Mad_Max:

I was reading about some research done on infertile couples in Nigeria a couple of years ago. Only 12% had considered adoption. There are almost a hundred orphanages in Nigeria, with kids ranging anywhere from 50 to almost a thousand. I know this for a fact. Each state has adoption laws and requirements that must be fulfilled. There's a process, as there should be. Lol I don't mean Nigerian couples aren't adopting. Though my husband isn't Nigerian, I am and we adopt and are still adopting. I adopted my son before I gave birth to his brother. I have much much older friends in their fifties and sixties who adopt.Their kids are grown and flown the coop and they felt the house was 'too quiet'. Couples from foreign countries adopt Nigerian kids. So people are adopting. But we don't have a culture of adoption here.

Most kids are wards of the state, with existing relatives? That isn't so. Abandoned children form the bulk of these kids, brought in as babies. These orphanages depend mostly on charity to survive. While one can't deny Nigerian bureaucracy can be maddening, neither they nor the orphanages have anything to gain by denying needy couples a child. We adopted and it was a smooth process, there are law firms specialising in this. Unfortunately the process here isn't transparent; there isn't a single credible adoption agency to facilitate the process and unite a couple with their son or daughter.

Mad_Max:

@agathamari
I'm sorry to hear you can't have kids. But you know your kids aren't just biological ones. People sometimes bond with others and form relationships closer and richer and deeper than even that with their biological family. So it is with our children. They're out there, ours to love and cherish. When you see your son or daughter in an orphanage you just know. So you don't need to justify or explain yourself and your child to anyone. Why expose yourself or your child to anybody who'd 'look down' on you? Like much of what plagues this country and lies at the heart of most bad things, it's just a wasting disease called Ignorance. But it's not a common attitude, I don't think. People are a lot more open-minded here than we give them credit for. Just enjoy your child and don't spare a thought to what people will think.


@ aisha2

I guess it's possible to be in the same country and have different experiences of the adoption sector. Why do you assume your experiences are definitive, though? There's a website that might give you some idea of how many orphanages there are and the kids in them. It's not comprehensive though. www.linkachild.org. You're seriously telling me the majority of children in orphanages belong to women who say, hold on to my kid for a bit? A NEW social welfare system was instituted and it has completely eradicated women dumping babies all over the country?You work with  every orphanage in the country and did some research and have statistics on this? Majority of children in orphanages are wards of the state with relatives, not orphans. And so every girl who gets careless in every town in every state in the country comes to this social welfare dept and makes a deal, problem solved? And the orphans in these homes before the social welfare dept was formed? Were they weeded out of the orphanages to make room for children with relatives, or are they still very much there?

You work in Abuja and deal with adoption there, I think? It's a WONDERFUL initiative, encouraging women to not abandon their babies. You're doing really commendable work. They ALWAYS spend the rest of their lives regretting it when they know better, but by then there's no way to trace their kid and get him back. Perhaps abandoned kids are less than needy couples in Abuja, but I was talking about the entire picture, the entire country here. And please don't tell me you mean that as well. Consider the very tiny possibility I might know what I'm talking about as well. There is no way on God's green earth abandoned kids and orphans outnumber the couples who want them in a country. In ANY country on this planet. Not in the US, not in the UK, not in India, not in Ghana, not in South Africa, and NOT in Nigeria. No country.

Mad_Max:

@agathamari
I'm sorry to hear you can't have kids. But you know your kids aren't just biological ones. People sometimes bond with others and form relationships closer and richer and deeper than even that with their biological family. So it is with our children. They're out there, ours to love and cherish. When you see your son or daughter in an orphanage you just know. So you don't need to justify or explain yourself and your child to anyone. Why expose yourself or your child to anybody who'd 'look down' on you? Like much of what plagues this country and lies at the heart of most bad things, it's just a wasting disease called Ignorance. But it's not a common attitude, I don't think. People are a lot more open-minded here than we give them credit for. Just enjoy your child and don't spare a thought to what people will think.

emiemi:

Aisha, I must commend your efforts and involvements in the care of Orphans and vulnerable children. I think however
that that is a different ballgame from what this post has suggested. As much as we would like to draw sympathy from
Nigerians to the issue of orphans/abandoned children and their plights, we ought also to be able to uphold truth, good
judgements, ethics and morals in our society.

I wouldn't claim much knowledge of orphanges operations and related statistics but I do know that most Nigerians would
prefer to remain without a child than adopt. Wealthier ones who have fertility problems would rather spend fortunes on
IVF.

Back to the issue of the post, ther's no commendation in the girls' acts at all. Let's agree on that first.

POSAKOSA1:

Aisha, likes to announce that she helps POOR children by writing 500 naira checks. I think that you should start walking around with a sign on your forehead. Do these children have flies swarming around their forehead ? Do they have big heads and stomachs ?

