EfemenaXY:


Just like that?

How? Based on what??

If this story is real, then the mother of that child (unless mentally incapacitated) is a WEAKLING.

Arrant nonsense.

She's not a weakling, she could have also given him to the father willingly. Some women abandon their kids to start "a new life", nothing impossible there.

What about the Nigerians parents ,wife and husband who give away their under-aged kids to strangers for slavery?

@bold. Lol. Of course not. But that's the phrase they will use to convince them to stay home.

Wives in the west don't need such convincing because if the man tries to use their staying home to maltreat them, they'll be protected if they chose to.

Another thing about law in Nigeria is that it varies. Like a couple who only got married in the traditional setting will have their case settled in the customary courts. In which case the man will still get the kids even if he can't take care of them because of tradition.

Women who have their kids after a break up with the man are mostly those who were abandoned with the children to fend for them alone (this is the most common scenario).

But if the man decided he wants the kids, he almost always gets them.
For those who can go to regular courts, there's still some influence of traditon on custody decisions.
Afterall the decision makers are still to a large extent traditional people.
Else why will they give a 7yr old to the dad who's never bathed him/her before in his life when they know that child is going to be dumped with one grandma in the village or worse become a houseboy/girl to the second wife. Instead of being with the mom who in most cases is guaranteed to take the best care of the child.

It is true though that many women are beginning to fight it.

edwife:


Only 'true African wives' stay at home to care for their families? .

The kids are mostly taken away just like that from ignorant women/men who know nothing about the law in Nigeria. Like we all know our country, bribe is the order of the day, but many women now fight for the custody of their kids, as long as they have an income and a better environment for the kids.

Generally custody of very young children is awarded to the mother. There is also a preference for awarding custody of male children to the father and female children to the mother but again this is not a hard and fast rule and circumstances of each case determine the best interest of the child/children.Women in Nigeria have the right to have custody of their kids until they are 7 years old. Then the father can go to court to ask for custody if he wishes so.

cococandy:
@bold. Lol. Of course not. But that's the phrase they will use to convince them to stay home.

Wives in the west don't need such convincing because if the man tries to use their staying home to maltreat them, they'll be protected if they chose to.

Every African wives that stay at home needs to be convinced by that? Is every woman who stay at home maltreated by their husband in Africa?

The law is also taking it course in Nigeria, women are seeking for help now and coming out of abusive marriages.Baby steps. Even in America,a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds and less than half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police.. (UN Study On The Status of Women, Year 2000)

Another thing about law in Nigeria is that it varies. Like a couple who only got married in the traditional setting will have their case settled in the customary courts. In which case the man will still get the kids even if he can't take care of them because of tradition.

Under Sharia law custody is usually granted the mother; under Yoruba customary law, mothers are granted custody of female children and fathers of male children. In Igbo customary law custody is of weaned children is usually given to the father. Nigeria has numerous ethnic groups and customary laws vary broadly.

For a marriage to be subject to customary law the ceremonies for consecrating marriage under that particular system must have been complied with and the bride price must have been paid. If these conditions have not been met any custody of any child of the relationship will automatically be awarded to the mother or the father of the woman. The welfare office can help here.

Women who have their kids after a break up with the man are mostly those who were abandoned with the children to fend for them alone (this is the most common scenario).

True most of the time.

But if the man decided he wants the kids, he almost always gets them.
For those who can go to regular courts, there's still some influence of traditon on custody decisions.
Afterall the decision makers are still to a large extent traditional people.

He always get them if the woman refuses to fight or gives up along the way. Custody battles anywhere in the world is a long, tedious and nasty process and expensive. In the West, the state allocate lawyers for free, here you need to pay and if you are learned, the welfare office can help you through an organisation.

Else why will they give a 7yr old to the dad who's never bathed him/her before in his life when they know that child is going to be dumped with one grandma in the village or worse become a houseboy/girl to the second wife. Instead of being with the mom who in most cases is guaranteed to take the best care of the child.

They don't just give the father the child by 7, the father needs to go to court and the court will then decides if he can have the kid.7 years old is just the age limit for a father to demand for the custody of his child.Father’s that are asking for custody of children during divorce proceedings are equally required to prove that they can personally provide attention, care and nurture in addition to material needs and that they are fit to have custody.

