I pull the Jeep close to the pavement and kill the engine. The sudden silence and stillness in the car makes me feel present in the moment, makes it seem real. Now my emotions can bubble up to the surface of my consciousness, making me restless. My stomach flips over nervously.

Turning down the driver’s side sun visor and sliding open the door to reveal the vanity mirror, I check my makeup a last time. Dark brows, brown eyes framed in big lashes, and full red lips. I haven’t felt, or looked for that matter, this good in a long while. And I’m done wasting time.

Without the air conditioning on, the car is getting warm in the sun. I take this as a sign that I should stop stalling and get on with it.

So I take a deep breath, hold it in for a few seconds, and let it all go. Then I slide a hand under my black sun dress and slip off my pair of pale pink lace panties. I stuff them into my bag and get out of the car, not stopping to allow a second thought.

Once on the balcony, I give a hard, quick rapt on the front door and wait. I breathe out another heavy sigh through my lips, hoping to push my chaotic thoughts away with the air. It’s not working.

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