Juzzybabe:


Yes i got married in Nigeria. And i seriously needs a lawyer.

I empathize with you.By the way,i am a lawyer, pm me whenever you are ready to file for dissolution of the marriage.

mizthorlu:


its so unfortunate madam, I know someone who truly deserves you will come find you

Stop advising her for divorce.can you marry a single mother if you are a man

Juzzybabe:


o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.

someone beat you while you're pregnant and you still call him husband.




Dint get me angry this night.




Ill tell yuo what to do, you can divorce him in absentia(YES)



2) Cut off every contact you have with him(stop picking his calls and if possible throw your sim cards away and get new sim)



3) make sure your family no longer pick his calls. Whenever he calls they should pick it, and not say anything(waste the bastard credit)



4) make up your mind that he's dead and forever forget him

queenfav:
I empathize with you.By the way,i am a lawyer, pm me whenever you date ready to file for dissolution of the marriage.

Gerrarahere.mama lawyer...if you help her to divorce her man...will you find another one for her?you have to sign with her that both of you will marry your husband before you make any step in advising her for divorce...wts going on here is misunderstanding which can easily be settled if both of them have their own privacy.

oodua1stson:
someone beat you while you're pregnant and you still call him husband.




Dint get me angry this night.




Ill tell yuo what to do, you can divorce him in absentia(YES)



2) Cut off every contact you have with him(stop picking his calls and if possible throw your sim cards away and get new sim)



3) make sure your family no longer pick his calls. Whenever he calls they should pick it, and not say anything(waste the bastard credit)



4) make up your mind that he's dead and forever forget him

Am not in support of the beating...Will you get a man to marry her if she divorce...how many men are interested in single mum...think before you advise this lady...wtf

As some wise people already mentioned, this story is basically one-sided having gone through this thread and the other one. I have seen situations where when the truth is unveiled and you hear the other side you will be surprised at how opinions can drastically change. This is called objectivity. This is a life skill and what I have seen is that both parties are USUALLY at fault ESPECIALLY on marital issues. You cannot exonerate one side completely. When both parties are ready to eat thier pride then progress can be made. But then only a house built on the rock can stand Mat 7.

MRBrownJ:
so many clueless women will be so desperate to punish a man that they wouldnt even understand that the worst person affected here is the poor kid in the middle. they selfishly use children as the bait for unwilling men (for whatever reason) to stay with them, or have any contact with their kids under their BS rules. keep fooling yourself!

You made absolutely no single sense! None at all.
I thought you were that intelligent man, maybe its seasonal tho.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

Just curious, what forces fight marriage? You mean emotional forces or some spiritual thingy?

Taryur3:

Am not in support of the beating...Will you get a man to marry her if she divorce...how many men are interested in single mum...think before you advise this lady...wtf

so you would rather have her stay with a man who beat her while she was pregnant?




You deserve a slap, a hot one

Hmmmm! I don set! Na wetin I dey talk about.

If I tell una make una consider forgetting marriage people go dey abuse me.

You see am!

Why can't people just forget about marriage sef? eeeeeeh!
If you no marry you go die? mtchewwwww!

Some advise I see here though. Some people are nothing but home wreckers. Throw ur small problem here and they ll help u break ur home into pieces with their comments. Smh.

The illusion people suffer nowadays is that they thought marriage is as sweet n smooth as it sounds. Every marriage goes through one storm or another, but with time things will get better. Ur case is not d worst. Just pray n endure until he comes back again n see if u guys can sort things out. Kill that divorce thought for now. Secondly, if u don't lik d way things r going in ur family, change d way u communicate with ur partner. it helps a lot. I feel ur pain though but nothing is impossible for God to do. Pray that God ll rekindle the love that brought the two of u together so that ur marriage can be sustained.

Dreal11247:

Painful it may be. Really sorry for the experience.
But I made a statement that there are forces that fight marriages and at times automatically start working immediately after the marriage. There is nothing prayers cannot do . Most of the times, it is the man''s spirit wife and the woman's spirit husband that are fighting which now manipulate the couple into hating each other. If not properly and cautiously arrested with adequate prayers, could result in the breakage of the marriage.

I learnt of a case in which the man was chasing after the wife with a cutlass. The woman escaped to a church and was praying. Later on, the man located the wife and when asked why he was chasing after the wife with a cutlass, you won't believe his answer. He said that he was chasing after a goat with all seriousness. Assuming the woman didn't run for her dear life, that would have been her end. Divorce l don't think is the best solution. Prayer is still your best option.

biko pray for what exactly?

[quote author=oodua1stson post=46578977]so you would rather have her stay with a man who beat her while she was pregnant?




