Dear family section members,

I really do need a reply/ies and I believe in the maturity of some of the posters in this section. So I'd appreciate if insults and abuses are kept to the minimal because I know they will come.

Please, I believe I have a problem with men and I need help. I am a single lady in my early 30s and I live and work in Abuja. Don't get me wrong, I don't sleep around, and I am not an "Abuja babe" if you guys know what I mean; but my problem is with married men. I don't know what is wrong with that institution called MARRIAGE or the people in it, but it really is affecting me that is not in it. 99% of the men that ask me out are married and I am tired, frustrated and with no clue as to how to stop this. I am not pretty. I don't dress provocatively. I don't go to some 'strategic' places, hell I haven't even been to a club before, so I cant say I attract them, my job alone places me in their line. but I don't know what I do wrong or why this is happening to me.

Worst is, some of these are very young and newly married men. Shey they no see me before they marry? At over 30, instead of them single suitors to be coming, the Agbayas wont let me be. I have had ALL of the most daring temptations of my life from married men. You have no idea. PLs tell me people, Am I cursed?? If yes, what prayers do I need to lift it ?? Are there characteristics inherent in some women that make men to perceive them as "Potential play thing/side chick". I'd really like my sanity and peace of mind. its enough to be single and fighting through life's ishes alone, so this kind of complication isn't welcome at all.

NL is the last place I'd have thought to take my issues to, but the last friend I confided in, a young married guy whom I attended his wedding o, turned around to make passes too. I know some will say "go and Marry", but I wont marry myself nah and even at that, I doubt if it will change anything because I have even gone as far as moving about with a ring on my finger. Please, people, married men and women here, and single ladies in similar shoes, tell me what to do, because to me, giving in is not an option but then, I am not so strong to be the biblical job of my generation because that's what it's beginning to feel like.

you are not cursed, pray about it and your time will come

I'm sure a lot of women get hit on a lot in Abuja and you won't be the first.
Like you said,most of the men are met in your line of duty so they know you a bit,that you are single and think you are a good catch to have fun with.I'm sure all those men want is just the fun.

It shouldn't be so hard to deal with this.Just ignore them if they make passes,decline to give your number and generally cut off the attention.
I think what bothers you more however is the fact that you are not getting a single guy to commit.Apart from your workplace,where do you hang out?Do you just go home after work and have little extracurricular activities.You will need to make yourself more visible for potential suitors.

.

@ thorpido, true. But i have changed base twice in the last 5 years to different state with this problem following me.

@ jibril659 thank you.
but I'd cut down every single tree in the forest if I knew at least which forest is housing the tree he is stuck in.

Be the Joseph of your time....and throw their attempts outta window....the right person will show up pretty soon (the darkness time of night is the closest to dawn)


U're not cursed but if you allow 'em in then will u be cursed

TR1212:
@ jibril659 thank you.
but I'd cut down every single tree in the forest if I knew at least which forest is housing the tree he is stuck in.

it'll be alright

no you are not cursed my dear and no one will insult you if you refuse them.

Flee from the Devil when you see him and keep being your real self your own man will come in due time. be a little more patient and don't rush into marriage with just any man because married men are after you. relax and be sure you are ready and truly love the man, be sure you both are very compatible before you tie the knots. don't listen to what people say about you or the pressure from all angles, keep your head straight and high knowing God is on your side and you are not alone. You and your Dream man will find yourselves sooner that you expect. keep strong, remain strong and you will get there.

But bare it at the back of your mind that once you accept to date a married man be rest assured that another woman will date your own husband and nothing will erase that.

TR1212:
@ thorpido, true. But i have changed base twice in the last 5 years to different state with this problem following me.

I can guess Lagos is one of those states.States that are metropolitan have a higher percentage of fun seekers so you will expect to find a lot of men like you meet.It's not a problem with you,it's a problem with the society.

TR1212:
@ thorpido, true. But i have changed base twice in the last 5 years to different state with this problem following me.

NO it is not a problem, it's just one of the phases of life. it only becomes a Problem when you start seeing it as a problem.. it one of the tough challenges you WILL overcome in life. *winks*

thorpido:
I'm sure a lot of women get hit on a lot in Abuja and you won't be the first.
Like you said,most of the men are met in your line of duty so they know you a bit,that you are single and think you are a good catch to have fun with.I'm sure all those men want is just the fun.

