Taiwo is a childhood friend and we have alot in common, including our love for cars and good women.
He hasn't been himself lately and after serious probing, i was able to get him to tell me his worries.
The following is his story,his experience with his fiancee.
He is scared of going ahead with the wedding,


Well, I looked at her again from her head to the shoes on her feet (been doing alot of that lately).
Her hairdo seemed so artificial; I recall she used Indian hemp for months just to recover her fast balding head at a time.
What she had on surely couldn’t have been real hair, this must be attachment.
My eyes took in every detail carefully resting for a while on her chest, heavy breasted really but sagged when naked.
She was probably wearing two padded bras or could she have had an implant so soon?
I wonder if she's thesame lady i fell in love with in school and was crazy about.

At 28 she already lacks the build of a maiden, not that she is one anyway.
At least I wasn’t the first that tasted from the pudding.
News has it that she dated most of the directors to get to the top of the marketing department of her office,i don't really listen to rumors.
I do know she was Professor Akinbogun's favorite student in her days at the University, i know she spent alot of time in his house.
It was understandable, his wife was away in the UK for years and he needed someone to help do the chores for him.
Even then we were yet to really start off as lovers.
It was her affection for the registrar that got me asking questions then and it almost brought our relationship to an end.
To think that she could cheat on me after all we'd been through or sleep with lecturers to earn good grades.

Although we’ve had our ups and downs in years past, I still owe a lot to her.
That I still love her is what I haven’t given much thought.
I have always longed for a working woman for a wife, who would help in meeting the demands of society and cater alongside me for the good things of life.
A woman that would support me like the biblical Eve to Adam, my missing rib.
Or how else would I conveniently make monthly payments for the lease on my Elantra or the mortgage of the posh apartment where I live?
She has really been supportive; life wouldn’t have been this easy without her many financial rewards.

She's a career woman, one who is vested with so much office responsibility?
Has a chauffeur driven official car at her disposal and a fat salary and allowances for effect?
It is sometimes appalling when i have to clear the dining table for her when she’s done having her meal and sometimes washing the dishes too since she has to answer one of her many official calls.
That i have to wait endlessly for her to come home from work since she is the centre of attraction in her office meetings.
At times she may not be so high and mighty in her place of work but the long hours would have had its toll on her you could turn out to a victim of her frustration.
Probably she has some male subordinates under her command and the use of strict tone and authoritative language has become her bane.
Now she accords me less respect than she used to, it’s not her fault really.
Reuben, her office assistant has shown in no small way that men could be very stupid at times and me the prey for it.

I've become so confused with her newfound ways and the past is haunting me too.
Would you still want to go ahead with the wedding kif you were in my shoes?
Do you think my hard earned income should be poured down the drain in paying for igniting a time bomb that will soon bring down the foundations of my home?
Shouldn’t i rather settle for a young undergraduate and sponsor her though school rather than this domineering fiancée who doesn’t mean well for me?
Or better still, a secondary school leaver who knows the intricacies of house care, food management and finances.

Do you have any similar experience you want to share?
Whats your opinion, do you think he’ll be a fool to think twice?

Interesting piece. We all have choices, and i don't think anyone should be condemned for not wanting someone with sagging breasts, or better pay, or staying clear of 'jobless undergraduates' or insecure individuals with 'mama issues'. Follow your gut, always! Afterall, you only have yourself to blame at the end of the day.

ezinne1212:

Interesting piece. We all have choices, and i don't think anyone should be condemned for not wanting someone with sagging breasts, or better pay, or staying clear of 'jobless undergraduates' or insecure individuals with 'mama issues'. Follow your gut, always! Afterall, you only have yourself to blame at the end of the day.

@ezinne1212

Same way i see it but at the end of the day it's as scary as hell.
Every right thinking man wants to be sure he isn't sharing thesame bed with the wrong woman or handing the responsibility of a household to the dictates of a career person who thinks more of her job than of her family.

