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Pregnant Blonde and more jokes - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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A Couple More Jokes From Efe / Joke, Jokes & More Jokes / More jokes (2) (3) (4)

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Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 3:41pm On Mar 24, 2009
Pregnant Blonde


The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly
but I thought, "what the heck", and I starting jumping up and down along
with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and
down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a
while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more"
I asked, What do you mean there's more.
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have
TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her
how she knew. She said, 

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Boots and they actually had
a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by romsky: 3:47pm On Mar 24, 2009
forgive d blondes not all dey dumb
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 3:48pm On Mar 24, 2009
Dictionary
by The Link on Sat Nov 03, 2007 2:57 pm

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

BABYSITTER: A teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by Ben13: 3:49pm On Mar 24, 2009
hmmmm
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 3:49pm On Mar 24, 2009
you blonde?  eh Rom?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 3:50pm On Mar 24, 2009
Ben, you wan say something?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 3:54pm On Mar 24, 2009
A new way to loose weight,


A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days,  For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 4:01pm On Mar 24, 2009
Never lie to your mum


A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course
of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Peters flat
mate, Nigel, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the
evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there
was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye. Reading his
mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I
assure you, Nigel & I are just flat mates".
About a week later, Nigel came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose
she took it do you?" "Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure"
said Peter. So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY
HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE Frying Pan BUT THE FACT
REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.LOVE

PETER


Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH NIGEL, AND I'M NOT
SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH NIGEL, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE
WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY
NOW. LOVE MUM

Lesson of the day; NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by romsky: 4:49pm On Mar 24, 2009
lie lie blissieng am i stil ur flat mate?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 4:50pm On Mar 24, 2009
hmmmmmmmmmmm,
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by romsky: 4:53pm On Mar 24, 2009
still cant make up ur mind, no wonder we neva see fryin pan
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by elowa: 5:00pm On Mar 24, 2009
blissi, answer the question now or
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by romsky: 5:02pm On Mar 24, 2009
wat happined in 1802 will resurface
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 5:04pm On Mar 24, 2009
@ Romade

the person wey say make you no wash ur dirty laundry outside no take ganja b4 him talk am o!
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 5:05pm On Mar 24, 2009
@Elowa

or wo'?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by romsky: 5:11pm On Mar 24, 2009
blubbish
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 5:12pm On Mar 24, 2009
blu wo'?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 5:31pm On Mar 24, 2009
In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said,

'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard- but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'

Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure.

We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. , They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.

They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. '

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

"No,'"said the Lord.
"The British government beat me to it."
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:37pm On Mar 24, 2009
good babe
though it takes me longer time to finish reading
but i still , fill in the gap
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:38pm On Mar 24, 2009
lol
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:39pm On Mar 24, 2009
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want that Bridge two lanes or four?"
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:41pm On Mar 24, 2009
are u saying the woman wish is too much for God to do?
what about u? can ur man know?
just tell the truth cus nobody is here to hear u
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:48pm On Mar 24, 2009
lol, igbo sense. God is ALMIGHTY - need i say more?

another one,
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:48pm On Mar 24, 2009
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"Oh my gosh!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:50pm On Mar 24, 2009
she don taste am before
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:51pm On Mar 24, 2009
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to, " his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:52pm On Mar 24, 2009
the end
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 10:55pm On Mar 24, 2009
past ya bedtime?
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:57pm On Mar 24, 2009
i mean the end of the poison

and also am supposed to pick someone at airport tomo 5.30a.m
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by sholabanke(m): 10:59pm On Mar 24, 2009
Can i kno u more
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 11:01pm On Mar 24, 2009
cheesy cheesy cheesy

yes ke cheesy tongue


shocked shocked shocked
Re: Pregnant Blonde and more jokes by blissieng(f): 11:02pm On Mar 24, 2009
u don know me nah,

Which earport u dey gwo?

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