Dear Op,experiences and stories have made wives wary although we have our own issues.
I'm a very open minded person and wouldn't wish evil for anyone so I openly accepted my MIL,I met her b4 my hubby introduced her to me she sounded so nice.
One yr later,I invited her for post omugwo after my mum left against my Hubby's warning abt her behaviour,I won't go into details ,it'll suffice to say that it was one of the worst decisions I ever made in life,so bad I later asked her when she planned leaving.
But you can win evil for good,the day she was to leave she came to advice me ,she even begged that we buy her things so she won't go back emptyhanded .I just bade her goodbye.
When my hubby dropped her off at home and then opened the booth,she started crying ,telling him to tell me sorry that despite everytin she did, I didnt take it to heart. She is changed now only to meoo,my sil's are still complaining.
She just left last WK after another invitation and things are better than before.its not easyoooo until you bcom a woman,you'll understand.

Abiagirl777:
Dear Op,experiences and stories have made wives wary although we have our own issues.
I'm a very open minded person and wouldn't wish evil for anyone so I openly accepted my MIL,I met her b4 my hubby introduced her to me she sounded so nice.
One yr later,I invited her for post omugwo after my mum left against my Hubby's warning abt her behaviour,I won't go into details ,it'll suffice to say that it was one of the worst decisions I ever made in life,so bad I later asked her when she planned leaving.
But you can win evil for good,the day she was to leave she came to advice me ,she even begged that we buy her things so she won't go back emptyhanded .I just bade her goodbye.
When my hubby dropped her off at home and then opened the booth,she started crying ,telling him to tell me sorry that despite everytin she did, I didnt take it to heart. She is changed now only to meoo,my sil's are still complaining.
She just left last WK after another invitation and things are better than before.its not easyoooo until you bcom a woman,you'll understand.

Good one. This is how it should be. Imagine if you had retaliated, the war would have continued and put your husband under severe stress and pain and cause a deep rift in the entire family.

DevGuru:
May God bless your life and your home. It's awesome the way you see the good side of your mother-in-law and focus less on her faults.

DevGuru
Are you still alive bro? I thought your wife would have been successful in your demise with all that happened. Be prayerful and vigilant.

DevGuru:
This is meant to be a counter-thread to a post made by Benita27 titled "Why Are Nigerian Mother In-laws Too Mean Towards Their Daughter In-laws?" For ease of reference, the post has been reproduced below:

I noticed 80% of our Nigerian mother in-laws threat their daughter in-laws badly unlike their foreign counterparts, and this trend is so common,once a man says he wants to take you to see his parents instead of excitement a certain fear creeps in.
personally i'm not scared of meeting the man's father because i assume father's trust their sons to have made the right choices, but for the mothers is not usually the same, was able to ask someone if she felt same and she confessed feeling worse. grin
Why are our Nigerian mother in-laws so mean?.
Need your contributions, and Ladies how do you feel when getting to meet them?.

Even though Benita27 claimed to have sought clarification, she already indirectly made a clarification to the issue by revealing that she would naturally be afraid to meet her mother-in-law, even if it was for the first time. The environment through Nollywood has poisoned our ladies' minds so that by default, as they are planning to get married, they consciously prepare for war with their innocent mother-in-laws. This situation is so bad that even the meekest mother-in-law may become somewhat cruel as a result of the extremely defensive attitude which the wife displays. There are many good mother-in-laws but our ladies are now taught never to give them a space.

I'm not sure of other ethnic groups but I can speak of mine, Yoruba. This menace seems to have found a permanent seat among us and it usually throws this ugly situation at us (husbands) - You have to Choose one between your mother and me!.

