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Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? - Religion - Nairaland

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Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 2:43pm On Sep 21, 2016
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 2:47pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?
A Christian can by all means separate if they feels they are in real danger, but it is not grounds for divorce. Not to mention that "abuse" covers an almost interminable spectrum these days.


TV

9 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by thesicilian: 2:50pm On Sep 21, 2016
No one who abuses his wife deserves to be married to her. If your husband abuses you, especially physically, you have 2 options: Either to stay and pray it gets better, with the possibility of you one day becoming severely brutalized or ending up dead, or you file for divorce and live your life alone or with someone else who appreciates you.

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 3:05pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?

I had a neighbour who used to thoroughly beat her husband then send him outside at night till around midnight. The poor man always went home so drunk no wonder he could not defend himself. So one day, the fight involved kerosene and fire. The man died from severe burns, just like that.

7 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by orunto27: 3:28pm On Sep 21, 2016
An abused wife is unequally yoked with the man. She can go to Court to settle. Biafra is not unequally yoked with Nigeria. She has no issue to worry about. The North is unduely bleeping off the South with Fulani Herdsmen and Sharia, therefore, the responsibilies of the FG should be reduced and decentralised to the 36 States to make them fully autonomous. Short reckoning makes long friendship.

8 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 3:42pm On Sep 21, 2016
TV01:


A Christian can by all means separate if they feels they are in real danger, but it is not grounds for divorce. Not to mention that "abuse" covers an almost interminable spectrum these days.


TV

Why is physical abuse not grounds for divorce? undecided

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 3:59pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Why is physical abuse not grounds for divorce? undecided
Because;
1. Physical abuse could be mild
2. it could be a one-off, situationally driven event
3. It could be dealt with effectively - healing and reconciliation should always be the first recourse
4. It's not given as grounds for divorce
5. There are no grounds for divorce in a consummated marriage

Further, even if you separate (you cannot remarry) unless your spouse dies - I am not counselling murder 0! - even if you call that separation "divorce". That's Christianity - I didn't write the rules grin


TV

8 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:06pm On Sep 21, 2016
TV01:

Because;
1. Physical abuse could be mild
2. it could be a one-off, situationally driven event
3. It could be dealt with effectively - healing and reconciliation should always be the first recourse
4. It's not given as grounds for divorce
5. There are no grounds for divorce in a consummated marriage

Further, even if you separate (you cannot remarry) unless your spouse dies - I am not counselling murder 0! - even if you call that separation "divorce". That's Christianity - I didn't write the rules grin


TV

Take Muafrika2's case scenario as an example. What would you have counselled the husband to do in that situation (before he ended up dead). cheesy

2 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 4:14pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:


Take Muafrika2's case scenario as an example. What would you have counselled the husband to do in that situation (before he ended up dead). cheesy
I don't know of the case which you refer too, or if they are/were a Christian couple. However if he felt he was in danger, he could, as I said in my initial post, have separated, with a view to forgiveness, healing and reconciliation.

I always smile when people shout divorce as a response to abuse - divorce that can take ages to process grin. And it's always a case of extreme physical abuse to the point of death when they give an example, but plain abuse of any description, almost abstract, when looking for cause wink.

What I've written is the Christian way, take it or leave it, it's not by force. You can even keep the label grin. grin


TV

7 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:22pm On Sep 21, 2016
TV01:


I don't know of the case which you refer too, or if they are/were a Christian couple. However if he felt he was in danger, he could, as I said in my initial post, have separated, with a view to forgiveness, healing and reconciliation.

I always smile when people shout divorce as a response to abuse - divorce that can take ages to process grin. And it's always a case of extreme physical abuse to the point of death when they give an example, but plain abuse of any description, almost abstract, when looking for cause wink.

What I've written is the Christian way, take it or leave it, it's not by force. You can even keep the label grin. grin


TV

There is emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and so on. If the abusive spouse refuses that the abused be separated what should they do, remain? undecided

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 4:32pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
There is emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and so on. If the abusive spouse refuses that the abused be separated what should they do, remain? undecided
Let me laugh first grin grin grin grin grin.

