Do you have problems of handling an enemy without disputes??Check these 5 steps below:
In a flash you realize that your new friend (that person you easily developed a rapport with and began to trust with your secrets) is not a friend after all.
You should have known better, you think. Enemies are never immediately recognizable – they always hide under the cloak of agreeableness until they show their true colors. It has happened before and it happened again.
No matter how pure your intentions or how innocent your heart, you cannot avoid their mandatory presence in your professional life. What you can do, is learn how to properly respond to them and protect yourself.
Enemies are not ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ people. An enemy is someone whose objectives could place you in harm’s way. They either don’t know or don’t care that their decisions could cause irreparable harm to your career.
The good news is that you always have control over how much anyone can interfere with your future. How you deal with these situations, and what reactions you allow yourself to have, are the only tools you have to come out of the situation unscathed.
If you ever find yourself in the face of an enemy, don’t panic. Keep the following 5 tips in mind:
1. Actions speak louder than words
In the face of lies about our character or history, our immediate instinct is always to address the lies head on. We rush to show as much evidence as possible to anyone who will listen. This strategy is sure to backfire.
Opening your mouth and saying “I would never do this or that” will make you look guilty. No one would expect a liar to handle things any differently.
Words are cheap. Actions are evidence.
Prove your enemy wrong by showing to everyone else that their lies are unfounded (without having to say anything). Get in front of the people who matter and be a model employee. Make sure to grab as big a spotlight as possible and place your other magnificent qualities on display.
Work harder and later. Beat deadlines and come up with your own projects. Offer free help. Turn the dial from great employee to model employee. No matter how good you are, there is always something more you could be doing.
Soon the lies will lose power. Anyone who hears them will know they’re untrue, because they’ve seen the evidence with their own eyes.
Do not engage – just work harder.
2. Get to know everyone in your organization
Everyone in your office will play a role in your career at some point in your future. Everyone (and I mean everyone) must be schmoozed years in advance.
If you take the time to get to know the janitor, he will one day say something nice about you when someone important is listening. If you spend a Friday afternoon helping the office manager, she will help remove obstacles from your path the next time you have to navigate bureaucracy. If you take the IT guy out for a beer, he will give you important insider information that will help you kill it on your next presentation. The senior staff member who acts and seems unapproachable would be more than happy to go to lunch and get to know you outside of the office.
Turn cultivation into a daily habit that becomes second nature. Within a year, you will be shielded from any and all enemies, and might even start to notice other incredible side-effects.
I learned this valuable lesson completely by accident, simply because I like to get to know the people around me and hear their stories. After a year in my first job, I was shocked to suddenly realize that I had developed a strong reputation that was rare for my age and level in the organization’s hierarchy. It had nothing to do with the quality of my work – it was just a side-effect of taking the time to get to know everyone.
Senior staff would say “Oh yes I’ve heard about you” when I first met them. I switched departments and was able fix organizational miscommunications through the power of my own relationships. I had close friends in opposing sides of historical departmental rifts, and was often placed in a quasi-mediator position.
I had never been strategic about it, but somehow, my incessant need to get to know everyone had led me to coast above the fray of office politics (as much as was possible, anyway).
Over my four years in a large and complex organization, I learned a great deal about the power of relationships, the value of helping others before asking for help, and the inner workings of professional karma. If you invest valuable time getting to know everyone around you (and offer help without asking for it), you will not just be protected from enemies, you will also gain lifelong professional allies and plant the seeds of future opportunities. You may even make a few new lifelong friendships.
3. Tactfully solicit advice from the people who can help you
Do not engage, but DO let others know what is happening. Keeping it to yourself will only raise the stakes of your office rift.
There is a big catch: You must do it tactfully without ever badmouthing or speaking ill of the person in question. Remember this is a game of actions, not words. People need to see that you’re in harm’s way without you having to tell them.
Think of someone who you can trust who can do something to help you. Ask them out to lunch with the pretext of soliciting career advice. Make sure to manage the conversation in a way where it seems like you think the world of your enemy, but are confused about one or two things that don’t add up. Don’t share your conclusions or give any impression that you feel under attack. Sandwich your story with two or three unrelated questions that you would also like his or her thoughts on so it’t not clear that it is the sole purpose of the meeting.
In this situation, indirect communication is a MUST. No one believes someone who claims to be ‘under attack’. If you explain the situation through the filter of your own perspective, you will make yourself seem paranoid and evasive, and trigger questions about the parts of the story you’re not sharing.
State the facts without analysis, a proper sense of confusion, and a willingness to resolve the situation constructively. This is all your ally will need to understand that you are under attack and do something to help you.
4. Never let your enemy show that you are onto them
The old adage is old because of its powerful wisdom:
“Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer”
Nothing will escalate the situation faster than trying to engage directly with your enemy (or letting them know that you are ‘onto them’). The trick here is to make them feel like they are in control, and that you are oblivious to their attacks.
Treat them like your best friend. Ask them about their weekend and work life as enthusiastically as you would someone you are genuinely interested in. Never let them see that you don’t trust them. NEVER confront them.
This has nothing to do with developing trust or an actual friendship. It has everything to do with their perception of your intelligence and how hard they feel they need to go after you.
If they think you are onto them, they are more likely to turn up the heat. If they think you are oblivious and continue to see them as a friend, they will eventually come to a place where they think no further action is required.
The more they think you are “dumb”, the less threatened they will be (and the faster they will stop attacking you).
5. Wait it out
Here comes some spiritual advice that is also grounded in logic: professional karma exists (and it’s a fickle bitch).
Vicious people are always the architects of their own demise. If you let them do their thing without interfering, they will eventually shoot themselves in the foot and end the rift for you (you may not be around to see it, for the aforementioned strategies could easily get you a promotion before their chickens come home to roost).
A sword fight can last for a lifetime, but a lone knight waving a sword at the air will eventually cut himself. Those who are immature enough to willingly go after someone eventually show their true colors to the world. They harm their own reputations and eventually bring themselves down without you having to get your hands dirty.
Think about it:
If you walk by and see two people screaming at each other, you are more likely to think that they both have valid perspectives rather than one of them being “right” and the other “wrong”.
If you walk by and see one person screaming, and one person silently refusing to engage, it will be immediately clear who is right and who is wrong. You will know who the immature one is, and you will know who to favor.
Do not waste your time on fighting back or seeking revenge. Do not engage and act like a friend instead. Make friends. Build a strong reputation. Someone is bound to notice eventually.
Andrew Gabelic