The 3 tragedies in a man's life:

1- life sucks
2- job sucks
3- Wife does NOT!

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A man is dying of cancer.

His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??".

Answer: "So that when I die, no one will dare screw your mother."

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"I am your Doctor. sorry to inform you that you have a brain

problem. Your brain is in 2 parts, Left and right.

The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it"


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YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.

TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the park!


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Question
"Why is a waist called a waist?"

Answer: "Because anything above the penis and below the tits is a waste"


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A lady tells her Man: "I demand good manners in bed,
just like at the dinner table".

The man climbs into bed slowly and says:

"Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?"
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Question:
"what's the similarity between a good-looking, faithful, rich
husband who satisfies his wife sexually every night and Bin Laden?"

Answer:

"BOTH CANNOT BE FOUND"



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Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage as they finally realised with wisdom that for 60 grams of sausage,
it is not worth buying the whole pig.

You're an Idiot, Seriously
Young Tundey, the editor of Citi people publication, was having
trouble with her computer. So she called Debim, the computer guy, over to her desk.

Debim clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
"So, what was wrong?" And
he replied, "It was an "ID ten T" error." A puzzled expression
ran riot over Tundey’s face.
"An "ID ten T" error? What's that?,
in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin, ;-) ,
.
"Haven't you ever heard of an "ID ten T" error before?" "No,"
replied Judy.
Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out." She wrote, I D 1 0 T


Who's an idiot?
"If there are any idiots in the classroom, will they please stand up, and remain standing" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Top 8 Idiots of 2000
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the Emergency room right away.

Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which
activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Idiot # 3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasunBiet tin gi chua, vao day coi di http://gaigoibaucat.xlphp.net

n't the brightest light in the harbor, told

Biet tin gi chua, vao day coi di http://gaigoibaucat.xlphp.net
Biet tin gi chua, vao day coi di http://gaigoibaucat.xlphp.net
was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"
and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.

Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber
took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in
fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder
block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window
was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am
flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said the couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away

Funny Jokes: Weird Sex Laws
(I wonder how many of these are true!)

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but Is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This Also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

no
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time, Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute. Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in Tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines, with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? , But not as great as Guam!)

@Ayusi,
tight ones there!

ayusman16:

Funny Jokes: Weird Sex Laws
(I wonder how many of these are true!)


no
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time, Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute. Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

what a job!

A man is dying of cancer.

His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??".

Answer: "So that when I die, no one will dare screw your mother."

see idiot

@least him own better pass ur present state

;d ;d ;d ;d

romsky:

if say ben dey offline i for defend him

Ben's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head, i don't know why

guy you dey try, keep it up. lol!

u guys want 2 kill me. i made a right choice clickn on dis!lol

Eh! Anus man.Where have you been?
NIce job u did there.

see all idiot are standing up still.

u just dey wake up from sleep?

wish person name be una here?