You deserve a slap, a hot one [/quote
Rush here and give the slap...you always start what you can't finish.Tell me a marriage that is perfectly ok.every toiling has an expiry date...this is her own trials...time.simple misunderstanding is the issue the lady has...besides she never say anything that prompt to the beating...am not in support of that though...advising her for divorce is the worst...do you know what it takes to be a single mum?did you know the numbers of ladies that is yet to get a man not to talk of the one that already divorce with a child...let her face the challenges...she will come over this somedays so far the husband doesn't cheat or trying to marry another woman.wtf with you guys giving stupid advise...becareful

author=oodua1stson post=46578427]wait ooo.....are you a Ghanaian? Cos you said you left your family in Ghana and got married here
And there's no sense in staying with that fool you call husband.
I'm married too and my wife has friends in similar cases as yours living with hubby's mom and being turned into their house help.
Imagine someone who works in a bank(you know the mental stress im banks) and she will come home in the evening and those old fools will be asking her to make like 4 different kind of food for each person. Person wey she suppose poison
Like I said, marriages like yours where you have to live with an old inconsiderate woman usually ends in tears
Leave now [/quote]
The part of being turned into house help is something that is common in most Nigerian marriages. In fact, wedding in this part of the world is more or less an induction into slavery. Imagine a wife made to serve younger in-laws (that are even younger than her little siblings) and even call them aunty and uncle simply because they did her a favour by allowing their son get married to her. Stuffs like this make me wonder why women are pressured to get married and atimes, even squander money on wedding. Though, I know there are still enviable marriages.

Bolade005:
If you got married in Nigeria and you need a lawyer, I can get a friend to help.

Get out of that marriage while you're still young and you still got your sanity.

You getting her a lawyer to advise her for divorce right?make sure that your lawyer secure her a perfect man too .besides...tell me any marriage that is perfect...

Juzzybabe:


What breaks my heart is sometimes even my mum lives on that belief that the guy will come and claim his child,but how is he supposed to when he is not being a responsible father? That is why i want to know my legal stand so that when time comes,i wont hear the African story of child must meet father.

Were you expecting your mum to tell you that the child is yours alone?
For God's sake, you ran away with that child from the guy's parents.
The only legal resort you have now is to sue him for desertion, but can you prove that he actually deserted you and the child?------that is, did he run away from his known address?
I hope you will tell the child that you refused to stay with your in-laws and absconded to your preferred destination only to claim that he is irresponsible?

Quintee:
I'm married too and my wife has friends in similar cases as yours living with hubby's mom and being turned into their house help.
The part of being turned into house help is something that is common in most Nigerian marriages even though violence is not involved. In fact, most wedding in this part of the world is more or less an induction into slavery. Imagine a wife being made to serve younger in-laws (that are even younger than her own little siblings) and calling them aunty, uncle as if they did her a favour by allowing her get married to their son. Something a real househelp may not even do. Whereas, the woman's family respects their own son. Stuffs like this sometimes make me wonder why women are pressured to get married.

What are you saying? It depends on the culture you get married too...some yoruba people treat their daughter inlaw like a slave but I think such doesn't happen in this century again...thank God u never advise her to divorce...

Juzzybabe:


Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again

Now this is the point i dont like... Laying his hands on you. You mean you dated him for 9years and never saw the signs

@Juzzybabe

Please don't go divorce. Probably, you guys started on a wrong foot. But at least you both were legally married. As humans, we all have different life journies. Don't feel your mates are having a wonderful life and family out there and you are here 'suffering.' No! What has happened has happened. I'll encourage you to see the whole thing as a challenge. Face it and win it - get your husband back. This is a trick of the devil to shatter your life. Don't give up. I tell you, there's no better life out there. You may not know the challenge your husband is facing over there. Why not make him your prayer point everyday? Why not wake at midnight to pray for him? See, prayer works. Pray for his life, pray for his return and also pray for what he'll be doing when he returns to re-unite with you. It's that simple! You have a stake in his life and your prayers would affect him directly. Pray and believe God that He is working out an answer for you. Like you always wanted, raise the child the Lord's way. Tell her good things about dad. Tell her dad would return soon to be with her. Don't make her feel dad doesn't care or hates you both even though situation may appear to be so but you don't know God's mind about the issue. If you have any grudge against him, put it away. Call him and tell him his family misses him. One important key here is that your prayers and other things you talk to him on phone must be from your heart. And your heart must be free of hate or grudges about anyone. Forgive and make peace with all. You wouldn't tell me that deep inside you, apart from all that has happened over time, you've got not a little love for him again; you wouldn't tell me that you won't like to see your family a one strong united family. Don't let anybody convince you to seek for divorce. You've got no guarantee that life outside there is going to be without challenges, and if you feel it wouldn't be a challenge of this nature, I'll tell you that a challenge is a challenge. Your approach to the situation would determine your future. I know you have a choice to respond to it the way you want, but I'll advice you to respond to it God's way. There's always a reward for those who endure. Be prayerful. You can change things for good. Learn to make God happy in your situations. I can still talk to you more if you send me a PM. There are other things I can't say here.

@ juicy babe, pls I have something to share with you, send me PM

MRBrownJ:
so many clueless women will be so desperate to punish a man that they wouldnt even understand that the worst person affected here is the poor kid in the middle. they selfishly use children as the bait for unwilling men (for whatever reason) to stay with them, or have any contact with their kids under their BS rules. keep fooling yourself!

Out of point.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

which mumu Forces. When she was foraging herself on Dubai guy she didn't know that all that glitters is not gold. Well she should try and catch him in adultery then go her way since he is not beating her or the child. I don't know her konji level.

