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Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? - Religion (8) - Nairaland

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Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by sarahade(f): 11:09pm On Oct 11, 2016
elfmann:

Don't marry for wrong reasons. That is the first step of avoiding this.

What are the right reasons? Who made any reason right? .
An abusive man is an abuse man just the way a madman is mad only with the right medication will he be cured,and the cure for an abusive man is violence then walk away.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Obeby(m): 11:14pm On Oct 11, 2016
OLAADEGBU:


Is there any biblical reason for Christian couples to file for divorce when there is the possibility of 'becoming brutalised or ending up dead'? undecided
No. The only room for divorce in the bible is fornication. Albeit, seperation can occur in lieu of the potency of the possibility of injury or death occuring.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 12:01am On Oct 12, 2016
If I hear!!!! after promising me heaven and earth, told me that i'm the only pimples on his face, cockroach in his cupboard and then i fell in love over heels got married and he begin dey abuse me both physically,mentally,spiritually,emotionally!!! Hell Noooo aren't staying. Na only me waka come
Forget that thing say marriage na till death do apart if u are being abused by your spouse, please walk out of it before your dead body takes u to the mortuary. Report am join. he no get his mate outside to show power ne? Life continues dear. once an abuser always an abuser.

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by PaulIdu: 12:03am On Oct 12, 2016
TV01:

A Christian can by all means separate if they feels they are in real danger, but it is not grounds for divorce. Not to mention that "abuse" covers an almost interminable spectrum these days.


TV

What is Christian pls
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by scored1: 12:51am On Oct 12, 2016
thesicilian:
No one who abuses his wife deserves to be married to her. If your husband abuses you, especially physically, you have 2 options: Either to stay and pray it gets better, with the possibility of you one day becoming severely brutalized or ending up dead, or you file for divorce and live your life alone or with someone else who appreciates you.
d man has even left her already filing for divorce nd nothing wl stop it.. Let her move on with her ex and other men she ws sleeping with while in marriage.. Woman who uses church as a cover up. God is watching u, her husband has move on. Most times if u dnt knw d nitty gritty of a story, think before u talk... Imagine where a married woman is getting advice frm, a forum full of singles, no wonder she want to kill d man @home... Smh I knw her husband for over 10yrs nd believe me u wl like him. Dis woman turned him into sometins else. Dnt bother lady. He is gone for a better life.

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by scored1: 1:28am On Oct 12, 2016
thesicilian:

Unfortunately, I don't know of any, apart from marital infidelity. If its something the church/Christian elders cannot resolve, then its probably better to take a walk until things change for the better.
d man has even left d lady, filing for divorce nd perhaps remarry, d lady can go ahead. And remarry or continue with her ways. she is an adulterous lady, sleeping with her colleague and her boyfriend why she ws under de man, though she painted herself as a Christian, this days ppl dnt fear God. U ppl shuldnt always listening to ons sided stories..
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by DollyParton1(f): 3:08am On Oct 12, 2016
TV01:

Because;
1. Physical abuse could be mild
2. it could be a one-off, situationally driven event
3. It could be dealt with effectively - healing and reconciliation should always be the first recourse
4. It's not given as grounds for divorce
5. There are no grounds for divorce in a consummated marriage

Further, even if you separate (you cannot remarry) unless your spouse dies - I am not counselling murder 0! - even if you call that separation "divorce". That's Christianity - I didn't write the rules grin


TV
You realise the word abuse means it is not a one off thing.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Kobicove(m): 5:18am On Oct 12, 2016
crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, [b]TILL DEATH DO US PART...[/b]

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible. cheesy

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor. gringrin

Times have changed, as far as I'm concerned the bolded part is crap.

There is no excuse to remain in an abusive marriage

Marriage is essentially a contract therefore it should not be a do-or-die affair! undecided

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by hardbody: 6:35am On Oct 12, 2016
crackhaus:
...for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART...

For everyone who believes strongly that abuse in whatever form is valid grounds for divorce, please I take God beg you, do not stand in front of a pastor and swear that oath above using the bible. cheesy

Just do traditional and court marriage, don't joke with yourself by going near a church, bible, or pastor. gringrin

Under the Matrimonial Causes Act, what you call court marriage stands on the same pedestal as a marriage contracted in a recognised church for that purpose. So for those who are scared about the intricacies of untying the marriage knot, just stick to traditional marriage and then go for church blessing which without a recognized marriage certificate, confers no additional right at law.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by bejeria101(m): 7:49am On Oct 12, 2016
Does an abused husband have to stay with the wife? Because men are silent?
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by sarahade(f): 8:49am On Oct 12, 2016
scored1:
d man has even left d lady, filing for divorce nd perhaps remarry, d lady can go ahead. And remarry or continue with her ways. she is an adulterous lady, sleeping with her colleague and her boyfriend why she ws under de man, though she painted herself as a Christian, this days ppl dnt fear God. U ppl shuldnt always listening to ons sided stories..

