I,my 4month old baby boy and my husband to be are staying at His mom's new house because we are financially down(for Now). And becos his mom has bin helpful financially and otherwise, I feel indepted.
But the confusion here is that his mom wants me doing the house chores everyday plus cooking dinners for at least 8people#siblings in the house. and each time my husband complains to his mom to take things easy on me, there's tension and hatred in the home. he even said I should stop cooking for everyone that we ll start cooking separately and all that. But I fear all these will bounce back on me each time he leaves for work. So confused

4 months old baby for husband to be

Nawa o, husband to be? Okay o, Just continue wetin you start pending when things go better.

babesta:
I,my 4month old baby boy and my husband to be are staying at His mom's new house because we are financially down(for Now). And becos his mom has bin helpful financially and otherwise, I feel indepted.
But the confusion here is that his mom wants me doing the house chores everyday plus cooking dinners for at least 8people#siblings in the house. and each time my husband complains to his mom to take things easy on me, there's tension and hatred in the home. he even said I should stop cooking for everyone that we ll start cooking separately and all that. But I fear all these will bounce back on me each time he leaves for work. So confused

It will bounce back on you, no doubt about that. That is one of the drawbacks of living in a family house. Just pray for GOD to give you the strength for the chores. My Pastor usually say "aragbe laye" To live in this life, there is always a price to pay somewhat. You and your husband should see that as the price to pay. You won't stay in the family house forever. Your doing the chores diligently might even endear you to your Mother inlaw and your in-laws which may attract greater rewards to you and your husband. Talk to your husband that you can do the chores very well and he should allow you to. Always pray for him to experience financial breakthrough so that you both can move out of the family house. Even if your mother in-law isn't financially helpful, it is still your duty as a wife and your attitude and disposition is what will determine if his family and Siblings will assist you with the workload. This is your opportunity to prove that you are a good wife.
This is just my piece of advice.

jaymichael:
It will bounce back on you, no doubt about that. That is one of the drawbacks of living in a family house. Just pray for GOD to give you the strength for the chores. My Pastor usually say "aragbe laye" To live in this life, there is always a price to pay somewhat. You and your husband should see that as the price to pay. You won't stay in the family house forever. Your doing the chores diligently might even endear you to your Mother inlaw and your in-laws which may attract greater rewards to you and your husband. Talk to your husband that you can do the chores very well and he should allow you to. Always pray for him to experience financial breakthrough so that you both can move out of the family house. Even if your mother in-law isn't financially helpful, it is still your duty as a wife and your attitude and disposition is what will determine if his family and Siblings will assist you with the workload. This is your opportunity to prove that you are a good wife.
This is just my piece of advice.

Wow! I like this.

The poster above me has said it all. I encourage you to jump at the advice. Try to plan the chores so that you're not too exhausted. Be proactive as well for eg you can ask what meals are to be prepared that day so you can start on time and get to the market if need be.
May God provide for your hubby so that he can get you a place of your own asap.

Enough said. Word enuf for d wise!

Are you telling us that you have to do the chores and the cooking every day and all by yourself?
Are you telling us that everybody else is doing nothing? Are you telling us that nobody is helping you with the baby?


If I were you, I would help out in the house and do the cooking without anyone having to tell me.
You have no job and the family can help you with the baby. And I am sure you don't have to do all this like seven days a week and all by yourself.



Unless, the family members are monsters who treat you like a slave who has to do everything by herself and work from dusk till dawn 7 days a week, I don't see the problem here.

In life there are positions you just don't put yourself in, and this is just one of them.I won't ponder much on this because the deed is done;the baby is here.

First of all you are lucky to have a woman whose son is not yet married to you, houses and financially provides for two adults and your baby.I am pretty sure,she took care of you when you had the baby.

As you can see, the woman is good and the only way you can try and keep a good relationship with her is to talk with her woman to woman,daughter to mother.You just had a baby 4 months ago,your body still recuperating...it is absurd for you to do chores and cooking EVERYDAY for a family of 8.