It shouldn't be so hard to deal with this.Just ignore them if they make passes,decline to give your number and generally cut off the attention.
I think what bothers you more however is the fact that you are not getting a single guy to commit.Apart from your workplace,where do you hang out?Do you just go home after work and have little extracurricular activities.You will need to make yourself more visible for potential suitors.

first line in bold WAS almost impossible. i had an official line that must be available 8am to 8pm. if i begin to respond to the second line in bold, i will write an epistle. All i can say is, THANK YOU

taryour:
no you are not cursed my dear and no one will insult you if you refuse them.

Flee from the Devil when you see him and keep being your real self your own man will come in due time. be a little more patient and don't rush into marriage with just any man because married men are after you. relax and be sure you are ready and truly love the man, be sure you both are very compatible before you tie the knots. don't listen to what people say about you or the pressure from all angles, keep your head straight and high knowing God is on your side and you are not alone. You and your Dream man will find yourselves sooner that you expect. keep strong, remain strong and you will get there.

But bare it at the back of your mind that once you accept to date a married man be rest assured that another woman will date your own husband and nothing will erase that.

Amen. thanks. I think with what I see as marriages today, it would be too naïve of anyone to not prepare for this in marriage. nevertheless, its not even enough reason to stay away from married men. The idea is just not good. shekina

Op let nobody deceive you dis issues is spiritual..start praying.."i dnt mean all this in jesus name amen prayer",your kneels have to hit the floor,anything that runs lyk a pattern in our lives is always from our foundation...ancenstral forces cant stay when u have a red hot prayer altar..read 2chronicles 24,25,26, u wud unstd hw 3 brothers reapted the same thing also read jeremiah 31 vs 29..declear dis issue a state of emergency by going crazy with prayer..God bless u

I smell lies

Welcome to Nigerian Society! Where a lot of those gyys are very irresponsible and see a singleton in her 30s as "OMG she must be sooooo desperate for Love and Affection and Attention. Easy score!". They're pathetic and sadly everywhere, especially Lagos and Abuja (the newly married ones are just crazy. I mean, how can you be telling me how much your wife paid for celebrity makeup artist less than 6 months ago and then follow up with "come and play with me in my office nah I had to ask if it was Game night and whether I should bring Ludo board and my evuls brother along with me).

Develop a thick skin and a sense of humour (or you will throw yourself a pity party that only morons are chasing you). Start thinking of witty comebacks ("oh you just told me you're attending RCCG Night vigil, use your children's pic as your dp and want to bang me?! Sure! Let me just let your wife know you'll be home late " ). Do as Thorpido said, socialise. Things will get better soon. E-hugs.

...

You're not cursed. There's nothing wrong with you.

It just shows you that a lot of married people cheat. It's not your fault.

Married and newly married men ready and willing to sleep with you shows the extent to which demons have succeeded in desecrating the marriage institution as originally commissioned by God. Most of them making passes at you would be Christians and pastors.

What could be the story behind your being above 30 no relationship with a single guy with potential of marriage? heartbreaks I guess?

You should also be wary of the ones who would appear single to you without you knowing they have wife and children somewhere faraway.

You are locked in for more onslaught from men.This is the unfortunate norm in today's society.

You only stand a better chance when you tap into your spirituality. Are you a conscious christian?muslim,devil worshipper or atheists?

Awwww, this is becoming like a broken record(not you babes, the situation itself) Everyone is becoming overly conscious of the situation these days...both men and women. The thing is, if you are a great human, someone wonderful created for you alone would team up with you sooner or later. Just don't get bamboozled into marrying just any body.

Na crazzee dey worry the married guys though. Wetin them dey find? Lol! Do you perhaps carry plenty things like Kim K? That could be the culprit cos my friend who carries plenty like that has been dealing with same for a while


Seriously though, finding the One is a serious ultimate search! You might even get bullied by your loved ones sef in the bid to get you hooked. They think you aren't making the efforts when it's not like the guys aren't coming. Finding the one ain't easy girl.

In your case, I think you should add pretty to the list. Biko, be pretty dear. Don't wear stuffs that denotes you as aunty (pls don't go trashy too o), don't talk like you are everybody's big sis , don't take life too seriously (laugh, smile, be cool), play, watch movies, hang out with the girls, don't get over weight and just be cool. Your bobo will find you...I think he would jare.