POSAKOSA1:

Aisha, likes to announce that she helps POOR children by writing 500 naira checks.  I think that you should start walking around with a sign on your forehead.    Do these children have flies swarming around their forehead ? Do they have big heads and stomachs ?  

emiemi:

Haba, spare the lady! She's only trying to make you understand issues that you would not normally try to or bother about sef.
I really do appreciate her job. What greater love than someone to give of their time and energy to a young child who has no
hope for the future (and doesn't even know it).

@ Aisha
I bet the reason why Posakosa made that comment is that you have completely ignored the main content of this post. Really.

agathamari:

why should i hide it? my parents aopted 4 chilren who were vietnamese in the late 70's after the war. had a teachr who adopted 3 russian children. a neighbor growin up who adopted 2 korean kids. had two co worker one who adopted a mixedchild and another who was adopted as a child. none over there cares. if nothing they hold you higher for adoptinig. i dont undestand why here it is different here. i would never hide it from my child or nyone for that matter. why should i be ashamed of it?

Mad_Max:

Why indeed? I get you now. You married a Nigerian? What were you thinking?! I'm kidding. Our men are irresistible, yeh.

POSAKOSA1:

Aisha, likes to announce that she helps POOR children by writing 500 naira checks.  I think that you should start walking around with a sign on your forehead.    Do these children have flies swarming around their forehead ? Do they have big heads and stomachs ?

Blendy77:

I honestly think people should be allowed to live their life the way it best suits them. If a lady decides to hire her womb for Nine months to some1 who is willing to pay her for it, I don't think anyone should criticize her cos if such a person should come to you (as a distant relative) for money to start up a business, you will readily remember your own immediate responsibilities. That is Nigeria for you. People are always willing to cast stones for unethical behaviours but never willing to help. The level of poverty in this country can make people do all sorts of things to survive. The 4k you pay your housemaid does not mean anything to you but the maid sees it as a big money cos that is her own level. How many of these ladies do you think can boast of 5k from carrying Load in balogun market? So you can imagine what 200k means to them.
On the other hand, it might surprise you to know that most of these men don't even have to sleep with the ladies likewise most the ladies don't even have to use their eggs so the baby in question is not even theirs so what do they really have to loose? Infertility treatments have advanced in such a way that you just collect a woman's eggs, fertilize it with her husband's sperm and transfer it into the surrogate mothers womb. She is paid to carry it for 9months most times at her own price. At the end of the day, everybody goes home happy: the couple who desperately needs a child and the young girl who needs money to set up herself.
Just as some1 rightly said, nobody should be denied anything that gives you happiness. The rich couple who desperately needs children and the young girl who cannot fend for herself and is being offered a job to hire her womb for Nine months all have a chance to be happy. There are women who for one reason or the other cannot carry a child to term. Most times its really from no fault of theirs but God alone understands how these things work I have a friend who had over 12 miscarriages in her 5yrs of marriage due to negative rhesus blood group. Are we saying if that person was a relative or a friend you wont advice her to try something else like surrogacy when you know the child is still hers since its her eggs and the husband's sperm? Its just that getting these girls is not even easy, if not for forums like this I won't even know that such Girls are readily available in Nigeria so if you know where I get them, please let me know cos I have people who will readily need their services and pay heavily for it including a their medical bills.

Blendy77:

I honestly think people should be allowed to live their life the way it best suits them. If a lady decides to hire her womb for Nine months to some1 who is willing to pay her for it, I don't think anyone should criticize her cos if such a person should come to you (as a distant relative) for money to start up a business, you will readily remember your own immediate responsibilities. That is Nigeria for you. People are always willing to cast stones for unethical behaviours but never willing to help. The level of poverty in this country can make people do all sorts of things to survive. The 4k you pay your housemaid does not mean anything to you but the maid sees it as a big money cos that is her own level. How many of these ladies do you think can boast of 5k from carrying Load in balogun market? So you can imagine what 200k means to them.
On the other hand, it might surprise you to know that most of these men don't even have to sleep with the ladies likewise most the ladies don't even have to use their eggs so the baby in question is not even theirs so what do they really have to loose? Infertility treatments have advanced in such a way that you just collect a woman's eggs, fertilize it with her husband's sperm and transfer it into the surrogate mothers womb. She is paid to carry it for 9months most times at her own price. At the end of the day, everybody goes home happy: the couple who desperately needs a child and the young girl who needs money to set up herself.
Just as some1 rightly said, nobody should be denied anything that gives you happiness. The rich couple who desperately needs children and the young girl who cannot fend for herself and is being offered a job to hire her womb for Nine months all have a chance to be happy. There are women who for one reason or the other cannot carry a child to term. Most times its really from no fault of theirs but God alone understands how these things work I have a friend who had over 12 miscarriages in her 5yrs of marriage due to negative rhesus blood group. Are we saying if that person was a relative or a friend you wont advice her to try something else like surrogacy when you know the child is still hers since its her eggs and the husband's sperm? Its just that getting these girls is not even easy, if not for forums like this I won't even know that such Girls are readily available in Nigeria so if you know where I get them, please let me know cos I have people who will readily need their services and pay heavily for it including a their medical bills.