Bless your husband for standing by you, but he is fuelling something that will put you in a very difficult situation with your in-laws. There is no pleasure in being at war with your in-laws,you might not be close to them but it is best to have a cordial and respectful relationship.

I suggest you politely plead with her and volunteer to clean and cook at least thrice a week while the rest of the siblings will take turn.If they are young which i doubt because before you came in the picture,someone was doing all that,so it will only be fair to have all hands on deck.

Sweetheart at this point you really don't have a choice as you guys are at her mercy, so talk to her.

Go back to your parents' house, you aren't married yet. Visit you MIL to be from there for occasional cleaning.

You've gotten great advice already. Just bear in mind, a lot of women in her situation will NOT let you stay under her roof (you guys aren't married yet). So she's not evil. Plead with her that you can handle some days a week by yourself.

byvan03:
Go back to your parents' house, you aren't married yet. Visit you MIL to be from there for occasional cleaning.

Gbam!

Let's just call you a wife in training. There is a popular saying that he who pays the piper, dictates the tune.
Your MIL is the breadwinner for ur fiance and you, if his family is yoruba, it's only customary that you play the role of "family wife ", remember he is marrying you into the family. It's wouldn't be good for you to create animosity with his family right from now.
That said, under different circumstances, I could have asked you to go back to ur parents house and remain there till he has the means to cater for you (even now, you shouldn't be living in his family house but being that we don't know the circumstances that took you there, I'll pass) buh you are a single mum, ur resale value has dropped, means ur in a tight corner and his mom is obviously taking advantage of that.
My dear, do the little you can do, be a nice girl (or play nice), nothing lasts forever.
PS : If this woman is as boxed up as you said, why can't she set him up in a business?
By the way, are his siblings pre-teens? Da fuq do you have to do chores and cook for grown ups?

you guys are staying in their house for free..... you do not pay rent, electricity bill, water rate.... etc.

what is the harm in doing the chores and cooking only dinner? I just guess some Nigerians are blessed with "free loading" mentality.....

If you do not want it that way, tell your boyfriend to start paying rent and other bill. so that you will be free.

You guys cannot just stay doing nothing while they provide for u. the chores are services in exchange of the rent and bills u were supposed too pay. Do it or stay away from the house... Sorry if it sounds harsh but that is the way of life...

thanks for all your advice, I'm grateful @Frenchwine, onegai, edwife, jaymicheal.

jaymichael:
It will bounce back on you, no doubt about that. That is one of the drawbacks of living in a family house. Just pray for GOD to give you the strength for the chores. My Pastor usually say "aragbe laye" To live in this life, there is always a price to pay somewhat. You and your husband should see that as the price to pay. You won't stay in the family house forever. Your doing the chores diligently might even endear you to your Mother inlaw and your in-laws which may attract greater rewards to you and your husband. Talk to your husband that you can do the chores very well and he should allow you to. Always pray for him to experience financial breakthrough so that you both can move out of the family house. Even if your mother in-law isn't financially helpful, it is still your duty as a wife and your attitude and disposition is what will determine if his family and Siblings will assist you with the workload. This is your opportunity to prove that you are a good wife.
This is just my piece of advice.

wow! wow!

God bless you bro
I'm speechless

Richy4:
you guys are staying in their house for free..... you do not pay rent, electricity bill, water rate.... etc.

what is the harm in doing the chores and cooking only dinner? I just guess some Nigerians are blessed with "free loading" mentality.....

If you do not want it that way, tell your boyfriend to start paying rent and other bill. so that you will be free.

You guys cannot just stay doing nothing while they provide for u. the chores are services in exchange of the rent and bills u were supposed too pay. Do it or stay away from the house... Sorry if it sounds harsh but that is the way of life...

I wonder o..

No free lunch in Freetown.

You are paying for your board and feeding by helping with the chores.

babesta:
thanks for all your advice, I'm grateful @Frenchwine, onegai, edwife, jaymicheal.