I'm also in my early thirties. I could be pretty(If I want to ), I'm seriously conservative but could bring on the vavavoom if I want, I blend well with girls even 10yrs younger ...yeah, there's this other job I do that brings us all together. I don't go claiming aunty, I don't go getting in unnecessary tussles (chai, try spending a weekend with 20 Unilag babes! Na comedy galore o)... I'm Miss Congeniality babes. Just be cool...relax. The guy will find you.

Hahahaha @ "come and play in my office"

@OP, nothing wrong with you, the men are the problem.

TR1212:
Dear family section members,
I really do need a reply/ies and I believe in the maturity of some of the posters in this section. So I'd appreciate if insults and abuses are kept to the minimal because I know they will come.
Please, I believe I have a problem with men and I need help. I am a single lady in my early 30s and I live and work in Abuja. Don't get me wrong, I don't sleep around, and I am not an "Abuja babe" if you guys know what I mean; but my problem is with married men. I don't know what is wrong with that institution called MARRIAGE or the people in it, but it really is affecting me that is not in it. 99% of the men that ask me out are married and I am tired, frustrated and with no clue as to how to stop this. I am not pretty. I don't dress provocatively. I don't go to some 'strategic' places, hell I haven't even been to a club before, so I cant say I attract them, my job alone places me in their line. but I don't know what I do wrong or why this is happening to me.
Worst is, some of these are very young and newly married men. Shey they no see me before they marry? At over 30, instead of them single suitors to be coming, the Agbayas wont let me be. I have had ALL of the most daring temptations of my life from married men. You have no idea. PLs tell me people, Am I cursed?? If yes, what prayers do I need to lift it ?? Are there characteristics inherent in some women that make men to perceive them as "Potential play thing/side chick". I'd really like my sanity and peace of mind. its enough to be single and fighting through life's ishes alone, so this kind of complication isn't welcome at all.
NL is the last place I'd have thought to take my issues to, but the last friend I confided in, a young married guy whom I attended his wedding o, turned around to make passes too. I know some will say "go and Marry", but I wont marry myself nah and even at that, I doubt if it will change anything because I have even gone as far as moving about with a ring on my finger. Please, people, married men and women here, and single ladies in similar shoes, tell me what to do, because to me, giving in is not an option but then, I am not so strong to be the biblical job of my generation because that's what it's beginning to feel like.

Babes quit the self doubts!

And no, you aren't cursed either. Why would you even think that? The issue isn't with you but with the decadent society you live in. You aren't the problem but the so called "married" men who can't keep their 3rd leg in check.

Continue being you. Hold your head up and keep your self confidence high.

You rock girl

TR1212:


first line in bold WAS almost impossible. i had an official line that must be available 8am to 8pm. if i begin to respond to the second line in bold, i will write an epistle. All i can say is, THANK YOU

Well,you will have to deal with this stuff for a long time since your line is open to the public.Learn to develop a humourous side to it and learn to use punch lines like Onegai said.Make statements like,'you should be rushing home,your wife is waiting' or 'your child wants to see daddy before he sleeps' etc Don't encourage long communications.

Be prayerful too.Your own man will find you.Jer.29:11

TR1212:

Pray and Start being more devoted/committed to church activities, you will definitely find a single brother in church who is also committed and patiently waiting for God to give him the right partner.

You can also inform your pastor about it, and lastly, if you are still putting on that ring for camouflage, stop it because it will also scare potential and serious suitors away especially in church.

ifyalways:
Hahahaha @ "come and play in my office"

@OP, nothing wrong with you, the men are the problem.

Shockingly, that was not the worst thing said to me that day by a married guy. 'twas scary, the desperation the married guys were using to pursue the single ladies.

@ op check out if your mode of dressing is 2016 compliance..are you the type that ties wrapper upandown in the name of dressing decent while indirectly sends wrong signals to single guys who mistakes you for a married woman




but for married guys proposing to have an affair with you isn't as bad as you want to paint it since it's a common occurrence among every other matured women so it all depends on what you want


so I can safely say as soon as you finally settles down with mr right that will erase your fear and any married guy who flirts with you wouldn't be an issue to you henceforth



before some myopic minds would quickly quote me..I'm not in support of wayward married men but I'm only stating what is common in the society

thank u..

