[size=24pt] Coping With Nagging Mother-in-Law[/size]
By Gladys Omoragbon


Last week, a colleague told me about a neighbour of hers who the mother-in-law has decided to make her regret ever setting eyes on her son. Now, the story is this, the woman (that is the daughter-in-law) is married to a guy who apparently loves the mum more than the wife. Why? Because, anytime the mother coughs, he answers. In other words, he attends to his mother’s beck and call to the detriment of the happiness of the wife.



Hey!, do not get me wrong. She is the mother and so should take care of her but a responsible and balanced man would try to balance both. Don’t hurt your wife’s feelings because you want to please your mother and do not hurt your mother’s feelings to please your wife. So a man tied to the mother’s apron string needs to asked for wisdom to balance the two. Recently, my sister’s friend got married and the mother-in-law is already giving her hell.



As a matter of fact, she had started her manipulations even before the marriage. She dictates everything even to the clothes the lady should or should not wear. She said no trouser in their house. The man’s comments always starts with “my mother said this or that”. So imagine what that lady is facing having a mother-in-law who dominates things. The son works with one of the leading banks in Lagos. The mother ordered him to work his transfer back to benin and the son without consulting with his wife, worked his transfer back to benin to satisfy his mother.


Now back to my colleague’s neighbour. The lady is married to a guy who lives in London and so, she lives with the mother-in-law in a four flat apartment built by the husband. The man first mistake is asking the mother (a high society woman) to come live with the wife. So Imagine the scenario in that house. The mother-in-law feels the woman is eating her son’s money. If a wife does not eat her husband’s money, I wonder who should. The problem now is that the woman is fed up and is seeking solutions to her problems. The husband is presently in town and has offered to buy the wife a new car. It will surprise you to know that the woman has been doing school run on motorbikes why the mother-in-law has a posh car with a chauffer attach to herself alone. Now the husband after telling the wife about his intention to buy her a car, later came back to her to tell her that she should take the car his mum has been driving why he gives the new car to the mother. Strange you would say. Well, that got me thinking about this week’s article.


It is widely believed that mothers-in-law contribute a great deal to the success of any marriage. Any man that is tied to his mother’s apron string would always have problems because the mother would continually have a say in matters concerning the home. I am not disputing the fact that sometimes, his mother’s advice is very necessary for the betterment of the home. But as the English people would say, “too much of everything is bad”.


Most women when they go into marriage, forget the fact that they have not married the man alone but the entire family, especially the mother of the man. So, some women do not make room for the man’s people. This problem of mothers-in-law has broken a lot of relationships. The problem of nagging mothers-in-law comes to play when the guy’s mother feels over protective towards the son. Some men are their mother’s pet, so whenever the man decides to take a wife, the mother feels jealous because the man’s attention would now be deviated from her.


This kind of mother in-law could just decide never to like the son’s wife no matter what she does to satisfy the family. So that is the beginning of trouble for the ‘poor’ woman. Many mothers-in-law nag because the son’s wife has not been able to produce children for the family. She then urges her son to take another wife who can procreate for him. Some mothers-in-law would not allow their son’s wife peace off mind. This particular problem has resulted in many homes breaking up. Some mothers can really go to any length to ensure that their son does not take the particular girl they don‘t approve of.
Sometimes, the problem lies with the wife. Some women because of the pre-conceived notion that mothers-in-law are terrible do not take the pains to study their mothers-in-law and they do not also try their possible best to win the heart of their mothers-in-law. Some ladies even pray for their mother-in-law to die before they go into the home. They have forgotten that whatever measure you used in measuring people, the same measure will be use for you.


A lot of women are so lazy and dirty and this of course does not endear them to their mother-in-law. Some are selfish and wicked and may even use any means to make sure that the man’s attention never goes to the man’s family. No mother-in-law would be happy to know that the woman her son married is a hindrance to the progess of the family. Some women also nag whenever their husband’s mother is around. They begin to complain here and there. And of course the mother-in-law cannot help but feel unwanted in her son’s house.


However, in everything in life, there are always two sides to it, so if some mothers-in-law are bad, there are certainly some that are like real mothers. Even better than some real mother. Some mothers-in-law are really nice. They do anything to make sure that the son’s wife is comfortable in the home. I know of some who would even take sides with the woman (whether wrong or right) whenever there is a conflict between the couple. After, she would call the woman and admonish her about what she did. But she does not reproach the woman right there in the presence of the man (that is her son.)
So in coping with a nagging-mother-in-law, one needs first and fore-most to learn to accept her. Also be determined to make the best out of a bad situation.