Someone might wonder why I feel so concerned. It's because my wife carelessly lost a great fortune to this menace. Her married sisters advised her never to be friendly with my mother even though she had no reason to be cruel towards my mother - the incident remains the ugliest I've ever witnessed in my marriage... It's really a long story but you can read it here https://www.nairaland.com/3206538/wifes-siblings-breaking-us-apart

Bros that problem is age long. Its hard to find a wife who is not at loggerheads with the mother-in-law. My wife too spites fire anytime my mom is mentioned. It really used to surprise me till I saw with my own eyes that most of my cousins also have similar problems. Its a female thing though there are exceptions.

DevGuru:
This is meant to be a counter-thread to a post made by Benita27 titled "Why Are Nigerian Mother In-laws Too Mean Towards Their Daughter In-laws?" For ease of reference, the post has been reproduced below:

I noticed 80% of our Nigerian mother in-laws threat their daughter in-laws badly unlike their foreign counterparts, and this trend is so common,once a man says he wants to take you to see his parents instead of excitement a certain fear creeps in.
personally i'm not scared of meeting the man's father because i assume father's trust their sons to have made the right choices, but for the mothers is not usually the same, was able to ask someone if she felt same and she confessed feeling worse. grin
Why are our Nigerian mother in-laws so mean?.
Need your contributions, and Ladies how do you feel when getting to meet them?.

Even though Benita27 claimed to have sought clarification, she already indirectly made a clarification to the issue by revealing that she would naturally be afraid to meet her mother-in-law, even if it was for the first time. The environment through Nollywood has poisoned our ladies' minds so that by default, as they are planning to get married, they consciously prepare for war with their innocent mother-in-laws. This situation is so bad that even the meekest mother-in-law may become somewhat cruel as a result of the extremely defensive attitude which the wife displays. There are many good mother-in-laws but our ladies are now taught never to give them a space.

I'm not sure of other ethnic groups but I can speak of mine, Yoruba. This menace seems to have found a permanent seat among us and it usually throws this ugly situation at us (husbands) - You have to Choose one between your mother and me!.

Someone might wonder why I feel so concerned. It's because my wife carelessly lost a great fortune to this menace. Her married sisters advised her never to be friendly with my mother even though she had no reason to be cruel towards my mother - the incident remains the ugliest I've ever witnessed in my marriage... It's really a long story but you can read it here https://www.nairaland.com/3206538/wifes-siblings-breaking-us-apart

Wow bro i remember your story.

Everyone should stay on their lane.
Its a no no for couples to live with their in-laws unless its unavoidable. There will always be friction. If you're lucky, both spouse and your mum won't be people that hold grudges. Because its normal for them to step on each others toes. A matured mother will learn how to overlook her DILs idiosyncrasies, because if it were her child, she won't throw her to the dogs. But not all MILs are matured.
A decent DIL won't always look for trouble, and would also learn to overlook mamas wahala. At least some women also have difficult mothers.
This is bearable if they don't live together, and don't see themselves finish. Otherwise its Fuji house of commotion reloaded.
I'm sure very few men like interfering in-laws, so also women. Everyone needs their space.
My advice to parents is to plan for their retirement even while trying to raise your children. Its usually easier to not be so interfering in your child's life when you're not dependent on them for feeding. Its not all children that'll remember their parents in their old age. Sad ,but true. This may be due to their own immediate family pressures and responsibilities or simply because you raised an irresponsible child.

eyinjuege:
Everyone should stay on their lane.
Its a no no for couples to live with their in-laws unless its unavoidable. There will always be friction. If you're lucky, both spouse and your mum won't be people that hold grudges. Because its normal for them to step on each others toes. A matured mother will learn how to overlook her DILs idiosyncrasies, because if it were her child, she won't throw her to the dogs. But not all MILs are matured.
A decent DIL won't always look for trouble, and would also learn to overlook mamas wahala. At least some women also have difficult mothers.
This is bearable if they don't live together, and don't see themselves finish. Otherwise its Fuji house of commotion reloaded.
I'm sure very few men like interfering in-laws, so also women. Everyone needs their space.
My advice to parents is to plan for their retirement even while trying to raise your children. Its usually easier to not be so interfering in your child's life when you're not dependent on them for feeding. Its not all children that'll remember their parents in their old age. Sad ,but true. This may be due to their own immediate family pressures and responsibilities or simply because you raised an irresponsible child.