Unless one or both spouses are perfect, technically at least one is suffering abuse to some degree. A wife that is poor with money is essentially abusive by your reckoning. Does her husband seek a separation, or help her towards perfection as part of the "sanctification" of wives calling the bible places on husbands. Or a husband with an incipient alcohol problem. Is seperation the first recourse for a godly wife undecided?

Your presumptions, and whole thrust are from a worldly mindset, and don't even bare the light of milky Christianity grin. Like I said, any level, degree, or type of abuse to establish cause, then extreme to the point of death abuse as examples.

Perhaps my presumption of discussing with a Christian is wrong?


TV

5 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 4:52pm On Sep 21, 2016
TV01:


Let me laugh first grin grin grin grin grin.

It is not funny to those at the extreme end of an abusive relationship. cry

TV01:


Unless one or both spouses are perfect, technically at least one is suffering abuse to some degree. A wife that is poor with money is essentially abusive by your reckoning. Does her husband seek a separation, or help her towards perfection as part of the "sanctification" of wives calling the bible places on husbands. Or a husband with an incipient alcohol problem. Is seperation the first recourse for a godly wife undecided?

I am not looking for grounds for divorce on the first recourse. I am looking at when it comes to the point of death or psychological damage.

TV01:


Your presumptions, and whole thrust are from a worldly mindset, and don't even bare the light of milky Christianity grin. Like I said, any level, degree, or type of abuse to establish cause, then extreme to the point of death abuse as examples.

Are you only addressing Christian marriages? Even if they are Christians why should a spouse remain in an abusive marriage to the point of death?

TV01:


Perhaps my presumption of discussing with a Christian is wrong?


TV

Is your counsel only reasonable to Christian couples? undecided

17 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by crackhaus: 4:54pm On Sep 21, 2016
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible. cheesy

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor. gringrin

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 5:01pm On Sep 21, 2016
thesicilian:


No one who abuses his wife deserves to be married to her. If your husband abuses you, especially physically, you have 2 options: Either to stay and pray it gets better, with the possibility of you one day becoming severely brutalized or ending up dead, or you file for divorce and live your life alone or with someone else who appreciates you.

Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'? undecided
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 5:19pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
It is not funny to those at the extreme end of an abusive relationship. cry
I laugh some more grin grin grin grin.

Your opener simply stated "abuse". You later classified several types. Presumably they all have degrees, or are they all prima-facie reason for instant divorce? "Laughs some more" grin grin grin grin

OLAADEGBU:
I am not looking for grounds for divorce on the first recourse. I am looking at when it comes to the point of death or psychological damage.
As above you didn't state that in opening, you "artfully disguised it. And then again when you listed several other types of "abuse".

You are trying it again here when you state "psychological damage" - ones wifes cooking gives him headache - is that an out grin

OLAADEGBU:
Are you only addressing Christian marriages? Even if they are Christians why should a spouse remain in an abusive marriage to the point of death?
I appreciate that not everyone subscribes to Christian doctrine or commandments - even if they leverage the label - so I think it good practice to disclaim.

You are still flailing about trying to make sense of this. Firstly, a Christian marriage built on the right foundations will not have such serious issues. Non-Christian marriages sef. Secondly, no one wakes up one day at the point of death. There is always a trajectory and a timeline as things deteriorate. Action should be taken early, before harm, serious harm, or death are in view.

And the first recourse at any point is not divorce. It's always, forgiveness, healing and reconciliation - for Christians. And whatever you do, it does not presuppose re-marriage, if your spouse is still alive. So call it abeyance, hiatus, separation, time apart, divorcement, whatever.

OLAADEGBU:
Is your counsel only reasonable to Christian couples? undecided
I reckon any mature person will get it, even if they don't hold to Christian doctrine.

How old, and what religion are you grin


TV

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 5:29pm On Sep 21, 2016
crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible. cheesy

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor. gringrin

Amen. grin

I thought Christians also swear to love, cherish, protect and respect each other. grin

19 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 5:34pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'? undecided
Why don't you show us from the bible?