Learn to understand your mother-in-law, do your utmost best to win her over to yourself. Even if people have said it is impossible, believe that yours will be possible. Show her love and be undaunted to win her to your side.


Mothers-in-law should also try to stay off their son’s marriage because the Holy Bible has said that what the Lord has joined together, let no man or mother-in-law put asunder. Please give peace a chance. After all, somebody gave you a chance to succeed in your own marriage.   http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/29072009/features/features3.html

[size=15pt]personal note[/size]

to those of you whose mission is to hurt your ma inlaw know that you will reap what you sow one day cos it wont take long for you to become ma inlaw yourself.  your sons will get you an enemy that will cause you pains too.

if you are a ma-ilnlaw you have no business working against your inlaws. stop and treat your inlaws the way you will like to be treated. it is only fair or you stress and wear yourself out quickly.

it is sowing and reaping.  no prayers work against it. you cant confess and wish it away.

GEW:

[size=24pt]
However, in everything in life, there are always two sides to it, so if some mothers-in-law are bad, there are certainly some that are like real mothers. Even better than some real mother. Some mothers-in-law are really nice. They do anything to make sure that the son’s wife is comfortable in the home. [b]I know of some who would even take sides with the woman (whether wrong or right) whenever there is a conflict between the couple. After, she would call the woman and admonish her about what she did. But she does not reproach the woman right there in the presence of the man (that is her son.)[/b]So in coping with a nagging-mother-in-law, one needs first and fore-most to learn to accept her. Also be determined to make the best out of a bad situation.

I agree, Not every mother-in-law is bad. Mine for example is really good. She is a very good christian and just like a mother to me.

I believe that most issues involving mother-in-laws can be settled when the husband lets the mother know her place and not allowing her cross her boundary in his home.

jumie:

I agree, Not every mother-in-law is bad. Mine for example is really good. She is a very good christian and just like a mother to me.

I believe that most issues involving mother-in-laws can be settled when the husband lets the mother know her place and not allowing her cross her boundary in his home.

thanks for this testimony of a christian woman. i am blessed with Godly ma inlaw too. she is a blessing.

do you really believe every ma inlaw should be told to know her place in her sons home?

People dont change Over-night esp adults.
In the stories,it was clear that the MILS never liked the ladies or never had a good relationship with them and the guys were too attached to the mothers,the ladies had a choice,to either mend the wall or walk.Its their choice,they wud have to endure it,pray the MIL changes or 
Ladies shld sort out MIL issues before marriage esp when the guy is "really" attached to the mother.I have a wonderful MIL by the way. 

Marriage is not a joke, and this is why it grieves me that a lot of us go into it unprepared.

This issue should have been discussed before they got married. This is tricky because the chickens have now come home to roost and it would be extremely difficult to remedy the situation.

My advice is to sit with the husband and discuss the matter, let her explain in a calm voice the negative effect this is having on her and ultimately the negative impact it would have on their children. The smart thing to do is to give him an acceptable alternative to his mother living with them; also she should seek help either from a marriage coach or counsellor.

Most importantly she should start praying.

Women should learn to cope with nagging mum-in-laws. If you love your man, you can work out a deal to impress him. It should be both ways, though.

GEW:



do you really believe every ma inlaw should be told to know her place in her sons home?

I meant those MILs who have refused to understand that their son has his life to live and still believe that their son is still a boy and not a man. Those who see their daughters-in-law as 'rivals' etc.

Mama, do your thing! I ain't mad at you though, you put your son in the womb for 9 months and fed and nurtured him from infant, toddler and till 18 yrs of age. You put him in college and never stopped your prayer on him till he got a good job. Now, it's time to reap what you had sowed, a b.itch who ain't got no life, after she's done bleeping the whole neighborhood [hoodrat anyway] just gonna hijack your son from you like that? Hell, no! F.cuk what anybody says I love my mama too, she is the only true love I have (I could marry and divorce hundred ladies), but can't compromise my love to my mama for any girl. Experience will tell all the wise men out there, money is the only reason why ladies fall in love these days and your mother’s love is forever without a kobo!
If you don’t want me because I like my mother please hit the door; the love for my mother started when I was 7 days’ old and rolled my eyes side by side each time my mama walked in.

otukpo:

I lost my mother in-law a year ago and it was as if my world has crumbled. Each time i remember her, tears fill my eyes, she was such a sweet woman, and pampered me as if i was her only child.

i still miss her, i miss her and i dont know what to do cos things can never be the same in her absence. it was as if my marriage was over. I am trying to cope in her absence but i miss her terribly. i never imagined she wld leave us so soon, i was hoping and praying that she wld stay at least another 40 yrs. She died at 55.