Onegai:


Shockingly, that was not the worst thing said to me that day by a married guy. 'twas scary, the desperation the married guys were using to pursue the single ladies.

I can imagine. I've once had a married priest "attempt" to tell me trash right in his office with the Secretary next door.

I switched to my high pitched "idumota voice" to ask him to explain his "parable" in clear terms and he quickly ushered me out of his office after using hand signs to beg me to lower my voice unsuccessfully.

It's a shame what marriage has been reduced to. Some married men are worst than single guys.

different people will see this situation from different points of view.

my take: while many single guys around are still trying to find their feet (in terms of decent jobs and accommodation) and would most likely chase after undergraduates/Corps members since they believe they are less expensive and exposed (usually, recharge card and 5k goes a long way in wooing them), married men on the other hand, are more daring in their attempts to woo both working class ladies and the former category. so you find out that even with the single guys, the married men are competing with them to take away their undergraduate girlfriends since he believes he can take care of her expenses better than her 'jobless' or 'hustling' boyfriend.
This also explains why the newly married men are in it too. Not cos many don't love their wives, but because they like your level of exposure and see you and their wives as peers. I've come to find out that sex for many men is like a conquest.

Once you haven't laid her, she hasn't been conquered yet. Once you've laid her, you've conquered her. move on to the next prey..

@op, my advice is to be friendly and politely turn them down. No need to be hostile or sarcastic since you often have dealings with them in the course of your job.

cheers,

shininglite:
Op let nobody deceive you dis issues is spiritual..start praying.."i dnt mean all this in jesus name amen prayer",your kneels have to hit the floor,anything that runs lyk a pattern in our lives is always from our foundation...ancenstral forces cant stay when u have a red hot prayer altar..read 2chronicles 24,25,26, u wud unstd hw 3 brothers reapted the same thing also read jeremiah 31 vs 29..declear dis issue a state of emergency by going crazy with prayer..God bless u

Ok. Thanks a lot. I quite appreciate.

@ onegai, ifyalways and sisisioge, thanks lovelies

Onegai:

Shockingly, that was not the worst thing said to me that day by a married guy. 'twas scary, the desperation the married guys were using to pursue the single ladies.

ifyalways:

I can imagine. I've once had a married priest "attempt" to tell me trash once right in his office with the Secretary next door.

I switched to my high pitched "idumota voice" to ask him to explain his "parable" in clear terms and he quickly ushered me out of his office after using hand signs to beg me to lower my voice unsuccessfully.

It's a shame what marriage has been reduced to. Some married men are worst than single guys.

ladies, thanks for lifting my spirit! At least I now know i'm not alone o. I once hung out with my company's account officer and some of his colleagues. i just had to hang out with them when he asked because the guy does assist me with certain issues related to the office account, that's not really in his purview. at the end of the day, this guy headed for a hotel instead of at least, dropping me at the nearest b/stop since he doesn't even know where i stay, didn't ask and i wasn't ready to tell.

when i asked, what are we doing here? shebi you are a married man? the guy said "yes? i'm married and my family is in the UK. or should i have lied to you and maybe told the truth after you've 'gone down with me'. i quietly got down and said "bros, no vex, i wan trek go my house"

tell me, where did he get the 'get down with me' impression because he goes out of his way to do his job as an account officer, so he thinks he does me a special favor therefore i owe him? if that is the case, shouldn't he be going down with the company? na me get the account

carmag:
@ op check out if your mode of dressing is 2016 compliance..are you the type that ties wrapper upandown in the name of dressing decent while indirectly sends wrong signals to single guys who mistakes you for a married woman




but for married guys proposing to have an affair with you isn't as bad as you want to paint it since it's a common occurrence among every other matured women so it all depends on what you want


so I can safely say as soon as you finally settles down with mr right that will erase your fear and any married guy who flirts with you wouldn't be an issue to you henceforth



before some myopic minds would quickly quote me..I'm not in support of wayward married men but I'm only stating what is common in the society

thank u..

bros, shey na office i dey tie the wrapper dey go? besides, where is he indirect message in tying wrapper except maybe at home(which i still don't do. And if that was the case, i would be complaining about my neighbors not some random clients and acquaintances who barely see me in casuals. 2016 complaint mode of dressing? Abeg, teach me