AdaAda1331:
Thank you for all of your responses, I honestly appreciate each of them. Your responses are very similar to my mother's, my brother, his mother and other of my family members. Very different and very honest.

Someone above mentioned that I should treat this as a car sale. You're actually on to something. I still see this in a similar way but not totally. In my mind, he's a Lamborghini but that doesn't mean it's the only Lamborghini I'll see.

Alot of you gave constructive criticism that I may be controlling or I should be mature and I don't have people's skills. I understand that as well. I haven't dismissed my opportunity of growth. I know there's still a lot for me to learn. I also understand that its what youve been able to decipher from my short message. Understand though that I'm not affected by his brother calling me names. I actually laughed when I heard it unintentionally. I didnt take it personal because I knew it wasn't coming from a place of constructive criticism but just plain criticism. My parents are the ones in disbelief, that I haven't even done the introduction but his family are already calling me unnecessary names out of spite.

I made the decision last week to end the relationship. I came on here to see if I did it with the right mindset and heart and I know I did now because I have peace. My point of view is to allow things to run its course. I'll focus on my graduating next year as I have been and I've told him to do the same. Nothing stays the same, I know we will both come out of this. I don't know what will end up happening, but I've decided not to focus on that.

crackhaus:

You're far too kind, welcome bro...

Onegai:


I think you'll be fine. And please don't take the comment about People skills wrongly, almost everyone I know doesn't have it, heck I'm still learning it. That laughter at his comment, that was a reaction. And one day, if you're not in a good mood or having a bad day and he makes another spiteful comment, you will flare up. Because you're human. Trust me, I've been there. And the other party immediately seizes on my reaction and plays it to an attack against me. And later on, it hurt. Because an innocent moment was turned into an opportunity for a goat to be spiteful.

Great people skills means you won't react immediately, not even with laughter. You will go "hmm, okay" in the calmest of voices and continue the conversation. My MiL has mad people skills, I've never seen her truly upset or angry in that she won't react at that possible moment but pass the message along later. Her eyes are always on the end game. The worst thing she has ever said to me, had so little sting in her tone, but I knew she wasn't happy with me. And it is so effortless, it comes off as genuine and sometimes, it only dawns on you a week or month later what she really meant. She knows when to smile, when to be calm, how to be underestimated but still be a juggernaut, when to react, how to always sound sympathetic no matter what, how to pass across a message without getting her emotions and feeling involved and how to code her emotions when she's angry. That is what makes her awesome...and dangerous .

crackhaus:

You can't do anything to improve whatever relationship he has with his family, especially now that they don't even like you - it will only get worse once you force yourself on them...but if for some inexplicable reason your bf is ready to go against them on your behalf, then y'all can sing your Kumbaya as you both walk down the aisle.

Just remember that there will be a lot of I told you so coming from both his family and yours if the going gets tough.



*Cough*

*Clears throat*

*Cough*

I hear read you Princess, love definitely conquers all.



Let me guess, his parents are wise ONLY when their opinion makes you giddy.

On the occasion of them not wanting you to become a part of their family, their wisdom in the matter becomes inconclusive because you don't agree with it.



Me? Conclude?

Girl have you been reading your comments about his family so far, you coming off as someone that doesn't even want to dobalé.

If there has been long-standing issues in that family, I wonder what you're even still looking for inside there.
However like I said before, if your man is ready to ride that storm with you, then Kumbaya...



There's a fire on the mountain.



Not to burst your bubble, but I think he'll get over you eventually should you decide to scram.

AdaAda1331:


This is very good advice. It's something I'll definitely take into account with all my relationships. You've actually given me great advice I know I will practice. If knowing this is the sole reason I felt compelled to write this, it was definitely worth it. I truly appreciate it.

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

saintikechi:
Leave that guy alone, come and marry me, my parents love doctors.

ferdison:
its two ways now....
If u follow ur heart and things turn out bad, ur family will blame u... And if u follow ur family n end up wit anoda person who gives u hell, then u will not forgive ur family....
i advice u pray more, follow ur heart n take counsel from mayb ur pastor....()

adesanya2014:
i am a mad man

crackhaus:

Seems like someone is already laying the foundation for the only-me-and-my-husband kind of marriage.



His brother called you selfish and controlling because it was revealed to him in a dream, OR is it because of something you did/how he sees you?
Wow! What wisdom is this? Awesome



Hello Princess, the only people you're worth something to by default is your family and your God...for every other person out there, you will have to earn it.

What have you done to prove yourself to his family?



I'm glad you realize that you just don't marry a man without the involvement of his family.

However, don't you think there's a problem somewhere if all you can see in his family are their negative characteristics?

Tell us one thing you like about his family, JUST ONE.



Your parents in all their wisdom and at least 20years of experience in marriage have given you their counsel.


You have just three choices;
1. Try getting his family to change their opinion about you and see you for the awesome & exemplary person you say you are which shouldn't be too hard if you ask me because character speaks for itself.

2. Forget about what his family thinks, pay no attention to your parents, and please go ahead with the marriage - just remember that you may have succeeded in creating a rift between your man and his family which will ONLY be favorable to you, but NEVER favorable to him in the long run.

3. Move on and find love elsewhere.

crackhaus:

Seems like someone is already laying the foundation for the only-me-and-my-husband kind of marriage.



His brother called you selfish and controlling because it was revealed to him in a dream, OR is it because of something you did/how he sees you?
Wow! What wisdom is this? Awesome



Hello Princess, the only people you're worth something to by default is your family and your God...for every other person out there, you will have to earn it.

What have you done to prove yourself to his family?



I'm glad you realize that you just don't marry a man without the involvement of his family.

However, don't you think there's a problem somewhere if all you can see in his family are their negative characteristics?

Tell us one thing you like about his family, JUST ONE.



Your parents in all their wisdom and at least 20years of experience in marriage have given you their counsel.


You have just three choices;
1. Try getting his family to change their opinion about you and see you for the awesome & exemplary person you say you are which shouldn't be too hard if you ask me because character speaks for itself.

2. Forget about what his family thinks, pay no attention to your parents, and please go ahead with the marriage - just remember that you may have succeeded in creating a rift between your man and his family which will ONLY be favorable to you, but NEVER favorable to him in the long run.

3. Move on and find love elsewhere.
Wow! What wisdom is this? Great

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved. 

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place. 

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very  disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more. 

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.  

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

Med students always have a coma when it comes to relationship issues. let me not even narrate what I experienced. my dear better finish school first and do induction before u tackle this matter. Relationship issues was the number one cause of the resits I had in medschool

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?