Guaranty Trust Bank.

When you walk into any Gtb bank branch for a financial transaction, you would know you are going in for serious business.
I believe that Gtb, the orange hued bank is a loving and caring financial institution that wants to teach us, its customers, good virtues and morals.

Patience is a virtue.
Your patience begins at the security door where you join the queue to gain entry into the banking hall. If the security door doesn’t like your face, it will scream every time you step in, and you may have a difficult time before you can gain entry.
Yippie! You are finally in.

You walk into the banking hall to see long queues of customers at each section of the bank.
At the customer service unit, long queues…
At the different cashier points, long queues!
At the bulk room section, long queues!
You climb upstairs…long queues!
Queues, queues everywhere…Abasi mbok! Nsuto bank idom?

You join the long queue to deposit money. It is gonna take a while….Patience is indeed a virtue…at least the cold Ac breeze is cooling you off…
"Gtb can you please open another branch in this town?"
"No! We are one big happy family! Everybody must meet here, in this location...Everybody must learn the art of patience and waiting for your turn"

As you stand in the queue, you reunite with your family members, neighbours, classmates, ex boyfriends and girlfriends.
"Gtb can't you see that this place is like a market place? Can't you see that your staff are tired? Would you open a new branch in this city?"
"No! Ez it by force? Everybody must learn to be patient. All the money must be made here!"
You can fall in love at first sight while standing on a Gtb bank queue, you can chat each other up, go out on a first date with your lover, and come back and resume your position on the long queue.

You can get overwhelmed and boil over with rage while standing in a Gtb queue, but gradually your anger would subside and you would resign yourself to fate. Your impatience would be cured and you would become a rational being.

Patience is taking over…

You would start humming Bob Marley…
“Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waiting- while I am waiting for my turn”
But it gets to a point where you cannot stand the long queue anymore. When you can no longer comprehend the one branch per state bank policy….You would storm out of the building. But as you are waiting at the queue at the security door to go out, the MD, Mr Segun Agbaje, would call you back with a smile on his face.

"Don’t go away dear…Wouldn't you rather bank with us?"
Gtb is so considerate…the bank truly cares about the health of its customers. They understand the importance of exercise to the body and so implement the one branch per state policy. Standing in a queue for a period of 30 minutes- 2 hours is a good form of exercise, and hence the obese customers burn out some fat and keep in shape whenever they visit GTB.
Standing in a Gtb queue can help you make the right choices.
Ekaette had been pestering me to send money to her. A beautiful young lady, I had had fallen in love with her. So I rushed to Gtb to deposit the cash in her account.

I was the last person on the queue, and it would take a long while for me get to the front.
Ekaette called three good times...
"Send the money na! I need it urgently"
"Baby plis exercise some patience, like I am doing right here. I am still on the queue"
Thirty minutes later Ekaette called again…
"You don't love me, you can't even send me ordinarily 25k! You are giving me excuses, I am not even sure you are in the bank, infact, this relationship is over!"
I heaved a sigh of relief and walked out, grateful to Gtb queue for saving me from a money greedy woman who would have extorted every single kobo from me and dump me thereafter.
"Gtb when are you opening another branch in this city to decongest this single branch?"
"Warriz it sef? How much do you even have in your accant that you keep on disturbing us?"
“Dele, check his accant balance!”
…computer roll….
“Sir, he has only N523 in his accant!
"Can you imagine!? Anyway, let’s give him something. Come here! How much do you want as a token from us?"
"Plis sir, any amount from 200k and above. I want to start poultry farm biznezz, plis, I need epp!
"Dele, credit his accant with 1 million so that he would allow us hear word"

“Thank you my MD!"

Pim pim…Pim pim.
Credit Alert: your Gtb accant has been credited with 1 million Zimbabwean dollars.
"Noooooooooo….Md, wait….nooooooo!”

Culled from Facebook -by iniobong umoh

Every bank, I suppose, is good or bad, depending on the manager. In some banks if u are not very energetic and veryvery customer friendly, then relegation to the backside is imminent for u or outright sack! The manager monitors the staff like the rat does the fish basket from his hole.

Aside: god4bid Zimbabwean dollars! Tiz only good for dem weed guys. Dem'a ball wid weed ahhone in'a ghetto. N I hear weed price never go up

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