TV

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 5:48pm On Sep 21, 2016
TV01:

I laugh some more grin grin grin grin.

Your opener simply stated "abuse". You later classified several types. Presumably they all have degrees, or are they all prima-facie reason for instant divorce? "Laughs some more" grin grin grin grin

Abuse is abuse there is no use embellishing it.

TV01:


As above you didn't state that in opening, you "artfully disguised it. And then again when you listed several other types of "abuse".

You are trying it again here when you state "psychological damage" - ones wifes cooking gives him headache - is that an out grin

All types of abuse is wrong and should not be condoned. It is against the law of the land, especially in developed countries.

TV01:


I appreciate that not everyone subscribes to Christian doctrine or commandments - even if they leverage the label - so I think it good practice to disclaim.

You are still flailing about trying to make sense of this. Firstly, a Christian marriage built on the right foundations will not have such serious issues. Non-Christian marriages sef. Secondly, no one wakes up one day at the point of death. There is always a trajectory and a timeline as things deteriorate. Action should be taken early, before harm, serious harm, or death are in view.

And the first recourse at any point is not divorce. It's always, forgiveness, healing and reconciliation - for Christians. And whatever you do, it does not presuppose re-marriage, if your spouse is still alive. So call it abeyance, hiatus, separation, time apart, divorcement, whatever.

No one should remain in an abusive relationship. It's either they do something about it or separate for good.

TV01:


I reckon any mature person will get it, even if they don't hold to Christian doctrine.

How old, and what religion are you grin


TV

Whatever age or religion you belong to there is no excuse for an abusive relationship. The fact that it is allowed in your religion or culture does not make it right. It is against the law of the land which makes it a civil offence and this should be reported to the necessary authorities wherever it occurs before it becomes too late. cool

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by crackhaus: 6:05pm On Sep 21, 2016
Mindfulness:


Amen. grin

I thought Christians also swear to love, cherish, protect and respect each other. grin

My dear, trust me...I don't know how to deceive myself, which is why I'm not a regular church goer so I can't really qualify as an effective believer. grin

Which is why I stand by this:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible.

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor.

[size=16pt]It isn't by force to have a Christian (church) marriage when you believe in divorce.[/size] cheesycheesy

I've said my own. grin

10 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 6:17pm On Sep 21, 2016
crackhaus:

My dear, trust me...I don't know how to deceive myself, which is why I'm not a regular church goer so I can't really qualify as an effective believer. grin

I know. wink smiley

Which is why I stand by this:

[size=16pt]It isn't by force to have a Christian (church) marriage when you believe in divorce.[/size] cheesycheesy

I've said my own. grin

That's exactly the reason why I wouldn't want to do it but if we consistently apply this logic, then 99% of all Christians would be excluded from church because we would also have to say this:

If you lie, you shouldn't go to church.
If you have premarital s.ex, you shouldn't call yourself a Christian.
If you hate on people, you are not a Christian. grin

The list is looooooooonger.

But the beauty of this religion is that Jesus taught forgiveness - even for the worst of sins. cheesy smiley

So all a Christian has to do, is to go and confess and repent. grin
And the cycle closes and continues.

9 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 6:37pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Abuse is abuse there is no use embellishing it.
Did you know most marriages do fine and deliver even with low levels of conflict - I would term that abuse - should we end them all?

OLAADEGBU:
All types of abuse is wrong and should not be condoned. It is against the law of the land, especially in developed countries.
No one said it's right, or should be condoned. The bible just says it's not grounds for divorce, and forgiveness, healing and reconciliation should be the initial recourse. Or are forgiveness, healing and reconciliatrion against the law grin.

OLAADEGBU:
No one should remain in an abusive relationship. It's either they do something about it or separate for good.
Don't get into a potentially abusive marriage, and if the signs appear, nip them in the bud. If it happens seek remedies quickly. If you choose separation, fine, it does not mean divorce, or pre-suppose re-marriage without one spouse passing away grin. Beautifully simply biblical truth cool.