Uw, be good

Where are your parents? Agh... Lord have mercy. I'm sorry but is your mother alive? How on God's green earth can a mother release her daughter to move in with a man without proper marriage rights, even just introduction and court marriage? This saddens my heart. So you're slaving your postpartum body (that needs pampering itself) away for opportunistic grown azz folks that needs to borrow themselves a brain?

No Matter how hard you try to garnish yourself in every possible ridiculous ways FOR acceptance to your 'inlaws' , one fact remains you're still a desperate baby mama willing to sell herself short for a ring.

This ridiculous trend has to change.

Please if at all possible, just go back home.

Please don't stop cooking, hard work don't kill it only makes you a better person. Do your best to be a good wife as long as you stays there, tell your husband to intensify effort in providing a separate place for your family while you pray for them.

fem29:
Please if at all possible, just go back home.

Thank you so very much. I love you.

Imagine the lazy hubby to be if it will ever happen asking her to cook separately! With which money and pot? If he is that bold, shouldn't him rent a house since his dk was long enough to impregnate someone. Mchewweeee.

Before you know, he will impregnate her again and the MIL hatred for them will increase a bit. She needs to start working and think of her to give herself and her baby a good life. If the boy wanted them, he should make a home for them.

Something is definitely wrong with today's generation.

Your husband to be is financially down, what about you? What are you doing for yourself as a human being with 2 hands? What happens if this man doesn't marry you or the mom throws y'all out?

Keep cooking and cleaning, seems that's all you can do sef.

If he truely wants a life wt u he shud rent an apartment 4u. Dnt tell he's broke,he's nt cos a broke man dnt use his dlck any and he even suggest to u start cookin separately.



When he wan get d money?

Ewuro4:
Where are your parents? Agh... Lord have mercy. I'm sorry but is your mother alive? How on God's green earth can a mother release her daughter to move in with a man without proper marriage rights, even just introduction and court marriage? This saddens my heart. So you're slaving your postpartum body (that needs pampering itself) away for opportunistic grown azz folks that needs to borrow themselves a brain?

No Matter how hard you try to garnish yourself in every possible ridiculous ways FOR acceptance to your 'inlaws' , one fact remains you're still a desperate baby mama willing to sell herself short for a ring.

This ridiculous trend has to change.

Sis You know the score
She got pregnant for the boy and her parents sent her off to go and live with the man who impregnated her
Do you listen to the songs the alagas sing at traditional wedding ceremony's
She sold herself short and as far as the MIL is concerned, she came through the back door so doesn't feel the need to treat or respect her as a wife
The boy too is relying on his mum for financial aid
Mama fe jeun omo but instead the boy is relying on her and bringing additional burden to her.
There is no way that all three of them (boy, girl and baby) wont be insulted
The girl has not reached her final destination yet. I pray they don't throw her out in the end. Even though the boy is on her side now, since the mama is the one buttering his bread, I hope he doesnt change tune soon.
She needs to get a job in the first instance

tearoses:


Sis You know the score
She got pregnant for the boy and her parents sent her off to go and live with the man who impregnated her
Do you listen to the songs the alagas sing at traditional wedding ceremony's
She sold herself short and as far as the MIL is concerned, she came through the back door so doesn't feel the need to treat or respect her as a wife
The boy too is relying on his mum for financial aid
Mama fe jeun omo but instead the boy is relying on her and bringing additional burden to her.
There is no way that all three of them (boy, girl and baby) wont be insulted
The girl has not reached her final destination yet. I pray they don't throw her out in the end. Even though the boy is on her side now, since the mama is the one buttering his bread, I hope he doesnt change tune soon.
She needs to get a job in the first instance

Exactly, you nailed it.
The funniest part is that even if they were married, the man would prefer her to stay with his mother and endure slavery than her own family, just to avoid insult from his own inlaws.This is one of the reasons why a lady should have a tangible source of income. Even as married woman, when your inlaws start taking responsibility for your upkeep, you will lose your self-respect and control of your home to them. You might even have to worship them just for you to survive.