There is no justification for abuse. No need for one side story if your wife cheats on you forgive her or divorce her shikena. No one has the right to abuse another even a child.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by ojuolu(m): 9:37am On Oct 12, 2016
TV01:

Because;
1. Physical abuse could be mild
2. it could be a one-off, situationally driven event
3. It could be dealt with effectively - healing and reconciliation should always be the first recourse
4. It's not given as grounds for divorce
5. There are no grounds for divorce in a consummated marriage

Further, even if you separate (you cannot remarry) unless your spouse dies - I am not counselling murder 0! - even if you call that separation "divorce". That's Christianity - I didn't write the rules grin


TV
This is far from reality. Do a check. Walk in that shoe and come back and talk here.

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Ogechiamaechi25: 10:32am On Oct 12, 2016
To me nup
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 10:53am On Oct 12, 2016
DollyParton1:
You realise the word abuse means it is not a one off thing.
Maybe it would help if you provided a clear-cut definition of abuse. I have so far heard nothing I can consider objective and meaningful here.
If a spouse slaps there other half once, it is not abuse? Ok, what if it happens twice? What is the qualitative difference? When is it abuse?

ojuolu:
This is far from reality. Do a check. Walk in that shoe and come back and talk here.
A short, seemingly simple sentence - but packed with so much inanity, I don't even know where to start undecided. Do we determine imperatives based on individual experiences?


TV
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by ojuolu(m): 11:44am On Oct 12, 2016
TV01:

Maybe it would help if you provided a clear-cut definition of abuse. I have so far heard nothing I can consider objective and meaningful here.
If a spouse slaps there other half once, it is not abuse? Ok, what if it happens twice? What is the qualitative difference?

A short, seemingly simple sentence - but packed with so much inanity, I don't even know where to start undecided. Do we determine imperatives based on individual experiences?


TV
Even if you use a more derogatory words than "inanity", I believe it will be unwise to join issue with you on social media on something sensitive as this. I am a christian husband and father. I am also a friend and colleague to few people going through one abusive relationship or the other. One thing i am not is a bigot. When we needed to be practical in protecting lives at the brinks of destructions, we should seek for divine wisdom and sense, not the bible say or a pastor says. Let the Spirit interpret the words. God gave us eyes so that we can see dangers, brain to know dangerous situation, legs and other useful body parts so that we can avert dangers where possible and when necessary. A man or woman who died in an abusive relationship will still face judgment and don't let us start to imagine the "questions and answers session" that may take place that very day.
In as much as i do not support divorce, i will not encourage anyone, even you reading this to continue to stay in an abusive relationship (especially Physical and Emotional) in the name of one ideology or belief. We really dont have the resource or time to deal with abusive partners in this clime for now as to encourage anyone to keep holding on.
Thank you.

3 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by TV01(m): 12:11pm On Oct 12, 2016
ojuolu:

Even if you use a more derogatory words than "inanity", I believe it will be unwise to join issue with you on social media on something sensitive as this. I am a christian husband and father. I am also a friend and colleague to few people going through one abusive relationship or the other. One thing i am not is a bigot. When we needed to be practical in protecting lives at the brinks of destructions, we should seek for divine wisdom and sense, not the bible say or a pastor says. Let the Spirit interpret the words. God gave us eyes so that we can see dangers, brain to know dangerous situation, legs and other useful body parts so that we can avert dangers where possible and when necessary. A man or woman who died in an abusive relationship will still face judgment and don't let us start to imagine the "questions and answers session" that may take place that very day.
In as much as i do not support divorce, i will not encourage anyone, even you reading this to continue to stay in an abusive relationship (especially Physical and Emotional) in the name of one ideology or belief. We really dont have the resource or time to deal with abusive partners in this clime for now as to encourage anyone to keep holding on.
Thank you.
Your post still stands as poorly reasoned. I'll tell you why;

1. I never said anyone should stay in a dangerously abusive situation - my first post on this thread made that clear.
2. The bible is clear about the "till death do part" nature of marriage.
3. Claiming that The Holy Spirit may lead differently in individual instances, at best makes the bible meaningless, and at worst... lipsrsealed
4. Individual responses simply means every man does what is right in his own sight - which is not actually Christian at all is it?
5. In as much as you do not support divorce, you do support it if... right? That's exactly what you are saying.
6. The Christian way is to set the right marital foundation, which will obviate any abuse, and seek remedies if it should occur.

