A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor says, "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."
As time goes on the woman has three children, two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!"

Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, "I passed a bullet into the toilet." The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!" The mother says, "Let me guess. You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?"

The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says, "Yes, how did you know?"
The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank.
A month later the boy comes up and says, "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!"
"You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?"
"No, I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1, 1999, your penis will be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10-12" Luxury Tax $30.00
8-10" Pole Tax $25.00
5-8" Privilege Tax $15.00
4-5" Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!!!
IRS NOTE: We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:
Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
What if one's penis is self employed?
Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:
TORNIQUET: Do not apply a torniquet, as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.
MILKING THE SNAKE:
1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.

nice work keep it up.

Nice Jokes rolling in.

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
Why? asks the father.
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'
But that's right!
Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
What's the fucking difference?
That's exactly what I said!

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
Why? asks the father.
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'
But that's right!
Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
What's the fucking difference?
That's exactly what I said!

Anoda 1

Beware the Mirror

Three young women were in a shopping mall. There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette. They all had to go to the bathroom so they found one and went in.
As they were going in together they encountered a shriveled old woman who was hobbling out. Beware the mirror! she rasped. If you look inside and say something truthful you will receive your hearts fondest desire. However! if you tell a lie, YOU WILL BE SUCKED INSIDE AND ENTER OBLIVION! Cackling the old woman hobbled on past. The three women looked at each other and shrugged.
Once inside the brunette ran to the mirror looked straight inside and said I think that I am the most beautiful woman in this bathroom! Immediately a huge bag of money pops out and the ecstatic brunette seizes it and walks out. This inspires the redhead to up to the mirror and says I think that I am the most intelligent woman in this bathroom! Immediately a Mercedes-Benz pops out and she hops in and drives away. The blonde then runs up to the mirror excitedly.

She says I think-- and is immediately sucked into the mirror.

whats the difference between a blonde and a brick?

Answer= when you lay a brick, it doesnt follow you around!

dats all folks!

whats the difference between a blonde and a brick?

Answer= when you lay a brick, it doesnt follow you around!

dats all folks!

kudos, u gat me really crackn up for gud,

kip id up

do u like maths? if so, add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide ur legs so we can multiply!

why was phillip's girlfriend annoyed? because she found out phillip's 24inch was a tv!

Dat girls kitten fit drown NEPA pole! Wetin she wan use 24inches of dick do?

Who create dis uselless pic? Na thunder go fire dat im oyinbo yansh!

nice jokes

Thank you!

Thank you!

Nice selections!!!

were u get all these jokes hope dem no go finish there but any way like father like son

;d

Horses in the race are:1. Passionate Lady2. Bare Belly3. Silk Panties4. Conscience5. Jockey Shorts6. Clean Sheets7. Thighs8. Big Johnson9. Heavy Bosum10. Merry CherryAt the Post:They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.Heavy Bosum is being pressured.Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.Big Johnson is making a final drive.Passionate Lady is coming. @ The Finish It's Big Johnson giving evrytin he's got and Passionate Lady takes evrytin Big Johnson has to offer.It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.Clean Sheets never had a chance!

A man was praying to god. He said, "God?" God responded, "Yes?" And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?" "Go right ahead", God said. "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "A million years to me is only a second." The man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny." So the man said, "God can I have a penny?" And God cheerfully said, "Sure!, just a second."

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing?

@poster,
u don try

;d ;d ;d

Make i post my own yoke! brb