Sagging breasts and better pay not withstanding, other issues will surely arise.
Issues you never imagined could come up or made provisions for at the start of the marriage.
Its simple logic that you need to take each day's situation as they arise and trash out issues together with understanding.
This days, our women aren't ready to join in taking that responsibility.
They prefer to do a solo parade of their wealth and leave Mr breadwinner to take charge of family running.

In my opinion, a well bred,well-groomed village girl is the in thing for a healthy home.

I believe people should stop passing sweeping statements that reflect nothing on what they offer but rather highlights what they believe the other person will offer. Most of the time, such statements are full of condescending remarks that reflects deep insecurity and ignorance. However, i'm realistic enough to know that with the amount of bad marriages out there, and every party claiming to be the one 'wronged', ignorance will continue to be the leader.

I dont think you should marry her because she deserves a better man. You must be a stupid fellow who is now already looking for a village girl to make him happy. For sure you are not her equal. Go find some bush woman for yourself and be happy.

ezinne1212:

I believe people should stop passing sweeping statements that reflect nothing on what they offer but rather highlights what they believe the other person will offer. Most of the time, such statements are full of condescending remarks that reflects deep insecurity and ignorance. However, i'm realistic enough to know that with the amount of bad marriages out there, and every party claiming to be the one 'wronged', ignorance will continue to be the leader.

@ezinne1212
As long as every human is of importance to himself we shall never be objective in our judgements and our beliefs.
The other person will always be the villain.

ezinne1212:

I believe people should stop passing sweeping statements that reflect nothing on what they offer but rather highlights what they believe the other person will offer. Most of the time, such statements are full of condescending remarks that reflects deep insecurity and ignorance. However, i'm realistic enough to know that with the amount of bad marriages out there, and every party claiming to be the one 'wronged', ignorance will continue to be the leader.

He who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtained favours from the lord.
If you haven't found the niceties in a woman then stay away from marriage.
Its not compulsory to get married, its only neccessary.
I feel it's only normal for a man to want to take a village woman for a wife (no matter how bushy she may be) considering the circumstances.
I guess you haven't noticed the high rate of over-aged bachelors in your neighbourhood or the increasing trend of pregnancy initiated marriages these days.
The guys are just not willing to take up responsibilities of catering for a home unless they are forced into it.
Especially not with the kind of ladies we have now.

Mr poster, why not join my club, i've vowed not to take a wife except i find one who shows she is really ready to stay indoors no matter her level of education.

ijapa888:

@ezinne1212
As long as every human is of importance to himself we shall never be objective in our judgements and our beliefs.
The other person will always be the villain.

He who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtained favours from the lord.
If you haven't found the niceties in a woman then stay away from marriage.
Its not compulsory to get married, its only neccessary.
I feel it's only normal for a man to want to take a village woman for a wife (no matter how bushy she may be) considering the circumstances.
I guess you haven't noticed the high rate of over-aged bachelors in your neighbourhood or the increasing trend of pregnancy initiated marriages these days.
The guys are just not willing to take up responsibilities of catering for a home unless they are forced into it.
Especially not with the kind of ladies we have now.

Mr poster, why not join my club, i've vowed not to take a wife except i find one who shows she is really ready to stay indoors no matter her level of education.

I wonder what other guys think of this statement and if they agree. Doesn't it reflect some kind of inferiority complex?

ezinne1212:

I wonder what other guys think of this statement and if they agree. Doesn't it reflect some kind of inferiority complex?

@ezinne1212
Why must every lady shout 'inferiority complex' at the mere mention of a woman's career and staying at home or the mention of 'money and responsibility?'
Haven't you seen ladies who work from home?
Am sure thats what the poster meant with his except i find one who shows she is really ready to stay indoors no matter her level of education
Besides, every man is entitled to his own opinion.

mybad:

@ezinne1212
Why must every lady shout 'inferiority complex' at the mere mention of a woman's career and staying at home or the mention of 'money and responsibility?'
Haven't you seen ladies who work from home?
Am sure thats what the poster meant with his except i find one who shows she is really ready to stay indoors no matter her level of education
Besides, every man is entitled to his own opinion.