Happy to take back the use of inanity. Likewise you can replace your use of the word bigot!


TV
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by missjo(f): 12:14pm On Oct 12, 2016
TV01:




You are a plain-faced, brown-nosing dullard, who offers little more than nuisance value!

Do have a pleasant evening


TV

...I learn fast and l like this game grin
Nuisance value is better than NO value,thanks for the compliment.

3 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by shut(f): 2:07pm On Oct 12, 2016
OLAADEGBU:
Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?


A big fat thundering deafening

NO
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Charly68: 2:29pm On Oct 12, 2016
This is a personal decision.. But when a woman has a choice to pick between life & sudden death I think her number six should tell her to chose life.

2 Likes

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by folasayolyn(f): 8:50pm On Oct 12, 2016
Jesus led by example so if you want an abused partner to stay in the marriage you have to willingly go into the ring daily,or at least weekly to be bashed by a fighter then you can advice. SMH a lot of pple can advice in as much as they aren't in that situation
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 9:48pm On Oct 12, 2016
sarahade:


What are tht reasons? Who made any reason right? .
An abusive man is an abuse man just the way a madman is mad only with the right medication will he be cured,and the cure for an abusive man is violence then walk away.
If u run after rich guys for marriage, you call for battery when u think he should be content with ur pussyyy. So don't question him or pick fights..u will b battered.

When u have only sex to offer and wanna determine what he does with his cash..u shld keep quiet and enjoy what is available to ya ..or

When u overlook any Christian values when agreeing to a man..obviously u don't have any, so y demanding them from him after marriage?

pple shld marry their friends or risk being...

Lastly, u shldnt be abusive with words.. Just know that if u divorce and still wanna claim a Christian... No remarriage until he dies.. No sex either as u wait!
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 9:52pm On Oct 12, 2016
Charly68:
This is a personal decision.. But when a woman has a choice to pick between life & sudden death I think her number six should tell her to chose life.
Many choose to stay because of no where to go, no job, no cash or shame and for the fact they can't go to a penury state.

Nigerian courts can't give u a redress..ask gbenga obasanjo wife.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 10:02pm On Oct 12, 2016
Kobicove:


Times have changed, as far as I'm concerned the bolded part is crap.

There is no excuse to remain in an abusive marriage

Marriage is essentially a contract therefore it should not be a do-or-die affair! undecided
Yea, remember if u still wanna claim christainity.. No remarriage until d other dies and illegal fuccks.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by freshvine(f): 7:44am On Oct 13, 2016
Seun:
I disagree with the double standard, but you should know that the average man is 50% stronger than a woman of the same weight. Men have more muscles, and women have more fat. Also, men tend to date and marry women who are smaller than them. So a woman slapping her man will generally do far less damage than a man doing the same. No physical abuse should be tolerated, but women need more protection.

I use slap to buttress my point and you imported all sort of narrative to form an argument.

When it comes to fight proper, do you think women respond with physical strength against their men or the look for the nearest weapon to dismember the men?
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by sarahade(f): 8:37am On Oct 13, 2016
elfmann:

If u run after rich guys for marriage, you call for battery when u think he should be content with ur pussyyy. So don't question him or pick fights..u will b battered.

When u have only sex to offer and wanna determine what he does with his cash..u shld keep quiet and enjoy what is available to ya ..or

When u overlook any Christian values when agreeing to a man..obviously u don't have any, so y demanding them from him after marriage?

pple shld marry their friends or risk being...

Lastly, u shldnt be abusive with words.. Just know that if u divorce and still wanna claim a Christian... No remarriage until he dies.. No sex either as u wait!