My lady, you don't know if he has a good job in Dubai and also you don't know if he is in trouble or not. What of the man's family, did you report to them? Your daughter is solely your responsibility now to train until her father comes to see her, he will surely come if he is alife. As for moving on, for me, you should move with your life.

I read your other thread and it literally broke my heart. You have been through so much and I am so glad you were able to get yourself and baby out of that toxic environment.

This is a clear lesson for women as we should always learn from our relationship.

Marrying the wrong guy and into the wrong family can cause a lot of stress. Its good that you are thinking about the future wrt your child. Get a good lawyer, get custody and I believe that a divorce is possible.

You deserve to be happy and free of those toxic people. I believe that you can find true love again. My grandma experienced something similar with her first husband but she met my grandpa so it is still possible. Irrespective I would rather be alone and at peace and concentrate on my baby, family and job than have to deal with that silly excuse of a man and his wicked family. I applaud you two years is no beans. At least you have done your part.

WiseBully:
When I say that love is not enough, kids won't understand! The last thing you should consider when marrying someone is the emotion of love. Emotions are laced with trouble. People, acknowledge the LORD for a perfect guide when choosing a marriage partner. Marriage crisis is one virus that almost always defies counseling and prayers. The best GOD can do for you is guide you at the point of choice, thereafter, it's is all damage control.

Forget about the many publicized miracles about restored marriages you hear here and there. It's one in a trillion! Don't put your marriage on the shoulder of chance or miracle, you will regret it!

U spoke well

Taryur3:

Gerrarahere.mama lawyer...if you help her to divorce her man...will you find another one for her?you have to sign with her that both of you will marry your husband before you make any step in advising her for divorce...wts going on here is misunderstanding which can easily be settled if both of them have their own privacy.

s.hut up will ya. You are the type of guy that will convince a woman in an abusive relationship to stay and then when she is killed me the first to condemn. Life does not revolve around you. If she wants a divorce it ain't your business and has nothing to do with you unless you are her path ethic excuse of a man husband hiding behind this username?

100

dasparrow:
@Post

Follow your heart. You are the one wearing the shoe. You know where it pricks. Don't listen to hypocritical Nigerians that will tell you to stay and pray. Should you get killed, the same hypocrites will come back here to open their maggot-infested, two-timing mouths and ask why you did not leave the toxic relationship in the first place. Your daughter will become motherless and no Nairalander will raise her for you should you get killed. I know Nigerians....most talk from both ends of their mouths when it comes to marriage. Follow your heart is all I can tell you.

Juzzybabe:
Hi family,am here again. Some of us here have been following my story and for those who haven't,this link will give you an idea of whats at stake. https://www.nairaland.com/2056750/advice-he-wants-me-leave
I think divorce is just what i need right now but before then, my husband obviously married me with no intention of settling down and having a family. THIS IS A DAMAGE DONE TO MY LIFE how can i make him pay for this?
Secondly, he has up to this moment shown no sign of remorse over he and his parents acts towards me. As for our child,he doesn't support her in anyway.But i really hate the fact where people would say you cannot deny a child his or her father. In my case where the father doesn't care what can i do? Am sure that stingy man is relaxing and waiting after i have done the work on her,den he will come to claim child. He lives and works in Dubai and am here in GH. It is either he signs to support this kid or forget he ever had a child with me (People says that's impossible). How does the law favor me in this ?
All in all, our marriage is not even working out and i see no sign of seriousness in him. I need to move on,I think waiting on him to make amends is not just fruitful. The guy doesn't care! I need divorce to move on. Please people,I am here again,i will appreciate some good advises.

Regardless of what you do, a child can decide to look for an absent day in the future one's the child is of age. If you feel divorce is best for your sanity and togetherness, divorce it is.
Been in a marriage for the sake of the child or children alone, does not make for a healthy union. Best to visit the office of the public defender or relevant authorities, and have an agreed financial level of support which is legally binding.

mimzy:
Hmmmm.. this is really deep...

My sister, I really wish I can have a heart to heart talk with you.. I'll probably send you a pm.

Whatever u decide , put God first and consider your child....
May God ordain your steps. I'll pm you soon.

Just advise her well. Wts is happening here is misunderstanding between both of them.I hope u are not going to talk of dovorce

Bolade005:

Hello Juzzybabe, I already talked to the lawyer friend and he is ready to assist. Send me a PM so I can forward his number to you then you call him and discuss further.

Bolade...busy body...your approco...too.much.I hope u are paying the consultation fee...for her...if she finally divorce...just make sure your lawyer get her a perfect man.thanks for your concern

Reading this tale is just as if I'm reading the account of a Westerner in one of the foreign forums I follow, complete with familiar terminologies and assumptions. Africa has perfected the photocopying of all the ills and malaise of the Western world but not the positive attitudes and values of the same West. Talk about Selection Bias!

The worst tin dat wil happen to a man/woman is to option seek 4 divorce to dat person he dance, laugh, smile, kiss and do all sort of romantic tin on dia wedin day and lata see dat person worst dan d Devil. I reject dat.
Well so sorry abt ur story, still give him time.