Ahh, it was terrible and it still pains as if it was today. May her soul continue to rest in peace.

Amen!

okokomeji:

Mama, do your thing! I ain't mad at you though, you put your son in the womb for 9 months and fed and nurtured him from infant, toddler and till 18 yrs of age. You put him in college and never stopped your prayer on him till he got a good job. Now, it's time to reap what you had sowed, a b.itch who ain't got no life, after she's done bleeping the whole neighborhood [hoodrat anyway] just gonna hijack your son from you like that? Hell, no! F.cuk what anybody says I love my mama too, she is the only true love I have (I could marry and divorce hundred ladies), but can't compromise my love to my mama for any girl. Experience will tell all the wise men out there, money is the only reason why ladies fall in love these days and your mother’s love is forever without a kobo!
If you don’t want me because I like my mother please hit the door; the love for my mother started when I was 7 days’ old and rolled my eyes side by side each time my mama walked in.

Its truly sad that you feel you can not find a woman who loves you for you, just remember that when you choose a wife you choose your partner for life. If your mother is the wonderful woman that you think she is I am sure she will also love your wife .Like wise if you have chosen a good wife he will equally love and respect your mother , if you set the right tone. It is up to you to run your family like a man , and control the women in your life. Mother and Wife should both be aware of their territory and know where the boundaries are . If you want to live long , this should be your motto not favouring anyone over the other

The husband is presently in town and has offered to buy the wife a new car. It will surprise you to know that the woman has been doing school run on motorbikes why the mother-in-law has a posh car with a chauffer attach to herself alone. Now the husband after telling the wife about his intention to buy her a car, later came back to her to tell her that she should take the car his mum has been driving why he gives the new car to the mother. Strange you would say. Well, that got me thinking about this week’s article.

This guy needs to cut to the chase and marry his mother, no need to keep deceiving people.

agaba123
Thank you very much for joining me in that prayer.

i am just hoping that one day God will really make me strong to accept her death and heal the pain i feel.

Nawa ooooooooo

Wives are mostly the problem! girls,don't forget that you came into a scene, into an action that's already existing, and existing for long, "LOVE BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON"! try at first, for the first few years when the mother is around act like she is the superior!don't go acting like you are in charge now and she is total guest to her son. It'll definitely take time for her to accept that she has lost the closeness to another woman. Afterall we called her a Mother. Girls we will soon be there!

Wives are mostly the problem! girls,don't forget that you came into a scene, into an action that's already existing, and existing for long, "LOVE BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON"! try at first, for the first few years when the mother is around act like she is the superior!don't go acting like you are in charge now and she is total guest to her son. It'll definitely take time for her to accept that she has lost the closeness to another woman. Afterall we called her a Mother. Girls we will soon be there!

I agree , but I also believe that the guy has a big part to play in defining the relationship between his mother and wife, don't let your mother treat your wife like a glorified househelp. And don't side with your mother in tormenting your wife , if you do then why are you married to her?

the ladies feel the heat more

Three is nothing worse than a terrible mother in law, both on mother side and on father side.
I remember my grandma on my father's side was a pain in the phat ass, i nearly kill her myself on my Mother's behalf.

I think i have a terrible MIL . At first, i loved her, showed her love. Most of the time i always send money to her every other month. All of a sudden, she just changed because her 1st born told her something about me, which are all lies anyway,

Actually, my husband's brother didn't like me, cos they wanted him to marry someone else. I tried to satisfy all the members of his family, but they kept on planing evils,

Most times, I'll ask my husband what is my offence, he'll just tell me that i didn't do anything for his family. And that his wedding was so sudden to them, (my husband stays in US)

It's hell to have such a family as in-laws, but my father-in-law is so wonderful and he likes me a lot.