OLAADEGBU:
Whatever age or religion you belong to there is no excuse for an abusive relationship. The fact that it is allowed in your religion or culture does not make it right. It is against the law of the land which makes it a civil offence and this should be reported to the necessary authorities wherever it occurs before it becomes too late. cool
This is not about abuse is it. You wiley ole' divorce campaigner you wink.


TV

6 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by thesicilian: 7:02pm On Sep 21, 2016
OLAADEGBU:


Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'? undecided
Unfortunately, I don't know of any, apart from marital infidelity. If its something the church/Christian elders cannot resolve, then its probably better to take a walk until things change for the better.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Ishilove: 7:19pm On Sep 21, 2016
Let's not also forget women abuse men too.

5 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Miladi(f): 7:39pm On Sep 21, 2016
Abuse of any type, emotional seems even worse since it will be hard for the outsiders to notice it least of intervening, should be abhorred by any sane people. So, either separation or outright divorce should be applied whenever it becomes a regular occurrence because life has no duplicate. relationship/association should be enjoyed not endured.

To the question, when you hear most people say they are divorcing due to some irreconcilable differences, abuse, especially emotional type, is usually that unspoken word.

19 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by crackhaus: 10:49pm On Sep 21, 2016
Mindfulness:


I know. wink smiley



That's exactly the reason why I wouldn't want to do it but if we consistently apply this logic, then 99% of all Christians would be excluded from church because we would also have to say this:

If you lie, you shouldn't go to church.
If you have premarital s.ex, you shouldn't call yourself a Christian.
If you hate on people, you are not a Christian.
grin

The list is looooooooonger.

But the beauty of this religion is that Jesus taught forgiveness - even for the worst of sins. cheesy smiley

So all a Christian has to do, is to go and confess and repent. grin
And the cycle closes and continues.

Well, I can't say people who do those things shouldn't go to church, but they definitely shouldn't call themselves Christians.
And don't get it twisted, a lot of people DO NOT pray for forgiveness. They just assume their presence in church automatically cleanses sins. cheesy

Did you know that part of the reason Nigeria is the way it is, has a little something to do with our false sense of religion?
- Politicians do what they want with our collective wealth, but because they go to church on Sundays to give million-naira tithes and donations, they believe all is forgiven.

- The average Nigerian who hates on his/her neighbour, speaks ill of him/her, cheats, envies, fornicates, and basically breaks at least one of the 10 commandments every single day, still assumes Sunday service is enough to cleanse it all.


This is the only reason people can confidently swear an oath that should only be broken by death, and then use all sorts of sentiments to explain why they can't keep the oath—well, news flash: If you can't keep it, don't take it.
The courts and most traditional practices recognize abuse as a very good reason for divorce...so peeps best stick with marrying ONLY within the confines of the law and not the scriptures.

I do not judge though, I just think Christians ought to pick a side.
You are either for God or for the devil, no such thing as one leg in one leg out. gringrin

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 1:35am On Sep 22, 2016
Abuse is acceptable cos the wife's life is at stake here.

2 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 5:52am On Sep 22, 2016
crackhaus:

Well, I can't say people who do those things shouldn't go to church, but they definitely shouldn't call themselves Christians.
And don't get it twisted, a lot of people DO NOT pray for forgiveness. They just assume their presence in church automatically cleanses sins. cheesy

Did you know that part of the reason Nigeria is the way it is, has a little something to do with our false sense of religion?
- Politicians do what they want with our collective wealth, but because they go to church on Sundays to give million-naira tithes and donations, they believe all is forgiven.

- The average Nigerian who hates on his/her neighbour, speaks ill of him/her, cheats, envies, fornicates, and basically breaks at least one of the 10 commandments every single day, still assumes Sunday service is enough to cleanse it all.