I Laff in chinese,so rich guys are abusive? But statistic show that most men that abuse their spouse are poor and frustrated

What is the license to drilling the hole before is not doing what i want .
Im neverabusive with words, and if j divorce i will claim christain if i want and even remarry and have sex.
If God wants to punish me for avoiding suicide and finding love because i made a mistake he sure can. As long as im justified, and no one speaks for God.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by Nobody: 12:23pm On Oct 13, 2016
sarahade:


I Laff in chinese,so rich guys are abusive? But statistic show that most men that abuse their spouse are poor and frustrated

What is the license to drilling the hole before is not doing what i want .
Im neverabusive with words, and if j divorce i will claim christain if i want and even remarry and have sex.
If God wants to punish me for avoiding suicide and finding love because i made a mistake he sure can. As long as im justified, and no one speaks for God.
Ur excuse is not good enuf...many shldnt b disturbing others about religion and God.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 2:29pm On Oct 14, 2016
OLAADEGBU:


Does an abused wife have to stay with her husband?

Suggested answer:

https://gotquestions.org/abuse-divorce.html
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 9:23pm On Oct 15, 2016
Bollinger:


In Nigeria yes. In normal countries, No.

That is sad. cry

1 Like

Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 9:26pm On Oct 15, 2016
nma24:


I guess your wife is threatening to divorce you because of the constant abuse... Wish most of the abused women will rise up and say No to Domestic Abuse..... So lucky I've not dated any man that tried laying hands on me though and I pray I don't end up with One

I hope you pay attention to the answers on this thread so that you don't fall prey to abusers in future.
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 9:27pm On Oct 15, 2016
shut:



A big fat thundering deafening

NO

Message received loud and clear. cheesy
Re: Is Abuse An Acceptable Reason For Divorce? by OLAADEGBU(m): 12:12am On Oct 24, 2016
OLAADEGBU:


Suggested answer:

https://gotquestions.org/abuse-divorce.html

Question: "Is abuse an acceptable reason for divorce?"

Answer: The Bible is silent on the issue of spousal abuse as a reason for divorce, although it is obvious what God expects a marriage to look like (Ephesians 5:22–33), and abuse is contrary to everything godly. Physical violence against a spouse is immoral and should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should remain in an unsafe environment, whether it involves a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical abuse is also against the law, and civil authorities should be the first ones contacted if abuse occurs.

A spouse who is being abused should immediately seek a safe place. If there are children involved, they should also be protected and removed from the situation. There is nothing unbiblical about separating from an abuser; in fact, it is morally right to protect oneself and one's children.

The Bible never commands divorce, even in the case of abuse. The Bible specifies two acceptable reasons for divorce: abandonment of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) and adultery (Matthew 5:32). Since the Bible does not list abuse as an acceptable reason for divorce, we are careful to limit our advice to separation.

God allows divorce in the event of abandonment and adultery, but even those circumstances do not automatically trigger divorce proceedings; divorce is still a last resort. In the case of infidelity, it is better for two Christians to reconcile than divorce. It is better to extend the forgiveness and love that God freely gives us (Colossians 3:13). Reconciliation with an abuser, however, is far different. Reconciling with an abusive partner depends completely on the abuser proving his or her reliability, which could take years—if it happens at all. Separation from an abusive spouse is likely to be long-term.

Once separation has been established, the abuser has the responsibility to seek help. First and foremost, he should seek God. "For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks" (Matthew 7:8.). God has power to heal individuals and relationships. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of our assets, and the Head of our households. Psychological aid and legal limitations (restraining orders) on an abuser are also appropriate, and such tools are important to his or her process of change.

If the abuser demonstrates verifiable change, independently confirmed, the relationship may be resumed with much caution. Both husband and wife must commit themselves to God's path and develop their relationship with God through Christ. "Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me and teach me your law. I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws" (Psalm 119:29–30). This commitment to God should be accompanied by intensive counselling from a trusted pastor or believing licensed counsellor. The counselling should be taken first individually, then as a couple, and finally as an entire family, as all need help healing. Change is possible for an abusive person who truly repents and humbly surrenders to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).

There are a number of "red flags" to look for before entering a permanent relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after the wedding takes place, since many abusers are skilled at hiding their true natures. However, a short list of things to look out for includes irrational jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, cruelty toward animals, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for boundaries, privacy, personal space, or moral values. If you see any of these warning signs in a person you are entering a relationship with, please seek advice from someone familiar with abusive situations.

If you are in an abusive situation right now, whether the abuser is a spouse, parent, child, caretaker, teacher, relative, or anyone else, please know that God does not want you to remain in that situation. It is not God's will for you to accept physical, sexual, or psychological abuse. Leave the situation, find someone to help you stay safe, and involve law enforcement immediately. Through it all, pray for God's guidance and protection.

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