Go back to your papa and mama house.

tearoses:


Sis You know the score
She got pregnant for the boy and her parents sent her off to go and live with the man who impregnated her
Do you listen to the songs the alagas sing at traditional wedding ceremony's
She sold herself short and as far as the MIL is concerned, she came through the back door so doesn't feel the need to treat or respect her as a wife
The boy too is relying on his mum for financial aid
Mama fe jeun omo but instead the boy is relying on her and bringing additional burden to her.
There is no way that all three of them (boy, girl and baby) wont be insulted
The girl has not reached her final destination yet. I pray they don't throw her out in the end. Even though the boy is on her side now, since the mama is the one buttering his bread, I hope he doesnt change tune soon.
She needs to get a job in the first instance

Her parents no do well atall, a ki le omo buruku fekun paje now (you don't throw baby away with bath water).

I understand she needs to get a job but who's going to stay with that baby, iya ma je omo yen oh(that innocent baby will suffer if care is not taken)... The dude will eventually change his tune ofcourse, that's why it's best she goes back to her family house and do whatever to rebuild her life (back to school or job) over there. She left coz there's a place to go, her parents won't do shishi if she stays put there with her kid.

That said, Even if she secures a job in her present place, she returns home tired to cater for the baby and on top of that slave away for grown azz adults again?? For what now? That so called MIL is very wicked, what they can't in million years do to their own worse daughters , smh. Karma is a naughty lady.

Sis, which of the alaga ijoko song you're referring to jare ?

Ewuro4:


Her parents no do well atall, a ki le omo buruku fekun paje now (you don't throw baby away with bath water).

I understand she needs to get a job but who's going to stay with that baby, iya ma je omo yen oh(that innocent baby will suffer if care is not taken)... The dude will eventually change his tune ofcourse, that's why it's best she goes back to her family house and do whatever to rebuild her life (back to school or job) over there. She left coz there's a place to go, her parents won't do shishi if she stays put there with her kid.

That said, Even if she secures a job in her present place, she returns home tired to cater for the baby and on top of that slave away for grown azz adults again?? For what now? That so called MIL is very wicked, what they can't in million years do to their own worse daughters , smh. Karma is a naughty lady.

Sis, which of the alaga ijoko song you're referring to jare ?

I will remember the lyrics later
Its about the girl doing the family proud by waiting to get married before getting pregnant

Sis you never jam some religious parents awon Deacon ati deaconess mother in Israel parents
They will rather die than have a pregnant daughter live under their roof
Especially if they have been warning the kid before then about her activities with the opposite sex
The boy sounds like a mummys boy too if not he would have gone to hustle

Someone I know left parents comfort to go and hustle in another city so he could make a home for himself and his wife and he was living in an almost completed building with no curtain even though his parents had houses in Lagos.
That is what is called a man.
No one can boss him or his wife around.

tearoses:




Sis you never jam some religious parents awon Deacon ati deaconess mother in Israel parents
They will rather die than have a pregnant daughter live under their roof
Especially if they have been warning the kid before then about her activities with the opposite sex
The boy sounds like a mummys boy too if not he would have gone to hustle

Someone I know left parents comfort to go and hustle in another city so he could make a home for himself and his wife and he was living in an almost completed building with no curtain even though his parents had houses in Lagos.
That is what is called a man.
No one can boss him or his wife around.

My former neighbour kicked her daughter out of the house, and hers was a sad story about how she ended up pregnant. Boy went home to the East to inform parents that he was bringing home pregnant fiancee. His parents objected becausd they didn't like her tribe and her church. He died on his way back on Benin-Ore road. Her parents were pastors in their church. They said they couldn't be preaching morality and allowing immorality under their roof. His parents said they were grieving for their son and couldn't house her (since they had never met her, how can they confirm the baby is actually his, Lagos girls and wayo blah blah blah etc). So she was a homeless single mum for a bit, even squatted with my relative at some point.
She's married now and the baby she had is now the darling of all grandparents