THE ORACLE...
In America she might be called Psychic, in Nigeria there is no way she won't be labelled a witch.
After reading this story you fit call am anything you want to call her
But I prefer to call her... THE ORACLE
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How did I even meet her sef?
Hmmmm, Lemme see
Ok, I remember. If I hear say I bin forget...it was on a Friday and I had gone partying with some friends; I don't dance na so I just sat around in the VIP section (I pray) to ping (I know, e dey like woman thing; ah don't give a shii. Hehe).
Well, I don't like dancing cos I dance so horribly, seeing me dance na serious eye sour, trust me.
So as I was saying; to avoid starting up a stand up dancing comedy for here, I was pinging as the music was blasting loudly around me (na Timaya song, I remember) while babes scratched their backside against dude's frontside (I wonder the idiot who invented that kinda dance in the first place. Na even true. who invented rocking sef. I'm sure it wulda been two extremely Hot wiredos who can't just keep their goddamn sexual act in the bedroom)
Alright, pause. I'm deviating, back to the story.
As I was pinging, I caught sight of a babe from across the room; fine scatter, pinging with a Z10 and familiar.
I know that babe from somewhere, I thought. Think think think.
Yeah, that is it. Joe's classmate.
Vam, I scrolled down my BBM list to Joe's name and typed:
"Dude, hafa. You get that your class babe pin. The one with the onion booty" Then sent it and waited.
Joe replied almost immediately.
"Cow". He had typed. "Dia are over 28 female classmates of mine with onion booty so nigger, which one u talkin abt?"
I looked up at the girl; she was wearing a mightily short dress and her leg were crossed - damn, I thought and quickly looked away (before I use eye drill hole enter her leg abeg).
Vam - I started typing.
"Dude, I have no word to describe this babe". I typed. "She's got me typ-less. Just send me pixs of the six top hotties in ur class with onion booty and I will Id her"
Joe typed back, told me him no get that kind time. I typed back, told him I will give him Juliet's pin in exchange (a pin I know he can't refuse) if he plays along.
Piam, he knacked me six pixs of the top 6 pretty onion booty owners in his class and wholala - she was amongst one of 'em.
Ok, pause: let's define who an "Onion booty hottie" is.
Simple: an extremely pretty girl with the booty of an onions (if you still never understand, how you dey take pass exam? Lol)
Back to the story.
Just as I id-ed the babe, I looked up to take one more look at her and she was staring directly at me.
Like, it was freaking creepy the way she was staring. Not the kinda look a girl will give you when she is interested in you, nah not that kind (I'm too ugly for a babe to look me pass two seconds). She was staring and the look was blank, like she "knew". Knew I was asking for her pin.
And no; joe wouldn't have told her...guy's code, you don't tell a girl that your guy is asking for her pin (so no, she doesn't know - na coincidence)
I looked away, returning my gaze on my BB. The red light was blinking. A friend request on BBM.
I looked at the name: "Miz Kalisi"
I accepted, viewed pix and JESUS CHRIST! -
it was her, the babe from across the room. What the F***k
I looked up and she was still staring, like - she was just looking at me like she didn't even take her eyes off me all this while.
I felt goose pimples all over; and funny enough I didn't want her pin that much again - this whole shit come take style dey like the kind nonsense wey dey happen for nollywood.
Wait first.
Trying to send Joe a message I found out he had already sent me a message; I opened his message and in it was the babe's pin plus a request for me to sharply send Juliet's pin give before him go pour me boiled piss.
"Guy wait". I typed. "You send my pin give that babe?"
"Which babe?". he asked
"Onion booty na"
"No, cow. And her name is Linda plus you better no tell am say na me give you her pin. Oya, juliet own"
I looked at the girl, she was smiling and typing on her phone.
*Girrrim* my phone beeped. It was her;
Miz Kalissa.
I opened the message and it read:
"he didn't send me the pin, your thoughts were so loud I picked up on it. Plus we were supposed to meet here"
Jesus, I thought, I haf jam mami water. I looked up then and she was walking towards me.
Feeling goose pimples all over me I cringed and waited....
To be continued.