to STDs. In fact,
early sexual activity is the number one risk factor for cervical
cancer, and the second is multiple sex partners.iv A girl's
heart, like her body, is not designed to handle multiple sexual
partners. Besides making herself vulnerable to STDs, your
friend also needs to consider if she is ready to be a mom.
Lastly, consider the fact that the rate of suicide attempts for
sexually active girls aged twelve to sixteen is six times higher
than the rate for virgins.v Tragically, these girls don't realize
the purity and forgiveness that they can find in Christ.

New scientific studies also suggest that if a woman has
multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin
which in turn will damage her ability to bond. Oxytocin is a
neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and
breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human "superglue,"
helping a mother bond with her infant. It is also released
during sexual arousal and there, too, seems to work as
a "superglue." Since estrogen enhances the oxytocin
response, females are capable of more intense bonding than
males, and are more susceptible to the suffering that
accompanies broken bonds.vi According to an article by Drs.
John Diggs and Eric Keroack, "People who have misused their
sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will
diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond
with an individual."vii

In more basic terms, sharing the gift of sex is like putting a
piece of tape on another person's arm. The first bond is
strong, and it hurts to remove it. Shift the tape to another
person's arm and the bond will still work, but it will be easier
to remove. Each time this is done, part of each person
remains with the tape. Soon it is easy to remove because the
residue from the various arms interferes with the tape's
ability to stick. The same is true in relationships, where
previous sexual experiences interfere with the ability to bond.

But a sexual relationship that is properly bonded from the
start, such as that between two virgins on their wedding night,
has one advantage among many: Oxytocin helps to maintain
the "high" of sex in a long term relationship. This does not
mean that if a person is not a virgin on the wedding night, he
or she will be unable to bond with a spouse. It simply means
that when we follow God's plan, we have the most abundant
life possible.

The emotional side effects of premarital sex are also
damaging to a young woman. It's not uncommon for a girl to
have sex in order to make a guy like her more, or to
encourage him to stay with her. She may compromise her
standards because she's afraid of never being loved. Once he
leaves her, though, an emotional divorce takes place. A
person's heart is not made to be that close to a person, and
then separated. Since teenage sexual relationships rarely
last, the girl's sense of self-worth is often damaged. Also, she
sometimes concludes that if she looked better, he would have
stayed longer. This mentality can lead to eating disorders
such as bulimia.

In her heart, a girl who has been used knows it. However,
she may immediately jump into another sexual relationship to
escape the hurt. If she tries to boost her self-esteem by
giving guys what they want, then her self-worth often ends up
depending upon those kinds of relationships. Her
development as a woman is stunted, because without chastity
she doesn't know how to express affection, appreciation, or attraction for a guy without implying something sexual. She
may even conclude that a guy doesn't love her unless he
makes sexual advances towards her. She knows that sex
exists without intimacy, but she may forget that intimacy can
exist without sex. A girl on this track usually feels accepted
initially but that acceptance lasts only as long as the physical
pleasure.

Spiritually, sin cuts us off from God, and this is the most
serious consequence of premarital sex. After going too far,
many of us know all too well that cloud of guilt that weighs on
our hearts. The solution is not to kill our conscience, but to
follow it to freedom. It is calling us, not condemning us.
Provided we repent, God will be there to welcome us home,
and let us start over (See John 8 and Luke 15).

What this all means is that our bodies, our hearts, our
relationships, and our souls are not made for premarital sex.
We're made for enduring love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Deep