In the family, there are members. Each member has a defined function. The definition of function leads to a stratum. The stratum of an average family is well defined with traditional assignments and benefits accrued to each member of the stratum. On the average family scene, we have the father, mother, kid(s) and maid(s). The father, the provider/supervisor has his ego intact. The mother, the manager/cook/supervisor and sometimes the provider has the family under control. The kids, the joy of the family have attachment to anybody who is available. The maid, the support staff of the family gets paid and ‘freed’ after her contract expires. However, when these roles get swapped, benefits also get swapped—it’s logical. If a member of the chain is absent or assuming another role, there is a price. For example, if the father of the house is found wanting, the members of his family will replace him with a ‘capable’ male. In an instance of death to either the father or the mother, the children sometimes step up to fill the void. Filling a void makes it hard for a parent to let the child go, for example, a daughter who has assumed the role of a wife in her father’s house.

OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND’
Reinforcement is a psychological concept that is applicable to any life experience. Marriage as well as its success is centred on cores of availability and compatibility. If a party is absent, it leaves a gap that needs to be filled. When this gap is filled (which doesn’t necessarily have to do with cheating as it could be an activity), the replaced individual is going out of mind. This is the reason many long distance relationships collapse. If a man is carried away from his family, someone replaces him in the mind of his wife and children (and vice-versa). We have heard stories where maids have stronger bonds with the children of their employers. I believe this is why it’s easy for maids to kidnap or abduct these type of children as with many stories that have flooded the tabloids in Nigeria. Only a handful of people have things intact in case of absence from their families.

‘SHE WHO MAKES MY FOOD WARMS MY BED’
An online community member [Nairaland] once wrote this. He said any woman cooking his food has to warm his bed. He claimed that food is a psychological and spiritual thing for him. There is absolutely nothing wrong in having maids. What is wrong is having them assuming a wife’s roles. [Wife’s roles over the world differ as it relates to the traditions of a geographical location and sometimes wife’s roles are determined by the people in a marriage.] In the long term, the wife is going to be on the losing end on both kids and husband if, after having a defined role, the maid still carries out the roles.

‘I WON'T BE BOTHERED IF HE WENT AFTER OTHER WOMEN BUT OUR MAID’
A certain woman’s opinion on social media. Well, the fact is, maintaining a maid is cheaper than a mistress. A mistress in the context of this article is a woman who is a lover of a married man, who also lives outside of the house (a matured female). Why spend money on what is readily available in the house and accessible any time with higher level of secrecy i.e hiding in plain sight…after all, she is already doing wife roles.

‘MAIDS HAVE NEEDS TOO’ AND ‘PUTTING THE CAT IN CHARGE OF A FISH’
Maids who work in people’s houses don’t aim to be there forever. They have come to make it and they won’t miss a chance at making it especially if the chance was handed cheaply to them. Being an alternative to a mistress, they’re in stronger position to take over the house. The maid has a need; the man has a need. The maid can supply all the man’s needs and because one good turn deserves another, the man reciprocates by ‘lifting’ her status. This is the reason many high class women in Nigeria opt for females between 7-12 as maids but it is unlawful.
One might ask, ‘why then do men who have their wives at home all day go after maids?’. Naturally, women have a strong bond with their children and one thing I have noticed in recent times, especially newlyweds who just had a baby, is that the woman shifts all her love and attention to the kid(s). You can do a quack, unscientific survey, check Facebook and BBM then look out for newlyweds with kids and how they profess their undying love to their kids and then check the last time they did the same for their husbands. I believe this is why many people struggle after the 2nd through to 3rd year of their marriage. Most men who are starved of attention compared to what they had previously before the birth of a kid will find another female. In the society, men are supposed to have iron heart but in reality men are very emotional and this is what any individual could do regardless of gender. Let me include here that there are men who are loose, lack discipline and respect and will lay with any female. If you’re in a relationship with one, well…every married man in need is a potential cheat and the “all men are the same” sentence wouldn’t go away.
In short, many people stop loving and cherishing each other after the birth of a child. Come to think of it, your kids hardly spend 15 years with you in your houses these days, would you want to throw away a life time of bliss for a decade of attention for a child that would walk out of the door into the world as soon as he/she is 17? Balance and equity people…balance and equity.
A quick and related data from a marriage counsellor, M. Gary Neuman who surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating men found out that 48% rated emotional dissatisfaction as the reason for their cheating. This supports my observation of newly-weds on social media. Neuman also said men need a pat on the back but it appears ridiculous for them to ask. He also found out that only 12% rated their mistresses as more attractive than their wives. A man who is going to cheat with a maid or any woman doesn’t need her to be as attractive as his wife. It is not about a hot body. Lastly, a massive 73% knew the mistress about one month before cheating. This suggests that if a man is going to cheat, it takes a long time.
In life, one size doesn’t fit all. If anything makes you happy, go for it but you need to assess how people close to you will be affected. Maybe a careful assessment of potential gains and losses would guide your decision making. Would you want to lose a loving woman and children to a maid? Would you want to lose your husband to a maid out a controllable situation? Even if you’re getting alimony, are you prepared for the emotional turmoil except you’re a con artist? Is it really worth it? For those who are capable of loving and raising a family, there is so much at stake if there is room for errors.

Source:

http://nifemiolu..com.ng/2016/04/why-and-how-men-justify-sleeping-with.html

True talk

Aeman:
True talk

OK, I see

“Why spend money on what is readily available in the house and accessible any time with higher level of secrecy i.e hiding in plain sight…after all, she is already doing wife roles.“

lilmax:
“Why spend money on what is readily available in the house and accessible any time with higher level of secrecy i.e hiding in plain sight…after all, she is already doing wife roles.“

Really? What if your wife gives the same excuses when you find out she has been sleeping with your driver?

Anyone can rationalise bad behaviour, but that still doesn't make it right. A woman whose husband's always about his work and making money can justify cheating on him because he's not meeting her emotional needs and has no time for her.
Another woman who's not a housewife, and has to go out to work in order to supplement the little her husband brings home (which isn't enough on its own) can also justify sleeping with her boss since he's indirectly the one who puts food on their table, and ensures her children's fees are paid.
Etc.

My point is, human beings tends to justify wrongdoing so that it may sound better. If we all decide to take responsibility for every action, and not blame someone else as a reason for whatever we do the world would be a better place.

Pidggin:


Really? What if your wife gives the same excuses when you find out she has been sleeping with your driver?

my role as a husband will be 100% great

Thats the difference ......and btw my driver will not be readily available