This is the only reason people can confidently swear an oath that should only be broken by death, and then use all sorts of sentiments to explain why they can't keep the oath—well, news flash: If you can't keep it, don't take it.
The courts and most traditional practices recognize abuse as a very good reason for divorce...so peeps best stick with marrying ONLY within the confines of the law and not the scriptures.

I do not judge though, I just think Christians ought to pick a side.
You are either for God or for the devil, no such thing as one leg in one leg out. gringrin

I agree and yet think that it's impossible to love yourself and accept abuse in the name of marriage. And for me it is not the one who divorces who broke the covenant but the abuser who promised to love and cherish and what not in the first place. The moment you disrepect your spouse, is the moment when the covenant is broken. Simple logic.

You are either sticking to the vows or you aren't and the vows contain more than just sticking around for the sake of sticking around. wink

9 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by crackhaus: 1:54pm On Sep 22, 2016
Mindfulness:


I agree and yet think that it's impossible to love yourself and accept abuse in the name of marriage. And for me it is not the one who divorces who broke the covenant but the abuser who promised to love and cherish and what not in the first place. The moment you disrepect your spouse, is the moment when the covenant is broken. Simple logic.

You are either sticking to the vows or you aren't and the vows contain more than just sticking around for the sake of sticking around. wink
You're right, both people broke the covenant at the end of the day.

To avoid all that, people should not take the Christian oath—saves each other from arguing about who first broke it. cheesy

6 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by RiloKiley: 4:42pm On Sep 22, 2016
TV01:

I laugh some more grin grin grin grin.

Your opener simply stated "abuse". You later classified several types. Presumably they all have degrees, or are they all prima-facie reason for instant divorce? "Laughs some more" grin grin grin grin


As above you didn't state that in opening, you "artfully disguised it. And then again when you listed several other types of "abuse".

You are trying it again here when you state "psychological damage" - ones wifes cooking gives him headache - is that an out grin


I appreciate that not everyone subscribes to Christian doctrine or commandments - even if they leverage the label - so I think it good practice to disclaim.

You are still flailing about trying to make sense of this. Firstly, a Christian marriage built on the right foundations will not have such serious issues. Non-Christian marriages sef. Secondly, no one wakes up one day at the point of death. There is always a trajectory and a timeline as things deteriorate. Action should be taken early, before harm, serious harm, or death are in view.

And the first recourse at any point is not divorce. It's always, forgiveness, healing and reconciliation - for Christians. And whatever you do, it does not presuppose re-marriage, if your spouse is still alive. So call it abeyance, hiatus, separation, time apart, divorcement, whatever.


I reckon any mature person will get it, even if they don't hold to Christian doctrine.

How old, and what religion are you grin


TV

Good job, my dear fellow. Good job.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by RiloKiley: 4:52pm On Sep 22, 2016
A man slaps his wife anytime they argue, which is like once a month. Thy have three children. Everything is ok. Is that grounds for divorce?


A woman insults her husband's dead mother anytime there is a misunderstanding. This happens once a month. They have two kids. Everything else is OK. Is that grounds for divorce?



Should it be easy to divorce someone u loved so much that u were willing to spend the rest of your life with them? Doesn't that show you never really loved them but rather loved what they could offer? Doesn't that make u a hypocrite for not even trying for the love u so publicly professed?

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by SiestaFiesta: 4:57pm On Sep 22, 2016
crackhaus:

You're right, both people broke the covenant at the end of the day.

To avoid all that, people should not take the Christian oath—saves each other from arguing about who first broke it. cheesy

When people take the oath, they believe that they will stick to it and then life happens. wink

And I won't blame any Christian who believes that adultery can't be the only reason to get divorced. Some people would much rather forgive cheating than abuse and it's understandable. And since the Bible is open to interpretation and has not covered all problems of human experience, people have to seek the answers elsewhere.

Additionally, loving oneself (also in order to be able to love others) is more importnant than a fvcked up marriage:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.

cheesy grin smiley

2 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by jashar(f): 5:15pm On Sep 22, 2016
crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible. cheesy

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor. gringrin

Once I read the topic, my spidey senses told me you would be here.

grin grin grin

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