Double standards.

Double standards.

WHAT?

mybad:



WHAT?

I'm assuming that 'What' is directed at my double standards. To clarify it for you, it means that just as you so rightly put that men are entitled to their opinions, women are also entitled to theirs. And just as men[b] feel[/b] that women cry 'inferiority complex' when men claim that women take their careers to seriously, is they same way women[b] feel[/b] that a man can't hack not having a 'superior' edge over a woman. Anyhow, it's life sha!

And just as men feel that women cry 'inferiority complex' when men claim that women take their careers to seriously, is they same way women feel that a man can't hack not having a 'superior' edge over a woman. Anyhow, it's life sha!

@ezinne1212
Yes, it's life sha!
But most of the ills of the world wouldn't arise if we soft peddal on women liberation and stick to conventional ways of doing things.
Until recently, doing laundry, cooking and house keping were the basic duties of the woman in the home.
Civilisation has changed all of it to the duties of househelps and nannies thus elevating/relegating the woman of the house to career status and madam in some homes.

see how the man just "pieces" her and they arent even married yet.


afterwards he'll bring some weird stories and expect people to cry on his behalf.

Sometimes I wonder the type of people we have in this forum called NL! Someone asked for advice and the posters are busy bickering with each other!!! In what way does that help the poor guy?

Poster I have something to tell you.

1.Never you marry a woman out of pity cos you will live to regret it!
2.There is no perfect marriage! Tolerance is the watch-word. If you cannot tolerate her please break-off NOW! It is better now that there are no children involved.( I tell people that it is better to break an engagement than a marriage)
3.Sit her down and talk things over with her.(Dialogue works wonders)

I wish you luck with your decision.

This is a classic.

Enjoy all that the lady has to offer only to dump her for a 'fresh' chic when it is time for marriage.

How come the sagging brests and false hair are suddenly becoming an issue?

I believe these are mere execuses, this lady has served the purpose for which you hung around her for, it is now time to move on.

mybad:

@ezinne1212
Yes, it's life sha!
But most of the ills of the world wouldn't arise i[b]f we soft peddal on women liberation and stick to conventional ways of doing things.[/b]
Until recently, doing laundry, cooking and house keping were the basic duties of the woman in the home.
Civilisation has changed all of it to the duties of househelps and nannies thus elevating/relegating the woman of the house to career status and madam in some homes.

I agree, but unfortunately you skipped over the part where men have stopped doing their duty which is to financially provide for the home. Relationships are partnerships, if one partner lets go, there's bound to be chaos leaving the other party to stabilize things. Was civilization responsible for women having to join the workforce to put food on the table and ensure that their kids got a good education? Men now complain that they don't want women who are after their money, but they expect the woman to still perform those 'conventional duties', lol!!! double standards. What use are men to women in the first place Frankly speaking, If women are conventionally homemakers, what use is a man in the home if he cannot provide financially for the family?? Are we to bring home the bacon and cook it too?? Remember, causes don't stem from thin air! I won't even bring children into it, because ultimately they are supposed to be gift.You can't have your cake and eat it, and thats why a lot of men make themselves miserable and look for who to blame. The best marriages are based on that principle of partnership where each party pays their dues and doesn't shrink from his/her role and also completes that role gracefully, with God offcourse. A lot of men are incapable of fully providing for the home, and if women are left to substitute, well we are living in a time where the results don't need to be guessed. I prefer individuals who accept their responsibility ( men and women) and balance things out , i detest excuses! But as you've already pointed out, it's human nature to always try to dodge the bullet.