I want to believe that you do not live in Nigeria. In Africa, because of poverty and lack of government support, training a child is seen as an investment for old age.

I hope you know what the current recession is doing to the pockets of some parents with so many job losses and high inflation. In such a situation, how do you plan for your retirement?. If you have a choice of paying for your retirement and paying the school fees of your child, which will you go for?.

Let me give you a simple example: Initially, a father could buy a bag of 50kg rice for 10k and pay some 5k into his retirement savings account. Now a bag of the same 50kg rice is 20k. If na you, wetin you go?. Will you go and buy a 25kg bag now for 10k because you still want to pay 5k into your retirement savings account?.

NL1960:


I want to believe that you do not live in Nigeria. In Africa, because of poverty and lack of government support, training a child is seen as an investment for old age.

I hope you know what the current recession is doing to the pockets of some parents with so many job losses and high inflation. In such a situation, how do you plan for your retirement?. If you have a choice of paying for your retirement and paying the school fees of your child, which will you go for?.

Let me give you a simple example: Initially, a father could buy a bag of 50kg rice for 10k and pay some 5k into his retirement savings account. Now a bag of the same 50kg rice is 20k. If na you, wetin you go?. Will you go and buy a 25kg bag now for 10k because you still want to pay 5k into your retirement savings account?.

I understand you perfectly well.
However, its wise to always cut your coat according to your cloth.
Meanwhile, it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure your child goes to school, is fed, and has a roof over his head. I'm referring to under aged children here, otherwise give them up for adoption if you can't take care of them. Primary and secondary school should be a must.
Always remember that not all investments pay off.

Take care of your child because you love them, and want the best for them by giving them a headway in life and not because you see them as a meal ticket for the future.

Children are a gift, but if you don't prepare for your old age and expect the heavens from your child you may be seriously disappointed. Some children really want to take care of their parents, but cannot even afford to take care of themselves. We have graduates earning 30K. How is that kind of person expected to take care of his parents, his own children? So many jobless graduates roaming the streets. How do those ones take care of anybody?
Let's be realistic, and not deceive ourselves. Don't raise children with the unshakeable hope of depending on them in old age.

Be ready to work throughout your old age if you don't have retirement plans in place.

Best bet, start living a healthier lifestyle now so you're not brought down by preventable diseases in old age so you can continue working your ass off.
Meanwhile, at least start working on building your own house even if its in an undeveloped area or in your village, start your own garden in your backyard. Grow vegetables, and other crops that you can consume.
A child who's responsible will take care of his parents if he can afford to. We still have some irresponsible children who have the means, but do not bother to remember their parents.

eyinjuege:


I understand you perfectly well.
However, its wise to always cut your coat according to your cloth.
Meanwhile, it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure your child goes to school, is fed, and has a roof over his head. I'm referring to under aged children here, otherwise give them up for adoption if you can't take care of them. Primary and secondary school should be a must.
Always remember that not all investments pay off.

Take care of your child because you love them, and want the best for them by giving them a headway in life and not because you see them as a meal ticket for the future.

Children are a gift, but if you don't prepare for your old age and expect the heavens from your child you may be seriously disappointed. Some children really want to take care of their parents, but cannot even afford to take care of themselves. We have graduates earning 30K. How is that kind of person expected to take care of his parents, his own children? So many jobless graduates roaming the streets. How do those ones take care of anybody?
Let's be realistic, and not deceive ourselves. Don't raise children with the unshakeable hope of depending on them in old age.

Be ready to work throughout your old age if you don't have retirement plans in place.

