Everyone gets angry sometimes, both adults and children. Every now and then, an unpleasant situation arises provoking a feeling of annoyance or irritation. The emotion of anger range from being merely irritated to being moderately angry all the way to being completely enraged.

And people express their anger in different ways. While there are several people who are easily irritated, and can flare up or become enraged very quickly, teenagers particularly have been found to be a group that show strong tendency towards intense anger and irritability.

Generally, teenagers have difficulty controlling impulses, specifically because they lack anger management skills. Hence, their tendency to get irritated and lose their temper so quickly and so easily. It is often the case that their anger is usually intense and escalates very quickly.

This is because teenagers tend to take everything personally and as a criticism. For instance, if an adult walks to the refrigerator to get a cold drink and finds that the drinks are not cold because the refrigerator was not switched on from the wall socket, they might be just mildly irritated, gulf the drink in the state it is in and then switch on the refrigerator.

A teenager in the same situation may get real angry, stomp around and accuse everyone in the house of being inconsiderate because they did not switch on the refrigerator and now he can’t get a cold drink!

In many instances, the reaction of most parents to the intense anger and irritability of their teenagers falls into one of two categories. They either try to quickly change the situation for their child so that their anger will go away. Or they thunder back at the child and try to quell their anger through intimidation and threats.

The truth however is that none of these two approaches is an effective way of helping your child deal with irritations and annoyances. Neither of the two are effective as far as anger management skills goes. As your child is going to experience situations that will trigger anger throughout life, it is vital that you help him develop the capacity and learn the skills for managing his anger and expressing it appropriately.

Consider the following suggestions to help you give your child the tools to understand anger and deal with it.
Control Your Own Emotions So That Your Child Will Learn From Your Personal Example

More often than not, an attitude of a child frequently and easily getting angry triggers an angry response from a parent especially when the anger is directed at the parent. This is usually because the parent either feels disrespected by the child’s attitude or the parent feels the child is making them look bad—as though they have done a poor job of raising the child.

On the flip side, parents who are uncomfortable with anger may become anxious when their child flies into a rage and may simply give in to what the child wants. Both of these responses are actually a disservice to the child. As a parent, you must stay in control of your emotions and not fire back or cave in to the child while he is yelling.
Help Your Child Recognize When Anger Is Building.

You can help your child recognize when anger is building up as well as the emotional ‘‘hot buttons’’ that trigger his anger. If he can identify what and what makes him angry—even if he is not able to say why—he can begin to develop the capacity for distancing himself from those issues when they arise so that he doesn’t take them personally.

And if he can learn to recognize the physical signs of anger or irritation such feeling of tension, clenching of stomach e. t. c. he might be able to keep his anger from escalating into a rage by learning to keep shut—just go completely silent and if possible, move away from the source of annoyance or irritation—whenever he has started experiencing those feelings.
Brainstorm With Your Child To Identify The ‘Why’ Behind His Anger

Quite a few times when a teenager has raged and screamed, they express remorse for their negative behavior and are actually willing to talk about it. If your child expresses remorse and would like to know how he could avoid such emotional ‘‘meltdowns’’ in the future, if they express willingness to learn to manage their anger better, you can help him work backwards from the incident.

What was said that triggered his anger?

What happened to get him so riled up?

What feelings did he have at the time?

Frustration, embarrassment, ridicule, disappointment, fear?

Did he feel he was being blamed?

Or did he feel he was being an attempt at controlling him?

The next step would be to help him learn how to judge whatever is said to him on its merit—particularly when he doesn’t like it—and not just fly into a rage.
Help Him See That Being Annoyed Is Completely Understandable But Putting Up A Negative Behaviour Because You Are Annoyed Is Wrong

You should help your child understand that the problem is not that he gets annoyed or irritated –or even angry for that matter. The problem is the behavior that follows. Make him aware that there are going to be a lot of circumstances in life that will trigger his anger.

Sometimes they may be rules that limit or behaviour or incidences that frustrate him but unless he manages his anger properly and expresses his disappointment in an appropriate manner, he may suffer grave consequences.

Written By:
Tervel T Kejih,
Founding Coordinator,
Tutorsperexcellence.com - Private Home Tutors
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