I agree, but unfortunately you skipped over the part where men have stopped doing their duty which is to financially provide for the home. Relationships are partnerships, if one partner lets go, there's bound to be chaos leaving the other party to stabilize things. Was civilization responsible for women having to join the workforce to put food on the table and ensure that their kids got a good education?

@ Ezinne

Even in the days when our fore fathers provided all in the home.
Mothers were still responsible for key duties like house chores, cooking,feeding poultry and nursing babies.
That is after having helped with making yam heaps and kept the barns after harvest.
These days we see married ladies who sit at home watching TV,feeding fat on the sofa with house maids at their beck and call while Mr Macho does all the providing.

Partnership isn't about who brings home the booty, its about understanding where the ill wind is coming from and knowing how to adjust,advance or retreat.
Contributions should come from both parties be it in cash,kind words and advice or mere commitment to the single goal of succeeding at a venture.
This is where civilisation has failed to work for us.
The good women have by far gone into extinction, none of the awesome attributes you see in pious women are still existent.
It's really so scary you wonder what will become of those upcoming ones.
I fear for those that will have to make do with them, i don't envy them at all.

mybad:


@ Ezinne

Even in the days when our fore fathers provided all in the home.
Mothers were still responsible for key duties like house chores, cooking,feeding poultry and nursing babies.
That is after having helped with making yam heaps and kept the barns after harvest.
These days we see married ladies who sit at home watching TV,feeding fat on the sofa with house maids at their beck and call while Mr Macho does all the providing.

Partnership isn't about who brings home the booty, its about understanding where the ill wind is coming from and knowing how to adjust,advance or retreat.

Contributions should come from both parties be it in cash,kind words and advice or mere commitment to the single goal of succeeding at a venture.
This is where civilisation has failed to work for us.
The good women have by far gone into extinction, none of the awesome attributes you see in pious women are still existent.
It's really so scary you wonder what will become of those upcoming ones.
I fear for those that will have to make do with them, i don't envy them at all.

Like i said earlier, What exactly are men contributing? you've stated nothing. Women still assume all those responsibilities, while the one thing men are expected to do, which is provide financially, they can't, and you have all these excuses to cover that up. It's sad really!!! What we are left with. I think it's laughable when our generation of boys expect to be called head of homes, it's sad times indeed.

The story has some commas - the guy is not married to her yet he claims he waits for her to come back bla bla bla. Life is all about choices and different scenarios. Those advocating training young girls from the village will be surprised at how badly things can really turn out. In everything one should commit his ways to God and shine eye well.

Observe her for a long time, you'll find out if she's the right woman for you.

ezinne1212:


Like i said earlier, What exactly are men contributing? you've stated nothing. Women still assume all those responsibilities, while the one thing men are expected to do, which is provide financially, they can't, and you have all these excuses to cover that up. It's sad really!!! What we are left with. I think it's laughable when our generation of boys expect to be called head of homes, it's sad times indeed.

@Ezinne

In this country there are no execuses for a woman not to be an 'ideal' woman but there are 1001 reasons why the man may not be able to perform his duties

I attended a family service in a church sometime ago and the Pastor preached on the roles and responsibilities of both parties in a marriage.
He started with the woman's role and as usual with preachers, he went on and on and on and on, you would think he was talking about a superhuman being that had not yet been created.

When it was time to mention the man's roles after he mentioned about two things, the man ran out of points!
I was amazed, but I felt, well, maybe the weight the man's roles outweighs that of the woman.

But the man did not stop there, he then said if the man is not be able to perform these roles for one reason or the other the woman should take up the responsibility respectfully without grumbling.

I wanted to scream 'Do you want to kill her'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the respect for the gathering of the brethren that kept me down, if it was a secular gathering I would have screamed and damned  the consequence of being called all sorts of names.

Taiwo's having Cold Feet.
Simple.

Hmm i think you should talk to her about your fears and if both of you can't make it work from there then it is better to break it off now. Please don't marry out of pity it is not advisable.