Best bet, start living a healthier lifestyle now so you're not brought down by preventable diseases in old age so you can continue working your ass off.
Meanwhile, at least start working on building your own house even if its in an undeveloped area or in your village, start your own garden in your backyard. Grow vegetables, and other crops that you can consume.
A child who's responsible will take care of his parents if he can afford to. We still have some irresponsible children who have the means, but do not bother to remember their parents.

You are now coming to my point. A graduate earning 30k and you want the graduate to plan for his retirement. How?. For your information, it is what you have left after taking care of your kids that you can give your parents. How much do you even think parents need in their old age to survive?. You think it is millions?. Have you not seen children that use the latest iPhone, buys for their side chicks and when their parents ask for 5k to survive, they say that there is no money.

Let us use your 30k as an example, can you tell us how to spend that for a family of three(father, mother, a child) and then have a left-over for retirement planning. Do not tell me that the man should opt for zero(0) kids by giving up the only one he has for adoption.

NL1960:


You are now coming to my point. A graduate earning 30k and you want the graduate to plan for his retirement. How?. For your information, it is what you have left after taking care of your kids that you can give your parents. How much do you even think parents need in their old age to survive?. You think it is millions?. Have you not seen children that use the latest iPhone, buys for their side chicks and when their parents ask for 5k to survive, they say that there is no money.

Let us use your 30k as an example, can you tell us how to spend that for a family of three(father, mother, a child) and then have a left-over for retirement planning. Do not tell me that the man should opt for zero(0) kids by giving up the only one he has for adoption.

Like I said earlier, prepare to continue working in your old age if you have no retirement plans. I also said you should try and stay healthy- (stop smoking, exercise, eat more fruits and vegetables instead of rice rice rice., reduce your portions ) so that you can continue working into your old age.

Drawing a budget for a man who's wife isn't working and family income of 30K- stay in face me I slap you in an area of town that's not expensive, prolly outskirts, look for people who have cars that can be dropping you along the way on your way to work to reduced transport costs, child is put in public school, the wife should be creative about feeding- start buying "esha" tomatoes/pepper (crushed tomatoes), look for cheaper sources of protein- soya beans etc.
It's gonna be difficult, but when/if things get better, you upgrade your home, your child's school.
I mentioned earlier about irresponsible children who don't take care of their aged parents despite having all the money to do so.
That's why a parent should have a back up plan for retirement and not put all hopes on their children. They may be too engrossed in their own lives to remember anyone else.

eyinjuege:


Like I said earlier, prepare to continue working in your old age if you have no retirement plans. I also said you should try and stay healthy- (stop smoking, exercise, eat more fruits and vegetables instead of rice rice rice., reduce your portions ) so that you can continue working into your old age.

Drawing a budget for a man who's wife isn't working and family income of 30K- stay in face me I slap you in an area of town that's not expensive, prolly outskirts, look for people who have cars that can be dropping you along the way on your way to work to reduced transport costs, child is put in public school, the wife should be creative about feeding- start buying "esha" tomatoes/pepper (crushed tomatoes), look for cheaper sources of protein- soya beans etc.
It's gonna be difficult, but when/if things get better, you upgrade your home, your child's school.
I mentioned earlier about irresponsible children who don't take care of their aged parents despite having all the money to do so.
That's why a parent should have a back up plan for retirement and not put all hopes on their children. They may be too engrossed in their own lives to remember anyone else.

Let us assume the wife is also working like the man and they are both earning the minimum wage of 18k each. So, what retirement plans can be done from that?. Theory is different from practicals. It is better to invest in the child even though it is not a guarantee of the child helping you out at old age.

NL1960:


Let us assume the wife is also working like the man and they are both earning the minimum wage of 18k each. So, what retirement plans can be done from that?. Theory is different from practicals. It is better to invest in the child even though it is not a guarantee of the child helping you out at old age.