Fammie:

I think i have a terrible MIL . At first, i loved her, showed her love. Most of the time i always send money to her every other month. All of a sudden, she just changed because her 1st born told her something about me, which are all lies anyway,

Actually, my husband's brother didn't like me, cos they wanted him to marry someone else. I tried to satisfy all the members of his family, but they kept on planing evils,

Most times, I'll ask my husband what is my offence, he'll just tell me that i didn't do anything for his family. And that his wedding was so sudden to them, (my husband stays in US)

It's hell to have such a family as in-laws, but my father-in-law is so wonderful and he likes me a lot.

It is a terrible thing when a woman marry a man that the family would have loved him to marry someone else.
Likewise when a man marry a lady that the parents would love her to be with someone else, nothing you can do that can make the family love you, so just live and let's die.

chaircover:

Hang in there girl. Keep on treating your MIL like she is your biological mum. Eventually she will come round. If you feel like saying something just remember how hurt your husband will be if you insulted his mum.

Be prayerful, they will surely come to love you eventually

Nothing you do sometimes can change the mind of terrible people.
My Grandma was an ass, i once asked her why she was always mean to my Mom, and all she could said was, why would my Father marry out of their town, and the town she is talking about shares boundary with my Mom's town oh, if you even throw a stone from one, it will reach the other, and i told her how shallow she was, i had to tell her, she cant love me and hate my mother, i wont take that.
That was the last i saw her till she passed away.

Thanks people for your advices.

To know how terrible it is, when my husband travelled back to US, i stayed with my brother in law and i was badly treated, i was heavily pregnant, they will cook without giving me any food to eat, it was really hell,

Even,when i put to bed i stayed with my MIL , cos i had my baby thru CS, my mum had to stay with me. MIL showed me hell, she cursed my mother and I, that we are fetish and that what i sued to marry her son, and a lot of things that i cannot mention here, i am sorry to say, i don't hate my MIL, but i don't like her either,

just try and cope with her, and be obedient.

Fammie:

Thanks people for your advices.

To know how terrible it is, when my husband travelled back to US, i stayed with my brother in law and i was badly treated, i was heavily pregnant, they will cook without giving me any food to eat, it was really hell,

Even,when i put to bed i stayed with my MIL , cos i had my baby thru CS, my mum had to stay with me. MIL showed me hell, she cursed my mother and I, that we are fetish and that what i sued to marry her son, and a lot of things that i cannot mention here, i am sorry to say, i don't hate my MIL, but i don't like her either,

cant your husband rent you a place of your own?
Do u have to stay with his family?

just try and cope with her, and be obedient.

At first, he didnt want me to stay alone, becos my papers are not ready, and with this economy meltdown,,i have to stay in Nigeria for now, becos there are no jobs over there, and i work in one of the leading bank in Nigeria.

But becos of the stress i'm going thru with his family, he allowed me to stay alone now. So, i have accommodation of my own and im stayng with my mum and my son.

Fammie:

At first, he didnt want me to stay alone, becos my papers are not ready, and with this economy meltdown,,i have to stay in Nigeria for now, becos there are no jobs over there, and i work in one of the leading bank in Nigeria.

But becos of the stress i'm going thru with his family, he allowed me to stay alone now. So, i have accommodation of my own and im stayng with my mum and my son.

That is nice and better.
Take care of your Son.

A man should leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and they shall be one flesh.

The cycle continues;
girl marries boy, gets maltreated by MIL, becomes a mother, conceive a boy, becomes a MIL and maltreat her DIL.

GEW:

[size=24pt] Coping With Nagging Mother-in-Law[/size]
By Gladys Omoragbon


Last week, a colleague told me about a neighbour of hers who the mother-in-law has decided to make her regret ever setting eyes on her son.


As a matter of fact, she had started her manipulations even before the marriage. She dictates everything


Most women when they go into marriage, forget the fact that they have not married the man alone but the entire family, especially the mother of the man. So, some women do not make room for the man’s people.

These is the crux of the matter, these behaviour don't start overnight and because I have heard so much horror stories about Mother in laws, I always made it a case in point to acquaint myself with the Mother of all my ex-boyfriends and my Hubby.


One of my exes even broke up with me because he felt his Mum was too close to me and cared for me more than him and always defended me and then he got married to someone else, divorced within a year and started looking for me again Arrant nonsense

Fhemmmy:

Three is nothing worse than a terrible mother in law, both on mother side and on father side.
I remember my grandma on my father's side was a pain in the phat ass, i nearly kill her myself on my Mother's behalf.

Had one of those too, but I did not hesitate to give her a piece of my mind and tell her to back off