Quote from: ezinne1212

Personally, when my female friends get married, i support them, but when less than 2 months later they come back re-thinking their commitment, i'm sad, things need to change.

It shows they were definately not ready for commitment.
When it dawns on a woman that she suddenly has to be submissive to a man and stop all her bickerings and late nights (in some cases) she feels betrayed.
She becomes downcast and blames it all on her husband.
Newly weds are meant to seek the face of the lord in the first few months of marriage because there lies temptation.
It's in the first years of marriage that issues crop up majorly and the marriage takes shape.
Trust,understanding,perseverence and prayers all come into play, even if you are swimming in money and comfort without these key items your marriage may be heading for the rocks.

mybad:

Quote from: ezinne1212
It shows they were definately not ready for commitment.
When it dawns on a woman that she suddenly has to be submissive to a man [/b]and stop all her bickerings and late nights (in some cases) she feels betrayed.
She becomes downcast and blames it all on her husband.
Newly weds are meant to seek the face of the lord in the first few months of marriage because their lies temptation.
It's in the first years of marriage that issues crop up majorly and the marriage takes shape.
Trust,understanding,perseverence and prayers all come into play, even if you are swimming in money and comfort without these key items your marriage may be heading for the rocks.

Are you saying it's only the woman that have difficulty adjusting their behaviour when married? Afterall, a lot of problems and so called nagging starts when men forget that all the late nights with the boys must stop, just like womens single behavior shinnigans are put to an end.  I will even go further by asking what you understand by being submissive to your [b]Partner? ( just incase you didn't know that being submissive is a two way street)

ezinne1212:

Are you saying it's only the woman that have difficulty adjusting their behaviour when married? Afterall, a lot of problems and so called nagging starts when men forget that all the late nights with the boys must stop, just like womens single behavior shinnigans are put to an end.  I will even go further by asking what you understand by being submissive to your Partner? ( just incase you didn't know that being submissive is a two way street)

Am trying to understand how a man should be submissive to his wife.
A marriage or relationship that involves two people where one is the man and the other a woman should have a dominant and a submissive partner.
However, submissive depends on how you look at it.
In the first instance; the man is the all knowing, all experienced,dominant gender with the protecting role in the family.
He is of sane mind, a level head and perfect tactician.
He has the temerics of taking charge and accepting responsibility for whatever decision he takes.
He informs his partner before taking those decisions and seeks her opinion at instances just to carry her along.
It is definately not a woman's business to fend for the family, she is only but an helper.
It is therefore not surprising what after-effects you get from involving a woman in the activities of the family.
You can read yinka4love's nairaland thread for futher understanding of this issue

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-343557.0.html

yinka4love

My dear Nairalanders, My husband gives me 15k housekeeping allowance and of which i spend double the amount on us i.e him,me n our baby boy.

Ujujoan

Is he daft? How can 15k be enof? I feel these days men just punish women purosely. It's one thing for himto admit it's not enough and appreciate you for playing your own part, but it's another thing for him to be stubbor about it!

Does he spend 15k on himself on a month

From all indications, Ujujoan isn't a career woman worthy of emulation.
She isn't near a helper for a man who is incapable of meeting his responsibilities as they fall due.
God forbid her for my linage.

I haven't said 15k is enough money for housekeeping for a month but Ezinne dear, where is the piety here.
A woman comes online to inform the world of what she gets for housekeeping allowance.
She gives her husband off to the world to rain curses on and paints him black in the eyes of fellow women not withstanding the use of nicknames.

A woman earns an education,she pursues a career and she gets married.
She now expects that every of her meals, housekeeping allowance,clothing and shelter should be single handedly catered for by a man, haba!
If our women are superbeings like you've always claimed why is yinka4love complaining about contributing to family upkeep.
I assure you, millions of other women are like Ujujoan and yinka4love they are misrepresentations of what i have in mind as the true African pearl.