Will the court automatically grant custody to a father that is also a violent drug addict and regularly disappears for months at a time? No. Will the court grant custody to an abusive man that believes his wife is a witch and takes his children for strange midnight rituals and exorcisms? No.

Likewise the court will not automatically grant custody to a mother if she is a drug addict or a dangerously delusional religious zealot. Case law shows the child interests being paramount. Custody hearings are getting more sophisticated and judges are asking insightful questions about the best interest of a child in any given circumstance.

It is true though that many women are beginning to fight it.

Yes, they are. They are now at least 3 or 4 welfare offices in each town.

Sorry I'm typing with a phone. I can't break down your posts bit by bit.

@bold, I didn't generalize.

#2) About domestic abuse in the west, the police won't tell you to go settle it as family matter. The point is not that it doesn't happen. It's that when it does and you chose to report something will be done about it. Just trying to make part that clear.

And since you agree, that we are still at baby steps stage it means that my post still stands true.

All these fighting for custody by women is still new hence my reply to Efe's question as to how a woman can willingly give her child to the step mom is correct. She can't. The kids are usually taken from them.

Some are fighting it. Many still don't know they can and some when they do, have to be really strong in order to win.
Talking about weaned children in Igbo culture. That's like 1-2yrs?
We are still saying the same thing.
Why should such a child be given to the dad when we know that the fathers weren't trained from the beginning to take care of children.

If the child is given to the mom only if the man didn't pay bride price, it follows that most of the time it will be given to the dad because most people pay bride price in Nigeria.

I'm not saying it's automatic, I'm saying that to a large extent, traditon still influences these decisions. And that's for those who get to the courts.

Primarily, My first post was centered around those women who can't even afford to go to court. There are many such women. And it's mostly because they gave up career to raise kids hence no income of their own. (Of course there may be other reasons).

As such the men can afford to throw them out any time they want and hand their kids to the step mom to take care of for him.

That's why you see many ladies saying they are staying for their kids. Because they know they can't fight the men for the kids if they want to leave.

Like you I believe the baby steps will lead to something better someday. Where the best suited parent is given custody not the one traditon says to give it to.

edwife:


Every African wives that stay at home needs to be convinced by that? Is every woman who stay at home maltreated by their husband in Africa?

The law is also taking it course in Nigeria, women are seeking for help now and coming out of abusive marriages.Baby steps. Even in America,a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds and less than half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police.. (UN Study On The Status of Women, Year 2000)




Under Sharia law custody is usually granted the mother; under Yoruba customary law, mothers are granted custody of female children and fathers of male children. In Igbo customary law custody is of weaned children is usually given to the father. Mind you Nigeria has numerous ethnic groups and customary laws vary broadly.

For a marriage to be subject to customary law the ceremonies for consecrating marriage under that particular system of customary law must have been complied with and the bride price must have been paid. If these conditions have not been met any custody of any children of the relationship will be automatically awarded to the mother and or her father. The welfare office can help here.



True most of the time.



He always get them if the woman refuses to fight or gives up along the way. Custody battles anywhere in the world is a long and nasty process.



They don't just give the father the child by 7, the father needs to go to court and the court will then decides if he can have the kid.7 years old is just the age limit for a father to demand for the custody of his child.Father’s that are asking for custody of children during divorce proceedings are equally required to prove that they can personally provide attention, care and nurture in addition to material needs and that they are fit to have custody.

Will the court automatically grant custody to a father that is also a violent drug addict and regularly disappears for months at a time? No. Will the court grant custody to an abusive man that believes his wife is a witch and takes his children for strange midnight rituals and exorcisms? No.

Likewise the court will not automatically grant custody to a mother if she is a drug addict or a dangerously delusional religious zealot. Case law shows the child interests being paramount. Custody hearings are getting more sophisticated and judges are asking insightful questions about the best interest of a child in any given circumstance.



Yes, they are. They are now at least 3 or 4 welfare offices in each town.

His own mum is wicked because I can't leave such a little boy to another woman's custody. Co - wife for that matter. God forbid bad thing

cococandy:
Sorry I'm typing with a phone. I can't break down your posts bit by bit.