Its your responsibility to take care of any child you bring into the world. You're only doing what you should do, and not an investment.
Even without a child, does that still make your retirement a reality on 18K?
I've said it, prepare to work in your old age, if you cannot make enough money now that you're young.
That's the simple solution for low income earners.
It is just what it is.

eyinjuege:

Its your responsibility to take care of any child you bring into the world. You're only doing what you should do, and not an investment.
Even without a child, does that still make your retirement a reality on 18K?
I've said it, prepare to work in your old age, if you cannot make enough money now that you're young.
That's the simple solution for low income earners.
It is just what it is.

Do not worry. The way of life in Africa is different from the way of life in obodo oyibo. Iam sure that you are not living in Nigeria. In Africa, children are taken as investments. That is why you see a security guard starving himself to give his children an education so that they will also not end up as security guards and those children most times do not forget. Btw, not all investments pay dividends at the end of the day. So, it will not be a surprise if the child refuses to pay 'dividends' to the father at old age. Who told you that your well planned retirement money cannot be wiped out within seconds?.

NL1960:


Do not worry. The way of life in Africa is different from the way of life in obodo oyibo. Iam sure that you are not living in Nigeria. In Africa, children are taken as investments. That is why you see a security guard starving himself to give his children an education so that they will also not end up as security guards and those children most times do not forget. Btw, not all investments pay dividends at the end of the day. So, it will not be a surprise if the child refuses to pay 'dividends' to the father at old age. Who told you that your well planned retirement money cannot be wiped out within seconds?.

Look, no one is saying don't take care of your children. However, don't see them as an investment.

Try to provide the best you can afford for your children to give them a headway in life because you love them, and not because you see them as cash cows.
You choose to have them.
A good child will take care of you in your old age, I'm an advocate of that, but that doesn't always happen like I've repeatedly said in all my posts.
Who also told you that an "investment" cannot be wiped out in 5 seconds?
We see a lot of young chaps dying everyday, that's just life.
Everyone prays to eat the fruit of their labor, but it shouldn't stop you from planning for your future. If you're earning 30K now, you should continue to make efforts to increase your earning power.
Retirement plans/preps isn't always about cash, but putting things in place that'll generate money for you in your old age. It could be properties, it could be some business of your own or you can just continue working in your old age.

trishapal:
But there are some truly devilish mother-in-laws o

Same way there are some truly devilish daughters-in-law

eyinjuege:


Look, no one is saying don't take care of your children. However, don't see them as an investment.

Try to provide the best you can afford for your children to give them a headway in life because you love them, and not because you see them as cash cows.
You choose to have them.
A good child will take care of you in your old age, I'm an advocate of that, but that doesn't always happen like I've repeatedly said in all my posts.
Who also told you that an "investment" cannot be wiped out in 5 seconds?
We see a lot of young chaps dying everyday, that's just life.
Everyone prays to eat the fruit of their labor, but it shouldn't stop you from planning for your future. If you're earning 30K now, you should continue to make efforts to increase your earning power.
Retirement plans/preps isn't always about cash, but putting things in place that'll generate money for you in your old age. It could be properties, it could be some business of your own or you can just continue working in your old age.

Do whatever works for you. I hope you know that it is not only in the cities that people live and i hope you know that there are no old people's homes in the villages. So an 80-year old farmer who has never moved more than 5km from his village should invest in properties or business in the village abi?. Who rents a property in the village?. Abi, make the farmer re-locate to any of the big cities to come and invest in properties?.

As i have said, this is Nigeria and Africa to a wider extent. Our ways of life is different from that of oyibo as iam sure that you do not live in Nigeria.

Btw, depending on your kids at old age is taken as an option B and not an option A because investments can fail and when that happens, you fall back on the option B. Who told you that at old age, you need so much to live?. How much an 80-year old man wan chop?.

Some are mother in law while some can be sister in law,ha God deliver Nigerian women from those wicked in laws
It's a terrible experience O, single ladies out there pray for the best O