Blendy77:

Well said, maybe you should understand that anybody who is willing to pay b/w 100-300k for a surrogate mother won't see spending extra 10k for preliminary tests as anything. Clinics where these things are done always run tests on the would-be carriers first before anything is done. Maybe you should read the article on http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/citysun/2006/mar/05/citysun-05-03-2006-001.htm. You will see the various tests like hepatitis, hiv etc test that are conducted before the procedure. No reasonable man or woman would want a diseased person to carry their kids for them except of course they don't want that child for keeps. Like I said earlier, I'm looking for them cos I have people who desperatley need them. It is better to have someone carry your own baby as in your egg and your husband's sperm than adopting. I see adoption as a last resort for childless couple.

Blendy77:

Well said, maybe you should understand that anybody who is willing to pay b/w 100-300k for a surrogate mother won't see spending extra 10k for preliminary tests as anything. Clinics where these things are done always run tests on the would-be carriers first before anything is done. Maybe you should read the article on [b]http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/citysun/2006/mar/05/citysun-05-03-2006-001.htm[/bJust as

[/quote]

Now, that is surrogacy, 'normal and legit' not as done by some bunch of prostitutes as described by the poster.

honestly think people should be allowed to live their life the way it best suits them. If a lady decides to hire her womb for Nine months to some1 who is willing to pay her for it, I don't think anyone should criticize her cos if such a person should come to you (as a distant relative) for money to start up a business, you will readily remember your own immediate responsibilities. [quote]

aisha2:

You have lots of energy. I can see am a big hit, with you following me around. Enjoy. I don become celebrity for Nairaland and you are my paparazzi

Radiant:

How many people have you seen doing this kind of job in Aisha is doing in Nigeria? I'm sure none. Stop being ridiculous.

Blendy77:

I honestly think people should be allowed to live their life the way it best suits them. If a lady decides to hire her womb for Nine months to some1 who is willing to pay her for it, I don't think anyone should criticize her cos if such a person should come to you (as a distant relative) for money to start up a business, you will readily remember your own immediate responsibilities. That is Nigeria for you. People are always willing to cast stones for unethical behaviours but never willing to help. The level of poverty in this country can make people do all sorts of things to survive. The 4k you pay your housemaid does not mean anything to you but the maid sees it as a big money cos that is her own level. How many of these ladies do you think can boast of 5k from carrying Load in balogun market? So you can imagine what 200k means to them.
On the other hand, it might surprise you to know that most of these men don't even have to sleep with the ladies likewise most the ladies don't even have to use their eggs so the baby in question is not even theirs so what do they really have to loose? Infertility treatments have advanced in such a way that you just collect a woman's eggs, fertilize it with her husband's sperm and transfer it into the surrogate mothers womb. She is paid to carry it for 9months most times at her own price. At the end of the day, everybody goes home happy: the couple who desperately needs a child and the young girl who needs money to set up herself.
Just as some1 rightly said, nobody should be denied anything that gives you happiness. The rich couple who desperately needs children and the young girl who cannot fend for herself and is being offered a job to hire her womb for Nine months all have a chance to be happy. There are women who for one reason or the other cannot carry a child to term. Most times its really from no fault of theirs but God alone understands how these things work I have a friend who had over 12 miscarriages in her 5yrs of marriage due to negative rhesus blood group. Are we saying if that person was a relative or a friend you wont advice her to try something else like surrogacy when you know the child is still hers since its her eggs and the husband's sperm? Its just that getting these girls is not even easy, if not for forums like this I won't even know that such Girls are readily available in Nigeria so if you know where I get them, please let me know cos I have people who will readily need their services and pay heavily for it including a their medical bills.

Blendy77:

Most of these girls don't get to sleep with people's husbands especially if its for the sole reason of nursing a child for them. These things are done through IVF or artificial insemination. Why would any sensible woman allow/pay her husband to sleep with a "Prostitute" as you call them? She will rather prefer the guy to do it without her knowledge.
Moreover, these people you call prostitutes are doing this hiring of womb job out of desperation. Do you think they don't want to work in airconditioned offices like me and you? They are not just opportune to cos life and the society we live in denied them that. So if that is the only way they can make money for a business or a trade or a living, maybe we should let them be so far they don't kill, maim or rob anybody to do that.

POSAKOSA1:

Ive seen many people BUT they don't go around with a loud speaker announcing this