@bold, I didn't generalize.

#2) About domestic abuse in the west, the police won't tell you to go settle it as family matter. The point is not that it doesn't happen. It's that when it does and you chose to report something will be done about it. Just trying to make part that clear.

And since you agree, that we are still at baby steps stage it means that my post still stands true.

All these fighting for custody by women is still new hence my reply to Efe's question as to how a woman can willingly give her child to the step mom is correct. She can't. The kids are usually taken from them.

Some are fighting it. Many still don't know they can and some when they do, have to be really strong in order to win.
Talking about weaned children in Igbo culture. That's like 1-2yrs?
We are still saying the same thing.
Why should such a child be given to the dad when we know that the fathers weren't trained from the beginning to take care of children.

If the child is given to the mom only if the man didn't pay bride price, it follows that most of the time it will be given to the dad because most people pay bride price in Nigeria.

I'm not saying it's automatic, I'm saying that to a large extent, traditon still influences these decisions. And that's for those who get to the courts.

Primarily, My first post was centered around those women who can't even afford to go to court. There are many such women. And it's mostly because they gave up career to raise kids hence no income of their own. (Of course there may be other reasons).

As such the men can afford to throw them out any time they want and hand their kids to the step mom to take care of for him.

That's why you see many ladies saying they are staying for their kids. Because they know they can't fight the men for the kids if they want to leave.

Like you I believe the baby steps will lead to something better someday. Where the best suited parent is given custody not the one traditon says to give it to.

Agree but @ embolden Not many women in Nigeria give up their "carriers" willingly in this day and age, Nigeria is tough and one parent working will not be ideal for the family considering the fact that the minimal wage is 18k. Very few Nigerian women willingly do it, it is either there is a better deal at home or the marriage is in jeopardy.

Most of these women are at home because there are no jobs out there, it is not a choice,it's the situation of the country.They also have to depend on their husbands who bring little or nothing at home hence, they can't start a business with no capital. Staying at home is the only option for them.

edwife:


She's not a weakling, she could have also given him to the father willingly. Some women abandon their kids to start "a new life", nothing impossible there.

What about the Nigerians parents ,wife and husband who give away their under-aged kids to strangers for slavery?

You're talking house helps. Those are young kids of primary school age (not right, I know) - but definitely NOT toddlers, barely weaned off brëastmilk.

cococandy:

Yea just like that. Based on culture.

Except they go to court in which case most of them don't do. Either because they had been made to stop working to take care of the home as true 'African wives' lol and so can't afford lawyers or the man's family is more powerful.

Read this. https://www.nairaland.com/3091066/sos-23-years-old-lady

There are many like her. There's no rule of law back home.

I followed the link. That story isn't true and the woman looks too clean to be living it out rough on the streets.

Probably a scam cooked up by the @op.

lol but I thought they confirmed it.


Cc kimoni

EfemenaXY:


I followed the link. That story isn't true and the woman looks too clean to be living it out rough on the streets.

Probably a scam cooked up by the @op.

Yea. That's another angle too.

edwife:


Agree but @ embolden Not many women in Nigeria give up their "carriers" willingly in this day and age, Nigeria is tough and one parent working will not be ideal for the family considering the fact that the minimal wage is 18k. Very few Nigerian women willingly do it, it is either there is a better deal at home or the marriage is in jeopardy.

Most of these women are at home because there is no jobs out there, it is not a choice,it's the situation of the country.They also have to depend on their husbands who bring little or nothing at home hence, they can't start a business with no capital. Staying at home is the only option for them.

For real?? As in real? Omg!

cococandy:
lol but I thought they confirmed it.

Cc kimoni

Yeah, that sorry in the link is confirmed.

But the story up here, I find it hard to believe that any sane person will do this. Is it not easier to just kill the innocent baby? What would have been the baby's offence? Then again, I thought northerners are more receptive of polygamy and it's peculiarities.

Kimoni:


Yeah, that sorry in the link is confirmed.

But the story up here, I find it hard to believe that any sane person will do this. Is it not easier to just kill the innocent baby? What would have been the baby's offence? Then again, I thought northerners are more receptive of polygamy and it's peculiarities.

Well this one better be false.
Or it will be indeed sad.